Where Has My Sweet Daughter Gone???

Yep, normal. From a teacher and a mommy to a 2 1/2 year old. They are in a transition from baby to an independent person. They want it, but they are freaked out by it at the same time. Just be patient with her...I'm working on being patient with me. Be consistent, try to follow her lead, call her bluffs if necessary. It will all work itself out in time. Good luck!!!!

My son is 31 months old and if what you described isn't normal, then I'm in trouble, too! I do think it's all normal. It is so shocking, isn't it - this barbaric behavior.

The one thing you said that I don't relate to is the not wanting to go somewhere. My son always wants to go - no matter where it is - so I don't know if your daughter NOT wanting to go anywhere or not is normal. I guess it would depend on the reason she doesn't want to go - maybe it's just she doesn't like her car seat or something simple like that. Try asking her.

You say you have an 8 month old, too. I don't have any other children, so I may be off-base, but maybe she is just seeking the attention. With 2 small kids, I imagine your day is BEYOND busy - and just by nature of his being 8 months, your son is going to require more time and attention. So maybe figure out a way to focus on her, and her alone, for set periods of time. With my friends with kids close in age like this, this seemed to be what worked for them to help the older child from acting out so much.

But as for just tantrums in general - yes - they are violent, long, exhausting, overwhelming, shocking, but completely normal. I am sure there are some circumstances when they would not be considered normal, but from what you described, those sound normal to me (but I'm not a doctor and only have one child, so what do I know???). If she is truly NEVER happy (as opposed to just having grumpy days often, and lots of tantrums), if her entire day is difficult with no "happy" times, then you might consider taking her in just in case. My son is so moody, but he does laugh and play, too. If your daughter doesn't do that, then maybe she's not feeling well - she may not have the words to tell you - it could be a tooth, an earache, the heat in general, etc.

As for eating only meat, yep, normal, too. If she is truly not eating anything else, you might consider a multivitamin or something to make sure she's getting nutrients. Food issues are rarely about the food - they are usually about control.

Good luck!

While it is VERY likely that this is all normal. I have to chime in and say that my son did much of this same behavior when he was exposed to foods he was allergic too.

I didn't make the association that it was the food, I just thought he had his meltdowns/tantrums (and I mean tantrums, once I even recorded it for my husband so he would believe how loud and violent it was). It turns out that some people, when exposed to food they're seriously allergic to, have a horrible sense of fear and doom -- like they're going to die, and a 2-3 yr old doesn't have a clue how to express or communicate that.

I would simply suggest keeping journal (even a grocery list on the fridge) to see if there's any pattern to the timing of the behaviors. Even if it's not food related, the timing may tell you something and give you a clue about how to minimize.

FWIW, Best of luck!!
L.

Put yourself in her shoes for a minute....trying to get what you want but not being able to communicate it. Plus there's very few people that are in good moods all the time (including adults) so she's just showing emotions that we all deal with on a daily basis.

As long as you don't cave in every time she has a tantrum, then things will pass. I didn't have to deal with tantrums with my boys, but my little girl started them at around 2 (she's 3 now). With time and patients they passed.

Hang in there, and remember if you have to cool down yourself just leave the room for a sec or try the 10 count. We all need the down time! :)

C.

Y.,

Some of these are normal, but it looks like you are getting a cry for needing attention. I think your statement at the bottom says it all...mom to 29 month old AND 8 month old boy. Toddlers developmentally go through a very selfish stage. They really don't think or understand that other people exist (developmental psych). Your daughter is probably just reacting to all of the attention the 8 month old has taken from her and is trying to get it back. They usually don't come out of this "me" stage until about four years of age...but can take longer. I would suggest going to half priced books or a local college book store and reading some things on developmental psych for toddlers and young children. I think it will really help! I hope this helps a bit and good luck!

The Love and Logic is a good idea. You might consider having and ECI program do an evaluation and see if there is anything they can help you with. You can call 1-800-628-5115 to find a program in your area.

I will agree with the others that have mentioned food issues; while it's possible that this is just part of her toddlerhood, some of these behaviors do seem a little extreme, even for a spirited child. It's not just food allergies that can be an issue - a lot of children do not react well to food dyes, particularly Red #40. You might keep a little food diary of what she eats each day and make notes about her behavior at various times during the day and see if you notice any patterns.

Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka is an excellent resource. I would highly recommend checking it out.

Although some of this, I think, is normal, I don't think much of it is. (Please don't let that bother you, I just mean that it sounds like there is something upseting her that needs to be figured out.) It sounds like there is something within her world she doesn't know how to cope with. It's probably just the sibling issue or something along those lines, but figuring out what it is may be the hardest part.

I totally commend you for staying at home with your children. How fortunate! However, you might consider a parent's day out program for maybe a couple of days a week for your son, so that you could spend some alone time with your daughter? Maybe through some observational alone time together, it would become more apparent. She could decompress a bit with just you around.

I'm certainly no expert, just my initial impression, but I hope it helped in some way.

L.

Ohhhhh, I'm with you on that one Y.! I, too, have a 30-month-old daughter and she began getting worse about 6 months ago. I was directed to a method of parenting called LOVE & LOGIC which has, so far, been helpful. But depending on my patience at the time, I may or may not be able to follow it. I will be curious to hear what other moms say. I'm a single mother now and it makes it twice as difficult with no father to reinforce my discipline. It's enough to drive you nuts!

I'll read what others post later on. If you have more questions, let me know!

Blessings, S.

My cousin starting acting somewhat like your daughter around 2 years old. She got extremely violent and very destructive toward herself and others. It was VERY bad. It turned out she was allergic to corn. Apparently this type of behavior is common with corn (maybe even other food) allergies.

I would have her checked out to make sure she hasn't developed an allergy to a food she is eating.

I have a two & four year old. Four year olds can be just as worse! Life is crazy during these years!

I thought it was interesting about how your daughter scratches her rear. Mine use too! She would scratch along her diaper line until it bled. She use to be very clingy & the Dr. said it was one of her ways to distract herself from other people - by scratching. She'll be 3 in Nov. & she's getting more outgoing with other people & I rarely see scratch marks anymore.

My girls are 22 months old & I'm just wondering if your daughter is doing this to get more attention from you (because of her brother). I use to read to my oldest while feeding her sister. Rather than cleaning house I would spend more time playing with her when her sister was sleeping. I noticed the tantrums decreased when I spent more time with my once 2 yr. old.

I agree with much of what these other moms have said. I heard a child psychologist once say that when toddlers behave this way they are not doing it to get back at you or to be mean and hateful. Everything they do is in order to get love (attention). Acting out in the way you describe is her way of saying, "I have a whole lot of new feelings/emotions that I don't understand and don't know what to do with them". In addition to some of the other wonderful advice you've received here, try "labeling" her emotions for her as you see her experience them..."I can see that you're sad, mad, angry, hurt, upset, frustrated, tired, etc." Then show her positive ways to express those feelings like stomping her foot when she's mad. It is never recommended to have them hit something like a pillow because we don't want them to think that hands are for hitting. This is usually the age when children begin to act out physically by biting, kicking, screaming, throwing things, and yes, even slapping mom in the face as my now 4 year old did when she was 2. If after trying this for awhile you find that she is still causing physical harm to herself by scratching, or becomes violent toward others, I would suggest a family or child counselor. Is there anything else going on at home or in the family that is different or worrisome? My best advice is to hang in there, because it will get better.

My daughter is 29 months and is starting to turn into a turbo-tot! She's hitting, pointing her finger, scratching, crying, throwing tantrums, taking her diaper off (ugh!) and more!
That said, I have food sensitivities. Some pretty severe. It's really pretty frustrating for me and my husband. (He has his own opinions about it and they have nothing to do with allergies, which is REALLY frustrating and always a topic for a fight). Allergies are heriditary (I have no idea how to spell that!). If you or the baby's dad experience symptoms, you can bet she's probably having them too. Look for it.
Some things to look for:
Shiners (dark circles beneath the eyes), puffy eyes, narcolepsy, weird rashes, moodiness, or hyper-activity.
If you suspect she's got food sensitivies, take her in and get her tested.

I feel for you. I can only speak of my daughter and my experiences with her (she just turned 4 last month). She too can have terrible fits and she will be in her room kicking her furniture, opening and slamming her door, thrashing around on the floor, etc. (oh, and she only does it this bad when daddy is at work). I will say that she is happy most of the time but during the week when she comes home from "school", if she's tired and doesn't get her way - watch OUT! We have had WWIII on more than one occasion. Oh, and she's only been in time-out at school twice - in TWO years (and her teacher doesn't put up with anything so it's like she's a true angel for her). We haven't had the eating issues, or not wanting to go anywhere - although she doesn't want to go to gymnastics or dance but when she gets there has a blast.

I have learned from my own mistakes. Rather than try to punish her immediately and get into a fight with her (which I've done and it only drags it out longer), I just ignore her and then tell her she can go to her room to throw her fit. Then if she starts hurting the furniture/house - she gets the next step of trouble which normally is me coming in there and warning her that if she does this again she will get a spanking and lose TV the rest of the night (which is only like 15 mins but a big deal in her life). I then tell her how it makes me feel and I make her apologize - by this time she's calmed down and cries because she feels terrible for her behavior. I also ask her if this is the way to act and she says "no".

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, and with a little one watching as you have to put up with it. I would also talk to the pediatrician. That's what they are there for.

Good luck.