Wondering How to Deal with a Situation

Wow this is tough!

A few things jump out at me..

1. You don't have to have money to get married, you could have a small simple wedding on your own dime, what makes it special is the people there, not the amount spent. So if Mom is overreacting and trying to control him by withdrawing the funding for this wedding, you could proceed anyway. HOWEVER...

2. Why is she doing this? If she has some concerns about him, say his moral character, or if he's going to be able to financially support you, or some major concern like that, you should listen to her. When we're in love we are often blinded and miss some obvious signs that someone isn't a good person to marry. Listen to your mom if she has a legitimate concern about this marriage. She wants what's best for you. Having a baby with someone is NOT a good reason to get married. They can still be in the child's life, especially if you choose to get along with them and make it possible, but you shouldn't marry for that reason - I've seen too many marriages that use children for glue to hold them together. It doesn't work, it just destroys the child.

3. Time. Time heals wounds. What's the rush? Getting married before the baby is born isn't going to matter in the long run. If you can get some reconciliation between your man and Mom, then its worth the wait because you do marry each other's families. If this is a petty issue, they need to grow up and make up. You should be frank with them both that this quarrel is greatly disturbing and they need to make up and move on. It would be much better to have the issues resolved and a marriage that the whole family is happy about then bitter feelings. Both of them are important in your life.

Best wishes!

Step away from the situation and let it work itself out on its own. You cannot control the interactions between your mom and your husband to be. Focus on yourself now. You're bringing a child into this world and at this point, you and your baby do not need all of this stress. Say your prayers and take one day at a time.

Best wishes,

MC

You're in a terrible position and being pregnant will only complicate your emotions. Your mom is going through a lot, too, as is your fiance, I imagine. Has she explained her actions re: stopping the wedding? Do they make sense? Is she concerned for you marrying him or just not willing to pay for a wedding? Its impossible to give advise w/o knowing all parties, but if she was wiling and then not, maybe she doesn't support the marriage or maybe she's being emotional and hurt? And what does he say about all of it? If she doesn't pay for a wedding, what's his marriage plan? I don't know what to tell you except to listen to your heart and marry him if you're sure you could never be happy without him in your life and for no less reason. Your mom is not going away, and you really don't want to separate from her short of it being unhealthy for you somehow. Examine how he's treated your mom and be objective because he could easily treat you the same way soon enough. If at all possible talk to a therapist or counselor to help you stay clear headed. Do not underestimate the power of your hormones! I hope it all comes out well or you, but that may not mean it will be the easiest for you! Keep you and the baby's well-being as your priority.

Wow! I can't imagine dealing with so much all at once! I can say that the best thing for you is to focus on you and the baby right now! It's so hard to do with so much around you going wrong, but right now, your health and wellness and that of your baby are most important. Try not to make any decisions now about family and relationships, just focus on the baby. If you are a woman of faith, ask the Lord to give you strength and courage! God will not let you walk through this on your own!

Honey,
Pray about it,do not stress about it. If you're worried pray. If you prayed don't worry.If you are not sure how to pray,just simply start talking to the God from where ever you are about all of your problems. You have a little one to worry about nowand that stress cause your baby some problems. I'm not sure what may have happen between you and your Fiance and what does it have to do with your Mom and her Husband.

I agree with every body else. I think you should distance yourself from the situation. Concentrate on keeping yourself and your baby healthy and happy. If you really think about it, it's not your issue...what ever the outcome you can't do anything to change it. Try to stay as positive as you can. My own mother stresses me out. I was in the hospital going into labor early. Finally, they had every thing under control and labor stopped. I made the mistake of calling my mom who proceeded to stress me out. All of a sudden the nurses rushed back in to find out what was going on. My mom stressed me out so much that she put me into labor again. Lucky for me and my son they got it under control again. My husband had to have a talk with my mom about staying calm and not getting me upset. Anyway, I hope this all works out for you but please take care of yourself.

Oh, my heart aches for you. You can only control how you respond to hurtful people. It is awful when you have people in your life that are bent on demanding their own way. Trying to respond in love to all of them is such a challenge. I've had a couple situations like this in my life and it's still difficult not to retaliate when they hurt me. I'm so sorry that you're going through this!

Try to concentrate on the joy that your new baby is. Whatever else is going on, that's something positive you can focus on and prepare for.

I wish you the best!
:o) G.
SAHM of 2 boys, 4&6.

If you still love your fiance and want to be with him, call him or write him and let him know that you will put him above all others. This is the father of your child. The baby will need both parents to love and care for him/her. Let your fiance know that you have spoken with your mother and she is to back off and let you have your own relationship. Go to the justice of the peace and forget about the big mother planned wedding. Do this on your own with the man you love and want to be with. He will be the father of your child if he is with you or not. Why not give it a try together.

My Mother-in-Law and I didn't always see eye to eye. I'm sure it put my husband in a difficult position. However, I had to remind myself that I didn't marry his mom (or wasn't going to), but rather marry him - and he wasn't like her. I've had some pretty strong words with her over the years, but more recently I have learned that she respects me more because I did stand up to her, but still stayed with her son. I was sure she didn't like me at all, merely tolerated me. I learned that I'm actually the favored daughter-in-law - the whole family isn't together much at all.

Two things that helped us get through this. One - my husband realized and told his mom that she wouldn't be around forever, a spouse had the potential to be there longer and that he wanted a family. I was the person he wanted to marry and she needed to accept it (she went as far as to tell him it was her or me). Two - I needed to remember that I was going to marry him and not her. She wasn't going to be living with us and that I could control myself, to an extent, when around her. There are still times we argue, but it's fewer and farther between, and we've forged a strong relationship through it.

If you want to work it out, you're going to need to sit down first with your mom and then your future husband. Try and make it work out. Good Luck, it's not always easy - but then again neither is marriage always easy.

My heart hears you!! I was in a similar situation with my first child, we were engaged, MIL was a huge issuse, I called off the wedding, low and behold I was pregant. Spent the whole preganancy not talking to the dad. It was a horrible time for me. The hardest 9 months of my life. The shining point came when my son was on my belly looking up at me. Up until this point, I wasn't even sure that I wanted this child. He was a god send, and I would go thru it again knowing the wonderful outcome of my son. That being said, I did endup marrying the guy and we had one more wonderful child. The marriage was a huge mistake, I call it a $10,000 life lesson.

The only advice that I can give you is to try to concentrate on the wonderful joy that is awaiting you with this child. If the father is not around that much now, take in to conderation if it is the right situation for you. I know it is hard my dear, but God will grant you the stregth you need.

I am happily married to a wonderful man now, so there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Take one day at a time, and trust in the Lord, you will make it thru!!!!

These are the two people that should love you and care about you the most in your life. You need to have a talk with each of them seperately about how they are causing you stress and thus possibly affecting your child. They should both have concern about the welfare of that child themselves as it is special to both of them also. It sounds like they need to resolve their differences and move forward. You are caught in the middle and shouldn't be. You have enough to do keeping healthy and getting ready for a baby. You don't say what the argument with them is about but you need to stress to both of them that whatever it is they need to act like mature adults and work out their differences. If you are a person of faith you might try asking a clergy person to intervene for you to save you the stress of that conversation. I think until they resolve their differences I would back out of that situation and away from both of them so they get the hint that this is a terrible burden for you.
You need your Mother and your child needs it's father, I pray for you that this situation resolves itself peacefully and soon.

Best to you,
S.

Dear N. K.,

My mom and I did not always get along very well because growing up she was jealous of the relationship I had with my dad (her husband). At one point in time we reconciled and I am now 53. My mom is 74 and who knows how long we will both be on this earth alive and in our right minds. My point is this: your mom will be your mom until the day one of you dies and she is blood. Your relationship with your fiance' is special but not blood and he could leave you tomorrow. I would try to keep your mom happy while understanding how your man feels. Life is too short to not get along.

Your mom will make a great grandma and often the baby smooths things over. Don't rob your baby of a wonderful opportunity to know Grandma because she and your fiance' had harsh words. Grandmas make great "free" babysitters too and usually want that child as often as they can get him/her.

L. C.

One way or another, this situation will work itself out. It may not be the way you hope or want, but the only thing you can do at this time is pray about it. No formalities, just a one on one with God...like you were talking to a best friend.

For the sake of yourself and the baby, subtract yourself out of the situation and ask that the people involved to find a solution. You can't be in the middle, and if its not reconciled somehow, that baby will end up in the middle, which Im sure you don't want. Since the child is middle ground, ask your mom and fiance to figure it out so the baby doesn't have to enter a family separated by anger.

~L.

How about you and your husband to be finishing the wedding plans? Let your mother know this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with and he and your baby are your priority.

I had issues with my mother-in-law, prior to being my mother-in-law and during the pre wedding classes, the deacon at my church told us not to let ANYONE interfere with our marriage. The marriage is between us.

On the other hand, your husband to be and your mother need to realize the physical state you are in and be empathetic. They both love you and need to focus on that love.

My suggestion to you is focus on you and the baby. All this drama is not good for either of you.

Maybe speaking with a professional may help.

I hope everything works out for you.

Hi N.,
I can relate to you. My mother & boyfriend exchanged words at one point. Keep in my mind my mother is the type to hold a grudge FOREVER...., it was tough having to spend holidays separately since my mom wouldn't accept him after that. Not too long after we got engaged. Bottom line is you are the one spending your life with this person & not your mother & just like I told my mom she had to let things go & move on cause whether she approved or not I was going to marry him. Needless to say things have gotten better, she swallowed her pride & was willing to try and accept him.
We even decided to have a small wedding & dinner reception cause we wanted to pay for everything ourselves just so there wouldn't be any problems if my parents were involved. Maybe you guys want to consider that. I know it's stressful but I do hope things get better for you. Believe me my mom and now husband still have moments but I just tell him to let things go cause it's not worth all the drama & luckily he's an easy person & willing to just let things go:) Just do what you want to do cause it's your life & don't let your mom take control. I know it's easier said than done but I have faith in you:)

Good luck!
M.