When Do You Know Your "Done"?

A., I think you defintely sound like you would like a number 3. Someone once told me, you will never regret having children...3,4,5...but you could regret not having more. I was on the fence about a third, I had a very healthy boy and girl, but I still couldn't imagine my family with only two kids. I have had my third...we are done, but if I had the money, I would have more. Nothing could have made my family more complete. I now have two beautiful boys and a gorgeous little girl in the middle. Also, don't worry about two to three, it was a MUCH easier adjustment than 1 to 2. By the time you would have a third, you will have two great little helpers and one will probably be in school. It is NOTHING to be afraid of.

After our second child I said I was done but we never took any perminant steps to prevent this. When my daughter was 2 I kept getting this feeling like mabey I wasn't done. I waited to see if the feeling would go away but it didn't. When my daughter turned 5 we started trying again. My son was born and I decided to wait to get my tubes tied incase that feeling came back of not being done. He is now three and I had my tubes tied cause I have always felt whole after my son was born. I have never heard anyone say they have regretted having another child however I have heard people say I wish we would have had one more. hope this helps in your decision. Good luck

I had the itch when my son started to become more independent and running around about 15 months. It was really, really bad, I thought about it every day if I wanted one more. I have been avoiding getting rid of any baby items just in case I changed my mind.

Then I brought my kids on vacation to Florida and I realized I loved having a family of four. I can easily manage two kids and hold two hands everywhere and I could always have one kid on each side of me on planes so I could be interacting with both of them. I would need to buy a larger car to hold 3 carseats, I would have to buy a larger stroller or have one kid walking, I would have to buy a larger house if I wanted to have another child so they could each have their own rooms. If I only had two then I would not have with a middle child, I was the middle child and I often felt like the forgotten one. Look at your two kids, hold each of their hands when you are in a busy place and then think if you really want another.

I am just sharing my decision process, Good luck making your decision!

The answers I've received when I've asked this on a message board were that you just know. You will just know when you are done. I think the fact that you're thinking about it is an indication that you might not be done.

How many can you afford?? both emotionally and financially?? and how sure are you that those circumstances will continue?? It is not "God's" choice, it is yours.

I think this is a good question...as my girls are 7 and 5 1/2. And I am still not really sure. They came so close in the beginning that I couldn't think about having more, and now I do think about it...my theory is if it is in God's plan it will happen and if not, than it won't. And as others say, you will be happy either way!

I think that God lets you know when you are done, he always provides and won't give you what you can't handle. If you are not sure if you are 'done' or not than He has not told you you are for sure. Let Him decide!

In my experience you are not done if you are questioning it. I drove myself crazy with the same question from the time our first son was born until 3 months ago when I got pregnant with number 2. I was so unsure of having baby #2 for every reason-financial, lifestyle, work, love doting on my son alone, etc...we decided to 'see' what happens and a month later we were pregnant.

I now KNOW I am done. I am so excited about baby #2 I know it was the correct decision-but I also feel for the first time that we will be DONE-i'm not vassilating or wondering of 'what iffing'. Of course anything can happen-but I really don't think so.

The caveat is--even if you aren't 'done' what is right for you and your family...does another baby make financial, etc sense...if you know all those answers and feel at peace with your decision I would say it's the right one.

Good luck.

You have to look at your situation and what your family wants are- I knew I was done when I hit 39 and was single again. My son was 7 and I knew I didn't want to start over in diapers again. I have struggled with motherhood since my son was born. I am done. I think you just know what is right or not

WOW, I am totally is your same position. I have a 4 year old boy and an 18 month old boy. My husband and I have always agreed on 2 children, but now I have that baby itch. My husband stands firm that we are done, he has gotten rid of all the "baby" stuff in the house, however has not taken the final step of having a vasectomy as we had agreed on. I think that is out of fear, or comfort knowing I am on the pill not that he wants another. He does say that if there was a gaurantee that we would have A a healthy baby and B a girl we would go for it, but since there are no gaurantees I should be happy with my healthy kids. Plus he doesn't want to be out numbered by our kids:-) Guess I can't offer any advice only empathy.......I just am not ready to call it quits, I want to leave the idea out there for some time and see what happens. With my older son I started getting the baby itch when he was about 18 months, I wonder if it will pass......

I feel your dilemma! I have a 4.5 yo boy and an 14 month old boy. I thought I'd be very much done with two, but I enjoyed my second baby so much more -- much more relaxed -- that I can see going for three. But I'm 40, had a hard time staying pregnant (2 mc), have a heart issue and not the best back. Preganancy is really hard on me and I'm thinking I'd rather be healthy and a better mother to two than a sore and injured mother to three. If I were younger, I'd probably go for it, but I'm feeling my age and then some! And to be very macabre, I am concerned about being pregnant and having an infant during this H1N1 pandemic and am taking that very seriously. Every day my kids get older is a day they're stronger and able to stay healthy. It's a hard, hard decision, though!! You could always adopt or foster if you regret it later...

I agree w/ those who said if you are questioning it, you probably aren't done. I'm a mother to 3 so I've been in your shoes. After our second DD was born even though I was happy, I didn't feel like our family was complete. When she was a little over a year we found out #3 was on the way and our son, our third and final child, is now 18 months old. I definitely feel done now, and very complete. So I think you just know when you are at peace w/ your family size.
Good luck w/ your decision!

I wonder if the "itch" has to do with having an 18 month old? I have a 3 1/2 year old and an 18 month old and I SO have the itch! My husband only wanted one and I've always wanted 3, so we compromised on 2, with the exception of if #1 & 2 were both boys we'd try one more time for a girl - well, #2 was a girl so now my husband is very definite that we are done... I still crave one more though... But I wonder if it's because my baby is becoming so much more a little girl than a "baby" and I miss having a "baby"? My husband tells me it will pass and just enjoy how much easier it is getting as they get older and we don't have room or money and we got rid of all of the baby stuff...

I guess what I'm saying is just that I'm right there with you...

You will know for sure you will have no more children when one of two things happen, you either stop having sex or you go through menopause, or both. There are other precautions you can take, but they aren't 100%. I'd wager you aren't talking about that, but there it is. If you are happy with two children, great, and if you get pregnant with a third you will probably be happy with three children, too.

My thought is this....you will never regret having another baby, but you may regret not having one. Good luck with your thoughts!