I know what ettiquette says: Invite your close girl-friends and family.
But OTHER ettiquette guidance says invite all the ladies who are invited to the wedding.
What did you do? I'm going through the list now and can't seem to settle on what to do!
Thanks!
It's a small-ish wedding. 100 people total.
There are several of the groom's family who are out of town...what to do about them?
YES, we did get married "months ago," but we didn't have any ceremony or attendees. I appreciate your opinion, but we have chosen to have our celebration at this time instead of back then because my MIL had JUST passed away, and I had also broken my back. If circumstances were less complicated, we'd have done it then....but we couldn't. At that time, we had found an amazing house and wanted to purchase it, but didn't want to be "living in sin," so we chose to meet with our pastor and tie the knot then and celebrate later.
It was too soon at that time to plan a wedding. Too soon since T's passing, and too soon since my injury.
Our friends and family are more than supportive of our decision to wait to celebrate.
I'm not throwing my own shower. I'm compiling the guest list, as requested by my Maid of Honor. She is throwing it. Of course I wouldn't throw my own shower!
ETA: I think some folks have a hard time just answering the question that was asked. I didn't ask if it was appropriate to HAVE the shower. There will be a shower. If you don't approve, that's fine. Don't come. The question I asked was: "Who do I invite?"
I had several showers but all the women invited to my wedding were invited to one or more showers, whether I knew they could attend or not (I had overseas friends and family but I think they appreciated getting an invite anyway). It saved me the stress that you are going through now. I had other things to focus on when planning my wedding.
I understand why you postponed everything, so much going on. This what I would do. I would NOT have a shower, but I would have a celebration of your marriage. .You will received gifts at that. Having the shower now is kinda asking for gifts, plus you do not throw your own shower. Sorry. good luck!
I would find it very strange being invited to a bridal shower of someone who is already married. Pass on the shower. Not appropriate. You are celebrating your marriage not having a wedding. You are already married.
I don't think you would invite everyone that you are inviting to the ceremony but you invite more than just your bridal party. You would invite close friends and family as well. Usually they say not to invite anyone that's not invited to the wedding. Unless it's a work shower then that is not the case either.
I think this is a very regional/cultural decision. And also a personal one.
I come from an area where big showers are the norm (basically, all the ladies invited to the wedding are invited). That said, I'm an introvert, and I did not want that so I had a small shower - about 15 people. I invited only local family and my closest friends. Plus my MIL to be of course, even though she was not local.
Do what makes you feel good. I would not invite the out of towners, unless you or your fiance are really close to them. Otherwise, it just looks like a gift grab.
Is this your shower for the bigger wedding celebration and you already got married months ago?
I don't mean this to be snarky, but my opinion is that if *I* had been married for 6 months AND was extending wedding invitations in the near future, I wouldn't be having a big shower--or a shower at all.
If your sister/friend/etc wants to do a very small personal shower, that would be awesome. I'm sure you're not planning your own shower, but to *me* it just seems odd that a shower would be held after a marriage.
My opinion.
Good luck whatever you decide!
I would be very surprised to be invited to a shower of someone who was already married. I don't think there is established etiquette guidance in this situation beyond showers are for people who are going to get married. I certainly would not expect anyone to buy me gifts for such a shower. The people I know who had a small private ceremony and had a party later had exactly that. A big inclusive no gifts sort of party.
I would just invite close friends/family. I wouldn't invite ALL of the women invited to the wedding. Now, Miss Manners may say that is not the proper etiquette, but I think that is how most people do it. At least all of the showers I've been to. Congrats on your upcoming wedding and on your marriage. Try not to let the mamas on here get you down. When I post a question, I expect to get about 50% snotty comments that don't pertain to my question. So judgemental! BUT I have gotten a lot of good advice on here too. You just gotta sort through all the snottiness to find it. LOL! Best of luck to you!
I have been to many showers, some quite large, but never did the bride invite everyone who was invited to the wedding.
I think the shower should be a more intimate, personal event. Just my opinion.
I think mostly it's just the female members of the wedding party, and maybe one or two more. That's how my wedding shower was. Of the four showers I've attended (including my own), three were just for the wedding party girls. One was a big party for a woman who had a tiny, intimate wedding -- she wanted a way to celebrate with a bigger number of friends. If it's so huge it's half the wedding guests-plus, that'll sort of steal fire from the wedding itself.
I think it depends on the size of your wedding. If it's a small wedding, invite everyone you're inviting to the ceremony. If it's a large wedding, invite close friends and family.
Family members and close friends only, or it just seems like a gift grab, to me.
Invite the groom's out-of-town family members, if the groom is very close with them, and if the bride also knows them. They can always order online from the registry, and some of them might even end up showing up.
