I know that maturity and level of interest and/or exposure to information really affect this, but at what age did some of you explain sex to your daughters? Mine is 7, and very indirect with any questions she has for us about anything. She has, however, lately brought up pregnancy and "private parts" and babies and the word sex with some newfound, yet subtle interest. She's clearly digging for information in the way she does for all topics. She never outright asks for anything. (This is the kid who still will see a cookie and say, "I like cookies" and "Chocolate chip is my favorite" and then "Are those chocolate chip cookies?" and then wait for us to ask her if she wants one!) Our approach so far has not been to ignore her, but to press her for more by asking her questions to find out what she'd like to know or what she's really curious about or what she already thinks. She's our oldest, and aside from a few friends with slightly older siblings, she hasn't had - that we know of - any exposure to bigger kids' conversations. Her TV exposure is also very age appropriate, if not younger, since she has twin sibs that not quite 3 yet. That's not to say she has NEVER seen a sensual moment on a show we might have on, but it's really rare because we hardly watch TV. Anyway, I don't want to shelter her from anything she should know, but I also don't want her to have too much mature information too soon. On the other hand, she is already aware of the fact that she'll start her period around a certain age and what that entails from a basic standpoint. By the way, I'm not embarrassed to have the conversation with her at all. I just wonder at what age or at what signs of interest/readiness did some of you other moms discuss it with your girls for the first time? Thanks in advance for any insight you can offer!
Moms... Thank you all SO MUCH for the valuable ideas and insights you've provided. In your posts and through private messsages, many of you recommended some excellent books. I've already put several on hold at the library! So many of you mentioned Oprah covering exactly this topic just last week. While I did miss that one, I'm recording this Thursday's continuation of it. If you also missed it, or would like the links, you can find them at http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090326-tows-talk... and http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090326-tows-talk.... I know that everyone will handle (or has already handled) this in the way that they feel best suits their families and their daughters, but I couldn't have found anything better for myself. Thank you ALL for your input and any more to come!
Funny you should ask this question I just got Oprah's newsletter that has a bunch of information on this subject - hope it helps.
http://www.oprah.com/article/relationships/parenting/2009...
I haven't had to cross that bridge yet - my daughter is only one. But, Oprah's magazine did a HUGE article on moms/daughters and the sex talk. You should take a look at it. But, it sounds like she is ready for a little more information from you.
There is a fabulous book by Dr. Christine Northrup (Oprah's favorite OB/GYN) called Mother Daughter Wisdom and she talks about raising daughters in stages, 0-7; 7-14; 14-21 and how to communicate with them and discuss age appropriate issues during each "stage" of their lives. I highly recommend it for all mothers of daughters and you will still benefit now matter what age. She does discuss how to talk to them about sex in a gentle, safe and loving manner.
Good Luck!
J. W. MPH
Maternal and Child Wellness Educator
Family Health Expert for Chicago Examiner
http://www.examiner.com/x-7158-Chicago-Family-Health-Exam...
This advice comes not because I have been in your shoes (yet) but from my memories of trying to hint around to my mom for some information regarding, well, anything that had to do with reproduction. I asked her once what tampons were for and she said "when you need to know you will understand" and that was pretty much her feelings about all things sexual/reproduction related. Just the fact that you are open-minded and willing to talk to her is a huge step in the right direction.
I think every child is different and you are the best judge of her maturity level. There are some wonderful books out there that are made for younger girls that explain how the body works and how everything is connected through our sexuality. I don't think 7 is too young for a very basic overview of the body and a few words about the sex/love/age appropriate behavior connection. Just repeat over and over again that if she has any questions to come to you and not rely on her friends or friend's older siblings for information. If you are casual about it she will feel more comfortable.
Good luck!
There is a great book "It's not the stork" that we used for our daughter. She started asking questions at about 5 1/2 or 6. Our friend was pregnant so she was curious. She asked how babies get in there, how it would get out...stuff like that. This book is about body differences, covers basic sexual topics, and is geared for kids with cute cartoons and a bird and bee that ask questions. We looked at it together then I gave it to her to read. She asked me some bizarre questions about the book--but it broke the ice and let her know she could talk openly. It really is a wonderful book!
Every kid is different. Our youngest is now almost 6 and hasn't seemed the least bit interested in "how babies get in there". So we are waiting until she shows interest.
I looked at the American Girl book which some people suggested and I thought it was a bit too mature for age 6. Hope this helps.
My girl is almost 11. I told her when she was 9.5, but I thought she was ready and we are getting deeper into in now. She was asking questions and I didn't want her getting the wrong answers form other people/children. I think your child is a bit young, but maybe you could give her the light version. If you decide to tell her, I used these books from Amazon: Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle The Period Book, Updated Edition: Everything You Don't Want to Ask (But Need to Know)by Karen Gravelle and "What's Happening to Me?" A guide to puberty by Peter Mayle, it's amazing how much you "forget" good luck!
Oprah just had a show on last week about this. A 10 year old asking what is sex. Audience was horrified but a dr. on the show brought pictures of female parts and explained everything with the mother and child onstage. The little girl was highly intelligent and the real answers sufficed. She knew her mom was unqualified or nervous to tell her so the dr. enlightened everyone. In your case your daughter is too young. You can show her with a doll that tell her that when a man and woman love eachother so much they create a baby and GOD helps the mommy give birth. Nature at it's best. Dolls can hug and kiss first. Just basic stuff. If you give too much information, they'll just have more questions. Call or email the Oprah show and you can watch the show rerun on your computor.
We took some books out of the library that are aimed at kids. We ended up buying one called "It's So Amazing" that I really like, but it's pretty detailed. You may want something more like a story book. Anyway, let the books guide the questions and provide structure for a conversation, and that should give you an idea of what she is really interested in knowing more about right now. I don't have girls, so can only answer for boys, but I found that at age 5, my kid just wanted to know how the babies get in there (and out) and his little brother, now 5, is now asking those same questions. As he's gotten older he's been interested in other things, but it's not like he wants to know everything at once or any real details (yet.) Just the basic information.
One statement....Did you see Oprah last Thursday and Friday! OMG!!!
My stepdaughter is seven as well and is asking questions too! So reading all the other advice helped me too.
My stepdaughter has been exposed to a lot more than your child has with watching rated R movies (with her mom). She knows sex makes babies, and she knows it has something to do with being naked, and kissing.
Right now we've been answering any question she has honestly but using "scientific" terms. We answer it very simply. She asked where babies come out of and we told her. Once she had the answer she didn't ask for any more info and we didn't give her any. With my stepdaughter she wants to know something simply because she can't stand not knowing something other people know. But when you tell her the answer matter-of-factly she stops asking. If you don't want to answer she pesters. So we've found it better to answer than to not answer and turn it into a mystery.
I've already decided that I will make sure she is fully educated on the subject tho. Her mom and dad were not educated on contraception and that's how they came to be young, unmarried parents. Their parents relied on the school to tell them everything and what do you know...the school failed! So no way will I rely on someone else!
Good luck!
At her age she's probably just looking for the simple answers. When she asks answer the question at hand and don't make a big deal about it. I would say it's a good time to just give her a few facts about her own body right now. Take cues from her as far as what she's comfortable hearing.
Oprah just did a show on Wednesday or Thursday about talking to your daughters as early as ten. She may even have the discussion on line to view. Please make an appoointment to watch or tape her show this Thursday as she'll be continuing the conversation. Girls in middle school know so much more than we did at their age, so you really need to start addressing things.
Keep an open conversation about these things and let her know you are available to answer questions whenever she has one. If you make it so difficult for her to ask, she'll think it's a bigger deal than it is and even wonder why it's so 'bad'. If you overreact, she'll be less inclined to come to you with questions in the future.
I've just been through some of this with my eighth grader who told me about a friend who is 'getting nasty' with a boy, and another schoolmate who is already pregnant. It was hard not to say, Oh my God...!!!, but I know if I 'keep it cool' she'll continue to confide in me.
Good luck ~ no one ever said being a parent is easy.
The Oprah Show just last Thursday had to deal with this very topic & will address it again this Thursday. I will just say.....WOW!!!!!
My daughter just learned all this a little over a month ago. Here is what I wrote right after we had "the talk". She will be 10 in June. I can't imagine having this talk with her before she was this age, but that's just my kid.
Posted 2/26/09
yes, that talk, the birds and the bees, the whole what your body will do, what sex IS, as in actual description.
OMG.
It just kinda came up. I am late on my period, like 2 wks late now. I had my tubes tied 6 1/2 yrs ago, and tested negative last weekend for pregnancy. Well, apparently Tara overheard some stuff and as I was driving Tara home from gymnastics and she said, "did you think you were pregnant?"
Then she asked about abortion, we discussed how you get pregnant, exactly what sex is ("I have THREE holes down there?") what periods are, how not to get pregnant, puberty and why she won't need a bra as soon as other kids (she is super small), etc. She thought "Aunt Flo" was a cool secret spy talk for girls after I told her what that meant. It was so cute.
I also told her just like the tooth fairy it wasn't something you talked about with other people unless you KNOW that they have had their parents tell them. Didn't want her going to school telling her friends!
I was kinda on a high after our talk, it was so good and her questions were so smart. She wasn't grossed out by the whole idea either. I did emphasize that it wasn't something you did until you are MUCH older, at least till she is in college. LOL.
Just had to share... it was quite a moment as a mom of a big kid.
*(((PS - not pregnant, just messed up periods)))
Having had this talk a couple of times, I was a nanny for many years, I love the book by American Girl, The Care & Keeping of You - The Body Book for Girls. I think it is simple and provides ways for you to talk with your daughter. Their website has other books too on this subject. I know one of my charges was about 9 when we got this book for her, but that was about 12 years ago. I know she enjoyed the book and kept it with her until she was in her teens. I am going to watch Oprah on thursday, after reading all those post.
Good luck,
K.
Hi A.,
I am pregnant with my first, so I have not had to deal with this yet, but oprah just had a whole show on this last week. While I think 7 is a bit young to explain sex, if you think she is ready, you know her best. I would go to oprah.com and see the clips and the suggestions that Dr. Laura Berman(i think thats her name) gave. Good luck!
There are some books out there that will give her the scientific information needed. ( I just can't think of one of the names right now) The library has them. At least 3 that I know of. ( Something like My Body and Me) Don't hand her the book, but sit down with her and look at the book together. You want her to have the right information and not something the other kids have told her. Also, ask her to keep this private. Not all the children are ready for this information and it is up to "their " parents to tell them. 7 is really sort of young, but the best analogy is the Easter bunny or Santa, but she might still be a believer.
I would also figure out who is giving her this information. Most likely an older sibling or a friends's older sibling.
