Why Is My First Grader Only Disobedient at School???

You may want to still talk to him once you're home, but no need to punish, just see if he even understands what he did "wrong" and remind him of what he has to do right, remind him in the mornings too. He seems to be having the same trouble my Kindergartner is having. She likes to do things her way, she wants to play when she wants to and the work is "work" and not fun and she gets bored. She usually tells me about the minor infractions herself and we talk about it. For us we have the option of home schooling and it's become (sadly) a bit of a "threat". It however is the truth, if she can't behave and "thrive" in the public system I can and will take her out. This may not be an option for you. What also seems to have worked for us is a daily "reward" for good behavior at school, this week we've had Italian Ice in the freezer that she's been working for. As soon as I notice she's had a full week or two of "good", I plan on switching it up to two days in a row of "good" and a slightly bigger reward and going from there.

Can I echo what some previous posts said? Let school deal with the issues you specifically mentioned. How do you know every exact thing he has done at school each day, so that you have this information on which you're basing these punishments? If the teacher is giving you daily "he's not behaving" updates for these extremely typica and normal school behaviors -- she is either very inexperienced or very controlling, and should not be reporting that to you on some daily basis. It's appropriate for you to know the issues, but not for you to be doing her job.

And you're doing her job by coming down on him much harder than the infractions warrant (Spanking? for not paying attention or talking in class? Beyond tough). Take a step back and try:

Catching him being good. Even if he does not get a "smiley face" for behavior from the teacher, find something he does each day for which you can praise him. A lot. Beyond what you as an adult may think is needed. It has a huge impact on them.

Practicing positive class behaviors. Have him "play school" at times and be the teacher while you use his stuffed animals or whatever to model behaviors like talking in class or making noises. Ask him what he would do about his toy's acting this way in his "class." And here it comes again -- praise him when he makes a good choice.

Take your own emphasis off the acquisition of smiley faces. This is only first grade. The fact he's not earning smileys for good behavior does not mean he's a delinquent. Of course the behaviors need work and should not continue, but again, they are typical ones and the teacher should work on them. Talk to her again and ask her for specific daily strategies to do with him at home to reinforce better behavior at school. But don't punish him at home hours or days later for something that happened at school -- not these behaviors, not at his age.

Temper your expectations. It sounds as if possibly you have extremely high expectations of his behavior that may not be totally realistic for his age and stage. You are used to getting only compliments on his behavior and he's always done as he was told and now -- that isn't the case any more. It's tough on a parent; you've developed expectations that he will continue with compliment-worthy and positive behavior and he isn't, but that's because he's changing, and aping other kids who behave like this, or testing his boundaries, or pushing his newfound freedom of being a bigger kid. It's not fun for us, but it IS normal, and not something to which you want to over-react.

So... he is not getting smileys for good behavior, but the "bad" behavior sounds like really typical 6 year old stuff. Keep talking with him about what he is expected to do at school, but I would give him some more time to adjust. This is all still very new, and 1st grade is different than kinder, so he might just be having a hard time adjusting to his new routine.

I also agree with the other post below... dont punish at home for what he is doing at school. He has already been punished at school and needs to be able to come home and not fear that he is going to get in trouble again. Just think... he might do something at 10am that gets him in trouble and he gets talked to or punished right away at school. Then he comes home 5 hours later and gets in trouble again... its hard for kids this age to connect those dots in a way that makes the home punishment meaningful. Just talking about it and setting expectations for next time is enough IMO.

I wouldn't really worry about it too much. I got daily "not goods" for my GD in kindergarten. I tried everything but nothing seemed to help. Secretly I was thinking "OMG! she's just like her mother. I CAN'T go through that again!"

Then I went on the class field trip with them. I discovered that for whatever reason, when ANYONE was acting up, out came my GD's name from the teacher's mouth. And of course the kids who were acting up didn't stop, because he was yelling at my GD, not them! I had to point out to him no less than THREE TIMES that my GD was right here next to me; it was not her he was looking at and it was not her who was acting up!

I then realized that perhaps she wasn't that bad each day; for whatever reason he was attributing other kids behavior to her! I would not have believed it had I not seen it for myself!

So, don't take everything the teacher says as if it came out of the bible. They are people, first and foremost, with their own baggage and people's baggage is with them no matter where they are and they deal with life from the perspective that baggage has given them. Perhaps there is something about your son that just rubs her the wrong way and she is attributing things to him that he is not responsible for or it's not as bad as she's leading you to believe.

If you really aren't sure, take a day and sit in on the class. You might get a real eye-opener!

Maybe the paid professionals should be dealing with this? Your son sounds fun, interesting and, yes, challenging-too bad they cannot keep him engaged and redirect his obvious, dynamic traits-I don't know , maybe he would actually...learn something? It is school, right? He's probably just very nervous and he is trying to gain validation from his peers through his outlandish behavior due to feelings of inadequacy. And you're correct-he doesn't need medicine.

What are you going to do if his misbehavior escalates? You need to think about YOUR behavior right now. Taking away his toys, privileges, food, and spanking him? What's going to be next?

Honestly, think about what you're doing here. Your son is going to end up hating going to school and I wouldn't blame him.

Did it occur to you that perhaps his teacher could be the problem? My son's 2nd grade teacher was just awful. What was okay one day was a mortal sin the next. She would pit children against each other. She lost her keys one day and actually called all the parents (I got the message on my answering machine) telling us that a student stole her keys and demanded that we search our children and their backpacks when they got home, and that a policeman would be in her classroom the next day. (All of this without the permission of the principal.) One little boy who had some behavioral problems in the class was sent to the principal's office so that she could talk about him to the other kids - she wanted the kids to tell her anything about him that they could think of so that she could figure out if he was to blame for her missing keys. It turned out that this ridiculous woman put them in a different backpack, which she remembered later after seeing them side-by-side.

That's just one example. I didn't even realize what she put her kids through until the next year when my son had a great teacher. He behaved wonderfully for her - he told her one day that she was always the same and he always knew what to expect. That was such an important year for him and I'll always appreciate what she did for him.

It is not YOUR job to correct his "problem", B.. It is his teacher's job. SO WHAT if he doesn't get smiley faces every day! That's not what he is about. Some kids are talkers and more kids than you seem to know have trouble finishing their work.

Instead of punishing him for this, talk to the guidance counselor about what to do. Tell her the truth about what you've been doing here, and she will tell you a better way of handling it so that you don't have a kid who ends up acting a whole lot worse.

Dawn

There could be a lot of different reasons for his behaviors.

Is there a time of day these things are happening?

A certain subject?

Where does he sit in the room? Are they sitting in groups or in rows of desks?

Who does he sit with or next too?

Have you had his eyesight checked? How about his hearing?

How do his mornings go, when he gets up, does he eat a good breakfast, do you allow him to watch tv? Do you think he needs time to run around in the morning before school?

Has ANYTHING changed at home? Situations, schedules, conversations? Does he miss the Nanny? Does he miss the one on one time he gets at home?

Is it the big schedule change?

Does he ride the bus? Is he in a car pool?

In the afternoon how does that time go? Homework? Snack? Time to play outside?

When we saw a change in our daughters behaviors, attitude, grades, we tried to think what else was different? Sometimes we would work with that to see if we needed to help her understand the changes, Oe to see if she needed to adjust something. Or if a conversation with us.. or her teachers needed to happen.

What Mamazita said... He's being six, and you're helping him learn to hate school.

sorry if I skimmed and missed the finer points of what people are saying,

Yes, you do need to be punishing him at home, I disagree with the spanking but if that is what it takes for your kid to get it then i guess it's up to you.

I do not think the schools punishment is the end of the story, but I also think you need to be really sure what motiviates your kid to behave. Taking things/Tv/ game time/dessert away from kids like these usually doesn't faze them because what they want is ATTENTION.

If you SERIOUSLY do not think he needs medicated and that if you went to the class and saw the kids moving about doing the work, and he would be insyc with them and not dancing on the tables or scooting under all the bathrooms stalls and locking them behind him. then ok, he might not need medicated,
But if he is the one kid crazy nuts above the rest, please think about what would be best for him, He probably doesn't like getting in trouble all the time.

The last thing I will say, is that If he TRULY is intellectually above the otherh kids, he may be bored. That would be something you could work with the school on to keep him engaged and on task.

Lots of very intelligent kids have aspergers and have very limited social skills. being about to recite every dinosaur and what era they come from doesn't mean a child doesn't have a disability like autism . and if they do have autism it isn't like there aren't tons of programs out there that can work with him to improve how he interacts with others.

Is he GATE and just bored?