Who Pays? - Wellsville,KS

Part of whether or not we agree to invitations is whether or not we can afford to pay. So we only say yes, if we can pay. Same token, we only invite others if it's free (aka we have a free pass), or we know they have a membership or if WE can pay. ((I know double standard)). Which we let them know ahead of time. The "hey, we have a free pass to the zoo... kiddo would like to know if "johnny" could come?

When my daughter wants one of her friends to tag along where we are going, if I can't afford to pay her way, I'll just tell her , so and so can come if her mom gives her money... or if she pays for herself. I sound like the cheapo right now, lol. But I can't afford to pay for my daughters friends when they come along. On the rare occasion I DO pay ... I make that clear as well. I think the parents should always offer to pay for their own child. Regardless of who did the asking.

I would always offer...it's hard to know how others feel about it. When I was a kid (12 or so) I would go stay with my aunt, uncle, and cousins for a few days every summer. My mom would ALWAYS send me with my own money. My aunt and uncle NEVER asked for it or let me use it, but I had it if necessary.

the kid who is invited does NOT pay.
the people who are babysitting your children do not want to sit around the entire weekend so are planning to make it fun for children, or at least take children out of the home for a while. this will cost THE MOTHER money.
they didn't have to ask because they didn't expect you're expecting them to do nothing the entire weekend.

It depends and I don't think it's always expected if you do the inviting that you must always pay. Just make sure the finanacial expectations are clear and precise from the beginning and there is never a problem. Sometimes it's our treat and sometimes it's not, situations vary. I've never given it a second thought if mine were invited somewhere and they were asked to provide their own money. You never really know someones financial situation and maybe they would love for your child to come along and spend the time with their child and just can't afford it. When mine are invited somewhere, their treat or not, I always give my child enough money to cover everything even if we were told 'their treat'.

I wouldn't have a problem with them telling me to provide money for some activites they wanted to do with my kids. I have several friends and family members that couldn't sit still and stay at home if they had to. Maybe they are on the go people and just because they are watching yours kids didn't want to be saddled at home.

They are taking care of your children. If they have children of their own and want to take them on THIS say to a "waterpark" for instance, why should her children have to forego a trip because she is doing you a favor??

Now if it's a matter of economics (you can't afford said waterpark; used only as an example) then you may want to ask her to please postpone said trip because at this time you are unable to afford such a trip.

Even in a day care they ask that you pay $5 for that trip to the museum, etc.

Also, I do not allow my kids to take their friends anywhere without the knowledge that I will be paying. In saying that, if I cannot afford to pay for their friends, I politely and tactfully tell my children, your friends can come but they will have to pay because I cannot at this time.

I am a firm believer in open and honest communication with EVERYONE. If I'm broke...I tell them. If I am offended, I tell them. If I have a question I ask it without assuming.

Makes for a light and drama free day.

Sending good thoughts your way.

Maybe they were planning on going somewhere and decided they could take the kids with them, but don't have enough money.

As far as the taking friends anywhere, if I invite the child, I pay for them... If my child asks me if someone can go, I tell them yes but they need to get an okay from there parents and pay for themselves. I would just be glad your kids aren't going to be sitting around doing nothing the whole time, and that these peope think your children are well bahved enough that they will take the somewhere. I know some of my daughters friends are welcome at my home, but I would never take them in public with me due to behavior issues and or lack of respect for people.

As far as the paying goes...
Another thing I have done is tell the parents I will pay for admission, if they can send along money for food, games, souvenirs, etc. Inviting is one thing, but you should not have to supply them with everything while they are with you, and yes, most parents ask how much money they should send with their child.

Hi E.,
My thoughts are this:
1. If my child is invited to go somewhere that costs money, I will offer to pay (probably insist on it). If we invite someone else, we expect to pay for them. If their parents offer or actually do pay, great. If not, no biggie. We count that cost before inviting.
2. Bring the money. Don't squabble over it. It sounds like they are wanting to do something fun with your kids. It will help pass the time while you are gone. Unless you have specific guidelines on what you won't let them do, then go with the flow. And be thankful. :)

If my child is asked to go somewhere with a buddy, I give money to the parents. Some decline, others accept it. If I ask a buddy to go somewhere with my son, I usually say if it's "our treat" if it is. I took my son and his buddy to the pool last week and although he brought $10, I paid for him, his lunch and gave him a few dollars for the arcade. he wanted a pair of $5 swim goggles and I let him use his money for that.
As for the relatives, since they specifically asked for you to provide money, I would send money, even if it's not the whole, specific amount they asked for. Are you paying them to watch the kids? That's a little weird. I guess it depends on where they are taking them--McDonalds? A water park for the day? Paris? lol
If I was watching my little nephew for the weekend I wouldn't expect his mom to bring me any money or food--except special foods if he is picky.

For the first question, you pay. Even though your child was invited does not mean the parents have to pay for your child.

Second question, I think you are overreacting a lot. Just send the money and let the kids have a good time.

You can't expect people to pay for your kids every time. I am a mom of 3 kids and I know how hard money is to come by to pay for someone's child other than my own.

I think that if these people are willing to allow your children to share their lives for the week end, at your request, you really shouldn't even be offended that they didn't ask you about taking them somewhere. You asked them to watch your children. You didn't ask them to sacrifice a week end and sit at home all that time. I think it is wonderful that they want to include your kids in fun
field trips", and show them a good time. Be thankful and don't look for problems where there aren't any. You apparently have a good deal here !

P.S. The harder and more complicated you make it for them to watch your kids, the less likely they will be "available" the next time you ask.

For the first question, I'd always offer if I was the one accepting the invitation. But, if I was the one offering the invitation, I'd expect to incur the costs of the trip (why extend an invitation otherwise?). I'd probably not accept an offer to pay (for something like an amusement park), but it would be nice if the child brought some spending cash for things they'd like to get while there as well.

As far as the second one, that's tough. They're doing you a favor, but it does seem odd that they're taking the kids places without asking first and then asking to be reimbursed.

Before I had my own kids, I spent tons of money on my niece and nephews. My sister has gotten my kids 2 or 3 gifts total since I had them. I used to babysit all the time, used to make sure they had something each birthday, Christmas, etc. We got some expensive gifts (such as an iPod one year). Not that it's expected, it's just interesting how money can complicate things so much - especially when children are involved.

When we invite a child to go with us somewhere, we pay. If my kids go with someone, we offer to send money and usually it is declined.

If you asked this family to watch your kids and they already had plans, I can understand them wanting to still do those activities. And also, staying inside at home with small kids for 2 straight days is not always easy, so maybe they want to break up thier time. If they are asking, they must need the money to be able to participate in whatever they are doing, so I would send it and be happy the kids have a place to stay while you need it, and some fun activities to do!

If you cannot affford to send money with them, simply tell them that you cannot afford extra activity money right now and see what their response is.

Well I can at least answer the first question...whenever I got invited to a movie, etc by childhood friends, my mom would give me a few dollars to offer to pay for my ticket & then let the adults decide whether to accept or decline. To me, that's just good manners & being polite & not appearing to 'mooch' or not appear to appreciate being asked. As far as the second question, if we were guests at someone's home & they wanted to take us out, they usually paid for it. Now, if budget is concerned for your releative, if it were me, I would've said something a bit different like "I hate to ask but we really would like to take the kids to so & so, would you be able to help out w/that money-wise?" rather than just saying 'this is what we're doing, bring money or they can't go' type of attitude. I think it'd be different if you asked them "hey could you take the kids to so & so, they really wanna go" then that obligates or makes the other party feel obligated to pay when that is your responsilbility but in my opinion, if it's their idea, they should pay or at least broach the subject abt you helping to pay nicer than you stated they had. Hope this helps, good luck!

Regarding your first question ... when I was a child I had a friend who would invite me places. Disneyland comes to mind one year. Our family lived on just my dad's income and he was a teacher. So we definitely had lean childhood years. Anyway, the friend would never make clear -- or her parents wouldn't -- who was paying. Whether they were inviting me and paying for me, or if my parents were expected to pay. It was excruciatingly embarassing for me because I knew that my parents couldn't afford it and it was always left up to me to ask my friend if it was their "treat" or not. (I don't know why my mother didn't follow up w/ the other mother, but whatever). So I would say that if you invite a child to go somewhere with your family, please do pick up the tab.

Regarding the family member, if they no longer have young children for your children to hang out with, I'm sure they want to plan some sort of activity that your kids will enjoy -- instead of just sitting around the house. However, I would have proposed some plans and discussed with you beforehand. The "who pays" part is not cut and dry, really, and is definitely up for discussion amongst all the parents.

perfect timing: my son is spending the week with friends across state. I sent his fav snacks (he's in braces, so can't eat most typical teen snacks), 2 cases of drinks (G2 & juice), & a few other food items. I also sent some $ in his wallet for his discretion....basically his allowance . AND I sent a copy of our insurance card, all of our personal info, & a permission slip to seek treatment.....AND for the parents I also sent $30 to help cover activities.

When he is picked up this weekend, I will probably have a gift basket or gift card for the family. Depends on how many more activities they do this week! AND that would be just my personal "thank you" to the Mom for being soooo brave this week......she has my son & niece - in addition to her two teens!

& as for day trips with my son's friends, each family covers the admission cost for their own children....pays for their own food. We cover the cost of most special treats & that's it.....since we're providing the means to/from the event & all misc expenses.

When you invite someone, you pay. etiquette 101. Second, this is a family member. WOW> they could have chosen a free place to take the kids, parks, trails, etc.... But they chose a paying place. I would have sent money just cuz but in my opinion they should pay. Their idea. Now just recently I asked my niece to take my kids to a carnival so I paid. So they dont have to spend money. The chose to. hope this helps

I think it depends on the people. When I was a kid, I was always given money to pay for my own way and anything else I might need. Lots of times the parents of my friends paid for my admission (like if we were going to the zoo or the movies) but I paid for anything extra. If my kids are invited anywhere, I always give the person taking them money. Granted, my kids are only 3 and almost 1, but I think it's the polite thing to do.

Now, if I'm watching someone's children, I would ok it with the parents before I demanded money. I would say "Hey! I'd like to take your child to the zoo..would that be ok? It's only XYZ to get it." If the parent sent money great, but since it's MY idea, I would expect to pay.

If I invite someone I feel I should pay, even if they offer. If someone is taking my child, I offer to pay, but they usually pick up the tab. I think it is just polite to offer and it all works out in the end because you will probably invite that child to do things with your child later on or vice versa. (I have 3 children - 16, 19 and 22. The 16 yr old is the only one left at home and it still works that way with our friends and family.)

second question - I have run into this time and again as my children were growing up. Personally I feel if they want to take your child(ren) somewhere then they are also offering to pay.
If you requested they take your child(ren) somewhere, then of course you would pay just as if you requested to take their child(ren) somewhere, you would be expected to pay.
Hope my thoughts help some.

If you invite another child, and you don't want to pay, make sure that you state up front, we are going to go here, if you can afford it, you're child is welcome to go with us..............might word it a little nicer, but that is what I would do.......I never expected the other person to pay..........I assumed it was an offer and that their child would like to have my child for company............So, yes, I would ask what it would cost and then make a decision if you can afford for you child to go.......

As for the family member..........if you trust them to watch your kids, then I would expect that they would want to do more than just have them sit around the house......now with that said, are they asking for you to pay for them to get into the places, or just give the kids a bit of spending money for them to have if they want to buy something while they are out? There is a difference............of course, if they want to take them places, then they should probably also pay for something for them.............if they are out and need to eat, are they going to use the money you sent, or all they all going out to eat? Understand...........since they are your kids, I would ask where they are wanting to take the kids and what they are going to need to the money for............so you know how much to give or veto the place they want to take them...........

Good Luck and have a great childless weekend!

Question 1. If we ever invite anyone anywhere we pay. This includes airfare, hotel and dining when we take a friend along on vacation with us. On 2 occasions, the invited friend's parents preferred to pay for the airfare, on another occasion, the parents gave us a gift card for dinner one night, and the parents usually send the child with some spending money for treats. Vacations aside, we always pay for the person invited.

If our daughter is invited, we always offer to pay for her and we make sure she has enough money to cover herself if needed. MOST of the time, the other parents cover her but there is 1 that will divide a restaurant bill and have her contribute. The 1 parent that divides a bill and gets money from daughter is the 1 who never even offers to send money with her child when we have funded 6 Flags, movies, dinners, etc. That's ok, we know it is just how that mom is..moocher.

Question 2. I would at least send money to cover for any park admissions or treats for your children. The family is nice enough to be watching them.

Just to give you a comparison... I do 24/7 childcare and I am paid for what I do. Most of the time I take the children all kinds of places and I pay for it out of the money they already giving me which lowers my profit margin. But I figure it's my choice and this way I am in the drivers seat.

However, from time to time I have a parent that inists on helping with some big thing I have planned. Or I'll have some kids that don't normally come or I'll keep some extras on a holiday. These parents just about always give me extra money for whatever we end up doing that weekend.

I wouldn't complain if I were you because it doesn't sound like you are paying them for their time.

I think that who ever invite is expected to pay unless told different. One day I invite the girls in my block to the movies (the parents send them with money but it was my treat) the I saw my boy neighborn looking how we all were getting ready and I felt bad for him (he was the only boy in the block) but couldn't add more $ to my tab, so I went to the parents and I told the true, I wanted him to come but I couldn't afford it.
They ask him if he wanted to pay he can use his allowance and he accept.
Btw, this was the same family that took my kids in a emergency, and never ask nothing in return. I wish I could bring time back and have take their boy to the movies as my treat : (
About your family, my family know I am in some difficult time and they would not ask me for money to take my kids out, but when we were in our good days I wouldn't have mind. If for some reason I couldn't be with my kids and I would need help from my family, I would wish my kids have lots of fun so I could feel more relax for let them.
It sounds that is not the money what bother you about your family, it sounds that is the fact that they didn't ask you first and assume you would be ok with it.
I wouldn't make a big deal, they love my kids, they want them to have fun, if I can afford it I will send the money if not I will let them know.
You are blessed to have good family close.

My opinion is that who ever does the invite should pay, we always do. However, when my children are invited I expect the inviting party to pay, but with the economy, I always ask if my children will need money.

As far as relative keeping your children and asking for money...this is a tough one. Usually when a relative keeps my children, they pay for whatever it is that they are doing. But, I have had friends keep my children and I send money for them...food, activities, snacks...

Well, typically the person inviting does the paying, but it's always nice to offer to pay for your child.

Second situation -it depends on where they're taking them in regards to their usual weekend plans. If they just want to take your kids somewhere where they don't have to take them or their kids aren't going, then it's rather rude to ask you to pony up the money -ALTHOUGH -when leaving your kids for the weekend, you should send $100 or so along for whatever they may need. The people keeping your kids may not want to be stuck in the house with them all weekend. They should have discussed it more in depth with you though before deciding on a plan and then saying, "Bring money."

When my family invited anyone for a day trip or whatever that would cost money (other family or friend), my family paid. There's no inviting someone and then telling them they have to pony up money that wasn't accounted for in the budget... They should have in the very least talked to you before they made plans to take YOUR kids places that cost money if they expected you to pay for them to go.