Winning and Losing Board Games

If his little sister is constantly winning when they play, maybe you could play with him, and let him win, that way he gets opportunities to win as well. It's not as fun to play games when you always loose. Maybe letting him have his own winning opportunities will help.

Tell your son that if that behavior continues he can't play until he stops. He is ruining "family game time".
It worked for my 6yr.old son. He would rather lose than be left out.

K.,
Part of the purpose of playing games with your children is to teach them how to lose as well as win. Excluding your son when he throws a fit is fine. Eventually he'll want to be part of the group again, and you'll have to tell him "losers and winners play the games." I taught this to my children, and am now teaching it to my grandchildren. I always emphasize that it is ONLY A GAME! It's not his life. I taught my grandson this by playing SORRY. He was the worst case loser, but finally got over it. Games are wonderful!!!!

My daughter does this quite a bit, too. She's 4.5, and it's been going on for quite a while. Before we start each game, we remind her that we're playing to have fun, and while it's also fun to win, we're happy for the person who wins no matter who it is. If we do this before the game, everyone is still in a good mood, and it helps a little. If she throws a fit during the game when she's sent back as in Candyland or has to go down a chute as in Chutes & Ladders, the game is over immediately, no second chances. If she throws a fit when she loses, she's sent to her room immediately, and she can't come out until she's had her fit and is ready to apologize. And, no more games for the day. In your case, it might not be fair to your daughter to end gametime for her if she's being good, so maybe it would have an even greater impact on your son if he were sent to his room while you continued to play with your daughter.
As I said, she's still throwing the periodic "I wanted to win" fit, but it has gotten better. Good luck!

Playing games with children is essentially an art form. Letting children win all the time creates a false impression of their abilities. In addition, learning to lose graciously is an important aspect of gaming for children. The best response is to play like you are a carbon copy of your child's age and ability. Match the child and make the game challenging. Win some and lose some. Try to make the game close. There will come a time when the child wins outright, and you will be challenged to play to your full ability. Up to that time, have fun seeing your child having fun and slowly improving.
http://www.k-state.edu/wwparent/games/games-faq.htm

I have had the same problem with my son (second born, my oldest is a girl). We talk about self-control...choosing to control your body and stopping to think before you act, etc. So far, only experiencing more of these competitive situations seems to help. We have running races and spelling bees...we encourage looking at our family as a team. Cheering for eachother and positively reinforcing supportive, loving behavior. We point out and discuss when someone (especially my son) is a good sport and reward with praise and hugs. We try to help him see when someone acts with good sportsmanship toward him and how it makes it him feel. We give high-fives and always try not to compare out loud (in my kids this encourages competition). We point out differences in each child and have fun discussing pros and cons on each. As a mom, I do find ways to uplift my son by selecting some games that I know he will win or praising him extra for good behavior when he and I are alone, etc. Also, there are Bible verses encouraging self- control and think this is the root of this issue. p.s. When my son was 4 and 5 this issue was the worst and he is 7 now and is growing up (and out of this difficult phase).

I don't know if every 5 or 6 year old child does this, but I'm sure a good few do. I have 6 kids, 8yrs-2yrs. My 8 year old is the worlds WORST when it comes to things like this. And he still does it. However my 7 year old daughter, my 6 year old son, and 5 year old daughter and on down...well, they don't do that.

I chalk it up to mostly personality. While my other kids have learned to shake hands and say (and mean it) "Good Game", even if they do lose..my 8yr old just get's upset.

What do I do? Reinforce to him that not everyone can win and that the point to a game,even in sports, is to have fun. That sometimes you may win and sometimes you may not. Now, does this always work? No, but that is his personality. He is that way with everything in his life. His school work has to be perfect, he has to read more than any other kid, be finished first with his work and his work has to be perfect. That's just his personality. And I have learned that when we are playing a game, and I can see that he is starting to get aggitated, then I say "You're done, you need to leave the table because that is not how you act." Then he sees everyone else still having fun and realizes that he can't act that way.

My 8 year old isn't as bad as he was when he was a little youger, but it's a learning process and I hope that he continue to learns.

Best of Luck!

My four year old LOVES games. Yes, he hates to lose and he points it out when he is winning...
But I just keep reinforcing that having fun is what matters. I talk about being a good sport. And, if he acts ugly, he doesn't get to play for a day or two.
It's happening less and less.
Good luck!

outside of the board game or any game situation, talk about good and bad sportsmanship. Maybe watch a game on tv and point to examples of good sportsmanship and bad ones too.

Talk to him about how it makes his sister feel when she loses or wins and how it makes him feel too. Empathy is powerful and some say that kids don't get it, but they really do.

This is a very hard lesson, but you might also consider letting him join a soccer or t-ball league. The coaches teach sportsmanship as well and that you should have fun playing and congratulating the winner.

One thing my hubby did when the game was over was to shake everybody's hand and tell them "good game, that was fun". Everybody else then had to do it. It brought down the excitement of winning and brought up the disappointment of losing.

Good luck,
K.

According to "Your Six Year Old" by Louis Bates Ames, PhD & Frances L Ilg, MD, six year olds are "emotionally not well suited to competitive play." If a six year old isn't ready yet, it goes without saying that younger children aren't either. I'll add another quotation or two; I bet they'll describe your son to a T:

"He cannot bear to lose; may cheat in order to win; and if that doesn't work, may dissolve in tears and claim that the other person cheated."
"His emotions are violent and he cares intensely about almost everything. It is almost impossible for him to take a backseat. One of the cardinal rules in life is that he wants and needs to be first."

Everything I've quoted comes from the book I named, in response to a mother's question regarding her six year old son's inability to play a game with his friends or family without having a meltdown. The authors, in their answer, urge the mother to put the board games away for awhile (not to punish him, but because he's not ready for them), or only allow the child to play with a grownup who doesn't mind losing.

In our family we play games as teams because there are six of us and in such an age range. Our all time favorite is Memory, but we also play Skip-Bo, Uno and other board games. We try to match up the teams as fairly as possible like putting the 3 year old with a parent, but we have also switched and played boys-v-girls, and kids-v-parents. That way the whole team is the winner or the loser. We also have the rule that the winners are the ones that clean up the game and put it away.