When to Let Grandma Take the Kids....

Hi J.,

I also don't have multiples, but I was thinking maybe if you went with her on an outing and just kind of sat back to see how she handled it and then you would be there if she did need that extra set of hands, and then you would feel more comfortable letting her go next time.
I also agree with Carrie on never losing the what if feeling. My daughter is 10 and I just picked her up from having her gone all weekend with her aunt and they drove out of state to her stepmom's house, and the what ifs were with me all weekend, until I got her safe back in my car.
J.

If Grandma is trustworthy let her take them. Believe me, if it proves to be too much for her, she won't want to do it again. I would enjoy the quiet time alone!!!!

I think if she is asking then she must be ready. My MIL WAS NOt ready and stated so. It took my MIL awhile before she would take them anywhere, but I was glad she admitted she was not ready. I think if your MIL felt uncomfortable like mine she would be upfront and not ask to take them anywhere unless she knew she could handle it.

I to dont have multiples, and I to agree with what the other moms have said. You will always have the "what ifs" even when they are out on there own with there lives, all of us siblings are and our mom still calls stating she was haveing a bad feeling and just needed to check in on all us. So talk to your MIL she has raised kids herself I am sure, if she didn't feel ready she would have not asked. And known what everyone tells me after I leave or let others take my kids, exp. my youngest they are always more well behaved and good when mom isn't around. I know gets under my skin to, but they are over one they will be ok just reassure her that you are nervous of them going out without you but please dont hesitate to call if you need the extra hand for what ever reson. Good luck and congrads

Hi J.,

First, congratulations on your little blessings!

I know this is a little different, but after my daughter was born I had some complications and had to go back into the hospital. We thought I'd just be in the emergency room a few hours so we dropped our then 4 year old son and 10 DAY old daughter off at my mother in laws. Of course I had to be kept over night for some IV antibiotics so dear grandma had a 4 year old and newborn overnight unexpectedly!
I completely understand your anxiety, but obviously your MIL had children and will probably do OK. My MIL had 4 kids in 5 years so I figured she could handle anything.
Unless you have some serious safety concerns I say give her a chance! She raised kids. Plus, I'm sure she will appreciate the time with them.
My MIL thanked me many years later, (kids are now almost 18 and 14) because she was sure none of her other daughter in laws would have left the kids.

In good health,

Lori K

Is it because she is your MIL? Would you be this concerned if it was your mother asking? Remember she did raise your husband and possibly her other children (if there are any). Yes, your babies are twins, but let her have them. Maybe all of you could go somewhere together the first time, then let her take them another day without you. As a grandmother she has that right to find out if she can handle them on her own. And you could have a few hours to yourself. Be thankful that she even wants to take them. I have several friends whose parents and in-laws have no desire to take their grandchildren for a few hours out on the town or any where else for that matter. Just breathe and know she'll be fine. Good luck and God Bless.

I am a grandmother of almost 17 month old twins and have taken them out occasionlly and it is hard. but do-able. I do help my daughter watch them most days so I'm more use to handleing them. I have trouble with my back and handleing the carseats is not easy. we have a double stroller for them and that helps, I get them out of the car and into the stroller and away we go. If you are unsure about her being able to handleing them go with her a couple of times but let her do the handleing of them. I don't know her capabilities, but I would trust your MIL to know if she can do it or maybe sugest she have a friend go with her to help the first few times.

Containment! That was always my plan with the twins. Make sure she has a good double stroller and that they stay in it and she'll be fine.

hi J., i am a mother of 4 boys. my oldest is 19 and my youngest is a set of 7 yo twin boys. it did take me awhile to allow anyone to take my twins out by themselves, actually, i thought i was the only one that could handle it. but to tell you the truth, i really enjoyed someone taking my place for awhile. then i could get some things done around my house that i neglected. you might try letting your mil take them for just a bit, it will get easier than you think. explain that you are a little nervous about how others will handle them away from their normal routine. good luck

I have 2 (soon to be 3) Nieces that are just as difficult if not more so than twins.They are my best friends girls and it usually takes me, her and grandma to wrangle them in. I guess before I go on a tangent, I should get to the point that maybe you should offer to take her out to lunch or shopping with the twins so she will have an idea of what it will be like so you wont be throwing her in the deep end and telling her to start swimming. That way she will have experience taking them out in public but you will also be able to help each other with dealing with the two of them while you're out and about. Hope that helps.
-L. Remley H.

I can relate to this. I am also a first time mother of twins (also happen to work in computers, although I've been a stay-at-home mom since the twins came). I remember my MIL wanting to take them out by herself for the first time, although they were older. I don't remember how old they were... maybe 3. I was worried, but realized she raised 3 children and has other grandchildren. She is great with my girls and has had no problems taking them out. The big thing was making sure she knew how to buckle the car seats. Mine were very tricky... I ended up drawing arrows on the two pieces with permanent marker. My girls would actually show her :) Now, the part that people without twins don't realize is that the hardest stage of having twins is from the time they become mobile until about 2 - 2 1/2 when they respond to "no". It is VERY difficult to take twins this age anywhere by yourself that is not contained. I remember taking them to someone's unchild-proof house... hated it. One would go one way and the other would go the other way... you cannot go 2 ways at once :) I am lucky.. my mom works nights, so I would take her with me when I would go somewhere uncontained. It is just easier at that age with two people, so why make it harder than you have to.
This is a decision you have to make. You know your MIL and your children. I think it also depends on where she wants to take them. If they will be in a stroller or in a contained area I would say go for it. If they will be in an open area with a lot of people, I would make sure someone else goes with her. It is hard to give control to someone else, but it will make your life much easier.
Good luck with your decision. Just wait until you leave them at preschool for the first time... that is also a difficult adjustment (although once you get used to it, it is WONDERFUL). Mine will be starting kindergarten this fall.
- Jen

Im a twin Momma, And I felt EXACTLY the same way you do. I simply stated up front, that the kids were to stay at our house in a controlled environment until I thought they were ready to go out. I STILL don't let the Grandparents drive my kids around (both Grandma's are "scary" drivers). However, my sweeties just turned three on 02/16...and I now feel comfortable (finally) dropping the kids off to visit both Granparent's house as long as two people are available to keep an eye on them.
FYI, Im a nervous Nelly also, And being a Mom to twins has made a control freak out of me (regarding their care and safety). But I will NOT make what I consider to be their safety take a second seat to other people's emotions. That is just me though.

I am a first time mom to 17 month old twin boys. My husband has taken them out once (to Lowes) by himself, however, I have not been as brave. I have always had someone with me when I go out.
We even have friends who have offered to watch the boys and I have not taken them up on the offer. It's not because I think they are untrustworthy; it's because I know my boys are a handful.
I would tell you to trust your motherly instincts. If you don't feel comfortable letting your MIL take the twins out by herself, don't let her. Explain your reasoning to her and she can either like it or not. They are your children and you have to do what you think is best for them. Good luck!

Hi J.! I have 4 kids, 9yrs, 5 yrs, and almost 3yr twins.
I am in a little different situation....my dh is military and gone quite frequently, and we currently do not live close to family. I think I would have had the same concerns as you had they been closer to us and the kids were little little...my inlaws and I don't share a lot of the same views about how to raise kids and they are always quick to let me know they raised 4 themselves, however they were a blended family that didn't combine until the youngest was 3 and also I have to remind them it was over 30yrs ago without carseats and all that fun stuff.

That said, last year before my twins were 2 and dh was deployed to the middle east, I took the plunge, and asked when they were visiting to watch our oldest play baseball, if they would take the twins(gasp) home on the plane with them since they still could fly free. I was following driving in a couple days, so it wouldn't be bad I thought. I believe they actually had more concerns about taking them that I did. I know my kids and what they can handle and what they can't. They all did great on the flight, the twins slept, carseats were installed fine, and the only problem was the double stroller which is hard to fold up. We had a great reunion at the end of the week, I was able to spend some extra one on one time with our oldest 2, and the drive to Texas from Illinois was much easier.
All that said, go with your instinct if you truly trust your MIL. You know your kids best, and if they do okay with grandma at your house, try it a little at a time until you are comfortable. I also agree with what another said...if you meant 2007 dob instead of 2008, they are getting more independent and it might be a good time to test it if you are comfortable. BUT, if you are not, don't do it. I know with my oldest 2 it took me forever to leave them for a couple of hours to get my hair done...and that was with dad :)
Enjoy the afternoon if you decide to let them go, and try not to call to check up. If you trust grandma enough, you know she will call if there is a problem.
J.

J.,
I am also a mother of twins who does understand how huge a responsibility 2 babies are. My word of advice os to let your MIL take the kids to the zoo, outside for a walk, to ride around the mall in their stroller or anywhere else. One thing I found out was that my kids were actually easier to handle when we were out of the house. They loved to be anywhere they could hear and watch other people or be outside. My Mom started taking them when they were just a few months old and she still takes them at the age of 4. (Now, actually, they are much more difficult at 4 than they were as babies.) Let your MIL take them. She has been coming to the house to care for them, she knows their behavior, routines, likes/dislikes etc. She will love it, the kids will love it and it will give you MUCH needed time to yourself. And yes, you are a nervous-nelly first time mom, but so was I. Let her take them. All of you will bebefit a lot from it. Have her take them to the zoo in the strollers. She can take bottles/sippies or whatever they need. You can even pack a sandwich for their lunch. They will love riding around in the outdoors and seeing all the people and animals.

My neice has twin girls.

I am a sister of twins, step-mother to "singles", grandmother of 2, and aunt of 7 and one on the way. :) There are family members to this day we don't let take my neices and nephews, or my grandchildren by themselves at all due to alcoholism or limited abilities with age, but I do think that if you don't have one of those reasons and she really wants to be the loving grandma who takes part in their lives you are even more blessed. My sisters are hard to handle at 40, so I am not sure that really gets any better with age. :)
Maybe start her out small and give her a chance to see what it is like and yet not be putting the kids or her in any real danger. For example a lunch date to McDonalds, there is a contained play area there (I wouldn't do one with a ball pit), and she can watch and participate at her ability, and then bring them home. And if you want to make yourself feel better do my Mom's trick, of following and watching from the car without the kids knowing. (She did this when we were younger and dating for the first time). Another idea might be a joint trip to the park, where you take the kids and then she meets you there and you run a 30 minute errand and leave her with the kids, and then come back to help her put them in the car and take them home. You can also reverse this one and give her the kids and the car seats and then you meet her at the park or play area and hang out for a while and then she brings them home, that way she gets both of the scenarios on her own, but in short starter spurts. Then if you are both feeling better about things she might be ready to take them on her own completely for an outing. Keep it simple to start, but I wouldn't count her out yet, or make her feel like she isn't wanted as an integral part of their lives. It has got to be tough I am sure, but you'll do great.
I hope these ideas help, or at least help spark ones that will work for you.
Have a great day and let us know how it works out.

i'm not a mother of multiples but this request caught my eye so i hope you don't mind my two cents' worth...

i agree that if she is asking, she must feel ready. if anything you should be able to trust that if she gets "out there" and realizes it was a mistake, she'll go back home. i'm sure she wouldn't do anything to jeopardize your kids - it may get chaotic and she might feel overwhelmed but i'm sure your babies will be fine.

if nothing else, maybe suggest to her, meeting her halfway. for example, have her take them on one small outing, keeping your cell number handy and you at home in case she needs help. maybe she could invite one of her girlfriends along for an extra pair of hands.

it's not crazy to worry about someone else taking your kids - i only have one and i still get a little dubious at the thought of my husband taking my (now 20 month old) son anywhere alone! but the only way he'll learn is to do it i guess. i don't think that "what if..." feeling ever quite goes away, and i'm sure it's twice as strong with twins! god bless you, i don't think i could do two at a time! good luck :)

If you are comfortable with the way your MIL deals with your twins at home - she doesn't do anything that makes you nervous, then she will probably do as good or a better job with them in public that you would! She is experienced, maybe not with twins, but with babies. She won't be as nervous as you probably are, since this is all new to you. You probably are a nervous nelly first time mom and that's ok. But, in the long run, you, your twins and your MIL will be better off by allowing her to help like that. Your MIL will get to know your kids better and your kids will learn to trust another adult to meet their needs. Believe me, I didn't have twins, but my kids were all very clingy and had to have mom no matter what. If they had been able to feel more comfortable around other trusted adults, it sure would have made my life a lot easier!

On the other hand if YOU don't take them out alone - and it really is a two-person job, then I would just tell her that until they are older it takes two people to handle them outside the house. And if she really wants to show them off, suggest she bring along one of her friends to help out.

I think that if you trust your mother in law to come to your house and watch the kids, and she then does a good enough job at it that you keep having her come back every week; then you should trust her to know to what it's like taking care of them by herself. I don't think she would ask if she didn't think that she could handle it. And if she does take them and finds out that it wasn't as easy as she thought it would be; then she probably won't be asking to do it again for some time. Why don't you just make sure that she has a cell phone that she can use to call you if she needs to. That should ease you mind and hers as well. But telling her that you don't think that she can handle her grandkids alone in public is an insult to seasoned vet. mother. She's been around for long enough to know how to care for babies. As women we continue to get better at what comes naturally to us. Just because she hasn't had babies of her own for a long time dosen't mean she lost her touch. She's only gotten wiser in what what she does and you should trust her enough to grant her request.

Good Morning J., I am thinking you meant your little guys were born 2.22.08 Cause if it was 07 Grma would surely be up to it. She is probably up to it now. We do know our limits ;) I can manage 3 of our gr kids at once shopping but not all 5. lol
Maybe she wants to go to a friends home and show off the pride and joy of the family. As long as she is prepared with car seats, a double stroller, big diaper bag, please let her give it a try. You might be surprise how well she will do.

In the long run it is up to you, but I hope you trust her enough to let her try.

God Bless always
K. aka Nana of 5 gr kids