Wont Poop in the Toillet, She Is 5 - Miami,FL

Bribe her. Money, or some toy, or something she really wants. At 5 years old, I think a bribe will work wonders.

Oh dear God, don't EVER hit a child over toileting issues. It doesn't matter if it's a control issue, disobedience, disrespect, willful, accidental, whatever. If it's not already a traumatic situation, it will be if you add spanking and hitting over toileting. That's seriously some of the worst and most ridiculous advice I've ever seen.

Advice you can actually use: There does seem to be a power struggle going on just from your brief description. There's a medical term for it because at her age it's abnormal and in fact, after age 3 it's abnormal. It's called Toilet Training Resistance/Refusal. In nearly all instances it's intentional rather than due to a neurological or biological issue.

The best thing to do is to make using the toilet entirely your daughter's responsibility. Stop reminding her. Stop providing her with the clean clothes. Stop cleaning up after her. She's old enough to not need reminders; she can go get her own clean clothes and clean up after herself. The issues surrounding pooping in her pants have to become inconvenient to her, so that using the toilet is HER idea and using the toilet is more convenient for her.

You have to tell her that you're no longer going to remind her or clean up after her, and that using the toilet for peeing and pooping is completely her responsibility. Tell her what's expected of her, and stand back to watch.

But also talk with her about incentives. Talk with her about the positives, but she has to be able to express what's positive about toileting... cleanliness, keeping clothes clean, more privileges, stickers showing progress on the calendar, and maybe after she's earned enough stickers she can earn a prize at the end of the week.

No punishments for accidents.

At five she should be able to verbalize.

As long as you let her do this she will continue. She has you trained to do what she wants.

If this was my situation and there were no learning disabilities or issues that could be part of it I would swat her on the butt and tell her she is going to sit on the toilet until she goes. Then I'd sit in the doorway in a chair and play on my laptop or read a book or work some puzzles in a puzzle book, anything I could find to keep my mind occupied so I could successfully ignore her temper tantrum. We'd do this over and over and over and over until she decided that going to the bathroom is where poop goes. If she pooped or peed in the floor she'd find her herself cleaning it up with paper towels and cleaner. I'd probably have to make her do it by physically assisting her by placing my hand over her hand and moving her hand around in a cleaning motion. This way she'd realize that I am the boss and that I am not giving in to her orders anymore.

If you don't teach her to respect you and to mind you it is only going to get worse as she gets older.

I have a 6 year old grandson who routinely pees and poops his pants. He is on drugs for ADHD and behaviors. He can be excited and getting ready to go somewhere and suddenly he looks down and he's wet. He has become very upset several times with situations like this.

He even has poop accidents in his sleep so I know it's not all voluntary, there are some physical issues alongside his mental issues. So yes, he does get a swat when he just isn't paying attention and goes in his clothes.

But when it's totally an accident then that is when it's brushed over and not a big deal. I don't want to teach him to feel bad about himself but I don't want him to know just ignoring his body when he needs to go but is too interested on being on the computer or watching TV is a free pass either. That's when he gets in big trouble for going in his clothes.

Mom this is a fear that is effecting her life in a big way, much less yours.
You need help getting over this hurdle. Talk to her ped about this. He needs to give you a referral to a pediatric counselor. I know it sound like something scary but they will be incredibly helpful in a few sessions. You have been struggling with this for yrs. You will wonder why you took so long to get help.

If she is afraid of the toilet then where does she pee?
Have you talked to her doctor about this?
Why does she still have diapers, at five?
Sorry, more questions than answers here, but unless she is mentally or emotionally disturbed this just doesn't add up.

You need to help your daughter not make her fear and respect you. That would give her a lifetime anxiety disorder.

If you truly think it's anxiety you treat it as such. 1. Have her poop in a diaper, in the bathroom, by the toilet (give a reward) 2. Have her poop in a diaper while standing on the toilet (give a reward) 3 have her poop in a diaper while sitting on the potty (give a reward) 4. give her a big incentive (gift) for taking off the diaper and pooping in the toilet.

You may have to do each step a few times before she is ready to move onto the next step.

It's called systematic desensitization and it's behavior therapy to help reduce the anxiety surrounding something. She is a human being with feelings and emotions and not a dog that has to respect you.

Make her wash her panties!
A few times washing them out will cure it.

But she isn't scared of the toilet if she pees on it, she just doesn't' want to poop on it. I'm surprised you've let it go this long. i simply explained that poop has to go in the toilet for health reasons. My 21 month year old understood this, so I'm sure your 5 year old would understand WHY we put poop in a toilet, and not in our clothes, etc.

You can't force her. What you can do it figure out a way to get her to choose to do it. I'd then follow Melissa's advice if she clearly shows anxiety about it. I'd also tell her that you will have to find her a therapist if this continues, explaining that if you alone can't help her, you will need to find someone who can..that, again, for health and safety reasons, we put poop in the toilet.

My sister had this issue with her son. He didn't want to go on the toilet. He pooped his pants or got a pull up to poop in. She got fed up and started making him clean himself up. It worked. He made the mess so he had to clean it. He was going on the toilet within a week. Good Luck.

has she been able to verbalize what about the toilet scares her?

I agree with Gamma G. If you have made sure there are no medical issues for this it is a control issue And she is controlling you.

If you just go in and sit next to her til she goes she will go. She is past the age of stickers etc for this. Just make it clear today you don't do "X" til you go on the toilet. make sure your giving her plenty of fruits / vegetables etc. and pick a time each day that is the toilet time. And all else comes to a halt until that is done. If you have to for a few days give her some mineral oil in a glass of juice then in an hour she will go. and just get her set with the same time each day. it will become routine.

and if she screams let her scream. but she will stop that if it doesn't get the desired response which is oh poor baby I know you don't want to yada yada yada. just make it matter of fact "your going" and then make her sit there til she does. and no flushing til you see it lol.

And like Gamma G I think a swift crack on the butt will take care of the poop panties. another thing that will help is make her take them off and clean herself with a wipe. then make her clean the panties in a bucket of water and soap. give her gloves if you want. I didn't lol made my son clean them with his own hands. only had to do that twice til he got the idea