Would This Make You Mad? - Green Cove Springs,FL

Yah I would have been major IRKED!
BUT I would have TOLD my Husband.... to stay home I am in pain I am needing rest, go to Jiu Jitsu another time.

I wouldn't hold it in and let it make me mad. I would've just told him last night that I would rather have him stay at home. You cannot expect him to be a mind reader. He told you about his plan, and if you did not give him any reactions, he thought you were fine with it.

Honey, if you want him home, you should tell him. He can't read your mind and you can't read his.

I hope you feel better soon.

Sorry but instead of telling us you need to tell him. He cannot read your mind J.. Let him know that you could really use his help tonight as you are still not feeling great.

I wouldn't be mad unless I had told him I needed more help and he decided to go to his lesson. From his perspective it is a minor procedure, they didn't keep you in the hospital, he probably thinks everything is fine and you would TELL HIM if not. I had a surgical breast biopsy when I was 20, I went to work the next day. It never occurred to me that I wouldn't or that my BF (at the time, now DH) should come home early. When DH had Achilles tendon surgery, I went to work the next morning (I did ask if he needed anything before I left and called a few hours later to check in). I think it is all a matter of communication.

I"m sorry you're having a tough time :( Warning...rant ahead...I'm so sick of "men need to be told everything"

I don't care what a man on the internet says. When you've just had a BIOPSY, your husband should care. He should want you to feel better. You should have to tell him. Men are not stupid. Apparently, 8kidsdad has subscribed to the idea they are all stupid and have to be mothered. (Way to prolong that stereotype!) What drives me CRAZY about men, is they think they should be told everything. They don't think they need to figure anything out. They think they don't have to look for ways to make their life or situation more comfortable. WE ARE NOT MOTHERS! We are wives, who supposedly married a partner. Not an empty headed man, who needs to be told every little thing, because surely they can't figure out their wife needs help. Why should you have to ask for everything? He's not an idiot!

God, I'm thankful for my husband. He doesn't believe all the stupid lies about men society wants us to believe...like 8kidsdad. Not all men are dumb yet everyone treats them like one. When we don't ask for something, it's like they would never know. Right. They are just programmed to believe, they don't have to.

I think maybe you are more upset that your husband didn't show you more sympathy? I had a thyroid biopsy done on my thyroid and it can be a little stressful waiting for results. As far as the actual biopsy went, I was a little sore the next day. Explain to your husband why you are upset, then tell him you need a mental day away from him and the kids to recover and go shopping.

I had to have a biopsy when my breast cancer was diagnosed. But here's the deal. A biopsy means they stuck a needle in and got a sample out. thats it. so unless they did something major he probably doesn't see any reason you need extra help unless you asked him to stay home. So yes I would have been upset if I asked for him to stay home with me and he didn't. but if you didn't ask him then I would say your more upset with the whole situation and he is a convenient target. I am hoping for good results from your test.

Would it make me mad if I needed help and my husband made plans to go off having fun? Durn straight.

HOWEVER, if I didn't specifically ask for him to stay home to help me, it's my own fault if he doesn't, because I haven't even asked.

AKA, before getting mad... ASK him, hon. He'll probably be disappointed at missing his thing, but if you don't ask you're not giving him the opportunity to come through for you. Now, if he doesn't come through for you, feel free to hit the roof.

It is a rare thing to find a man that is really sensitive and responsive in situations like this with an overflow of care and concern, putting the woman's needs above his own. I am married to a sensitive guy but he doesn't pay attention until I TELL him, hey, I need some help here!! It is frustrating.
Now be honest, do you really need him there or are you just upset that he didn't offer to skip his thing and come home to you? I ask because I am totally guilty of this. It's like, yeah, I am (sore, sick, tired, etc.) and I can handle it but, man it sure would have been nice of you to think about my needs and come on home.
If you really do need his help, tell him.

I would be upset, but if you don't ask him how will he know. I've been married almost 18 years and after many arguements of me thinking he should know, I've been told by both friends/family & marriage counselors that unless I tell him directly i can't expect him to know. Men don't think the same way as women, my husband is battling cancer would think nothing of having his procedures done and going back to work and here i am going to his appts w/him, walking out of the drs office w/him telling him he's %@#^&# crazy to even think of going to work - sometimes men take stupid pills! Best of luck to you and i hope everything works out for you - but trust me, their crystal balls don't come with batteries!

Sorry - no....it was a biopsy - not full on surgery.....and you feel better today...

While my feelings may be hurt that he's not there - the fact remains that it wasn't full on surgery - it was a needle biopsy...my girl friend has to have one day once a year - she takes some Tylenol and is back to normal the next day...

If you had had complications from it and such - then yeah - I would be mad - but you didn't....I'm sorry that you are going through this - but in my opinion you really shouldn't be mad....I think you are upset about the test and instead of being worried about the results - you are transferring your angst on him.

Men can be so dense sometimes, can't they? We expect them to be as courteous as we are, but they're just not! We really have to spell things out for them. (Okay, not all men, but a lot of them!) I would call him if I were you, and tell him you want him to come home. Give him a chance to make it right rather than feeling angry all day. And if he still doesn't come home, then call him a Jackass! Lol, good luck! :-)

I'd be pissed too - but I would have said something.

Honestly no but that's the dynamic that my husband and I have. He doesn't want to be taken care of or doted on when sick and won't do it for me either. Extended family, friends and even strangers are more attentive when I'm not 100% than he is - I would like him to be caring but he isn't so I know not to rely on him at all.

My best example is one that even he looks back on and is appalled at. I broke my arm years ago and after a day in the ER by myself I picked our baby up at my mother's house and had to take him (11 months old) to the pedi for an ear infection. When we got home it was late - baby was miserable, older kids were hungry and my husband went to bed to take a nap because he had a headache! So I somehow managed to cook dinner with one arm in a sling while holding my sick baby in a sling as well. Ridiculous!

If you're actually not ill and the biopsy yesterday doesn't affect you today, then I wouldn't die on this hill per se. But something about this had made you feel abandoned. Figure out what you want and then talk to him about this. You don't need him to literally help out, so what is it? Is it that you think he's being inattentive or inconsiderate? Not supportive of your health scare or issue? Blithely living his life while you're managing health things with you and your daughter? Just let him know in concrete terms what you expect and what about this week has disappointed you. They're not mind readers - unless you literally told him everything that has been going on and that you need help with X, Y & Z he's not a mind reader and won't guess.

I hope your biopsy results are good and that everything gets back to normal for you soon.

I hesitated about replying but decided that maybe it was different perspective that might have helped me when I was younger so here it is...

No, not at all. I've had thyroid biopsies a couple of times and really didn't think they were a big deal at all. But it probably would have made me mad when I was younger and yearned for my husband's attention more. Over time, I learned illness, stress and sadness aren't good attention getters with men. (In fact, some of them, including mine, run from that.) With men, be direct. If you want more help with the kids, tell them you want more help with the kids. If you want more emotional stroking and loving for you from them, just tell them they need to be more demonstrative in their affection (and not just in the half hour before sex). If you want more excitement, find something exciting to do with them. They just don't pick up on subtle cues.

J., just ignore 8kidsdad. He'll tell women to read that book til his dying day because he so desperately wants women to obey their husbands and treat them as if they are kings, no matter how their husbands treat them.

My husband would never have scheduled anything after this kind of procedure without discussing it with me first. Even after my colonoscopy, we knew exactly what we planned to do, and even after getting in bed, he watched me eat my soup to make sure I didn't end up face down in it before he left for work. He ASKED me again, before leaving, if I was still okay with him going to work. I knew I'd just sleep, so it was fine. And I didn't have little kids. If I had little kids here, he would never have left me with them.

Same things with my other medical procedures.

When I had to take him to the urgent care place for stitches, I was right there with him, handling the paperwork for him, talking to the doc with him, everything. He is comforted by my being there. He doesn't see it as my JOB. He knows I love him. In the same vein, he lets me know he cares about my physical and emotional well being when I'm having medical issues.

And neither of us had to read a book to tell us to do it.

Men shouldn't have to be told what to do all the time. They aren't stupid. They may be LAZY and WILLFUL, and SELFISH, but they aren't stupid.

I'm glad my husband isn't any of these. I'd be upset if I were you, too, J..

Added after reading Retta's post: Your husband is wrong - people DO die from fire ant bites! Especially after multiple times. Do some research and show it to him!

Dawn

I get what you are saying, however most men are MORONS!! when it come to this type of thing. They have to be told what you need from them, which I know, is kind of like telling them you want flowers on Valentines Day!!! My husband is a wonderful man, but I could come home from work with a killer migraine, and although he would do anything I ask of him he is less then sympathetic, probably because he NEVER gets sick. It just isn't his nature, so at my age I have learned to just say what I need from him and realize that he isn't that guy who just says and does the right things all the time. I have learned that if I don't say what I want or how I feel I become resentful and that is never a good thing. Just call him and say I really am not 100% and I need you to come straight home today to help out. I am sure he will, he just needs to be told lol!!! I think in all the years of marriage my husband had to take one day off work to care for my kids (and they are 26 and 22 now) and that was because I had a 102 fever and strep throat and couldn't move lol!! Tell him what you need. Good luck on your biopsy!!! Also just a thought if your daughter just had yeast and now has inflamed gums have the doc check for Thrush, it is a form of yeast in the mouth. Good luck!!

Yes, I hope you mention it to him. I would ask him to cancel!

Men don't get it!! I was sitting in our house covered in hives and welts, itching like crazy...watching the hives spread slowly up my body from my feet towards my head a bit freaked out. Because I had just been bit by two only two fire ants. Yes, I was having a full body allergic reaction.

I ask my husband, do you think I should go to urgent care? His reply without looking at me was, "No, no one has ever died from two fire ant bites. Now which of these colors of siding do you think I should order and do you think the deliver cost is too much and I should pick it up myself?"

I end up taking several benedryl and getting my daughters epi-pen out just in case and finally call a ask a nurse line...who tells me to get to the emergency room asap.

He gets mad I want to go to the ER...and so we don't go...finally the hives start to go away after about an hour. He is like, "see I told, you now do you think the shipping is too high on the siding?" They don't get it!!!

Guys can be so dumb ;) BUT, they are not mind readers, and they don't have the common sense us ladies do!

I had had a LEEP procedure (the pain injections did take; I felt EVERYTHING) and when I got home, all I wanted to do was lay on the couch and do nothing, deal with nothing. My husband needed to go help his dad at our boat club. I was like 'RIGHT NOW!? Are you taking the kids?!' When he said no, I said 'fine, just give me 30 minutes'... I dragged my sore butt to Target, bought an Xbox and a few games, came home, plugged in all in, then said 'okay! you can go now'... The kids sat around and started watching me play games. Guess who's king of the xbox now? NOT ME!! He was actually jealous that I bought it for ME and not HIM ;)

BUT, I hadn't told him ahead of time that I was going to need help (I didn't know), and he's just not quite smart enough to assume that I would have needed help. So it was my fault as much as his. If you feel like you need help, TELL HIM, flat out, and don't make it negotiable.

Feel better!

WOW ! ! ! Look at the criticism of how men think. Men don't think or function like women. They don't take midol and are turned on by the sight of their beautiful wives. Men are programmed to protect the home and family, not to nurture.

The only class I flunked in college was "mind reading".

You have had a hard day and little Billy has a messy diaper and needs to be changed. If your husband comes home and you tell him you've had a bad day and Billy is messy. Any woman will know you want to have her change Billy's diaper. A man might (!) say he is sorry you've had a hard day. If he has had two weeks of hard days at work, he probably won't comment. But NO MAN will think you want him to change Billy's diapers. He will simply think, yah, he is stinky, and walk on.

Men think differently than women. If you want him to change Billy's diaper, say, "I've had a hard day. Please, change Billy's diaper for me." and hand him Billy, a clean diaper and diaper wipes. (Notice the word, "Please".)

If you want your husband to come home right after work and you don't ask, its not his fault he didn't read your mind. If you normally cook dinner and he is going to expect you to, unless you tell him you want him to cook (or bring something home for dinner).

To learn more about how men think, read the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."

Good luck to you and yours.

I'd cancel everything and have a friend take the daughter or have a friend come over for a play date this evening. The friend could entertain the kids in the living room and you could lay down on the couch and enjoy, maybe even doze off.

The gums are not life threatening make the dentist appt. for Monday or let the dentist call in an antibiotic if she needs that. My grand daughter has bleeding inflamed gums all the time. When she got old enough to understand gargling he gave her a special mouth wash to strengthen her gums.

Good grief!!! Mom, take it easy. Take the day off from all the stress. You can do this! Just don't do more than needed.

I hope everything comes out okay on your biopsy and everything else.

How was he supposed to know you wanted him home if you didn't tell him? You still have time to ask him to cancel his social plans for the evening so do it. You also need to forget about the dentist for today for your daughter. That's not so urgent that it can't wait. Yes, our children are important, but small issues (read that as "non-emergency") like swollen gums aren't so important that we need to put them ahead of our own poor health.