Bridal Shower Maddness

I, too, think it's in bad taste. At MOST she should have received a small personal shower at someone's home with her close friends and relatives.

Agree. And I think asking for gift cards in almost any circumstances is tacky. Why not skip the part where the giver has to go to a store to buy the card and just ask for cold, hard cash?...

I personally think bridal showers are for those that don't live together until they are married.

My wife and I simply give cards to those that live together first. (Yes, there are still lots of those that don't live together until they are married.. You usually find them in churches.)

Good luck to you and yours.

Yep...While some of the other feedback you'll receive will applaud her for it...I have to say given her history it is very innapropriate and greedy to have a shower. She's already been playing house and this is a bit much......Presumptuous and greedy. Make sure both gifts are modest in expense. Tasteful and useful but don't break you bank.

I'm getting married next month. I had no intentions of having a shower (my mom is throwing my a surprise one this Sunday, LOL)... but being as we've lived together for 4 years, I KNOW we really don't need anything. There are like 6 or 7 things on there, and I mentioned grocery store gift cards. Me personally, I think it's rude and selfish to ask for things for yourself that you don't really need and yes, takes away from traditional bridal showers. I understand your point. My fiance has been married once before; I have not, so certain little things are important to me, and aren't as important to him. I think it's a bit rude to go all out in your friends case. Since you're friends, buy one gift and leave it at that, something specific to the two of them, like engraved champagne flutes or something... but don't go emptying your wallet over stuff she wants, not needs.

I see your point and I agree that the bridal shower it to be for things the bride herself needs and to just celebrate the next step in her life. Often gifts that I have seen given are intimate wear type things. I would suggest a nice gift that would be well appreciated would be His/Her massage -- this is something that you may want to have a few people "chip in" on. I would LOVE that as a gift for after the wedding personally.

Hi
I agree with you and several of the other responders. It does seem awkward and inappropriate that the bride seems to be asking for gifts. I still think good old fashioned manners are good and reliable. Showers are generally for gift giving, but the recipient should never ask directly for gifts as that is in bad taste. Gift giving is always optional although often expected. Ideally, the invitee would need to ask where a couple is registered rather than seeing it printed in the invitation and the shower host should not be the bride or her very closest family members. The one that always gets me is when couples print where they are registered or ask for money directly on the invitation-- and, yes, I have seen it done plenty of times (even one of my cousins did this when it was second marriages for both). If I might make a suggestion, don't go to the shower, but do attend the wedding if it feels right to you. I would maybe get them something tasteful and personal that they could use, but not necessarily something of great cost. I would try to be as happy as I could be for them and give them tender heartfelt best wishes on the wedding card.---- I would not write this part on the card, but I might secretly wish that they find more meaning in their lives than in money and gifts because true happiness is found in our relationships.

I usually avoid these like the plague. Hmmm. Hadn't thought about the 2 gifts angle before. I've only been to one, for BIL's fiance. So, I did give them two gifts. I didn't have one when I got married simply because I could not stomach the idea of a party for the expressed purpose of asking people for gifts. The trend these days seems to be if you're invited to the wedding, you get invited to the bridal shower, even if you only know the groom. The bachelorette party is for the bride and her close friends to party 'til you drop. And the attendees brings personal gifts for the bride for the wedding night.

Bridal showers are traditional.
The new, "go out and drink until you fall over", shower is new.
I prefer the older traditions.
And, yes, if you go to the shower you must bring a gift.
If you attend the wedding, you must bring a gift.
But, it is your choice to go or not. If you decide to go, please go graciously and help your *friend* celebrate this new chapter in her life. If you cannot go without feeling "miffed" then politely decline.

God Bless

Bridal showers are for stuff for the bride (nighties, lotions, manicures, etc.) and wedding gifts are for the couple...in my opinion.

I would get her a gift card for a salon or lotions of her fragrance.

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I will be getting married in October. We have lived together for 5 years, and have 2 kids. My bridal shower will be for all the ladies who are attneding the wedding, mostly my older aunts and grandmothers, etc. My mother is throwing the shoer for me, since this is really the only thing she will be doing for my wedding. She is very excited to throw it, so I am happy to let her do so! I have requested on the invitations for NO gifts, I just want to celebrate with the ladies.

My bridesmaids are throwing me a bachelorette party, to go out on the town with my girls and have a good time. Also, NO gifts. As I am having a destination wedding, a lot of my friends will not be able to make it, so this is our time to have fun and celebrate my coming wedding.

I think as long as your friend doesnt expect gifts, it shoudlnt be a big deal. Its just a nice way for her to celebrate her impending marriage :)
I will also be having a bachelorett

I am pretty sure etiquette is that you only have to buy the couple one gift either shower or wedding but both is not required. Most people who are close friends and/or family will usually buy both but it is not required by proper etiquette.

So I say get her one gift and either give it at the shower or at the wedding which ever you feel more comfortable...

Back when I got married my mom's best friend threw me a Bridal Shower. Gifts were given, but they were little things for just me as a new wife-to-be. So some of the things were for "closed doors only". :-) However, the only "required" gift was that everyone bring their favorite spice, so I'd have a cupboard full of spices whenever some recipe called for it. This was a fairly traditional situation though and neither of us had been married before (and we didn't live together before we were married). This situation you're explaining seems kind of tacky even though it doesn't sound like she meant it to be that way? However, I would never ask for gifts or list registry information on a bridal shower invite. That's ridiculous.

However, going through the wedding process and NOT listing the registry info on the actual wedding invitation, I received so many phone calls about where I was registered, that I'd tell anyone to list it on the invite just to avoid getting 50 phone calls in one day asking "Where are you registered?". I don't think that is inapproriate at all, it's simply proactive. People don't have to shop at those places for a wedding gift, but since most people bring a gift anyway, it makes sense to me to have the information available on the wedding invite.

Yes, it appears that the new norm is having a bridal shower where EVERY female invited to the wedding is invited to the shower. Sometimes the shower is just as elaborate as the wedding. I get the feeling that no one knows what the original purpose behind the bridal shower tradition is.

I'm not excited about the trend, but I've learned to make peace with it. I tend to spend a nominal amount on the bridal shower (or heaven forbid a couple's shower) gift, and then spend more on the wedding gift. I usually don't spend more on both gifts combined than I would if I had only bought one gift for the wedding.

I would wonder is she throwing this shower or is someone else throwing it? Why I asked is that I am getting married in July, second marriage for both of us. Now if one of my friends or family members was to throw me a shower I would try to dissuade them but if they insist I would request the same thing she did.

See, yes, Troy and I combined two houses. I need a mixer like I need a hole in my head. We both have exact taste in kitchen appliances so we have a back up. When you look around my house we have the curtains I picked out, the bedding I picked out, more of my furniture than his since we are finishing the basement which is where most of his furniture will go.

What we don't have is our stuff. If I had to have a shower I would be so happy to have gift cards that Troy and I could go to the store and buy different bedding, different curtains, anything that would make this more our house and less my house with his stuff stuck here and there.

I don't believe in showers for second marriages but then again I don't believe in gifts for the wedding either. Still if either is forced on me I would prefer gift cards since the idea of a marriage is the merging of the two people into one.