When to Change Teacher

Hi VH, I think every child will come across a number of educators/staff members they don't quite connect with.

It's actually a valuable learning opportunity.

Knowing how to be successful under a wide variety of leadership, in any situation, is an essential life skill.

:)

Ditto Jim. Do you have a 10 year old third grader? That's so strange... because they have to be at least 10 to play junior midget football, 12 to play midget (man, they really need to change that word, huh.?)...

Unusually detailed first question, to say the least.

Sometimes kids and teachers just do not hit it off. This will not be the first time this happens. This is real life. Also third grade tends to be a big transition year so that might be the issue too. She also might be a bit sterner than any one he has had in the past. You can't change his class every time he complains about a teacher.

Wow. You go on at great length in the post about how your son has never, ever, ever complained about ANY adult, ever, in school, piano, Sunday school, day care, sports....Why did you feel that was necessary? It seems that you feel your son can do no wrong and is perfectly accurate in his assessments of all adults who have ever had authority over him. It's time for you to take off the blinders and see a few things realistically:

Kids do not always report to mom and dad when they do dislike an adult. If they like the activity enough they are not going to come crying to mom that the adult leader wasn't nice enough today. Or they may not even notice that the adult was less than warm and fuzzy.

Your son might have had a football coach or Sunday school teacher who came down on him over something but if he wanted to be in that team or class enough, he wasn't going to tell YOU about it.

Kids, especially at the age he's at right now, third grade, tend to see any adult who so much as raises his or her voices as "yelling" and any adult who enforces rules as "mean." Even the very best, nicest, most academically great kids do this. I promise. Your son is doing it too.

Young teachers sometimes are extra tough, feeling they must establish discipline with their classes and establish themselves early as teachers kids should not try to mess with. Sometimes that results in young teachers being seen as mean by students. Older students get what's going on and might just see the teacher as tough and the kids carry on, but a third grader is going to go straight to "mean."

Please learn to see your son more objectively and understand that even with his great academics and his lack of any complaints about other adults in the past -- he is changing, school is getting tougher, and you cannot expect that he will be perfect or able to judge what's going on around him with perfect, even adult-like, clarity.

You see the issue entirely as being the teacher; you refer to her "correcting the problem" and you clearly mean the problem was her. Certainly she may have issues, or may just be trying to establish that she is strong on discipline (and that's not inherently wrong of her at all). She may indeed have been too loud or too tough and maybe she's ramped back some and started more positive reinforcements. That's fine. But you need to start seeing your son as a child and realizing that he is going to see things through a child's lens. Don't take everything he says as gospel, and don't be so quick to think that you must change teachers.

As the parent of an older kid, I can tell you, if you try to change teachers this time -- what happens the next time your child doesn't hit it off with a teacher? Will you run to the principal and ask for a change every time? That teaches your son that complainers get what they want and it does not teach him how to deal with and work with adults whom he does not like. He'll have to do just that the rest of his school life. He's already doing better with this one teacher; why are you still so desperate to get him out of her class when he already is saying it's better in his eyes?

When I was in 7th grade I had the meanest teacher ever. Mr. Iverson. Oh man. I expected SO MUCH from us! He had all these stupid "war stories" that he would tell us. He wanted us to think for ourselves so he wouldn't give us the answers. He raised his voice when the class got rowdy. He wouldn't listen to any excuses the students made....
Oh wait a minute....
He was a GREAT teacher. It took a couple of months to get used to him, to his ways of teaching, but after that we really did love "Ivy." He wanted what was best for us. He wanted us to think and do on our own. He expected more from us then had ever been expected before!
It was a hard transition, but one that truly needed to happen.
I have a son in the 2nd grade. He came home telling me how much he hated his teacher, how hard she was, that she was mean, that she didn't like him. blah blah blah. Kind of sounds like your boy. He didn't want to go to school anymore. So, I took what he was saying and I sat and thought about it on my own. 2nd grade is hard! That year was the first year he really had homework, he was in a class with kids that were different from the year before, and he had to adjust from a young 20's teacher to and older 40's teacher. Every teacher is different and he wasn't quite ready for that. I did meet with his teacher to get a feeling for her and loved her. She also thought my kid was pretty great! phew. After meeting her and deciding that my son was mistaken I was on her side when he would complain.
"Ms. Low doesn't like me!" Really? She said all kinds of great things about you at the conference!
"Ms. Low is mean!" Really? What did she say? She wanted you to be quiet? Hmmm...doesn't sound mean to me!
"Ms. Low yells at us!" Really? Is she yelling or is she raising her voice above the students so she can be heard?
After I started responding like that he found out that his mama is not going to be believing his stories about his teacher. Of course I talked with him and explained that I had met her, thought her great, and felt like maybe he just wasn't used to her. I also told him that if he could give me specifics in her bad behavior I would talk with her. Never could!
By the end of the year my son LOVED Ms. Low.
It's the beginning of the school year. Your son is only in 3rd grade. If you start to pull him out of one teacher's class and then another, you become "that mom." The one who thinks it's all the teacher's fault and never the students.
Let your son learn how to get along with this woman. Unless he is coming home with specific ideas of what she is doing that is so horrible I have to assume that she is fine and he is just going through an adjustment period.
L.

Having read through your question, I can honestly say I would never have gone to the school and gotten a teacher in trouble when from all appearances she's getting alone nicely with the students and your son cannot articulate what's actually wrong. It is her first year teaching and it's going to take her some time to settle in. It's also only a month into the school year and it's going to take your son time to adjust, too. I'm not saying your son isn't honest, but seriously, school just started a month ago. My son had heard his 3rd grade teacher this year was mean (my daughter had her and I knew for a fact she's not mean, just runs a tight ship, especially in the first month when she's establishing classroom discipline). So he'd come home saying he didn't like her because he kept anticipating problems. He was never able to tell me what was actually wrong. Now, at the start of October, he has decided that he really likes her. He just needed to adjust to a new teacher with a different way of doing things. Unless my son was able to give me concrete reasons to suspect misconduct on the part of the teacher, I would never complain to the school. And by the way, his reading ability has absolutely nothing to do with anything here. If he was a poor reader, would you expect him to have trouble with the teacher? Does being a good reader mean he never misbehaves? Both my children are identified gifted in multiple subjects and are in advanced courses - doesn't mean they don't have trouble or misbehave from time to time.

I think you overreacted. Just my opinion, but I don't think the teacher deserved that.

It sounds to me like your son might have friends at school who decided as a group to "hate the teacher". Your son can't even articulate WHY he doesn't like her.

Saying she is "evil"? He is "afraid of her"? Come on. Has he been watching too many horror movies? Why would anyone use "fear and evil" to describe a 3rd grade teacher?

This just doesn't add up. I think your son might be exaggerating. Just because he's never made up stories like that before...doesn't mean he is not exaggerating now.

I think that parents are always surprised when their children don't tell 100% of the truth. Your first clue that something wasn't right with your son's story was when he couldn't explain himself. I'm sure that the teacher "raises her voice", but doesn't yell or scream at the kids. You could demonstrate the difference between a raised voice and a scream so he knows the difference.

It sounds like your son just doesn't like this teacher. He knows that by bending the truth or not telling the whole truth, he gets your attention in a major way. The focus ends up on the teacher and not his behavior or school work. I would tell him that you're done listening to his nonsense. That it's too bad he doesn't like this teacher, but she still deserves his respect and attention.

And before parents get their panties all wadded, kids almost always don't tell the whole truth. Only believe about 50% of what they say goes on at school. Kids love to exaggerate and they also love your attention!

He's in 3rd grade and he's never complained about a single teacher, coach, care provider, sunday school teacher, piano teacher, karate teacher, discovery camp and royal ranger instructor? Wow. Obviously his teacher must be the more horrid woman on the face of the earth and you should rally the villagers to haul her out of the school for tar and feathering.

Since he can't tell you why he doesn't like the teacher I'm going to venture a guess that a) his friends in class don't like her so if I don't like her then we don't like her or b) their personalities don't mesh. Either way this is your chance to give him a gift that will assist him all through his life.

Explain that sometimes you just don't get along with everyone but since you have to work together with people to get jobs done you have to suck it up and get on with it. It might be a coach that makes him run an extra lap when he wants to quit. It might be the guy in the next cubical who wears ear buds but you can still hear his crappy music. You don't get to control the world and sometimes people can be irritating. You need to figure out how to get along.

And 3rd grade is more challenging than 2nd grade so he might have hit things that don't come easily to him which makes him hate his teacher. Again a chance to teach him that you don't understand everything instantly and sometimes you'll fail. Not the teacher's fault.

It's normal for school to get harder for kids at this age. He's going to have teachers he doesn't like, and you can't keep requesting a change every time that happens (they probably wouldn't do it anyway.) Keep working with the teacher and your son, he needs to learn coping skills now or else he's going to have a really hard time going forward.
I would also say that some of my kids "meanest" teachers were actually the best teachers, so give it some time.

We have a teacher at our school that many of the kids have called mean, yet hers is consistently the most well behaved, pleasant class to be in. Unless he can tell you specifically what she is doing to him that is mean I would just explain that different teachers have different styles of classroom discipline and different personalities, and he needs to be less sensitive.

You had me at 3rd grader wanted to quit school and midget football….
GFQ btw

Sounds like he is afraid of failure so he is blaming the teacher for his fear. Unless things have changed 3rd grade is the first challenging year, sounds like that is what is scaring him. It doesn't matter how many teachers he has loved, if this is the first teacher who is actually challenging him he is going to go after her.

When I read this I wasn't sure what to think. You end up saying you don't want labels for your son, but you start with talk of all his labels.You sound genuinely concerned for your son. I think we can all appreciate that. But on the other hand, he can't give you any specifics of wrong doing. No reasoning or examples. "He is simply afraid."

I know at our school, this would not be reason enough to change teachers. The principal simply wouldn't do it.

When I was a student teacher, we were often given the advice to start out strict. It's possible that this is her strategy. You start out strict, with high expectations and you ease up as you go along. Is it possible that's why your son claims improvement...the school year is in full swing and she feels like she can let down her guard a bit. (and yes, i definitely understand strict and yelling are not the same thing).

And a teacher crying over a phone call is not THAT big of a deal. Perhaps a bit unprofessional, but you have NO idea what it was about. It could have been a personal matter, maybe her dog just died, maybe the principal called to let her know that a mom complained that she was mean enough to warrant a conference (that would have mad me cry my first year...I just would have waited until I go home).

My son came home telling me his first grade teacher was mean. Weeks of "she is mean". We just didn't allow it. We corrected it. I went into the classroom to volunteer and see for myself. She was NOT mean..at all. She was strict and she was organized. She we just explained this to our son. So he would see the difference between being mean and being strict. If you ask my son now, his first grade teacher was his favorite teacher ever. He has his fingers crossed that his sister will get her.

First I say give it more time. I would also suggest squeezing in a day or two of volunteer time to see how she runs her class. Stop by unannounced for lunch. Just check in and see if you see any REAL issues. And work with your son. It is possible they just aren't a good match. Don't obsess on it with him. Simply give him the tools to work with her. Not every teacher is a good match, that is simply a fact of life. But that doesn't always warrant a change of teachers either. I can tell you, if you go in there guns blazing with nothing more than "My son is afraid and doesn't like you", you and your son will be labeled as difficult to work with. Unfortunate, but a fact of life. Now if your visits show you that she is screaming like a banshee all day and is rude and hateful to the kids while she is sitting on her cell phone, THAT is a COMPLETELY different scenario.

I don't have much experience with school teachers (since we homeschool) but I do have experience with gymnastics teachers since I teach.

We got a new coach, a male, and he was from a professional gym and a former olympian. He came in to our gym and he was very strict. He expected a lot out of the girls and wasn't quick to compliment if it wasn't deserved. He always complimented and made a big deal out of their successes, but wouldn't sit there and cheerlead the girls on. He was super strict with talking and goofing around--it was not tolerated.

Needless to say, the girls HATED him! They came up with the most fantastic reasons why they didn't like him. Some threatened to quit. The parents came in and watched and decided they really liked him (because he was making the girls work, and they were actually learning quite a lot) so they didn't allow their kids to quit.

4 months later and the girls love him. They all gradually got stronger, faster and they learned so much and got new skills that they never even dreamed of getting.

What a child LIKES and what is good for them are two different things. Your son seems to be doing fine in school, so I wouldn't worry about this teacher. She probably expects a lot out of the kids and there is nothing wrong with that. She may discipline kids that need it--and your son had better get used to it because it doesn't get any easier from 3rd grade on! Your son is probably used to the happy, compliment-y, everyone wins teacher from first and second grade and now in third grade they are expected to do more work. Of course he's not going to LIKE her. He just needs to be able to learn from her.

When he comes home and complains, you need to get specifics from him. If you're not getting specifics, then there isn't a problem. If he can't say "She yelled at so and so for doing XYZ and that scared me" then he's disliking the teacher for the wrong reason. Maybe he doesn't like all the work or quiet time or the expectations and can't quite put it into words. If he does give you examples, then you can say "Thanks for telling me, let's see how you can find a way to handle this." This puts him at cause over the situation. A GREAT learning experience for life--he's not always going to like everyone he works with and he needs to learn how to cope.

Good luck!

I didn't read all the replies but here is my take. I also have a 3rd grade son. This year has really been hard for him so far. They are trying to get the kids ready for older grades and teach more responsibility. My son has also said he doesn't like his teacher, she is mean, she is too hard, etc. He has mentioned wanting another teacher. But he also has not complained before about teachers (that I can remember !). I explained to him that he will have teachers, bosses, instructors his whole life that he may or may not get along with. He just has to learn to deal with it. If it is really really bad I will step in. Otherwise it is something he has to learn. We need to pray about his teacher and his reaction to her. He seemed to understand. I think my kid is having a rough time adjusting to this year. That may be your son's issue also. Something to think about.

I had some difficulty following your post, but here's what I got out of it.

Bright, well-behaved kid. Didn't like teacher, but couldn't say why. You met with the principal, got an explanation, but still felt uncomfortable with the whole thing. Suddenly, kid has a 180 turnaround and now loves the teacher.

So, if I'm getting that right, isn't the problem at least potentially solved? If he's happy with the teacher now, then a major intervention scarcely seems necessary. If anything, what I'd recommend is that you work hard to keep the lines of communication open. That gets hard in the later grade school years. It's embarrassing to talk about school at home; it's embarrassing to talk about home at school. But I'd recommend pushing the very simple line: "I might be able to help. But you and I need to work together on talking about this, so I can understand what's going on."

I think you are wise to investigate when your child has a problem in school. I think you might have made an error, however, in telling the teacher outright that your son thinks she is a mean teacher! That's just going to put the teacher on the defensive! It might be more effective to say that your son seems to be having difficulty adjusting and that he can't articulate his problems too well but that you think he may be reacting to discipline or taking things to heart. That's at least a basis for conversation. Then you find out, in the conference, where she sees him shutting down or retreating or not being an active participant, where he seems frustrated or angry, and so on.

I agree with those who have said that school has only been in session for a month. It always takes kids and teachers a while to get settled in and used to each other. That she is a first-year teacher is reason enough to give her some time. It's also very typical of teachers to establish disciplinary techniques and standards from the beginning of the year - if the kids get out of hand early on, it's much, much harder to rein them in after bad habits have developed. Kids can earn privileges by engaging in cooperative behaviors - a good life lesson.

I have no idea why you felt it important to list his reading scores and all his intellectual achievements. This has nothing to do with the issue, does it? There's a huge difference between a child's intellectual skills and his social skills, adaptation abilities, and articulation. You've said that, despite his book smarts and test smarts, he cannot explain himself! So that's where you need to dig more - his communication abilities. You just don't have enough information to know where the problem is. I'm also confused about why you are going down the "no labels" road here - has anyone suggested that? Has the teacher or the principal upset you with anything in this area? You state that you are "fearful" about long term effects - is there a reason why you are particularly fearful of labels?

In 3rd grade, teachers DO ramp up the expectations a bit, and kids have to grow up a little more. That will happen again every year and it's time for your son to learn that he is growing up, has more responsibilities, and more work to do. Does he have an unrealistic expectation that school is play time? Is there a group of kids in the class who are having trouble with this, and your son is reacting?

I think some of his comments merit investigation. He calls her "evil"?? Astounding concept for a 3rd grader. He's saying when SHE is having a good day and when she isn't? And that she got a phone call that upset her? I'd investigate those assumptions a lot more thoroughly.

Overall, I think you have to approach the teacher, principal and parent as a TEAM who are all working for the same thing, rather than starting out with an adversarial relationship. You said you thanked the teacher for changing something and making things better - but maybe SHE is consistent, and your son is the one having different reactions. Just because he had a good day doesn't mean she changed her style - it means he's in 3rd grade and he has different moods, and it also may mean that the other kids are behaving better so the whole class has a better day.

I think your son needs to spend less time on whether the teacher is having a good day and is being upset by phone calls, and less time worrying about the other kids getting corrected and redirected by her, and he needs to understand the difference between a teacher raising her voice to be heard above the din and actually yelling AT kids. When he can manage these distinctions, and can focus on his own behavior as well as being able to articulate things more, I imagine a lot will improve. It's important that HE not label the teacher (evil, having a bad day, etc.) and just explain the FACTS of what happened. That's where you're not getting enough information yet to make a decision. So I think it's way too soon to even title your post "when to change a teacher" - you will be much better served by getting your son to explain what happened, who said what, who did what, etc. rather than labeling and categorizing adult rationale when he's just not old enough or mature enough to do that.

It's hard to know what's going on when your son doesn't specify why he feels the way he does.
So far she doesn't sound bad at all.
Our son's first grade teacher was horrible.
She'd never taught 1st grade before, she was a personal friend of the principal (it was a private school), the only reason she wanted to teach 1st grade was she'd taught kindergarten with the principal's son in her class and she wanted him in her class for another year and she openly treated him as the teachers pet.
Kids would raise hands to answer a question.
She pick one and not accept the answer but when she picked the principals son he'd give the exact same answer and THEN she'd accept it.
She had difficulty teaching the material.
When the entire class had trouble understanding a concept she'd repeat the same lesson louder.
She could not explain alphabetizing to our son.
This went on for 6 weeks.
We talked about it, I met with her weekly.
Finally I sat my son down and showed him how I would alphabetize a list of a few simple words and wha-la he understood and never had a problem with it again.
There was no other first grade class in this school and the public school near us was awful.
He survived the year and got great grades in spite of her.
After that one year she went back to teaching kindergarten.
In 2nd grade in the same school (with the same classmates) he had a wonderful teacher.
She was a kindred spirit and he flourished in her class - all her students did well.
It's a rare thing to go through every grade and get teachers that you like every time.
Sometimes the teacher is good but the student and teacher personalities just don't mesh very well.
Sometimes in life you have to learn to get along with people you don't necessarily like.
However I myself have had one or two teachers that were psychotic.
I had an AP English teacher in high school who almost jumped out a 3rd floor window during our class.
Half the class was too scared to move while the other half wished he'd just do it already and get it over with.
There's nothing wrong with meeting with a teacher on a regular basis to work out a problem.
But I think maybe in this case your son has got a wrong impression and you need to work with him so he understands his teacher better - doesn't take criticism personally (especially if she's dealing with other students who are being disruptive - are your SURE he's not doing any disrupting himself?).
At any rate, if this is the only year where he has a teacher that he doesn't like then he'll have been really pretty lucky.
Between elementary school, middle school, high school and then college - he'll have a great variety of teachers.
Some he will like a lot and others he will despise - but he's going to have to learn to cope with different teaching styles and personalities.

Why do you have to tell us that she is young and beautiful? That's very telling of your outlook and preference of people...

What if she were in her 40s and "Plain and Tall" like Sarah?

Secondly, you say you want "fairness for the teacher" yet you involved the principal way too soon with no proof. I hope that the teacher forgives you for that.

I think that the phrase you use at the end of being "truly fearful" is pretty telling. Are you perhaps a bit high strung? Is perhaps your son as well?

If I were you, I would not be pushing for a change of teachers, I would be teaching my child some perception and coping skills. Your son may be very sensitive and empathetic, which are good things, but he needs to also be taught that for other kids who misbehave or are disruptive, sometimes teachers need to take what looks like a tough stance and it's fine for those kids. He's not always going to like everyone - that doesn't mean that he can go around claiming that someone is "evil."

I understand that we all want the best for our kids here, but I think that the two of you may be feeding off of each other's drama and are making this worse than it needs to be. It's good that you had a meeting and met the teacher. You can see from yourself that she's not the wicked witch of the west. Instead of feeding into your son's perception, assure him that you know that she's a good person and a good teacher, that all people have some days that are better than others, and that he'll be just fine.

Hmmmm. Any chance that your son has a crush on his young and beautiful teacher? That could explain why he is so sensitive about everything she does and says. And why he might be nervous around her.

I feel bad for the teacher. It doesn't sound like she's doing anything wrong. Do other students have issues with her too?

My experience with my own sons is that some kids and teachers do not jibe with one another.

I have one son whom teachers either LOVE or dislike to varying degrees (long story). With him some teachers just clicked really well, and others didn't. He's outspoken and not one to "lay low."

My other son is very easy-going, and told me for years about a couple of mean teachers at his school. I never really believed him until I heard one of them blow up at the kids while another mom and I were standing in the hall volunteering for something (Catholic school). It stunned me. My son said "Mom I told you that's how she is." He had her for various classes for several years.

So . . . there is probably some truth to what your son is telling you. For whatever reasons the two of them do NOT click. But I do think it's too vague, and too early in the year, to go in to the school asking for a change. I would keep probing for examples and then ways to help him figure out what she's looking for so he can please her.

We homeschool now, and have been for a long time (have one who graduated). Your situation is part and parcel of school life. It's like anything - there are positives and negatives.

Good luck.

ETA: Don't be fearful, either. He will pick up on that.

A hearty amen to Leigh R. She said it all for me.

Seems to me that it's your son who is wishy-washy. He is six, for pete's sake. He is telling you how he. a six year old with virtually no life experience, is seeing things. Things probably look much different through the eyes of an adult.

I would explain to him that in life we have to learn how to get along with people we don't particularly think are nice. It's a life lesson. You will be teaching him to hide from anything he doesn't like rather than learning to deal with it if you change teachers.

I guess by telling us how many instructors/caregivers he's had that he's liked, you are trying to say that it MUST be the teacher. Hmmmm. Did you ever stop to think that YOUR SON may be having a bad day and that's why he's perceiving the teacher to be mean on random days?

I think you need to get to the bottom of why he doesn't like his teacher. If he can't figure out the right words to say, maybe roll play with action figures a classroom setting. Tell him to be the teacher and so on.

Then perhaps if you figure them out you can work on those issues with your son and the teacher. Until you get to the bottom of this it is really difficult to tell why your son is having such a hard time with this teacher.

I would need to get to the bottom of why my child does not like the teacher before I would make the move to a different classroom. I look at teachers like bosses sometimes we have bosses we don't necessarily click with and have to work with them. With that many teachers/coaches he's bound to find one he just may not click with but he also needs to learn to get past that.

Good luck!

EDIT TO ADD____________________

Not sure what "midget" football is per say. But at my daughters school they do have youth (tackle) football teams for 3rd and 4th graders. My daughter currently cheers for her school's team.

First, I would look into your school's behavioral doctrine. In my son's school it is all POSITIVE, there is little to no yelling or focusing on the negative. When that does happen it is done in a more relaxed and private setting.

So, when the class is talking the teacher is to point out who is being quiet and say, "Johnny, thank you for following classroom behavior by sitting quietly." Now, the class sees his praise, evaluates their own choices and falls in line. Should a student continue - the teacher is to say, "Sally, at (insert school here) we care for ourselves and others by following the rules, right now the rule is to sit quietly." If that persists they receive a "minor" - note to the parents, if that continues twice more then a "major" and off to the principal's office. In the Principal's office is where the stronger conversation happens - with the parents in person or on the phone. It can take time to be effective and there are additional tools that support this program in the school, but with this method there is no yelling by the teachers. So, before changing the teacher, maybe the school's methods need to be looked at for an overall experience. I am by no means saying that this is a perfect system, but it does have better results than the negatively charged systems offer.

Second, I would look at your son's reactions to what is going on - is he over reacting or being overly sensitive? Is he guilty of the bad behaviors? I would stay where you are and see what positive changes can come about this year for all involved.

3rd grade, is when, things change a lot for a kid.
Lot more expectations and responsibilities.
It is a time, when they are prepping students for the 4th grade.
And let me tell you, 4th grade, is a HUGE difference.
And 5th grade too.
LOTS of changes, per school and school work and expectations and responsibilities.
So, get ready for that.

The 3rd grade is a cusp, grade.
Meaning, the kids are now, no longer, little lower grade, students. They will be, upper grade students. The 3rd grade Teachers, then have the "challenge" of, getting their students mentally "ready" for the 4th grade. That is why, 3rd grade and the Teachers, have a big task, to do, in addition to teaching. They are having to address all the emotional/mental/physical changes, that kids this age/grade are going to be going through.
At this grade as well, they are usually 8 or 9 years old. And at these ages... a kid even will have bodily changes. Which, my daughter's 3rd grade Teacher, had to talk to her students about too. ie: they smell after P.E. They have "body odor."
The 3rd grade, is a cusp grade.

And a "stern" teacher, is not necessarily "mean."
They are teaching kids, discipline.
And sometimes, a teacher may have to "yell" or increase their voice volume... because- kids do not listen and the other kids cannot hear the Teacher when she is talking in a normal voice. I see this with my own eyes at my kids' school, where I work.
Some kids will say "why are you yelling?" And the reason is: the Teacher, is not being heard nor listened, to. Because the kids are not being, dutiful. At all.

Also, keep in mind, that the Tween ages are from 9-12 years old.
And in school from 3rd grade on, it will be harder.
In many ways.
And in the higher grades, Teachers often have to be, sterner. Because, kids those ages, often get less focused, too. Or defiant. Tweens.

It sounds like she is a young new teacher who likely didn't realize the impression she was giving the kids. It also sounds like she is trying very hard now that you have brought this to her attention. I would keep in touch with her and her principal and/or senior teacher. Hopefully one of them (or both) sits in on her classes periodically and provides some guidance. At this point I would not request a classroom transfer.

Something sounds off here. Your son says that his teacher is mean, evil, he is afraid, but yet, he cannot give you a single concrete example of what she has done that's mean? He's old enough to be verbal enough to give specific examples. If he cannot, then I would not confront the teacher or the principal. Trust me, as someone who works in an elementary school (and saw two kids through as well, they are in high school and college now), if a teacher truly is mistreating students, other parents will also complain, you wouldn't be the only one, unless she is singling out your son but you haven't said that he's given any examples of that. Also, since his teacher has nothing to do with his football, if he has lost his love for the sport and does not want to play, I can't see how you can possibly blame the teacher. I do believe there's something going on here, something that is bothering your son, but I am not sold on the idea that the teacher is to blame. Have you spoken with other parents of kids in the class and heard their opinions of the teacher?

Coincidently I was just talking with some kids about 3rd grade teachers. It seems to be the year that kids start to think some teachers are mean... And I remember my 3rd grade teacher was my first "mean" teacher! I really do think she wasn't the nicest. She was older and really strict or something. I can picture her. But I survived. That's what you have to tell your son. You got a lot of good answers here so I won't repeat. I'd just be reassured if I were you that you don't need to switch teachers. He'll live and it'll be a learning experience. And are you able to casually speak to other parents in the class? I'd be curious what their kids say.

She sounds evil-and like she is clearly two different people-creepy-one minute she is drippy sweet and the next, she is scary-I would be running for the door-

I skimmed through because we have changed teachers before, but maybe break up your question into paragraphs so it is easier to read.

From what I gather, your son is afraid of his teacher, but can't really tell you why. The teacher says he is one of her best students, and the principal sided with the teacher saying your son's perception of the teacher is incorrect. Right?

Okay, I have a few problems with this whole situation. First I think you did right to request a meeting with the principal and teacher. What I think went very wrong in that meeting was that they were allowd to pin the blame of this on your son. How can they tell him his perception is wrong? When she is "yelling" at the kids, is she speaking to the individually or as a whole class? Is she generalizing or being specific? I'm sure he has had teachers yell in the past, and he hasn't been afraid of those teachers, so what is this one doing differently?

Can you do more to find out what the problem is? Like go sit in on his class for a day? It would be well worth a day of leave or paying a sitter to watch any other siblings. Maybe even do it more than one day. Pop in for lunch one day, all of the kids are always so talkative and you can find out SO much about your kid, the class, the teacher,etc during a 30 minute lunch.

My daughter had issues in 3rd grade to where she was struggling beyond belief, not in a good way. We moved her after her teacher flipped out on her over Valentine's cards. We worked with him and the school for MONTHS to fix the issues we were having. I no longer doubt my kids over their teachers. We will work with them when needed, but I have no hesitation to move them or go above the school if necessary.

Let me also add that had we not gone through what we did with my daughter's 3rd grade teacher, I would probably have a different view on how to handle this. I wouldn't just let it go though.