Hi Moms,
I've been trying to search the archives & will be heading to the library to get some books, but wanted to get your opinion on WHINING... Does it *ever* stop and how to nip it. I think we as Moms, tolerate the whining better - but it is like fingernails on a chalkboard to my DH. So I thought I'd get feedback on how to decrease it -and one day, end it ;o). I "expect" some of this from my 3-yr old, but was hoping my 5-yr with the start of school & being a big-boy would see this decrease as the summer progressed.
The kids' whining occurs for requests for items (food, toys, etc), with other siblings when complaining about their actions or that so&so took a toy, and even when my DH & I have just said "yes, we'll do/get/go somewhere..." it still continues and I just told them we'd do it.
My DH and I are very careful to never use "promise" unless it is something we will 100% follow-thru with and have consequences (mostly time out, but are starting to take away item or with-hold positive reinforcement) for actions chosen.. I'm sure some of this is because of age, but tell me there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I look forward to reading mommy advice & tricks from the experienced. ;o)
Thanks in advance!
The one thing that usually works on my 3.5 year old daughter is to say nonchallantly "I can't understand you when you whine like that, if you would like to speak with a proper voice I will be able to hear you". If it continues I simply ignore her and walk away.....this actually seems to work ;o) Good luck!
I had a series of books called "Help Me Be Good" which was illustrated and written so that a youngster could understand. They came with whining, lying, disobeying, sharing, and a few more. I got them on some mail order thing. PM me if you want and I will get the details. You can find them at the library as well. Davis Library has them in the children's section.
My dd is 13 now and I got those books when she was around 2.
We also used to sing a song everytime she would whine....."Wendy Whiner go away come again another day". She HATED that. We continued it every time she would whine and it did not take too long of being consistant with it until I just called her Wendy and she stopped.
I did the same thing when whe was bossy. "Bossy Betty go away, come again another day".
It was a "code" in our house and to this day she responds if we say Wendy or Betty.
Good Luck..they grow up too fast!
I'd love to hear input about this for 18 month olds. My guy is relatively verbal, but he is whining a bit more now. I think it's cause he actually knows what he wants know and isn't sure he's going to get it.
Any input on that, or just follow the advice for older kids?
Thanks for bringing this up, D. - very topical :)
I used books called "To Train up a child" by Mike and Debi Pearl and can be found on their website at www.nogreaterjoy.com. I don't use all they advocate but use it as a guide for me. They actually deal with forms of child behaviour from the perspective of disobeince to what the parent said and giving parents the words and actions needed to allow the child to obey the parents on any issue. I used them and still refer to them when I need a boost and to re-affirm myself as a mom in the discipline role. It is an annoying behaviour and one that others don't like as well, not just your husband.
When mine whine, It is an automatic no with whatever they asked. If they persist then I discipline them. The understand that they have to obey me and to argue and whine is disrespectful to me and I don't tolerate it. It is also unbecoming and poor manners. Whining teaches them to beg for things instead of simply asking, accepting the answer and being respectful, with whatever the answer is. I would also suggest that if they are whining than it works for them or they would not use it as a means of getting what they want. It is a bad habit that needs to be taken care of now to keep them from being defiant to you on other issues. Because basically they are being defiant. And it is your job as Mom to teach them differently.
Good luck,
L.
