Do You Let Your Kids Win?

I play at their level. If I win, I win, if they win, they win. There is no upside to insulting their intelligence by making bad moves.

One thing I can say for a lot of games geared for younger kids there is actually no way intellect gives you the upper hand. I offer shoots and ladders and candy land as examples. :)

No, never have, never will. My daughter can tell when people do that to her and she feels insulted .

Sometimes. Even at 5, I don't think they should "win" all the time. Not a good precedent.

When I was 5 I used to play chess with my father. He NEVER let me win. One day, I won. I don't know how; looking back on it, he probably let me win. But winning meant so much more to me because it was rare. I have never forgotten that, and I was really proud of myself that day.

Nope :)

With most toddler board games... it's pure luck. EITHER person can win. With strategy games for older kids, letting someone win teaches them bad strategy.

The consequence of this, is that by age 7 or 8, my son could and did beat me fairly regularly. By 9, I'm "boring" to play chess with (he's one of those that thinks several moves ahead), and he's a pretty mean card player!

We play games ALL the time.

We all play to win in our house, because that's what makes it fun. :)
Besides, our daughter (who is 6) would be able to tell if we're "letting" her win. I'm also against the "everyone gets a trophy" mentality.

Nope, if they win, they win, and if they lose, they lose. I don't throw a game, ever. Studies have shown that kids learn most when they are pushed to their limits. Letting them win doesn't teach them anything, in my opinion, and in fact doesn't really allow them pride in their accomplishment. It's hard to be proud of winning when you know it was nothing more than the other player(s) feeling sorry for you and letting you win. However, a hard-fought win in which your strategy was proven to be correct and/or your skills were superior IS something to be proud of. If you use a child's loss as an opportunity to teach better strategy/skills for the next game, then they will have learned something and will get better the next time. Rewarding inferior skill or strategy doesn't do that.

Just my opinion!

My mom never let me win. She always told me "you must earn victory." It may seem a L. much, but we were a sports oriented family.

I think her telling me to earn victory helped me achieve a high GPA, high SAT scores, be on a champion club volleyball team for four years, and become a state ranked track and field athlete in high school.

My kids aren't old enough for board games yet, but I don't think I will let them win (at least not very often.)

No, I would not let them win. However I would offer many pointers, every time it was their turn, for however long it took for them to learn that rule.

:)

As hard as it can be, she does need to learn she doesn't always win. With my daughter, we put the game away if she threw a fit or cried when it didn't go her way. I think it's easiest to teach now... will be harder later! When you lose, say "nice game" and model good losing behavior, expect the same of her. Good luck!

My DD is 4, and no, I don't let her win. But these are not really games of skill either, but rather "luck of the draw" - i.e. Candyland, Bingo, etc. So she learns that sometimes, that's just the way it goes, and it's more important to have fun playing the game than getting caught up in winning and losing.

I figure at some point, when it comes to games that require a certain level of knowledge and strategy (like chess), I will teach her how to win, and give her pointers, but sometimes if she loses because of a mistake she makes, or she's not paying attention enough, that's part of the learning process too. Right now I try to play Tic-Tac-Toe with her and she still doesn't understand the concept that in order for her to win, she has to think ahead, make choices, and keep me from winning myself. So I figure she is not ready for that type of game yet. I guess it all depends on where your daughter is mentally and cognitively right now, and if you think she will be able to learn from it, or will just get frustrated.

No, I don't let him win. He's a worthy opponent!
But with some games I do modify the rules up front to make it more appropriate to his skill level.

Great question!

My daughter is 3 and we play a LOT of CandyLand...I used to manipulate the cards so that she would win (I'm winning! I'm winning! *victory dancing while saying it*)...then I realized one day that when she was not winning she tried to cheat by skipping colors (if she pulled 2 purples she would try to go 3) so I decided that I should NO longer let her win and now I let the chips fall where they may, so to speak.

I didn't want her to be a cheater....or worse a sore looser!

No, we do not let our children win. Never have, never will.

We played age appropriate games and got excited for them on wins and congratulated them on a good game played...just because they lost doesn't mean they didn't play well. It's a learning experience.

I've never let my daughter win (5 years). We play a LOT of games (no TV) I think its extremely important, did I say extremely, extremely important that she experiences losing!!!! When she wins, she's earned it and it feels great.

You know, it depends an awful lot on the kid. Depending on how YOUR daughter plays and how she wins and how she loses, I think "letting" them win--at times can go a long way on teaching graceful winning AND losing.
You can't make a hard and fast "O. size fits all" rule--what applies to a 3 year old most likely will not apply to an 8 year old, etc.

What parent has NEVER "let" their toddler win a mock race, etc? I don't know any!

I do a little of both. (mine is 4). I realized that to let her win in High Ho Cherrio is to teach her to be dishonest and take extra turns, or skip the interactions she landed on. I decided loosing has with it lessons in honesty and accepting disappointments. I let her win just enough to keep her from getting discouraged.

I like what Theresa N. said. I think that a lot depends on the child's temperment. Some kids have a really hard time losing. I think that THOSE kids are the ones that the parents have to absolutely not just "let" them win. The reason I think this is because they have to learn to lose gracefully, and if they don't learn in their family, they will have a fit when other children beat them.

I doubt that this is an issue with your 5 year old. But it is something to remember about other kids.

Dawn

I do not let my kids win. If they win they win because they earned it.

I did not when they were 5 either.

My husband is in the "never let them win, make them earn it" camp. But when my kids were really young I would let them win. Sometimes just to make the game be over and sometimes because I knew she wanted the win so very badly and was sooo close anyway. now that they're older I don't. I'm super competitive so now it's GAME ON!!

We play by the rules, if this is done then you can't just let them win (I guess this is more for board games, not card games).

I don't let them win. Games like Candy Land and Shutes and Ladders are all games of chance and they are developed to help kids learn winning and losing skills. When I play a more complicated game that involves even a little strategy like Parcheesi or Uno or something where I have several options, one that might crush him or one that might be only a little bad I speak my options and what they would do to his game play. This way he learns how to strategize as well. I was surprised at how quickly he picked on to playing with strategy.

When he was little (about 4 - 5) we let our son win more often than not.
Then gradually we cut back on it as he learned more about being a gracious winner/loser.
It was a learning process.
The temper tantrums over losing when playing Candy Land or Chutes N Ladders were awful at first, but I really think this is about learning how to play cooperatively (something toddlers can't do) and by about 1st grade most kids seem to have it down pretty well.
Now that he's a teen - sometimes he lets ME win.
You can play and be kind, and you don't HAVE to be all about competition and be brutal about it.

My girls are 3 and 7. I make sure they win and lose regularly, until they can actually play. My 7 year old is becoming quite good at most board games and card games... and chess!! so I have started to play full out against her. I think it is important they learn to play, and have opportunities to do well - are given opportunities to make decisions that advance them in a game. So yes, I let them win so they learn to make good choices and so their confidence is increased. But I also make sure they lose once in a while so they experience being gracious and also learn from my successes in the game. You learn as much in some games, like chess, by being defeated.

My mother, never let us win.. She is still like that even with the grandchildren.. Guess what? They quit playing with her.. Not sure what she is trying to teach them..

We won and we lost with our daughter and her friends.. then we modeled how to be a good winner and good loser.

Yes now as adults we play with my mom, and she does lose now.. But I always thought it was odd, she never lets young kids win.. Very odd.

Funny, I have been playing "Words with friends" and tend to win a lot, I am letting a few of my friends win every once in a while.. I just feel so bad for them..

I have other friends that are spanking me on there and that is fine.. They are quite brilliant.

My little one is only 4 so it depends on her mood. If she's grumpy and I suggest a game to cheer her up, yeah, I let her win. Other times, I'll play by the rules and she never knows the difference.
With my 10 year old, we play by the rules.

I think this totally depends on the kid. Sometimes I DO let my 8 year old win. Sometimes she just needs to have fun and if winning a game of Uno is going to put a smile on her face and take off some of the stress of her day, I'm all for it.

If she's being a sore loser, then I'll kick her tail and show her how to be a better loser.

My 6 and 4 year old get the same treatment. Sometimes they need to just have fun.

I think life can be so difficult for little ones now-a-days and if we can do the little things sometimes to make things a little easier or more fun for them, why not? :)

I would say it depends on their ages. We do let our 5 year old win sometimes but let her lose at times as well. I think teaching your child to be a gracious winner and loser is the best way to go. As she becomes more familiar with each game and is comfortable with how to play it then it's every man/woman for themselves...lol. Peace and Blessings.

I let my kids win upon occasion. Everyone wants to be a winner. I have no money bet on any game so if they become so involved they "must" win, I let them win. Then I beat them the next time.

I tell my kids and have tried to teach them that they will always find someone that is better off and worse of than they are. Economically, intellectually, socially, physically, someone will always be better or worse than they are. Its the luck of the draw. The most important thing is to always do your best. So I play so they will always be challenged to excel and to succeed. (BTW, sometimes they trounce me in the games we play.)

Good luck to you and yours.

Hi, Mom:
At 5 y.o., the game is about having fun. It really doesn't need
to be about winning or losing. Are you able to find ways to
have fun without the competitive aspect at this time?
Just a thought.
D.

we dont just let my 4 year old win. we play uno, match games, candy land etc. she knows that she cant always win. i think she is used to it because she does pageants and knows that its not always her turn to win and that we should be happy for others to win. (no im not suggesting you put your child in pageants). it will take some time but just explain that sometimes you win sometimes you dont.

I firmly believe that you should do both. Help them win a little to learn the game, but you should also play to win. You can let them in on your strategies and it will be amazing how quickly they pick up games. You don't want to "let" them win. It's fibbing and they know. Plus they feel AWESOME when they win legitimately.

We do both. My 5 yo is a terrible loser, so it's good for him to lose from time to time. We play multiple games, and some we let him win, and others, we win. He's getting better at the winning (on his own) and better at losing.

i do but then i don't because i want them to win because i know that's fun for them but when we do round two i'll just barely win. now if it's a game of chance then no i just play...doesn't matter how good i am they have the same chance of winning as i do. and if they cry and fuss i make sure they know that if they act like that then no one will want to play with them. i think it's a good lesson in sportsmanship and attitude.

i've always done both. I mostly let her win when the games going on foreverm I may cheat when shes not looking so it will end!
I think they need to lose sometimes, so in games where there is no skill and its luck, i let whatever happens happen (again unless its taking forever) . If we're playing a sports game I'm not going to kick her butt at it, although I will make her chase M. for a while to get the ball..sometimes it leaves M. playing alone, becasue shes tired of running...lol

My daughter is 6 and I remember this issue for me when we first started playing games. My way of handling it is letting her win sometimes (as in, don't defeat her every time, as I could do if I was really trying). This way she won't be discouraged by getting clobbered every time. However, she needs to lose sometimes or she will begin to expect to win every time which is not realistic. Plus, as you mentioned, she needs to learn how to lose too (which can be hard).

Also, during the game, if it's a strategy game, I try to give her pointers and help her here and there, even giving her a second chance to change what she's done on her move from time to time. This helps her to learn how to play the games better so that, eventually, I won't have to let her win anymore. She'll just be good at it on her own.

Have fun with the games! :)

No, I never got into that habit when the kids are young. I didn't go out of the way to aggressively beat them by using strategies they wouldn't understand, but if they failed to block me in Connect 4, I won. I think it's important for them to learn right from the beginning (a) to play fair and (b) not to expect to win all the time. Otherwise, when they play with their friends, they will be in for a rude shock when they get beaten.

My daughter is 5 and has enjoyed playing UNO with me. I let her win the first couple of games, but them I kick it up a notch. We play a total of 5 games. If she wins 2 and I win 2, we go on to the tie-breaker. Regardless of the outcome, I let her know she did a great job.

Nanc

Regardless of her age, do not let her win. This will teach her to take the easy way. Compromise by playing games that are easy for a five-year old to understand and play the correct way. You want to enforce the fact that there will always be rules and she needs to follow them. Let her give up, but always tell her that you want to play the right way and eventually she will figure it out. If you cut corners, than she will believe she always can cheat or take the easy route. If you cave too much, than you could show her that life is fair and simple. She needs to learn early on that life is full of choices and obstacles with hard work. But start with things that are geared toward her age range and increase the difficulty.

Nope. I mean I don't play dirty or anything, but I'm always playing honestly.

He's a pretty precocious kid, so he occasional reminder that we actually DO know more than him is nice. Truthfully, my son will point it out and ASK why you didn't make a move to block him in connect four so you may as well just play for real.

He actually wins from time to time with us and a LOT when he plays outside of our family, so there's a nice balance.

:)