When Do You Kick Out an Unruly 19 Yr Old Child?

Updated on March 26, 2008
L.L. asks from Germantown, TN
4 answers

i have a friend who is in a horrible situation. i want desperately to advise her but i don't have any! here's her situation..... she has a 19 yr old son who is doing drugs and having sex in her and her husband's home. they have sent him to rehab several times before he was 18 but other than that he has never faced consequences for his actions. also this is about to destroy her marrige. the father wants to kick the son out and thinks the mother is enabling him. the mother tells me that she would rather see him ever day and if something happened ( like an over dose situation ) then she could be there to get him help. her fear is if she kicks him out he will turn to a life of crime and she will go out of her mind worring about him and if he dies that if she had kept him at home she at least wouldn't live with as much guilt. please pray before you respond.
sincerely,
L. l

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M.P.

answers from Memphis on

Hello L., I feel you are a mother just like my ex-boyfriend mother. She always say pray for her We do and everyone in our family & friend circle, but I think you need to stick with your husband and kick him out. My ex is 47 yrs old and you are going to be taking care of someone with excuses for the rest of your life. My ex father has passed when our son was born 3mos or 4mos old. With him today still being on drugs I had to let go and put him out of my life because I could keep my christian values and allow this negativity in my household. I promise you if I was in your shoes I would take my husband side over my son because when a child of mine disrepect me I have done all I was legally to give them out of life. Plese enjoy your HUSBAND!!!! I will continue to pray for you and your family.

1 mom found this helpful
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A.H.

answers from Pine Bluff on

This really breaks my heart because it sounds so familiar. I have a sister who has been the same. My parents stepped back and allowed her to make her own decisions at about the same age. She is now almost 29 and just now is beginning to straighten her life out. God has protected her life so many times - she truly should be dead. My parents and I are continually thankful to Him for protecting her!

I will be praying with you for your friend to feel the Lord's direction and the realization that HE is in charge and HE is this young man's protector. It is very heartbreaking, but as long as this young man is allowed to carry on like this at home, his behavior will not change. As hard and as sad as it is, the husband is right - the son needs to go. One thing you might mention to her is this - God is the Creator of this young man, and he is precious in His sight. As strong as a mother's love it, God's love is infinitely stronger. She can not even begin to fathom His love for her son. Her battle right now is not truly about her protecting her son - it's about trusting that God CAN do the job better than she can! And, He can do it in such a way that truly gets to the heart of the matter. I will be praying that your friend can see this in respect to her relationship with God and His love for her son instead of her responsibility to her son. That's truly where the fight lies. God is good, and He is powerful!

1 mom found this helpful
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J.H.

answers from Memphis on

This mama eagle needs to stir up her nest! She's not keeping her son at home, the man is staying at home and I don't blame him. He's got three hots & a cot, drugs & sex on demand and no responsibility whatsoever. He has already turned to a life of crime since he's a criminal everytime he buys dope. All of us could advise her but she didn't ask for our advice or yours either. Unsolicited advice rarely reaches the heart of a mother concerning her wayward child. But intercessory prayer changes things! Rather, let's stand in the gap for her and her family.

1 mom found this helpful
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P.E.

answers from Memphis on

You know that is always a tough situation no matter the family. I would say that if he is not obeying the house rules that he needs to go. I know that it is probably easier said than done though. Working for my local police department I see this too often. If your friend thinks that he will turn to a life of crime out on the street, I hate to say it but he probably already is and she just doesn't know it. He will eventually, more than likely, get arrested. If he does they just need to let him sit for a while instead of bonding him out. I know this might sound harsh, but from seeing other families in this situation it seems that that is the best solution. I don't know if any of this helps but she will probably have guilt no matter what happens. God has a plan for everyone and hopefully he will find his path.

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