Do You Let Grandparents Take Your Toddler on Outings Without You?

I started nannying a little girl when she was 12 months old. I took her to the library, play groups, parks, trails, museums, zoo, beach, pool! We had a great time. I had her until she was 4 years old and we went somewhere almost every day. It would have been awful had we been stuck in the house every day.
If you are worried about her bolting, you could suggest a stroller or a "leash" or talk to her about her behavior and consequences.
I don't see the problem, really. She will have a great time with her grandpa!
L.

Is he in good health mentally and physically? If so, I think he should be fine with her. Maybe you can all go out together soon, then let him take her off just the 2 of them for a practice run while you are in the same area?

I think it's such a great thing when kids get special time with grandparents like that. My happiest childhood memories are with my grandparents, hope you can find a solution! :)

Let him take her. You need to let go and let her have some fun and spend time with her grandfather. My parents are in their mid sixties and get around just fine. Hes offered to watch her so you can make some extra cash so let him have his days of fun with her and besides its good for him too.

To me, it's simple... You need help watching your kids so you can work, and if you want to still have that help and not burn someone out, you need to let go!!! Its your FIL for goodness sake. Parents now adays are so extremely OVERBEARING, it's unbelieveable!

Let your father-in-law take your kid out to McDonalds, placeplaces, or whereever. They are not a teenager...

Yes, it creates special memories....to last a lifetime! & you would be surprised at how well-behaved children will be for others. .....you may even end up jealous or a little miffed!

This issue all boils down to trust, faith, & letting go as a parent. It all reflects on how much you involve your child in out-of-the-home activities. My family has always enjoyed being out & about, regardless of the age! My children have always traveled - & not just to the park or McDonalds - with grandparents, aunts/cousins, & friends. The age is not an issue! Send a camera & let the fun begin!

Ok Mom....take a DEEP breath and let her go! I guarantee they will BOTH have an absolute blast. Make sure that you install the carseat in his car and show him how to buckle her in. Have him try it a few times to make sure he knows what goes where. If she's never been to the McDonald's play place, he might want to stay away from there. I let my daughter in one of those when she was about the same age as your little girl. Big mistake. She got scared and wouldn't budge. I was hugely pregnant at the time and couldn't go in and get her. Thankfully there was another little girl that went and helped her down. Anyway...I digress :)
I would think the play area at the mall would be perfect. Most only have 1 entrance/exit. I would just ask your FIL to sit by the entrance/exit so that if she tries to sneak out he'd be right there.
Make sure that you and he both talk to her about expectations. She's not too young to understand. It sounds like she knows how to behave, so I wouldn't anticipate many problems. Plus, kids always behave better for someone else than they do their parents :)
Think of all the amazing memories they'll be building!

Unless your FIL has displayed worrisome behavior (bad driving, easily distracted, etc.) I wouldn't worry. Remember, this isn't his first rodeo, he has had kids before.

This is great for your daughter and fil to be able to bond and spend the time together. your daughter will be fine, children act completely different when they are with others, this is where you will see how well you are raising your child. I feel you should allow your fil to make as many memories with his grandaughter. You are blessed to have the help and grandparents who want to be involved.

My MIL takes our daughter out if she watches her. They'll go out to eat or to the pool down the street, or even to the play area at the mall. We've never had a problem with it and she just turned 65. My aunt also does it when she watches her, although she's in her 40s and younger, I dont think it's much of a difference. I just had to make sure she knew how to use the carseat. The first time she took my daughter to Target, she didnt know how to unbuckle her seat and said "well, I guess you have to stay in the car." My daughter, being 2 and not understanding that her aunt was just joking, was horrified and showed her what button to push to get her out. :-) That was the only incident we've ever had and it was extremely minor.

yes yes yes.
i love that both my parents and my in-laws loved to have 'just them' time with my babies and i encouraged this. sleepovers, adventures, outings and trips. you are so fortunate to have a great relationship with your FIL and that he loves and wants to spend time with your little one. early 60s may seem ancient to you but it's not. my dad is in his late 70s and still doing competition ballroom dancing.
your FIL is not new to babies. he's done it before. he'll know if he can't handle it. trust him unless he gives you reason not to.
khairete
S.

My 83 yo MIL would take our 3 yo on outings. I was a little nervous at first, but then I realized that she always took extra care because she knew she had precious cargo with her. There was never a problem and she would still be taking him places if her car hadn't clunked out on her.

my in laws take my 2 1/2 year old every weekend for about 5 hours. I was a little apprehensive at first but it has worked out great. My son is not the type of kid to run around in public places. He prefers to stick close to the adults he is with.They ask us ahead of time if they are going on any big outings. We have said no to big trips like yosimite national park. We thought he was too small for that. He mostly goes to costco, target, and out to breakfast. I think you should let them go.

My MIL and FIL take my 21 month old son at least one day every weekend and keeps him over night at least one of those night too. He is their only grandson (for 3 weeks at least because #2 is due) They love taking him places and he is really well behaved for them. Then again they are in their early early 40's not sixties. I would let your FIL at least watch her, but maybe keep the outings to a minimum until your daughter learns not to bolt and run.

I'm a gram and I've always taken my grandkids out and about without their parents. We've had wonderful adventures together. Unless you fil as shown he isn't attentive to your daughter I'd say to let it go and let him enjoy spending time with his granddaughter while you earn a bit of extra cash.

Absolutely! Some of my best memories are with my grandmother going to town for gas or milk.

My daughter is 3 and is on a 'grandmother/granddaughter trip' today. They went into St. Louis (1/2 hour away) and are going to the Science Center. She plans to take my daughter on trips like this at least once a month. My mom is some what of a crazy driver at times - not irrational or anything but sometimes drives fast. But I know when my daughter is in the car, she always drives safely. I figure she did a great job raising me. And I trust her completely. She is in her mid 50's by the way.

That being said, I think maybe if it were my MIL or FIL I would be more hesitant. Not that I do not trust them or anything, but they aren't MY PARENTS. They did raise 9 kids so I know they know what to do, but I also know they are much more laid back than my parents. That being said, i would still be okay with it.

We have never had a babysitter so in that sitauation I wouldn't feel as comfortable.

My first reaction was YES! But, only with my parents because I trust them and they can keep up, at least sometimes. My MIL, no way in the world. She is older, slower, and does not have the energy or desire to keep up. So it depends on the kid and the adult I think more importantly. My parents are in their late 50's and keep up with my niece when they have her for a weekend, and she is busy to put it mildly :o).

I would definately do it if they were able. My MIL loves our kids very much but now that she is older she has health problems and is not able to take them anywhere. I know that My mom loves the kids as well but she is not interested in being out with the kids by herself. However, I wish she was.

As the grandparent of 11, ages 1-19, my rule of thumb is that I only take 1 child under five per adult (me and my husband) at a time. We are both 67 years old. Your FIL should be fine with your child.....it is up to you, of course. As concerned as you are, it might be wise for you to wait 'til age 3.
You might appreciate knowing that our grandchildren are always more well-behaved for us than they are for their parents......

I absolutely love taking the kids to the park, the play area at the mall, McDonalds, etc. We get board at home after awhile. I guess I just figured grandparents are the same way. My dad loves taking the kids to the park (and they love it, too). Personally, I have no worries. He loves her, and he just wants to have fun with her and see her laugh.

well i understand your concerns and you are the mother..how about the drive thru at mcd's and instead of the mall how about a local park. it might be easier to keep an eye on her at a park.

why not? my great grandpa was taking my daughter all over the place until we almost lost my gma, and he volunteered not getting her anymore becuase he's not as quick to hit the breaks.

unless he has a "judgment on the road issue" why deny her her papa?

family is MUCH different the babysitter's, family really love your baby, a baby sitter is "paid to love them", a sitter, i would hesitate, but not a grandparent to his own grandchild.

ABSOLUTELY! Allow the child's grandparents to do things with her and let them develop their relationship and memories. SUCH an important relationship, ESPECIALLY if you trust them, they are good w/ her, etc.

Children need to understand that they CAN do things without parents....that's part of growing and developing healthy relationships and security. ENCOURAGE iit and talk about the adventures w/ your daughter, not to be nosey, but to let her know you're interested and what she did/learned, etc. It's also okay to do SOME things with the grandparents. It's fun to do some with them, too. GROWTH & BALANCE.....

I totally trust my mom and my in-laws--my boys are 5, 2, and 3 months. All of the grandparents live in FL, but they will take the kids places when we are visiting or when they are visiting us. When my oldest was 3, he flew with my mom to FL for 2 weeks. My MIL brought him back. (There were some extenuating circumstances--my 2 year old was only 6 months old and was in the hospital for heart surgery). When we had our 3rd baby this summer, my mom came out to take care of our 5 and 2 year old. She drove them to the hospital twice to visit (45 minutes each way). She also drove my son to camp while she was here and would take my 2 year old to the grocery store, etc.

You have to be comfortable with your decision. Maybe you can start small--like a trip to McD's to play in the play place.

Yes, I let my kids go places with their Grandparents (at younger ages than your daughter). I understand your concern but she will be fine. I was like that when I only had my daughter then as I started having more kids, I was like, Take them, take them! ;)

If he's in good health, go for it! My parents (mid-50's) love taking my son on outings when they are with him. They are out-of-state, so when we visit or they visit they literally take him for an entire day. It's always funny to me that our very active little man will try to scamper away from us, but clings to his Grammy and Pop no matter what... probably b/c they buy him things that I wouldn't!

Our sitter is allowed to take him in one of our cars too... she's had him at daycare since he was a baby and watches him on our date-nights. Her parents adore him and they will often meet her mom and dad somewhere for ice cream.

Let him take her!!!!
My son spent 2 weeks a year with my Aunt - one during summer, and one during Christmas time from the time he was one year old to about 11 years old.

It was a great time for them - they have a strong bond.

You FIL only wants to go to McDonalds or somewhere local for an hour or so. It will be fine and a good memories for both of them.

I think it depends on the grandparent. like my mom takes my 15mnth old out when she is watching him, and I am fine with it. she is a good driver and I trust her to keep an eye on him, but ba (my son's great grandma and my grandmother) is another story. my mom is in her late forties, but Ba is 78 and I know she loves my son I wouldn't let her alone with Nicky without me for a day even just at the house, because I know for a fact that my son is simply quicker than she is, and he knows this, and would be constantly trying to get into things. plus she underestimates him. she always says oh its ok if he plays with "that" he can't hurt it....then he breaks it.. I love my little monkey but I know he is destructive (at that age where he has to firgure out how things are made...usually by destroying them lol) and I don't think she could handle him

for my inlaws totally ok.
kids tend to act differently with their grandparents when mom and dad aren't around. he likely will not have the bolting problem.

When my mom was alive, I let them take my oldest (who was anywhere from infancy to 3) on outings. Since there were two of them, and my mother was EXTREMELY protective, it didn't bother me. He was also usually in a stroller if they were somewhere like a mall. They did take him to a few places like the Renaissance Festival, and for that I agreed with my mother about something I never thought I would do -a child leash! These days they sell really cute "stuffed animal looking" backpacks for kids that happen to have a leash on them. I've never been for using those, but my mother had arthritis, one knee replacement and one bad knee, and my dad has two bad knees. Running doesn't happen, and I knew if my son took off -especially in a crowd -it might be very hard to catch him (I even had problems catching him sometimes). I was just fine with it -and my son actually liked it. I've never used it with him, but it was good for them. I see tons of kids with these all the time. I think parents and grandparents are more okay with them because they look like a cute backpack instead of a dog harness. I do see a lot of grandparents using them at the zoo and outlet malls -and I'm sure it's for the same reasons! So -you could look into that.

How does your husband feel about it? Was his dad a primary caretaker of him as a kid? Did he go on outings with just his dad as a child and remember how his dad "was"? I know my father would let me pretty much run off and do whatever I wanted as long as I was back at a meeting place -or sometimes I just had to find him. My mother would have had a stroke! So-it just depends. My father wants to take our boys hunting and fishing in a few years when they're a little older. I love to fish, and I told my husband to get ready to hunt, because if anyone thinks I'm turning my kids loose in the woods with my 70-something year old father and firearms -they're nuts! One of us will HAVE to be along on those ventures!

We had a nanny for most of this year, and she took our 2 and 4 year old on outings almost every day! They went to the pool, children's museum, zoo, numerous parks and playgrounds, etc. I didn't worry about it, and she was very capable. My MIL can't handle both of them and has never expressed a desire to take either of them anywhere on her own. She's great about keeping them at her house, but going out with them isn't an issue.

I think it's great he wants to take her places - as long as he is reasonably fit, I don't see that he would not be able to catch a 2.5 year old - I have a 2.5 year old, they are not all that fast, and if you are diligent, they won't get too far before you notice they are on the run.
My daughter does this ALL the time, drives me mad, just explain to FIL that she does a runner on a regular basis, and not to take his eyes off her.
I don't like my MIL to take my daughter out any more, she is 73, at least 100 lbs overweight, and walks at a snails pace, so that is a little different, but she knows her limits, and if she watches her, doesn't let her out.

With me, it depends on what grandparents. My parents are still in their late 40's, very early fifties. They can do anything I can and are in great shape. My husband's parents, are in their mid sixties. When I take my son to my in-laws house, my in-laws can't get off the ground, or bend over for him. If they want to pick him up, I have to pick hm up and hand him to them. If they are on the floor, it takes them a good couple of minutes to get up. I imagine them at the park (or somewhere else) and him hurting himself and they can't run over and just pick him up. They have joint/arthritis problems and can't move very fast. They also get extremely exhausted and have to sit down very often, which is not good with an active toddler, that wants to run.

Many folks in their sixties are in great shape and can do anything I can. My in-laws, are not those people. I carefully and gently explained this to them and they are fine with it. They were nervous themselves about taking him anywhere.

I am right there with you. I trust my parents and my MIL, but I would not be comfortable with them taking the kiddos out w/o me. I don't know why, it isn't that I think they are incompetent, I just don't feel comfortable. Once they are older, I'll be OK with it. But now (almost 2.5 and 11 months), I don't think it is necessary.

I guess the way to get over it is to start small. The mall is a big deal, I don't even like going to the mall with the kids by myself. Perhaps they can go for some walks around the neighborhood, or go to a local park. See what your comfort level is with that...and also see what FILs comfort level is. He may be surprised at how much harder it is now then it was back when he was a spring chicken!

Hi,

I didn't read all the responses, but I would say let him take her. It is really scary at first, but it gets easier. The bonding time they will have is priceless. My parents are in their early 60's and they regularly take my daughters on outings. Actually, it is mostly my mom who alone takes them. They have a great deal of fun together. They always tell me that they are completely different children with them, much better behaved. You will likely be completely surprised by how good your child is with him, especially since she loves him. Good luck in letting go a little. It is very difficult at first, but you will find that your daughter will have so much fun and will make wonderful memories!

I agree with the others, unless for some reason you don't think he is physically or mentally capable of it, I don't see a problem with it.

My girls are watched between my mom and IL's. My mom takes my girls everywhere and always has. My IL's also have taken them places, but sometimes don't feel comfortable with it, so they usually stay home with them. But this past summer, my mom, took the girls blueberry picking, they were 4 and 2 at the time and my girls just LOVED it. And this was just something I didn't have time for.

I think that he has offered to do it because he is confident that he can handle her.
I would definitely let him know how she can be in public so he will be extra cautious. Just ask him "what would you do if she ran off Dad?".... I'm sure he has a fine answer for you.
I think its awesome you daughter has a wonderful Grandpa, and Grandpa knows she'll be a great conversation piece at McDonalds or the mall... haha. Is he single? lol... He might be trolling for a MIL for ya... usin granddaughter as his sweet bait. I think it's cute!

absolutely! If you don't it is your daughter that will miss out. Maybe a quick trip the first time and see how you do. It will get easier with each outing. It sounds like you fully trust your FIL and your DD adores him so don't let your fears stand in the way. Take it slow and I think eventually you will see that it's perfectly fine.

It sounds like uyou are more worried about her actions than him not being able to care for her. Let them go. Some of my favorite memories are going places with my grandmother when I was little. And yes, I do remember her taking me to a store that closed when I was 3 or 4. I know what you mean about a bolting toddler but if my mom wanted to take mine somewhere, I would be all for it.

Why not ,my daughter stays with my sweet mom & love to go out with her too.My daughter loves her,listen to her & help her in bringing few things to her although she is 2yrs & 7 months old.My mom has arthritis so its hard for her to walk fast but still they love being together & holds her hand & go out with her.I think you can let her go & you'll be amazed to see how kids learn by their behaviour.

My Dad is 60 and let me tell you my son choked and I had never in my life seen my Dad move that FAST! He loves kids and would babysit for anyone in our family even my cousins' kids. Unless your fil has some type of medical condition that would make you uneasy I see no reason to not allow it.

I'm with ya on this one. Grandparents are welcome to watch my girls (baby & toddler) in our home or theirs but I don't want them driving anywhere with them. Not only because of the reasons you mentioned but also because I question their driving skills (I've been in the car recently with my parents and I KNOW how they drive...I'm a nervous wreck with them behind the wheel.) And really, we're able to keep this at bay by saying "Darn it, you don't have a car seat for them to ride with you" and it has worked so far. If I'm forced to I'll just say I'm not ready for my children to ride in cars with other people. Mothers are allowed to be somewhat paranoid, I think. If not....oh well, this one is.

I would NOT let him do outings, but if you allow him to babysit how do you control that?
Once my inlaws took my girl who was also 2 to Hobby Lobby. They showed a complete lack of common sense by allowing her to grab those glass ornaments they have hanging as well as other things.
Plus, they don't always use the carseat and they don't babyproof their home.

This really all depends on how "with-it" your FIL is. Mine were already infirmed by the time my kids were born - so they would pick them up from day-care from time to time and take them to Friendlys for dinner - but I wouldn't have let them take the kids to the mall when they were toddlers. There were some small local playgrounds that were OK - but others, near the harbor, that weren't. There were two McDonalds with play small play areas that were fine - but another huge one that wasn't.

If your FIL is reasonably healthy for a man his age he should be able to catch your toddler if she bolts. I'm sure he'll be cautious too and won't be at the mall when it's packed like a Saturday morning.

Realize that your FIL probably considers his grand-daughter to be more precious to him than you can imagine - and accordingly, he'll be very cautious. My sister & BIL are now grandparents and the love they have for their grandson is not any less than how they loved their children - maybe even more! He will be cautious with her - he just wants to show her things, see the world reflected in her little eyes, watch her face as she sees new things for the first time.

I think this will be a wonderful time for your daughter and she and grandpa will build memories that will be so precious. Last year when my FIL passes away fater a very brief illness my children (now teens) were so glad that they had sweet memories of their times with him. Certainly as they got older we gave them more opportunity to go places with their grandpa (fishing excursions, maincures for my daughter, etc.) and it's all a part of the layers of love that kids get from extended family.

Pray for a covering of protection for your daughter when she's out with your FIL - they will be fine - and they'll both be lbessed by this time together.

I allowed my kids grandparents to take mine out. Both were responsible and I felt no reason to not allow it. As long as they can physically care for them then I see no reason to say no. I wish they would take my kids out more.

My mom takes my daughter to the library, the park. My dad took her all day yesterday to a science center. She will be 3 in march. My dad has worried me more than my mom. But its one on one, he started slowly by just picking her up and coming home.

My mother is in her 60's and she takes all 3 of my kids (8,4,1) from time to time. I have never owrried that she couldn't handle anything that could happen.
My mother also has some health issues and that doesn't worry me. What are your worries? That he will loose her? I would give it a trial run let him take her somewhere and see how it goes if it makes you too nervous tell him.

My 76 year old mother takes my 4 yo son out all the time, and has since he was a baby. We even bought her a car seat for her car. I think as long as they don't go long distances, it's fine. The same is true for my husband's mother- they take him all over the place when he spends the night with her. She is 60. It's strange, but he never tries to run off with them, but does with us. We just give him a good talking to before taking him over to their houses and we have never had any problems. And they have so much fun together, which is special for them all...

I would discuss with him. Le thim know it isn't so much about HIS abilities (even if that is what concerns you) but more so that you are way too nervous. Put the concern on you being a little over the top so he can help make rules for your daughter: She must always hold his hand or be in a stroller. Take a pic w/ camera phone before they go out so he has a very current pic in case something happens. Stuff like that. I make my kids do that with me! My mom takes my kids places like that when they were that little and I was ok with it. My dad or FIL have never taken my kids one on one. MY FIL would NEVER, my dad just doesn't have the time. But he will take them to the playground if we are watching say a ballgame at the park. My MIL makes me nervous just because I do not know her well in that respect and she has made some bone head decisions. Good luck I know its tough

If he's in good health and his mental faculties are in place - start out with McDonald's. She needs to understand the importance of STAYING with him OR YOU.

Otherwise - if you trust him - start out small...

As long as I know where my child is, I am ok with an outing with Grandparents, I mean they raised us and we did ok ;)

For a while I laid down the law with our in laws who always "announced" they were taking the kids out on road trips. they were tiny, I was having post partum depression, I didn't WANT Them taken out on trips, so I just forbid it. When they said, "We're just going to take them too..."I just said, "Nope, please stay in. I'll be up in my studio, there is plenty to do here."

They didn't like it and I know they wanted to go out and have adventures, but I couldn't deal with it. Since then I've gotten OK with it and they do take them sometimes.
Go with your gut. You don't have to cave.

I let 4 outta 6 of the grandparents take our children out and about. When the boys were 2 1/2, I guess the grandparents were all between 55-62 yrs old.

I never let my FIL and step-MIL baby sit or transport. They see the boys a lot but only when my DH and I are there. No specific reason other than his dad did not raise my DH and knows nothing about childcare (he could never change a diaper or help take a little one to a public bathroom). And my step-MIL raised her 3 children very poorly. Again, they are not bad people and we are not helicopter parents. It is just a feeling we have that they would not be able to handle it and a pretty clear impression from them that they are not interested.

That said, a contained area like McDonald's playland sounds like a pretty easy "test case" for him. He may give it a whirl and decide he prefers to hang out at home! = ) Just be sure to pack her bag for anything that could happen...Because your average man doesn't carry the kind of purse that a mother would. You know what I mean, check out the purse of any mother and you will find something for every emergency. = )

Wow - your question and many of your answers got me thinking - is this an American thing to question whether or not our parents can take our kids out without us? I was raised here by immigrant parents, and our culture is such that - as long as our parents are physically and mentally fit - why would we deny the pleasure of our parents getting to spend time with their grandchildren going places? I am just incredulous that you would even have any doubts, given that you just said you completely trust him. In my own case, my father passed away before he even got to meet my kids. My mother often watches my kids and my nephews/nieces (she is older than your FIL) - and is completely fine - and often has more energy than I do! Family - particularly intergenerational bonding - is very important to me, and I would never limit the opportunity for my kids to hang out with their grandparents. I wish my kids could spend more time with my in-laws!

I can understand your apprehension, however, it would be a really good idea to let your FIL spend this time with her. It will foster a closer relationship between the two of them as well. Plus, it gives your FIL incentive to want to be around more (most men don't totally enjoy being captive in a house).

Set some ground rules for car seat safety and perhaps let him know that you aren't comfortable with him taking her into large crowds. Maybe you both can collaborate to find some places that you are comfortable with.

Letting other people watch your kids can be scary (I've had to do it myself for work). But, if can also be a wonderful chance for bonding to occur as well between your child and a family member.

Hope this helps in some way.

I let my MIL take my oldest son all over. He is now three but when he was two she took him to the Children's Museum, Chuck E Cheese Pizza etc. My mom has taken him to restaurants several times. So yeah I am good with it. I usually check the carseat situation and give any instruction I feel necessary, my parents know I am a safety freak, so they just deal with it :D I haven't let anyone take him to an out door park yet, but I think I would be ok with it, I mean the Grandparents love him sooooooooo much and keep a good eye. I always pray for my son anytime he isn't with me and then I don't worry. Good luck whatever you decide!