What Would You Do? - Plano,TX

If it feels that wrong to you, it probably is. I would insist he cut off all contact with her, and if he is unwilling it may say a lot about their relationship.

My butt would be going with him along with my daughter if I couldn't make arrangements for her to stay. I would want to speak with this woman face to face.

Sorry L.-but I wouldn't trust him here. "Track Wife"? Really??? Of course he has fooled around with her.

I would say to him tonight, even if it isn't true, "Hey, I was thinking about it and I am going to come to this race with you because it sounds like fun. I spoke with (whomever could possibly watch your daughter)and she has agreed to sit." I would just then wait and see what he does and how he handles it. you might have your answer right there. If all seems fine tall him later on that you have had second thoughts.

**EDIT: He TOLD you all of this, to gauge you. To see if you will put up with him having a 'Track Wife". He is, cunning.
He was not 'honest' about telling you all this. He had his own, motives. HIS motives.
Put it that way.
NO ONE, has to put up with it.
I, really doubt, he will change or give up, his Track-Wife.
----------------------------

Okay:

He is your Finance.
YOU have to decide, IF you still want him to be your Finance, or kick him to the curb.

You are not married to him yet.
But, if you do get married, THIS "Track Wife"... WILL NOT GO AWAY. Meaning, he will still have this lifestyle and whatever relationship, with her.

So, you will be marrying Him AND this woman. Because, she will ALWAYS be in his life. And who knows, what they actually do together.

My solution is this:
He should marry his Track-Wife.
Not you.
You should not marry him.

He seems, to value his Track-Wife... MORE than he values you and his Ex-Fiance.

He has, lots of secrets and to me... he is a jerk.

You either 'let' him have this Track-Wife and SHARE him... or you do not.

It is all about, what you will put up with or not.
And remember, you CANNOT change him. Because, he does not want to give up his 'Track-Wife."

This bodes, not well.
Know that.

I would, kick him to the curb.

your relationship with him, is full of lies. From him.
He is, having his cake and eating it too.

To me, this is CRYSTAL clear.

Think of yourself, and your Daughter.
That's it.

CHOOSE, wisely.
There are many other men. Who will value you, more.

*His Ex-Fiance and he, were probably like "room-mates" BECAUSE... his Ex did not like this Track-Wife and would not put up with it... and did not trust him. Thus, she was stand-offish toward him.
Duh.

There is a reason, his Ex-Fiance, is an Ex-Fiance.
She would not put up with his, Track-Wife and values and lifestyle.
Duh.

IF you marry him, you will be marrying his Track-Wife too.
And it will be an albatross around your neck.
Is this really, the kind of Man you want?
And this kind of relationship?
It really is all about him.
You will not, be able to make him dump his Track-Wife nor quit drag racing. The two, go hand in hand.

I think what people did in their past relationships, is very important. Not only can it show a pattern of actions, but it can also show a lack in character. I know you say you have a "have a strong, faithful and honest relationship," but how true is that REALLY...since you feel sick to your stomach. I'm not sure I would do anything just yet, if I were you. If I were in your place I would take this time away from him and do some serious soul searching, and ask yourself how faithful and honest his side of the relationship is. The truth hurts very badly sometimes, and hopefully your truth will be there is nothing to worry about. However, if you're left with this sick feeling for some time...I wonder how great and committed you really feel he is.

A very good, almost always correct rule of thumb is, If it feels wrong, it is wrong. We are given intuition for a reason. Don't settle for less then what you deserve. I doubt he is telling you the whole truth and instead told you parts...that made him seem not so bad. You probably know in your heart what has really gone on.

My hugest concern in this all is the fact that A - he lied/omitted things to his previous fiance, and B - that this girl has "hit on all of them.". It makes me wonder what stories he is telling her. With pictures and so on, maybe she doesn't know the whole truth either?

Either way, if he lied before there is no way to 100% know if he is lying again. You have a woman's instinct for a reason.

i'd be saying h**ll no you can't go unless i'm with you. i'd take my kids out of school for those days and let them get a little vacation. and if my fiance said he'd prefer for me not to come, i would know there was a reason.

There is nothing I hate more then when a husband/boyfriend admits to having no integrity in past relationships. AUGH!! Of course now you are questioning it and feeling sick over it. He lied to his ex finance BLATANTLY and you are wondering “why would it be any different with me?”

I don’t blame you at all.

You say you feel like you have a strong, faithful & honest relationship but I can tell from your post you are unsure now. If I was you I would talk to my husband about it and tell him how uncomfortable I am about the WHOLE situation. He needs to respect you first and foremost! I love the suggestion of telling him you are going after all and see what kind of reaction you get.

Go with your instincts!

Something you wrote in your last paragraph shocked me. You said you feel like you and your fiancee have a faithful and honest relationship. WOW! Do you really feel that way, or are you trying to kid yourself? I don't blame his ex-fiancee one bit for breaking up with him. He is a cheater and a liar and is most definately having sex with this other woman in the picture with whom he paid money to change her flight to sleep in his room (and he says he didn't have sex with her, yeah right)!

With all due respect, you are being very naive about your fiancee. Please open up your eyes and see what is really going on here. The best thing you can do for you and your daughter is to break up with him and move on w/ your life!! I hope he's not passing on any sexually transmitted diseases to you! I am sorry, but he is very bad news. You deserve so much better!

I'm way outvoted but I don't think it's that big a deal. I have many really good, old guy friends. LOTS of pictures look inappropriate or like there was something going on. And sometimes there was a little something back then (not full-on sex though) but it's completely done. And I didn't have the greatest track record with old relationships either but I was young. I grew up and got married. If he wanted to be with this woman and she him, his first fiance being out of the picture would have facilitated that. It didn't happen! Why would it now happen?... They had their chance - lots of them. I have a "work husband" and his wife calls me his "work wife". Nothing going on by mutual desire. You should see some pictures of him, another close girlfriend and I. They look very suggestive but we were just kidding around. Nothing ever happened between him and her either. I think I'd say before he left "don't go there bc if you do, I'm out of here. I have other options too." IMO, confidence is very attractive vs jealous and clingy and untrusting.

I would feel sick to my stomach as well. "Track wife?" It is too bad you cannot attend with him but on the other side of the coin, there is obviously a trust issue that you cannot deny and you cannot attend every function, just not practical. I firmly believe you and your fiance need to sit down and you need to air out all that this information has caused you to feel: jealousy, and insecurity. These two feelings do not make a strong, faithful, and honest relationship. Whether he has had ANY physical (sexual) contact with his "track wife" or not is not the issue. The temptation is flat out in his face and I don't care how much one loves another, it's harder to walk away from temptation knocking than to walk away. No, you shouldn't put this out of your mind. If you don't address A.S.A.P., this will create a continuous rift and your mind will constantly revert back to all the "what is he doing with this woman" kind of thoughts.

If it were me, I'd sit him down and tell him that I appreciate how forthcoming he was in sharing with me all that he has done for this woman...in the past. I'd tell him that since I am his fiance, soon to be wife, the term he has called her, "track wife," not only makes me feel uncomfortable but whatever interaction he had with her and may continue to have with her in the future makes me feel insecure and whatever "relationship" they have needs to end, that you are not okay with him inviting this woman into his room.

I'm bothered he didn't invite you, even if he knew you couldn't go.

I'm in the minority here, but I have a "work husband" who is just a good friend. We are both married, and wouldn't think twice about taking a picture while hugging. But nothing has ever happened between us (and wouldn't even if we were single.)

For the upcoming race, I would ask your fiance if he minds if you show up on the weekend. Tell him you aren't really comfortable with this woman either, and would like to meet her. You'll miss a few days of racing, but you can see how everyone interacts with this woman. Maybe she is just one of the guys. (This was me in school... none of the girlfriends liked me, but I hung out with mostly guys and nothing ever happened between us.) Or maybe there is something going on... but either way, then you'll know.

I would think he is lying. I would also not like to be in a relationship where I felt compelled to *babysit* a man in order to know what's going on!

He PAID the change fee so they could talk? Shop? Have dinner? Smells fishy to me.

But you know him best.

Well this is frustrating for you. I would agree to not let it go. You need to really have a heart to heart about this situation with him and explicitly explain your feelings on this "track wife" business. I do think that calling a person a "___ wife/husband" has sort of taken on a pop culture slang, so sometimes it really is just meant to be meaningless and funny BUT if you don't know this woman and have icky feelings about the situation in general, then do not ignore it. The thing that strikes me the most is that he paid for her to stay and stay in his room...um, red flag to me. I do agree with SH that these behaviors are unlikely to go away after you get married so straighten them out now and make sure they are to your liking.

If it makes you feel bad, then it is bad. It sounds bad from what I read and I don't know him from a random guy on the street. You have instincts for a reason and I guess him telling you is his way of making it ok for you but it's not ok. He's not going to tell you if he slept with this chick but if she knows he's got a woman, fiancee or whatever, she shouldn't be so close to him. That's disrespectful on both of their parts. You need to cut it off now or you will have issues in the future. Take it from someone who has had to deal with this nonsense before. It doesn't get better.

One thing I would wonder is "WHY" he told all these to you, before going to the race where she will be there? Cause if he didn't, you wouldn't know it. Doesn't sound like "just to have a conversation". Maybe he is trying to decrease the burden on his conscience by telling you the truth (at least partially)? So now you have some of the burden, and that's why you are feeling sick in your stomach?

I don't like that personally. My friend will call me his future wifey and he wants to screw me, I just say no. Who knows if he's the same way or not, not implying he is.. I'm just letting you know that usually (where I'm from anyways) that it means that he/she has feelings for the other one. It's not appropriate for a husband/wife to act... it's not like he's invited you to meet her or invited her to meet you, so to me it's pretty shady. How do you know he will tell YOU if she stays in his room? Liars are liars... most won't be suddenly honest with the next girl/wife.

Maybe his ex broke up with him because he wouldn't give his "track wife" up. I certainly would. There's something wrong with that situation. Like I said above, my friend (and I've had a couple who call me that) who calls me their wifey or future wife want to sleep with me, I am the one who says no.

It makes me think of the little black book movie with brittany murphy's boyfriends ex girlfriend that's like his best friend. Obviously to your knowledge, the "track wife" is not his ex but still. If he slept with her or anything I personally think he won't tell you just because then you wouldn't let him go see her and the drag race. I have a best guy friend that I've known for about 5 years and every time he gets a girlfriend I make damn sure I meet her and am friends with her so she doesn't think something is going on with me and him b/c nothing goes on b/w me and him. And I would NEVER sit on my friend's lap and I'm not a prude or anything so that sounds like something has gone on b/w them. Now I do have guy friends and every boyfriend I've had meets them and becomes friends with them. If a guy friend gets too flirty I tell him to back off and slowly just ignore him b/c that's disrespectful to me (it's like implying that he's so special that I'm gonna cheat for him).

What would I do: tell him if he wants to go see drag racing he needs to wait til I can go. If he holds resentment for that then I'd consider hiring a P.I. (which is a bit extreme) or just kicking him to the curb... something is shady about how he handles this "track wife" with his real girlfriends. And I've never had a boyfriend/fiance who cheated on his ex admit that she caught him cheating to me... (they did cheat on me too eventually, cheaters are cheaters, most of the time). My ex fiance was a HUGE cheater, lived a double life even, and he would tell me details about a girl who was just a "friend" to throw off suspicion of her and him screwing. Too many details is a red flag for cheating/having sex with someone.

I totally agree with S.H.

Go with your gut. Eithre get out there yourself, either as a surprise or staying in the shadows to see how things really are). If you make yourself present and if there is something going on, they of course will act differrently. Another choice is to ask a friend of your to go (that he wouldn't know of recognize) or like someone else said - hire a PI.
If it were me and if he's lieing to me now, there is no trust, no commement and the wedding is definately OFF!
Sorry, if i'm being to harsh but do you want to live the rest of your life with these uneasy feelings?

Some men are clueless about those things. My hubby had a co-worker that I was uncomfortable around - she seemed to have a thing for my husband. He thought it was fine for them to hand out together because he believed in FULL DISCLOSURE - ie - he told me everything she told him/did. I found it to make things worse but maybe your guy thinks by letting you in on the situation it should alleviate your worry. For the record - it didn't work with me - and this girl was a thorn in our side for almost a year before I got the balls to go and confront her at her workplace.
Good luck.

I would be be uneasy too. It sounds fishy to me for sure. I heard some things about my husband when we first started dating and I would feel soo sick. He basically cheated on every high school girlfriend and since we started dating right out of high school it bothered me soo bad. He however never cheated on me and is very faithful so while your man may have cheated on his ex it does not mean he is going to cheat on you. I think you are just mainly upset to find out he is capable of being a cheater and who wants to hear that. He shouldn't have told you about that story. Sometimes brutal honesty is just brutal.

In my opinion, there is likely nothing going on. Why else would he tell you all of this? He could have said nothing about the ticket change/sleeping in his room thing and you never would have found out. With that being said, I would NOT be okay with him hanging out with this girl and hanging all over this girl. That is not what a fiance/husband does. It is not appropriate behavior. And though you may trust your fiance, you should not trust HER. And it seems there will always be temptation there and that is not a good thing. He might not be a cheating type, but with temptation in his face and the fiance far away, who knows what could happen?

I would not feel comfortable with my husband going away for days at a time with a "track wife". And I can tell you that my husband would not want me to go away with a "track husband". When people decide to get married, their lives must change. That is what a marriage is - compromise. He should not be living life as though he were single and this is definately "single" behavior. Are you sure he is ready to settle down and be married? Not many women would put up with this - I certainly wouldn't. Are you prepared to deal with this uncertainty for the rest of your life?

I think your feelings are completely appropriate in this situation. What girlfriend/fiance/wife would feel comfortable with this????

Oh this can be easy.... find a sitter and invite yourself to go or pay for a private eye!

I would contact the exfiance just to prove he was cheating if I could not accept it. Anytime a woman and man share a hotel room, lines have been crossed. I would not continue this.