Why Do Woman Chase Married or Taken Men?

I like a couple of the points listed in the comments....

Another POV if you will - this comes from what someone told me ages ago -- is that the marrieds can't talk (about the relationship)...

makes sense when you think about it!

How do you know She's going after "her man"? I mean does talking at work imply going after the person? Does casual conversation imply that? Does lunch together imply that? What exactly ha she done which obviously states she wants him and is willing to go after a married man? Also hes not married yet=)

I don't think most women or men "go after" married men or women but I do think some build relationships as friends with married people when they work with them and then they slowly fall for them, and when all they hear is complaining about the spouse, sure they take that a sign they'd be happier divorced and with them...I don't know many people that actively go after married people

I have been divorced 31 years. I have had issues with this in he past. women have thought I am 'after her man'. This could not be further from the truth.
I have always believed that if a man is married or in a commited relationship he is off limits. I would never let a friendship go that far. I firmly believe that if he will leave her for me then he will leave me for someone else. This manhas the 'grass is always greener' attitude.
As women we need to join together and support each other as friends. This competition for a man has to end. As does the thought that every woman who talks to 'your man' is after him.

I talked to my cheater friend of mine and this is what I see.

Look at a married man vs a single man. A single man is nailing everything in sight. His apt is nasty. He has no decent clothes, no goals, no ambition, other than to get to the bar before they start charging a cover. He calues muscles, bikinis, motorcucles, and hair gel. Now look at the married man. He owns a home, has a good job, is mature, thoughtful, understanding. 3/4 of the work is already done for you! When you look at single guy, it's hard to imagine him being a husband and father to your kids. When you look at a married man, it's not hard to imagine. You just pluck wifey out of the picture and insert yourself.
There's also the challenge of it and the thrill of being naughty.
The deeper psychological thing is wanting a man, but not wanting to get too close. With a married man, you get to play relationship, but there is no real risk of you two ever being in a real relationship and having to do the hard work that it takes.

There are so many different things that could be going on here. First of all women tend to let their hair down more with committed men because it is safe, they won't pursue them. Another idea is it is all in your friends head and that of her husband. Like you friend sees her as a threat he sees it as attention she is only being nice.

Why do the other women chase married men, because it is safe for their self esteem. If he accepts the advances she has taken him from his wife so she is better than her. If he rejects her advances she can chalk it up to him being married not something wrong with her.

Because they are words I cannot say on here or I'd be reported.

There is no need for any woman (or man) to develop a close relationship with a marrien man (or woman). None.

If your friend has told her fiance she is uncomfortable with this relationship (even if innocent) he should create some distance. This is an easy step he can do that will go a long way in building trust with his fiancee.

Fun, dangerous, low commitment, exciting, EASY.....

I mean, so I've heard.

;)

To morally corrupt yucky women, they see married men as responsible and loving and devoted to "one woman", not a big mess of work like single men who are chasing all kinds of women. Same way companies want to steal the best workers from other companies rather than hiring the jobless people that really want and need the job. They think if he committed to a wife and had kids, he could commit to them and still be a good dad, if only they can get the wife out of the picture. Also, married men are busy, so there is no risk of mucking up schedules in the beginning which works for women who are busy...even though they really do usually want the guy to "pick them over his wife one day" and leave the family-- the ultimate victory for insecure losers. Or maybe they dont' even really "want him", they just want to act titillating and tempting and convince themselves they're hotter than the wife-we're talking super trashy lowlife-style. And men are just as bad.

My husband has a profession where women swoon-and the fact that he has a wife and kids makes it even worse because of the creepiest ladies. One of the wives in the band tells her husband not to wear his ring because it attracts the super scary stalkers even though it deflects nice ladies.

I can almost relate to how a woman could feel victorious if she "met the guy" but NEVER made a wrong move...no inappropriate eye contact, nothing, and then he later left his wife free and clear to court her (rarely happens) because they were so "meant to be". But imo, once the woman has crossed the line and "done stuff with him" or "gone after him" while he's with a wife-she is the loser for ever after even if she "gets him in the end". It's usually less about how awesome she was and more about how they screwed up the existing relationship beyond repair.

Your friend can't control other women. She can only be her own best person, treat her man well, and hope he is trust-worthy. Insecurity is the fastest way to push someone away, so warn her about that.

Some women prefer married men because they don't really want commitment but they still want a "nice" guy. For others it is the thrill of the chase...can I get him to leave his wife for me because I am that damn good. For some people they simply fall in lust or love with a person, married or not. And then there are the wives who think that if a woman says so much as hello to their husband that means she wants him.

Advice: Trust her fiance. If she doesn't then she needs to evaluate if the lack of trust is based solely on her insecurities (if this coworker were large would she still be thinking that she was after her man?) or if it is based on the actions of her fiance. She might need to try some therapy if she is the cause of the problem. If he is the cause then they could do couples counseling or she could determine that the relationship isn't healthy and break things off.

Sneaking around is fun to immature, sinful people.

Added: Why didn't you put what you said in your SWH in your original post? I would have answered very differently if you had. (The whole point of asking a question is to get an answer that actually fits the cirmstances...) If this man really isn't attracted to your friend, he has no business marrying her. If they woman he's going out with is called ugly names by the guys at work, then she is not a decent sort.

Your girlfriend seriously needs to reconsider marrying him.

Original (which makes NO sense now after you finally explained what is really going on.):

There is a difference between being friends with someone and "going after" someone. You say the guy is a big guy. He is engaged. Perhaps this thin woman sees him as "safe" because she would not be with a "big guy" but she truly likes him (as a friend).

If he were not engaged, I would say that it's unfair to the guy because he might develop feelings for her that aren't reciprocated. However, if I am right about this, then she has him as a friend and he has his fiance for more than friendship, and all is well in the world.

If his fiance is worried, then he needs to put a little healthy distance between him and his friend. He can do it without being mean to her - he can just be a little "too busy".

He is a special person to have people want to be friends with him. Remember that.

Dawn

The grass is always greener on the other side right? Your fat, you want to be skinny. Im poor and sure would like to be rich! I think its the chase maybe? Like Theresa said, excitement and no commitment? If you are confident, let it roll off and brush it off. If you are uncomfortable maybe it's something within you? Idk, I love my husband so much I would never do anything to screw it up but imo, if a gal or guy is pursuing something already taken, they are the ones with no self esteem!
BTW- you don't have to be thin to be beautiful! Im fat and fierce thank you very much :)

You could also ask why some men chase married women.

Most often is they want something they can't have. It would be a challenge for them to be with a married person.

Thankfully not all men and women are like this and there are plenty of times when it is an honest plutonic relationship.

If your friend’s fiancé loves her then she should not be concerned about some other women. If he is always honest with her and they have a strong relationship then she should not let this other women get between them.

I liked Just M's response, because I'm not sure how talking at work is really considered "going after". And not liking this woman because she is thin or attractive is almost discriminatory, she doesn't even know anything about her. I think if I had started telling my husband that he couldn't talk to a specific coworker based on her appearance he would have run long ago...she doesn't want to come off as too insecure, jealous and possessive.

If the casual chatting turned into flirtatious behavior, touching, texting and emailing about things other than work, going to lunch a lot, etc...then she should be upset.

Just another take on it.

If this "younger, thinner girl" has only been talking to her man at work -- not pursuing him, not being suggestive, only having conversations -- then isn't the issue here really your friend's insecurity and not the general question of why women chase other women's men? Because if there is no chasing, then your friend is seeing things that aren't really there. It's hard to tell from the post if by "talking" you mean flirting or being inappropriate. But if not, then there is nothing going on here. If there is such talk going on, it is the man's place in this scenario to quash it himself, professionally but firmly.

If this relationship between your friend and the fiance is going to survive, she needs to work on her insecurity issues before they marry, not after, or they will have a long, hard life together of her being jealous of every female he encounters if that female is smaller or younger than she is. Your friend deserves much better than a life like that and she deserves to feel good about herself as she is, and to know that her fiance loves her as she is. So my advice for her would be to work on the insecurity, with professional help, now and not later -- so she enters married life secure in who she is and confident in her fiance. He too should do premarital and/or couples counseling with her, so he understands how she feels and what she goes through. (And counseling in advance would also have the added bonus of helping them anticipate any issues with bringing two kids into their marriage, so they are well prepared for dealing with that too.)

I agree with Tracy K. However, I'm a big girl so I wll comment on that. It doesn't matter what your size is. At her current size, you said she is with a man that "completes her'. I know several attractive "skinny" women who are over 40 and this has not happened for them yet. So tell your friend to learn to love herself, be secure in her relationship and know that her man chose her because he is attracted to her and loves her. I have said this before, in these situations, I trust my husband, but I do NOT trust the woman. So if it were me, I would say to him that I don't mind them casually talking on occasion at work, but no lunches together and definately no happy hour after work, even with others around. Good luck.

Everything happens for a reason.

If the coworker is truly "going after" your friend's man and they fall in love and live happily ever after - then it was meant to be.

If it is platonic and your friend and her man live happily ever after - the same can be said.

We cannot control who we fall in love with - it just happens.

I think it's a selfesteem thing, and an excitement thing. If you can steal someone from someone else, doesn't that just make you awesome? Of course, these people are likely lacking in certain sympathetic responses. They might also just be confused. Yeah, this only happens in TV - but haven't you seen when one character accidently falls in love with the married, taken man? It does happen in real life. The female is not always being deviants, and nor would a man accidently falling for a married woman. We're just not very good at regulating our emotions at times.

But as long as the husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend have the trust, communication, and understanding - it won't matter who goes after the man. If she doesn't like that the man is paying attention to the new friend instead of her, that's not the friend's fault, it's the mans. She needs to discuss it with him in full, and let her feelings be known.

ETA: I'm a big girl (I like how spidermonkey put it: fat and firece!) with a good-lookin' man. I'm not sure what that has to do with the rest of the situation. I've always been overweight. My husband chose to be with me. That's never had anything to do with anything.

I don't think that having integrity within your relationship and not putting yourself in circumstances that cause others to question you has anything to do with trust in a relationship. My husband and I do not have friends of the opposite that are exclusive of the other person. My husband simply wouldn't pay any attention to the woman and would tell me about the situation immediately. He had a woman pursuing him at work one time, she was the daughter of his coworker. I guess she didn't care that he was married with two kids, or maybe she heard he was a great guy from her Mom and thought she could steal him away. Hell, I don't know, I was flattered by the fact that another woman found my man desireable. He simply ignored her and she went away. I never had to tell him what to do. We just don't do that kind of thing, it's wrong.

I think if your friend completely trusts her "completing" mate, then it doesn't really matter.

And if she doesn't completely trust him, then it doesn't really matter either, kwim?

You either have trust and commitment or you don't.
That's just my take on relationships, in general.
I know that I can trust my husband in ANY circumstance.

As to the "why" part--who knows? Maybe it's a "safe" relationship--it will only ever go so far, and the woman doesn't want a real commitment. Maybe it's low self esteem that makes women to after married men. I'm sure there are women that wreck homes just because they can.

Well Just M and Tracy K have already said the two points of views I was going to bring up. In addition, I am going to share a tidbit of a personal story. I too am a large woman, my man is a slender good looking guy and he has been in a rock band for most of our relationship - esp the start. I should have been insecure if he cared about that sort of thing, there were sexy bodies all over the place, one woman even kissed him after a show - he promptly set her straight. However her insecurities CAN change - she should not allow her size to determine her life/love/hapiness. She can take the time to figure out what she loves about herself and remember that she is gorgeous and her man seems to think so or she can do something about the weight - I have a feeling that once it does come off she will still be insecure.

Because they are already "trained".

I agree with Tracy. All the work is already done.