Friend's Husband Is a Sex Offender?!

I would like you to tell someone, even though I don't know names. It makes me uncomfortable knowing that a sex offender could be anywhere near a school in L.I.S.D., my son attends a school in this district. And I like knowing that he is safe.

As a woman who had been sexualy assaulted in school when I was eight years old - this is a touchy subject for me.

I would talk to your friend and tell her that you are no longer comfortable having your child over their house. That you still want to be her friend and that the kids can always get together at a public place or your home as long as the husband is not around.

I would discuss with her that since she stayed with him she is responsible for telling the parents of her kids friends that her husband is a reg. sex offender. The parents have a right to know! That if she brings her husband to work with her that she should tell her client that he is a reg sex offender.

Because if she hides it and a child gets hurt than she could legaly get in trouble as well. Not only that but have that on her consious as well.

Tell her that you love her but if she doesnt do that than you will have to do the responsible thing and make it aware to the church and school/friends of the kids who he could be in contact with and that if she is not taking responsibility for that you can no longer be her friend.

I would also make the police aware of the fact that he is around children and not making others aware that he is a RSO.

Good luck to you!

If it were me...I would stop being her friend and tell everyone i know and go to the cops and the schools as well!

I want to say something before I begin my answer, only because I don't necessarily agree with these "sting" operations that are going on. The sting operations are good tool for finding and bring out true pedofiles, but I am always leary of who is lured into these situations. I've never been privy to reading an entire sting transcript, but I do know that sometimes these men just seem curious and then get caught up in more than they bargained for. NOW! With that said, if he actually drove to Dallas to meet up, then his intentions were clear.
Here's something everyone needs to think about. A pedofile is a pedofile is a pedofile. What I mean by that is suppose you are a "of age" woman and you are attracted to "of age" men. Let's go even farther and say you are attracted to men with blonde hair, and one day the laws change and say from now on you shall never even consider a relationship or otherwise with persons with blonde hair!But do you become any less attracted to them?
I'm a psychology student and I just finished up my internship for my Master's program and I had about four pedofiles I did clinicals with. YOU CANNOT CURE PEDOFILIA! Most would tell you it's something they can't even control. If you are a man and are attracted to young girls (or boys) they can lock you up and when you get out your still attracted to young girls! It's that simple. Is it controlable? Some look at pedofilia in a similiarity as addiction. The only difference I've found is that unlike addiction, this isn't well...an addiction. Now that i've said that, most pedofiles are sex addicts and that's a whole other issue, but what I'm saying is that I doubt very seriously he's cured. All you can hope for is that he was just curious and went to check things out. Even then it's a little disturbing that someone would have a remotely sexual conversation with a 14 year old girl.
Here's where I would step in. If that family had sleep overs, I would definitely tell the other parents. I would tell your friend that you're having issues with the knowledge and you feel like you need to tell other parents. Don't try to hide that you're the one and that you're just concerned about the other children in their lives. Tell her it is her responsibility to keep others safe and instead she's trying to cover it up! I would tell anyone whom he may have contact with their children...bottom line.

K.,

What a sad situation! I feel for you.

My advice to you would be to tell your friend that if she doesn't tell others that you will, and follow through with it. That way she can have the opportunity to clear the air herself. It is such a shame to have to lose such a good friend, but if she won't do the responsible thing, you must for the sake of the children.

Please post an update to let us know what happened.

If your friends ever leave their kid's at the sex offender's house, then they have a right to know. I would never leave my kids somewhere where I KNOW there is a sex offender. But, there are plenty of times that I have left my kids with one of my girlfriend's only to find just the husband at home when I go to pick them up - which is fine because I am friends with the husbands as well. But, if I found out the husband was a sex offender, I would be pissed like you cannot believe. I count on my friends to also help protect my children from sex offenders.

My step father was an abuser and I never told anyone until my step brother had a baby daughter. Then, I felt an obligation to tell him all about it so that he could protect his daugther. I have had zero contact with my mother or step father in 20 years because I can't stand what he did to me. But, I think my step- brother has made different choices and still sees his father and allows his father to see the daughter. My mother adn step father will NEVER see my kids. My kids will not be subjected to what I was subjected to if I can prevent it.

I think you shoul tell your friends.tha is horrible I mean I dont want to sound mean but if she was really your friend she would have never brought a sex offender around you children.She needs to see that if she stay with him that she will have no freinds and neither will her children.How can she stay with him 'and no what he has don I think that she is endagering her own children and if she doesnt mind doing that then she sure doesnt care about endangering other peoples kids.I mean you would want to know you wished that she would have told you so maybe you should tell your friends and help protect their children.I mean I know she is your friend but how good of a friend puts your children in danger I would say that anyone who ever put my children in danger is definitly not worth my friendship.I mean just put yourself in her postion what would you do if you found out your boyfriend was a sex offender i dont know about you but my answer would not be marry the guy!Sounds like to me you need a new friend and definitly should try to protect you children and any one elses from him.I am not sure but I think if you know that he is a sex offender and go around him with you children anyway you can get reckless endangerment of a child.Your family and children always come first.Good luck sounds like a lot to handle

I would absolutely tell everyone that will come in contact with him especially since they can't seem to be responsible and tell them. You would want to know if your kids would come in contact. It would just be common courtesy. Good Luck to you! A.

Many thoughts.
Number 1. She is not really being a friend to you in that she did not confide that to you. Or to anyone they deal with.
Are her daughters going to be safe when they get in the age
range?
Number 2. A true friend would let you know that. Children
come first. You can have a best friend and see each other
without the children if he is there *where ever you meet*
If only you and her, then children can be there. There is
a number of feet he is to not be within in regards to being
a registered sex offender of early teens *pedophile*.
Number 3. Registering the children in another district to distance them from this is not going to help if he picks them
up from school. It will expose other kids to the chance he
will look again for sex with a minor since she is pregnant
again.
Number 4. Anyone doing business with her has the right to know
her assistant is registered. Remember that children need our
protection and a photographer does family photos. Even if it is an adult function, the only way to know it is adult is 100
percent of attendees are adults. No adults with their children
there.
Number 5. Even a church has the right to know. He is on church
property when there are minors there. Someone can sue the church saying they let him on their property, they are also responsible if he does anything illegal.
Number 6. I would tell up front what you feel. Mention you feel betrayed in that she chose not to tell you this. This is a major item of news. And you feel rotten knowing he is allowed to be around children in helping her with her job as well as around his own. Tell her she needs to tell openly anyone she deals with about this and a time frame. Then after that, you will be letting anyone know about this, that have children and that are around him.
If she is a true friend, she will value your honesty and do what needs to be done to protect any child he will be around.
Be there. You show her a true friend. You *leave children home* meet with her, talk with her and keep the dialog going.

Bottom line...the law says that he is a registered sex offender which means he CAN NOT be around children or in any location where children are going to be.

This means she CAN NOT take him on her photo shoots if there are going to be children there, they CAN NOT host gatherings at their home where there will be children, they CAN NOT hand out candy at halloween or even decorate the outside of their house.

Not only is this guy a registered sex offender, he is also a slimeball! Who the heck cheats on their pregnant wife?!

Your friend needs couseling and you need to let EVERYONE who needs to know about this guy in on the story. Not only for their safety but also for their need to know. There may be situations that involve ex-spouses. If we had been hanging out with a sex offender with my husband's young children, we woud have lost custody of them! This woman is not just taking a chance with her own children, she is endangering other children as well.

D.
SAHM, of three: 19,18,and5

Please don't attack me for saying this, but I just thought I would offer another side to this situation. I've often wondered about those "sting" operations. Since we don't ever see the online interaction or transcript, I sometimes wonder if the law enforcement officers are overly pushy or convincing, so much so that they make it even easier to convince someone to overstep that boundary between right and wrong. Yes, it is WRONG that an adult would want to have any inappropriate relationship with an underage child. I will not argue against that. But, that being said, human beings have desires and maybe, just maybe, the Dallas police (or whoever is was) caught him on a bad day - maybe his pregnant wife was especially moody; maybe he'd had a bad day at work; who knows.... We don't know and it's certainly not our place to judge him. I can understand your desire to protect other children from this man, in the event that he could be a danger to other children, but you don't know all the details about this. Maybe your best option is to sit down with your friend, express your concerns and see if you can convince her that honesty is the best policy, especially when children are involved. Remember, this could very easily have been a one-time thing and he, like any other criminal, deserves a chance to carry on his life as a law-abiding citizen.

As I said - please don't attack me for my comments. I'm simply offering an alternative view.

K.,

As with the advice you have all ready received you should make sure you are cautious with what you say about this situation. Advising or encouraging others to check the websites is something that is responsible. Becoming an advocate to single out one person and to make it a mission to destroy another family is a very vindictive and vigilante approach. Unless you witness something directly that is illegal or irresponsible then you don't have more to support. Intergecting your opinions and fears because of your past relationship and because of the job the wife holds is not illegal it's simply your intergecting your own fears and concerns on another.

As far as the children going to a school district where the grandparents live in that is legal in Texas. You can use a grandparents address in Texas if the school district is a better school district and/or if the grandparents help provide aftercare for the kids. It is something that isn't well advertised. And if the school district and parents have discussed precautions to protect the children then what is in the best interst of the children is what should be considered. You outing these children or causing conflict for these children is not a stance that would seem to support your cause for supporting and protecting children.

You are going to get rid of a friend for a hurtful family secret? You are going to be hurt by something that SHE had no control over? SHE NEEDS YOU!
As for choices she makes... you can voice your opinion but further than that you should do NOTHING!
You do protect your self and children...But are you about to throw away 10 plus years? You need to use your heart.
.

What you could do is copy a picture of his offence page and anonomously mail it to your friends with children!
Good luck

I would print it out and send it to the church and anyone I knew whose kids could be in danger... or start an email that reads along the lines of,

"Do you know where your kids are today? Statistics state that 1 in 4 women will be raped in her life time. Check this website : and see what offenders live near you - how concerned should you be for yourself and especially your children?"

You didn't nark her out, and you're sending a vital public safety message. In fact, if you want me to send it to you first so you can send it out as a forward - shoot me a line.

S.

Heres what I think:
The friendship has been breached and will never be the same. You can still meet your friend with the husband NOT around but you should never have anything to do with the convicted sex offender. Why do you think they have the offender lists for you to check. There is NO excuse for what he did .....he has problems that should not be yours. Keep your children away from him at all costs and for the sake of any other children you should put a bug in the ear of the other parents. Dont pussyfoot around his or her feelings. Your friend didnt consider you at all by not telling you all this....what else are they hiding? And get this: She has ruined her own life by being married to a sex offender-You have done nothing wrong! The wrong thing to do is not tell other parents with children which may be at risk. Children always come first and override any social rules. Knowledge is meant to be shared. They are over! Be strong!!!!

Your friend is being very selfish and putting others needlessly at risk.

I would absolutely, 100% want to know and I personally would have a very difficult time being friends with someone who witheld this type of information knowing that my child (or others) were put in a position of risk. Period.

It's not about her or her life...she is an adult and has made an informed choice She does NOT get to make the same bad choice for my child or for anyone else's.

There is absolutely NO excuse for witholding this information and I would make sure that the church and our mutual friends knew. I could not live with myself if something happened to a child and I could have prevented it but instead chose to keep my mouth shut.

I know your feelings are skewed by love for your friend but think about it this way...how would you feel if you were one of your mutual friends. Wouldn't you want to know?

It's just not about her or screwing up her life. She has made her (very bad) choice for whatever reason (hopefully denial and she will come to her senses SOON!). Whatever happens to her or her life is a result of HER actions (or non actions)...not yours.

Aren't sex offenders suppose to have a sign in their window or yard? You could ask the police dept why this person does not have a sign posted.

This is your friend and she probably needs all the friends she can get, but this is serious and in the event something happens, she too could be legally and financially responsible. She is setting up her family for disaster by so many lies. They will catch up with her at some point.

I would hate to be in your shoes. Apparently there is more to this man than you know, so do be cautious. Perhaps anonymous is better. Good luck!

I can't believe someone would even suggest that you keep this friend. She's no friend. I'm sure she really needs some help, but you shouldn't put your family at risk to be her 'friend'...that's not what true friends ask of each other. I feel for you and I'm not sure what exactly I'd do, but just the fact that he had the intent of doing God only knows what w/a 14 year old is more than just scary and disgusting. I don't think any circumstance could make what he 'almost' did ok. And by the way, he's probably done plenty that she just doesn't know about! Good luck to you and seriously, I don't think you should feel bad at all...I think someone already said it, but she did this to herself by keeping this guy around...her bad decisions, her consequences. Sad that these people call themselves mothers! I think people who keep perpetrators around their kids are just as bad as the perpetrator!! Hope you get some good advice...I'll say a prayer for you.

I think you have a right to be concerned. Remember you can do things anonoymously. A note to the school or church etc... Especially if he is around other kids. Does he volunteer to be the coach or help with the youth at church etc... But remember there are 2 sides to every story. In teh set up he could have been led on to believe she was 23 or something and then the wife has let herself believe she is dealing with the issue of cheating. Everyone has there breaking point and she may be willing to deal with that part. But, i would be very cautious in my friendship. If your kids stay the night and she promises you he won't be there...would she lie to you? Seh is lying to a lot of other people. I think it is timeto really evaluate the friendship. You can always tell her you are there for her when she needs you btu may be time to break away. There are jsut to many scary things out there.

I believe that your other friends with children have a right to be educated that the man they associate with could be a direct danger to their child. Maybe you could approach the wife first, and let her know that you plan on informing your friends in the most respectful manner possible but that you are obligated to protect your friends children. She might want to tell them herself but they need to be told.

After praying about this situation I would do as someone else said, call the police department to verify whether or not the crime requires him having to put a sign in his yard. Most sex offenders cannot be around other children but the law allows them a way out. I know they are assigned a counsellor. Once they have had all their counselling, passed polygraph and behavior tests etc, the law allows them to have sponsors. A wife can be a sponsor. And they can have as many as will apply. The state runs background checks on the sponsors, setup meetings with the counsellor and offender as well before being approved by the state to sponsor the offender. These sponsors ensure that even around children the offender is never out of their sight and never alone with children. I would make sure these things are done since not only could you cause harm and embarrassment to your friend and children but to yourself as well by not be well educated in this situation.

K.,

If you were my friend, I would WANT you to tell me something like that! I would be hurt if something happened to my kids and you knew he was that away (had an intrest in kids).

What if the shoe was on the other foot? Would you want someone to tell you?

As for the comment Sarah W. stated she questions the way the police set the "stings" up. Well, that offends me. I was in LE for over 6 yrs and you open the door for the SEX OFFENDER. Now if the SEX OFFENDER is intrested in a CHILD/MINOR than they are the ones that get themselves in trouble.

Bad day? Come on! It does not matter how your day went....if you like little kids than you should get in trouble! Dont take this personal but maybe if people would pay a little more attention to what their kids are doing than maybe the police would'nt need to set up "stings" to protect kids from sick people!

Thank you K. for looking into your friend's husband and if you were my friend I would EXPECT you to tell me something like this.

Best Wishes,

Eliyah

All I can pretty much say is that from what I have seen on TV, a sex offender never "changes" the way he thinks or what he wants to do to someone. He just tries very hard not to by getting help etc. But if this guy doesnt have it posted and he hasnt told anyone, then he is not doing what he is supposed to be doing. He is just hiding his "problem". I would tell everyone that has kids. If you feel you cant, send a pic of him on the site to everyone instead. You know how women talk, it will spread like wild fire! You have to protect the innocent in this situation. It sure doesnt seem like he or his wife are doing that. I pray to God she wakes up someday and leaves! You be careful too! I wish you luck!

WOW, I can understand your fears on this one. Instead of just coming out and telling the mutual friends you might just mention in passing that you went to website and found out their was someone on there that you know that your kids have been around him in the past and how you had no idea but you were so glad you checked it out so that you can now keep your children away from him. Mention that they should check it out to make sure there is no one on there that they know because they might be as surprised as you were. Sorry I don't have more advice for you but this is how I would handle it if I were in your shoes. Bottom line as a parent you are the one responsible for your childen and I would want someone to let me know if my child was in any possible chance of harms way no matter how slight that chance may be.

He was only caught cause it was a sting, how many other times has he done this and gotten away with it. I know its a tough situation to be in. I personally would tell anyone and everyone you could. As I said before he was only caught cause it was a sting. The internet is an easy target for predators like this.

Were not talking about two highschool kids one being 17 "Adult in the state of Texas" and the other being 16. Which would be totally understandable as the 16 year old might be a couple months behind or so.

But this guy is 29 and for sure if it was a sting it was told to him that she was 14. I have watched the show on MSNBC and it sickens me to know there are that many people who are out looking for young girls at that age.

So again if it was me, I would say something so that if something did happen, you wouldnt be looked at, as to why you didnt say something to warn your freinds or any other innocent people out there.

Thanks , my 2 cents.

Be very careful with what you say. Get all the facts if possible about the "sting" operation and copies to back you up. If there is any record on file the police department (public record law) should have it and you can possibly get a copy. Your friend or her husband could come back at you in the legal system for slander or libel if you are not correct.

Yes, you should protect your children. Yes, it is nice to let other people know but beware as some of these same people may turn on you. The casual conversation about checking out the site for offenders might a be good way to go about it. Just watch your back with your "friend" as she has to make the decision to move on and get out of the bed that she made. Once out you maybe able to be acquaintances again. I will keep you in my thoughts as you ponder what to do. The other S.

I think you should tell your friends that have children that are around him for certain. He's apparently a very sick man but as far as her sending her kids to another school I would let that go because that's for her kids benefit and it shouldn't hurt anyone.

My first question to you would be - are you certain that you know all of the facts? Has he had counseling & moved passed this problem or is it a continuing, raging problem? I ask because my husband too has a record & without knowing about the steps he has taken in his life to move past his problems, I am sure people would be concerned about him as well. There are often times extinuating circumstances surrounding things of this nature & you should really consider if you know all of it before you "out" your friend's husband. If he is a predator, you should by all means be concerned. However, you should worry about your own family & making whatever arranagements you want to keep them away from him or however you want to handle it - you shouldn't worry about being the town crier. Most importantly, I would pray about it & ask God to lead you to what He wants you to do. I hope this all works out for you & your friend.

First off if he is on the list he is registered which he has been convicted of this crime. I think for sure that all your friends with girls need to know since the crime was against a girl. I do think you should at least tell your friends to look at the web site and see what happens and also let your 10 year friend know that you think that all the parents with any kids have a right to know and protect their kids. I personally would be furious that my kid at any point when they were around this man were put in danger all because she wanted to protect him. It's not the children of your friends fault so don't do anything with the school they have a right to not to be judged by what their sicko dad did. Your friend must have a pretty low self esteem if she has stayed with him. Not only did he try and cheat and he got caught and she has the proof he was convicted but she has stayed and helped him hide this crime... Both of these people need counceling and lots of prayers... I will be praying for you and this road that you have been sent on thanks to your friend and her husband!

Steph had a great idea! You email her with a link to the sex-offender's page, then let her create a warning email and send it out to 50 friends including you. Then you forward it to mutual friends that have a right to know who their kids may be spending the night with.

Sexual predators are like alcoholics. They can be "recovering" day-by-day by the choices they make, but they can never be considered to be "cured."

As a registered sex offender he is not allowed by law to be in the presence of children. Further, if CPS is informed she is living with children with a registered sex offender, they will take her children from her. She needs a serious wake up call. I would tell any of your friends who have children in his targeted age range (12 to 16). This is not an isolated type of sex offending. He has a serious problem.

It sounds like he didn't actually "do" anything with the 14 yr old, he just accepted the lure....not that getting on the internet and chatting with 14 year old girls about sex and going out to hook up with them is nothing. It's a crime and I wouldn't want him near my kids. But I know a Dad that is a sex offender and his offense was an actual act that took place. His daughter was good buddies with mine and I didn't really know the family taht well, so when the girls started hanging out at 10 yrs old, I did the sex offender search only to find out about him that way. I let my daughter continue her friendship but the deal was her friend always had to come over here. Later on she went to birthday parties for her friend at skate rinks and I knew he was there and he was always very polite.

I did tell my daughter that he'd committed a crime in the past and that she was never to go anywhere with him or let him take her somewhere alone. It's been at least 4 years and everything has worked out fine.

His offense didn't involve little girls, if it had I would've handled the whole relationship differently. But it is surprising how many people there are out there that you'd never suspect.

K.,

You have had alot of responses to this, I'm sure this is overwhelming. I'm going to tell you from a woman who was sexually abused as a child then had her daughter abused at a daycare this is a subject very near to my heart. The only answer is Jesus. Prayer and lots more of it is all that will give you the answers you need. I would cation you not to judge this woman to harshly. You have not walked in her shoes and don't know how hopeless she may feel. Becareful not to distroy her life and her childrens any more than her husband already has. Pray for her and help her to get out of this situation. Attacking her is going to make it worse. Expecially if she is pregnant right now, she needs support and love. Protect your children and help her protcect hers. Love is the greatest gift of all.

M.

Don't know if this man attends church, but we attended a church that was torn apart by this. The man was teaching a kids Sunday school class and molesting the children with his wife in the room. She was in such denial that she claims to never have seen anything. I was told that after some therapy she finally remembered it. I think sometimes our minds just can't handle the horrible things they see.
Children have a hard time protecting themselves from these things so we need to be vigilant and remember that a lifetime of emotional pain for them is not worth a friendship.
If this man cared about children more than himself, he would tell everyone about his problem and have them help to keep him honest.

What a difficult situation, only because you are friends with the woman. I first response is
TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!!!
I am not kidding. A sex offender has no limits. By telling others you are protecting their children, weather babies, toddlers, or teenages. You may be less one friend by doing so, but it sounds that woman is in big time denial. Hopefully, she will wise up and start protecting her kids before it is to late.
I would for sure tell our mutual friends, as a warning and it can be their decision as to what degree of danger this man is. Good luck.
Have a good day,
H.

I would definitely distance myself from her. If she is putting this man ahead of her friends, friends kids, clients kids and all the kids in LISD, she isnt being a friend.
I would tell everyone you know. I dont care how long she has been friends with you...FRIENDS dont put other peoples kids at risk (heck, she's even putting her own kids at risk!!)!! I would send the school principal an anonymous letter letting them know about him and I would also send a letter to the wedding photography place she works at. I would be REALLY ticked off if the photographer I hired was bringing a sex offender with them! Not cool at all.