When Kids Are Mean to Your Child

You can't keep your son "safe" from everyone that is going to hurt his feelings. You have to teach him how to stand up for himself, this is not a battle you can fight for him but you can give him the self confidence and tools he needs to fight it himself. Kids forgive and forget quickly because to them its not that big of a deal. When parents try to get involved it usually becomes a huge problem between the families and the kids get hurt even more b/c they can't play together and they don't even know why!

Teach him to say things like, "I don't want to play with you when you call me names." or "I don't like it when you call me names! Please say that you're sorry"

Kids will be kids, there will always be name calling it is your job to teach you child how to handle it. I went through something similar with our neighbors. Their daughter is 2 years older than my daughter and has older brothers, so she knew lots of things to say to upset my daughter but I practiced with and coached my daughter. She stood up for her self and now they are inseparable best friends. In a time where many neighbors don't even know each other, it would be a shame for you son to lose such a close friend.

I'm so sorry to hear that your son is being treated poorly by this other boy. It's heart breaking when our children get treated that way. I agree, they forgive and forget very easily at this age, but it is not too soon to teach personal rights. He has the right to choose his friends and be treated properly. I would not let him play with this person any longer. Explain to him that while we need to be nice to everyone, and forgive their poor behavior, we don't have to have everyone as a playmate, and that it is much more fun to be with people who treat you the way the way you treat them, the way you want to be treated. Help him establish other friendships, even if it means walking him down the street to another neighbor's house. There is no way you are going to be able to change the other boy, so concentrate on teaching your boy to be kind and establish better friendships. I wouldn't emphasize that the other boy is mean, just that we want to hang around people (and be people) who make other's feel good.

I totally agree with the mom that said your best bet is to teach your son how do deal with this problem. I don't know why some kids are so mean! Unfortunately, this won't be the last time he deals with this. I also agree that role playing is a good way to help your child. My daughter got her feelings hurt so much once because a girl in our neighborhood called her a "loser". I told my daughter that often people are mean because they feel bad about themselves, and the best thing you can do is not let them know they have bothered you. We practiced how to handle the situation and after about 3 times me calling her "loser" we were laughing so hard she forgot she was hurt....Good luck!

I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but I had a similar situation with a neighbor in our townhouse. She had 2 sons slightly older than my son, who is also a really sweet kid. THese 2 boys were nasty, broke my son's toys, called him names, etc. They also came to our unit frequently asking if he could play. I tried to teach my son to ignore their comments, and I spent a lot of time talking about "not everyone is nice all the time", but he was only 2 1/2 and it was hard for him to understand why they were so mean when they were the ones seeking time with him. To protect him, I started noting where these boys were. If they were playing out back, we played in front and vice versa. I couln't completely keep them apart, but I did significantly decrease the amount of time they were together. My son has many other friends who treat him well, and some may say I have missed an opportunity for education on life in the real world, but he is MUCH happier without their constant taunting.

Frances-

My son went through the same issue in daycare/school- He had this boy in his class (they are both 3) And this boy was just brutal! My son would come home and tell me "Mommy, Evan hurt my feelings again" It just broke my heart! I told him that he needs to work it out- We would do role play- If Evan says this to you or does this to you then you tell him blah blah blah- He really got a kick out of it and eventually the kid backed off- But I would really say to let him figure it out- The first time I got wind of it I was really angry and he saw that he was getting a rise out of me so I just changed my way of handling the stories by telling him to be vocal and stand up for himself!

Good luck!

Bullies look for kids with low self esteem, so the most important thing is trying to get your son to feel more confident. I teach Martial Arts and also teach a Bully Buster program. I think Martial Arts would definitely help your son with his confidence. The next thing is you have to teach him that they are just words and he needs to understand they do not mean anything. He knows he is not stupid. Have him make a fist with one hand and pretend it is a garbage can. Then take all of the bad things the other boy has said and put them in the trash. Tell him if people say something he does not like , he should stay calm and respond "that's your opinion" If he makes a big deal of it the boy will keep teasing him or calling him names. Hope that helps!