Help! My Son Won't Poop in the Potty

I think the punishment backfired because you didn't stick with it. He began punishing you instead, and it worked! You have to be more stubborn than he is or it will never work for any offense.

R.,
Not to worry, this is actually very normal. Keep working with him and he will eventually get it. I have two boys and a girl and they all went back and forth with this. Two of them asked for diapers back.
Boys, because they don't sit when they pee, have a harder time taking the time to do this pooping stuff. Something that helped with me and some women at a daycare where I worked was to do two things...one, when he poops his pants, take him to the toilet, dump the poop in and tell him that that is where it goes and then have him flush and say "bye-bye poopy". Two, tell him to "feed" the toilet. Eventually the toilet will become his friend.
The theory is that kids feel the poop is part of them and they are afraid of droping it from their butts straight to the toilet...call it seperation anxiety!
Don't be stressed or overly attentive to this, just be consistent with whatever you choose. Believe it or not, someday you will look back at this and laugh! Just remember, he will definately be potty trained by the time he goes to college! (That's something someone told me!)
Hang in there mom, this is just part of the package!
D.

I suppose that it might make sense to check with your pediatrician, but this appears to be classic attention-getting behavior, a control issue that Mom can't win. (Remember how you couldn't make him eat when he was 2? Same thing here.) Free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it, but my recommendation is to PAY NO ATTENTION TO ANY OF SON'S ELIMINATION BEHAVIORS. Change underwear without comment. When he urinates in his potty, pretend not to notice and empty and rinse out while Son is otherwise occupied. My guess is that he doesn't tell you about soiled underwear both b/c he can keep the "secret" of doing what HE wants rather than pleasing Mom AND b/c Mom explodes in a more satisfying way when he has sat down in his poop, making a bigger mess. Kiddo may also benefit from more focused attention from Mom at other times, at times when toileting is NOT an issue: more reading, more park time, more time to "help" with cooking or dusting. As soon as Mom pretends this is no longer an issue, Son will begin to manage like a big boy, just like Daddy. You will know you are on the right track if the behavior gets WORSE for a few days (the extinction paradigm).
A little about me: Special Ed teacher in a public middle school, mother of 4 grown children, lucky enough to stay at home while children were growing up.

Oh boy, do I feel your pain! Our son will be 4 in September. He only pee-pee potty trained at 3 and a half. He would poop in his undies time and time again. It got to the point that I thought he'd be pooping his pants until he was 12 because he'd get so used to doing it. I never made him clean it up because I couldn't deal with sanitizing the bathroom every single day. I would continue to tell him that pooping in our undies was not okay and people in public will know and it's embarrassing. It worked because he stopped pooping in his undies (eventually) but did start going to get a night-time pull up to potty in. It didn't seem to help for a while but like others said, it just clicked recently. I wouldn't push it too hard but did try to bribe with candy at first. I keep his little bitty potty out in the kitchen (he still won't poop in a regular potty because he's scared he'll fall in). I would always bribe him. He is obsessed with electronics so one day I put his potty down in front of a TV show he liked and told him if he could poop in the potty, he could have his portable DVD player for a day. It worked! The next day, he pooped in his pants and I took it away.....and so on. It has been a couple of months since we've been doing this (now we take it away if he poops in his pull-up and give it back when he goes on the potty). He hasn't pooped in his undies in months but he does still try to go and get a pull up at times or usually just holds it until it's almost time for bed (and we've already put a pull up on him). However, we are definitely making progress! Last night, in fact, he had just gotten out of the bath so he was naked. He walked right over to the potty and went by himself. If I catch him trying to put a diaper on in the middle of the day now, I just use his very favorite things to bribe him. It works pretty well. Hopefully you have sommething you can use too. Let's put it this way, we are not 100% there yet but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just be patient and know he'll get there. My girlfriend with 3 boys was concerned her second wouldn't be potty trained going into kindergarten. It was literally weeks before school started that it clicked for him. Some kids develop other issues which cause them to hold it. My brother did this until he was 10!! Let's all hope this doesn't happen to us.

My son did the same thing, he was 3 years and 3 months...and I was cleaning him up, all he had to do was lay there and get my undivided attention while I took off his clothes and wiped him up, maybe even gave him a bath. It was all a win-win for him. All my attention and an extra bath (which he LOVES).

So, the next time he went in his pants...I stood him in the bath tub (as a containment area, and easy for me to clean later) and made him strip off his clothes, socks and shoes. He was so grossed out because he was still learning to dress and un-dress and the poop got all over him. Then I started handing him wipes and made him wipe all the poop off of his own body. By now he was gagging and crying...I was taking the used wipes from him and putting then in a garbage bag. It must have taken 20+ wipes...then I rinsed him off with the shower (he hates showers). Then he had to re-dress himself.

The next time he pooped in his pants he started crying as soon as I stood him in the tub to clean himself up.

There was not a third time...

I thought I would never get him trained...but now he is 3 years and 10 months, and totally trained...even night dry *knock wood*. I feel your pain, I hated cleaning up poop and thought all my hair would fall out before he was trained. But it happened and it will for you too!!

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

just a thought, if you have a small portible kids potty, try putting it in the corner of his play room where he likes to go. maybe he would use it and you could slowly move it back to the bathroom. i'm just starting my 2 yo to go on the potty, so far she wont even sit on it...

Wow does that sound familiar. I have 3 boys - the first two were a piece of cake about potty training. My third and last son has always had a really strong will and has a stubborn streak that runs real deep. We, too, tried bribery, stickers, punishment, bribery, bribery, bribery... well, you get the picture. NOTHING worked on him until he turned his internal switch on and decided that he wanted to go poop in the potty all the time. We still wear a Pull Up only at bedtime for the night time but he turned his "poop on the potty" switch on full time when HE decided he was ready - that was about 1 month ago, he was 3 years and 7 months old. Whew, I too thought we would never make it. Good luck and keep up the positive reinforcement. What I would tell my youngest was that "I know when you are ready you will go poo on the potty and always be mama's big boy" - - - Take care

Hi R.,
One of the moms sent you some advice on this being a "control issue." She does have a point, but the control issue is not a purposeful thing. I am sending you a web site that may help you understand what may be happening. Now some of it I don't think reflects on your son, but it will explain why some kids soil their underpants. It will give you better understanding on what may be going on. However, I would not punish him because he will try to control it even more. I would definitely consult your pedi before some of the suggestion on this website. I just want to give you an idea that this is not uncommon. How do I know, I have been there with one of my own children when he much younger. http://www.mindspring.com/~drwarren/encopres.htm Blessings and be encouraged.

Have him go commando so there's nothing to catch the poop or potty. That may make him uncomfortable enough to decide to use the toilet. Have him clean up any accidents. Oddly enough, telling my 3 year old that when poops are flushed they go to a poopy party under the house really helped. Good luck!

My son was almost 4 1/2 before he started pooping on the potty, so I know your pain!!! We didn't really do anything to get him to go, it just clicked for him one day.

Have you tried placing a small potty in the corner of his playroom that he always goes to when he needs to poop? Maybe he'll use it if it's in his "comfort zone".

Good Luck,
K.

THANK YOU for posting this -- and to all the people with great responses. I am going through the SAME thing with my daughter.

Hi R.,

I know this is hard to navigate. Here's a thought: If he's going in the same place, maybe put his training potty in that place, so that it is already there when he arrives. Maybe it has something to do with the bathroom, maybe he just doesn't like the bathroom.

I am no expert on these matters, my daughter trained herself WAY before I was ready, but I would try putting the potty there and not saying a word about it or even encouraging him to use it. Just see what he does. Maybe he'll use it?

I hope it helps! Good luck!

Have you tried having him wash out his own underwear when he poops in it? Don't make a big deal out of it or act like he's done anything wrong, just make it part of pooping in his pants. Sometimes this helps them get over the laziness thing because they don't want to clean it up. Good luck.

Talk to him about how daddy poo poos in the potty. And how good it is because it keeps him clean and dry. Take him with you when you go and talk to him about how nice it is. Praise him when he does it. Clap for him and let him know he did something special. Put a little potty just his size in that corner and talk to him about going in it instead of the floor. When you talk to him be calm and reasure him you love him. Ask daddy to take him with him whenever possible. He'll get the idea. Don't try and rush him. God bless.

Oh, how I feel your pain! My daughter was going through the same thing and only seems to have just gotten it in the past week (we hope). She, too, was staying dry all night and wanted to wear underwear. I tried every reward under the sun and NOTHING seemed to work. I tried taking away her television priveliges (she loves to watch movies) and she just didn't watch TV for almost a month. I knew that she knew what she was doing and I realized she was using it as a control issue. We did just have a new baby, so I think it was her way of getting attention. I'm not sure what finally worked for her, but I did make her clean herself up when she pooped in her underwear. I would put her in the tub with some wipes and make her wipe herself up (this always made more of a mess than it helped, but she would get it all over her hands and she HATED it!). Then, I made her swish the undies around in the toilet to clean them off. I think she only did this about 4-5 times and she has since started going in the potty. She hasn't pooped in her underwear in over a week and now she doesn't even whine about having to try. She went from going poop about every 3 days to going several times a day now. She had been holding it because she didn't want to go in the potty, but she also didn't want to go in her underwear and have to clean it up. Now, she actually seems to like to go and is very proud of herself when she does. Like I said, I really don't know what made the difference, but I would try having him clean himself and his clothes up and see if that helps. I was tired of cleaning up the mess while she was off playing somewhere, so I put a stop to that! Maybe if he knows it takes a long time to clean up when he decides not to go in the potty, he'll change his mind and decide to do it. Good luck to you! I really don't know how you've been doing this for 6 months. I was out of my mind after 1 month of it!