Why Is My 5 Year Old Telling Lies About Things He Says I Have Said to Him

assuming that YOU are telling the truth in this post, i suggest cutting your heartbroken, confused and lashing out small son some slack.

his world is being torn apart, and you're worried more about your image than the damage being done to your little boy.

continue to maintain your stoic silence regarding any negative talk about your ex. stop trying to 'convince' her. if she knew you, she'd know, and she would understand what's going on in your son's world.

if she really believes you're trash-talking, maybe she has good reason.

stop trying to 'get to the bottom' of your son's words and start focusing on being a good and supportive parent to him while BOTH his parents work on making this divorce as gentle as possible on him.

khairete
S.

Why ask why?
5 yr olds don't have a great grasp of what is 'truth'.
When they don't understand something they make up stories to try to explain things as they see it.
I have a sneaky feeling major religions may have begun this way.

At any rate - it is a nasty habit to be getting into for either you or your soon to be ex to be listening to your 5 yr olds stories without taking things with a grain of salt.
Whether he's making it up or parroting something he heard someone else say - it doesn't matter.
You simply do your best to let your child know he is loved no matter what or where anyone lives - and that he is not to blame for anything - because little kids tend to think things are their fault.
They need reassurance and to feel secure.
Sometimes they act out because they want attention - even negative attention is still attention.

It would be a good idea if you worked with a family counselor so you and ex can get on the same page for a good and healthy co-parenting experience.

Have you ever listened to children try to explain adult things or anything confusing? Ask them why the sky is blue or why dogs chase cats.

Why would you think he'd be able to understand divorce or the new arrangements? Maybe you've both talked a whole lot At him.

When my youngest went through a death, or my kids learned of my illness, and we listened to them explain to friends .. it was very interesting hearing how they described it.

Or listen to them describe heaven.

We explained things one way (we thought clearly) but in their own words - totally different.

I have no idea if your child is upset/stressed/confused/anxious/playing one parent against the other etc. I would think perhaps all of the above. Cut him some slack.

"Can not afford to look like a bad parent"? I would suggest being more concerned about your child. Just my two cents. Seems like an odd question. (*added - you are the parent moving out, perhaps that's part of why he's upset at you).

It's impossible to know what's been said to him by you or your wife about what's happening or why you are leaving, but it's easy to understand why kids create scenarios and stories. They don't understand, their world is being shattered, and they are totally insecure. They blame themselves no matter how often you tell them it's not their fault (so we have to keep telling them, for years and years). Assuming he's not being told stories by either of you or by someone else in the family (allies of one parent or the other), it's logical to assume that his only way of dealing with the unknown is to test reality by making statements. Maybe he knows they aren't true, maybe he doesn't. Maybe he wants to see the reaction. Maybe he wants reassurance.

What's concerning to me is that you are not all over this poor little kid's worries and fears, and you instead turn this into a defense of yourself by mentioning that you are hurt and worried about your image. Unless you are worried about losing custody/visitation because you have, in fact, been a bad parent (and I assume, if you are still in the home, that you have not been horrible), then your focus should be entirely on your child. THAT is what will make you look like a good parent - able to be mature, suck it up and put your own needs aside to help this child.

Your child is likely acting out because he is upset and insecure. Divorce can be really hard on kids even when things are reasonably amicable. Family counseling would be a good move. This will not only help your child come to terms with things and lose his fear, but also help you and his mother communicate well and learn to co-parent.

You sound a lot like this chick I know that recently divorced.. She was more worried about her image as a parent than she was about the children's well being... In the end the judge saw this and gave both parents 50-50 custody. Personally,I would of sent the children to their father because mom is neglectful in many ways but makes sure to tell every one what a great mom she is (as her son became the class bulley and her daughter looks like a fresh out of bed hot mess with never having her hair done up and never brushed) after a weekend with dad the children are at least bathed with hair combed and such!

I suggest you focus less on what's being said about you and work towards showing the child how much you love them. let your actions speak for themselves.

Could she be lying to you?