Why Does This Bother Me?

I agree with you - if I signed my son up for camp and paid for it - then he needs to go...if he's in danger - great - I'll take him out - but if it's "too much like school" too bad...

I would tell her that you need to plan and budget for things since gas is still high and that, she might not like it - but she needs to stop caving to her son because he doesn't like something....he needs to learn to deal and adapt.

Yeah telling a kid to suck it up for two days is really not a big deal. I could understand if it was the rest of the summer....at least in that case you guys could plan to make a run for it together.

You're right - it's none of your business.

You let it go. She has a right to parent her son her way, and not make her son go to camp if he doesn't like it.

This is a life lesson for your son: things are not always going to go his way, and he has to learn how to deal. He might learn the wonderful lesson that he can make other friends at camp. Just tell your son, "It's sad that Billy can't go, but you will probably make other friends!" And then send him on his way.

No, you don't have a right to be upset. No, you should not say something. It would be rude. If you tell your friend that her son needs to learn to deal and adapt - be prepared for the friendship to be over. And BY THE WAY, why should HER son be the one to "deal and adapt" to camp, and not YOUR son be the one to "deal and adapt" to his friend not being there? My god ladies -- it's one thing to give blunt advice on this site, where people are asking for it, but some of you feel way too free to randomly inform others of how they should be parenting their kid. Bad idea.

I understand what you are saying and completely get your point about it not being fair to your son that his buddy isn't going with him....total bummer....

...however....as a Mom, I would NEVER make my son go to a camp if he didn't feel comfortable or like it!

Follow your gut. You know what your friendship can and can not withstand.

Sorry but get over it. If her son didn't want to go, didn't like it whatever, she doesn't have to make him go. You are responsible for your son. This is a good time for him to meet new people and make new friends. Instead of being upset tell your son that this is a good experience for him to meet new people. Make it exciting for him. Conspire with him that his friend was silly to not want to keep going and isn't he glad he did! Turn it into a positive.

As for telling your friend, what are you going to say? "Baby boy was upset because Baby Boy 2 wasn't there. You should have made your son go so my son wouldn't be upset?" Let it go but don't forget.

Next time when she wants the boys to do a camp together that is when I would say something like "well we would love to but the last time junior quit after the first day and I don't want a repeat of that". "What are you going to do if he does this again"?

i think its her choice how to parent...and not yours...you might have made your son continue to go, but she chooses not to...criticizing her parenting will only harm your friendship and not J. in a temporary way...plus your putting your sons feelings above her sons (normal-hes your kid) but why should her son be forced to do something he hates J. because your son wants him there...I don't necessarilly agree with her taking him out and learning to quit but thats her choice not yours

You really can't tell other people how to raise their children. Well, if they ask, you can give suggestions, which they may or may not take. But tell a mama she's doing wrong by her child and you may have a mama bear on your hands.

I'd let it go, and if the subject came up later on, I'd mention briefly that it was upsetting but NOT get into a long discussion about it. You've learned what you may expect from this gal in the future, and you can be prepared now.

You might tell your boy that it is too bad his friend is not going - he's going to miss a lot of fun. But ask your son to look at the camp now as an adventure he's taking with himself - and some new friends he doesn't know well yet. Ask him to look for the good things about the camp other than his friend's company, and to tell you all about them every day.

Lots of driving ends up being a parent's job sometimes. I hope you'll find that the transportation was worthwhile in the end.

I don't know, maybe it's just me...but I wouldn't care. She is not abusing him and he doesn't sound like a real terror, so I think how she parents, is none of your business. And, to expect her to make her son do something, because that's what you would do...unrealistic on your part.

It seems really petty to me. I'd let it go.

I would be bothered to. I wouldn't lecture her or say anything about her caving to her son. We all have our strengths and weaknesses parenting wise. If your son didn't like it and she asks why you made him still go you can explain your take on follow through but focus on your son and what you want, don't mention or infer her situation at all. If she asks to do a camp again tell her no you can't just enroll him in camps as Mamaof3 mentioned budgeting both the cost of the camp and travel.

Let it go.

Tell her that the distance is an issue, so if the new camp idea is longer than 10 minutes from you, then you aren't interested. But, I wouldn't make it an issue and I wouldn't push it further. Your opinion of her giving in to her sons whims and thinking she should make him go is none of your business. I probably wouldn't make my son go to a camp he didn't like either.

Also, is the only reason you did this camp was so the boys could hang out together? Try to remove that frame of thinking. Your son is doing this camp for his fun and benefit and remind your son that he can still have lots of fun and make other friends too.

Obviously, she is a little flighty and not very considerate about things like distance/commitment so keep that in mind next time she makes plans.

She made her decision, let her live with it. You have a right to be upset, but I wouldn't throw this stick in the spokes of your friendship, because this is *her* parenting issue, not yours, and it's likely that a full-blown conversation about it isn't going to resolve anything.

Does it help her child to have his whims met? Probably not.Will he learn that sometimes, there's just stuff that we *have* to do and we have to stick it out? No. So, in short, not a character-building moment here for him.

On the other hand, while you can't control what she does with her son, you can decide if/when you want to make plans in tandem with her, now knowing what you know.

I'd encourage your son to find some common ground with some of the other kids, and not bring up the other boy unless he asks. Privately, let the counselors know that your son might need them to bridge the gap a little and get him involved with a couple other kids.

Then, on your end, do this: don't schedule another camp with this child. Playdates? Find a place to meet halfway and then confirm before setting out to meet them.

She's being wishy-washy on her limits with her son, but you don't have to be make yourself subject to his whims and her permissiveness. Make your own plans accordingly, and if the other child's 'whims' make it easy to include him, fine. If not, too bad-- they can get together another time.:)

This has happened to me over the years, the worst example was when my daughter and her friend were signed up for a week long volleyball camp at the local college. They were supposed to be overnight roommates in the dorm but my daughter's friend decided she was "scared" to stay overnight, so her mom came and picked her up every night and my daughter got stuck with an older roommate. The college is less than five miles away and our girls were 14 YEARS OLD at the time!!!
So yes I was upset about it (and so was my daughter) but honestly there's really nothing you can do or say. Moms are different and parent differently, and sometimes our kids end up sad or disappointed because of it. I've learned not to count on certain moms/kids in certain situations.
Just let it go, chalk it up to a lesson learned, and think twice before signing up for something together again.

Things like that bother me to but honestly there is nothing you can do about it. Your particular version of parenting will always differ from someone else's....even your friends.

I think you were right in expressing how your son felt when her son 'decided not to go anymore'. That's about all you can say. If you start telling her about how "she should have" handled the situation "in your opinion", you may cause a riff in your friendship. You know us M.'s don't like other people telling us how to M. unless we ask for the advice.

***Now you know not to sign up for anymore camps based on her son going so that he and your son will be there together. Chalk it up to a LESSON LEARNED!!!***

M. T

I would use this as an opportunity to teach your son about keeping commitments ("remember how your feelings were hurt when your friend stopped coming to camp?") and making new friends. Does he enjoy the camp...other than the fact that his friend isn't there?

Also, if your friend wants to do the playdate, I would have her come to your house. Tell her you don't have time to go over to hers since you're already going 30 minutes out of your way to drop your son off at the camp.

For me, that would be the extent of what I would say. That way, you're not criticizing her parenting (after all, isn't that what all the mamas here say...that you gotta do what works for you?) but you do let her know that it's not ok for her to expect you to do all the "giving" when it comes to your kids.

I would be bothered too... enough to say something to the Mom. I agree, she's allowing him whims to dictate her actions and that's not ok in any scenario as a parent. I would let the Mom know I think she should send her kid back to the camp - because that is what the plan was, and money and time was put into the group effort. It's not for a long time, so his 'not being crazy about it' is irrelevant.

This is a tough one. I think she should have definitely talked to you about it since you signed them up together and this is way out of the way for you. But we have a similar situation in that my kids don't have to go to camp bc we have a nanny while our neighbors' and friends' kids do have to go because they don't have a nanny and the mother works. We signed them up for some camp together the past couple of weeks and my kids didn't like it. So do I force a 5 and 6 year old to go when they're crying they just want to stay home? I think they're a bit young to take such ownership for these decisions. In our case, I didn't consult my kids very much on camp choices so I don't always make them go. It's summer. It's not school. Kids should be having fun. My mother never forced me to go to camp... So I think two different issues: giving in to the "whims" I'll defend as I think kids should get to be kids. If they want to stay home, unless it's school which is a real responsibility, I think they should get to versus forced out the door unnecessarily. They're not adults or even teenagers. Given you were driving so far though, I think there's a 2nd issue of being more considerate of your plans that you made together. I'm not sure if you made your son go on principal or you work so need him out of the house. But she should take that into account. If I were her, I would have offered your son to skip it too and have a playdate at my house. I would have asked if your son was upset etc. In our case, there our friends had a grandmother there so their kids could have stayed home too and there were other kids at this camp from the neighborhood as well as a sibling so our neighbors' kids weren't going "alone". If one was and had relied on my child, I'd have tried to work something out. I don't think I'd say anything to her though unless you want her to make him go tomorrow and Friday. If you're not going to push that issue, I'd let it go but definitely keep it in mind for next time something like this comes up. Then if she suggests something, you say you're hesitant bc of what happened this time.

I had this exact situation happen (minus the distance part), but my daughter was the one that decided she didn't want to go. I felt horrible about it, but I also wasn't going to drag her kicking and screaming every day either. I think your friend should have acknowledged the inconvenience and disappointment her son had caused, and that probably would have been enough for you. Just an apology and empathy for your son's feelings. I don't blame you for being upset, as I didn't blame my friend for being upset. I still wasn't going to force my daughter to go, but I understood where she was coming from. I think you did the right thing by sending her an email (so as not to put her on the spot). I'm all about communication and honesty. I get it!

I can understand why it would bother you. If I were your friend, I think I would've made my son keep attending. Not only are you driving farther to take your son, but he is less likely to know anyone else at the camp. Not that he can't make other friends, but it is always easier to go somewhere where you know others. That being said, I would not say anything to your friend about it, but in the future, I would not make plans such as this with her.

Why can't she drive to your house/town for a playdate?? Why do you always have to drive to her?? Just curious......

You really can't say much about her choices as a parent b/c you will open yourself up to her commentary as well.

However... I would tell her that you are trying to teach your son about not quitting things before he really experiences them. Let her know that you talked with your son and he's upset that his friend isn't joining him, but you would rather he stick-it-out for the two weeks because he made a commitment to it.

She may or may not get the message, but it's the truth! You can be upset, but there isn't much you are going to do to change her parenting. Definitely have a playdate, though- just invite them to your home!

It would bug me, but I think it's more important that your son attends camp for his own benefit, and not just because this friend is there. There are many times where friends aren't available and maybe this will give your son some fun opportunities with new kids. I bet he has noticed or will notice that his friend gives up easily. I would also no longer make any sort of plan like this based on them. Do it only for you/your child. It's like someone attending a college that their best friend or boyfriend attends...that's letting someone make choices for you. Make your own and if they overlap, great.

Since she's trying to get you to change or have playdates on her schedule, I would tell her that you are no longer going to be enrolling your child in things like this if she is not going to keep her son in them. It is too hard for your child to miss his friend and expect that the boy will be there. Then I'd focus on getting your kid involved, having fun, and getting past the whole friend not being there thing. Besides which, that drags YOUR family around on her son's whims and that's not fair, either.

It would bug me too but honestly, I don't think you should say anything. Whatever you say is going to come across as you judging her parenting and it's going to put a strain in your relationship and make it weird for your kids to play together. It sucks but just let it go and I love mama twinkie's idea of using this to teach your son about obligation and committment. I'm sorry for your boy though... i hope he makes friends soon! it's so hard to see the little ones cry :(

When it comes time to sign up for more camps or activities just tell her since it didn't work out this time you just don't want to put your son through that again. That he had wanted to go primarily to spend time with her son and really missed him. It seems less like you are accusing her of bad parenting and more empathetic to what your son experienced. But still lets her know how her actions effected your son.

Stop planning activities that are more than playdates with her. She is not going to follow through like you and more hurt feelings are sure to come.

It sounds like she and her son are a bit self centered.
The point of the camp was to do something together, and he totally ditched your son (and she let him).
Some friend(s).
Unfortunately, your son (and you) are learning about fair weather friends.
They are there when it suits them, but you can't really count on them - they don't follow through.
I'd consider pulling back from them a bit and cultivating some other friends.
This is how they are - they are not likely to change (they see nothing wrong with behaving that way) - and you're only going to get burned again sooner or later.
I treat people with courtesy and respect and expect to be treated the same in return.
I'm not a fan of being a door mat for anyone.