When and How to Explain to Child "How Babies Are Made"

I didn't read all the other responses, so I apologize if I am repeating.
Answer him, now! By putting it off this long already, it is telling him that this is a big deal. Just talk, and answer truthfully to the level that he seems to want. If he keeps asking questions, keep answering. Now is the time to start a healthy, open relationship with him. You can offer to take him to the library and get books if he still wants more information, but don't come to him with a big preparation. Again, it will build up this topic as something unusual. Let him know that he can trust you to tell him the truth and that he can ask you anything. Isn't that what you would want?

Honestly? I don't think this is too early!
Back in the day (haha!) girls just weren't interested in boys until later on, I guess we were a generation of late bloomers. :)
Now, though, I've heard/seen/know little girls that get interested as early as 8. EIGHT!?! I want my little boy to know the science of babies early, that way the talk about protection/emotions can be easier later on. I imagine that by the time they're 'interested' they already have a certain amount of (faulty) knowledge. Kids gossip a lot about topics that seem taboo - if he's old enough to ask, he's old enough to get a basic explanation - IMO.
Besides which, I'm a little bit afraid that I (and dh) will chicken out on the 'big' talk if we get half a chance. Better for me to teach him something now than miss the boat entirely! :)

At this age, I just told my kids that a mommy has a place in her body where a baby grows. Maybe something about how mommies have eggs but they need something that comes from daddy too before they grow.

As my kids got a bit older they started asking about how that all worked. We gave them a brief, age-appropriate discuession and we always told them that it's something that is reserved for a man and woman who are married.

There's a fabulous series called "God's Design for Sex Series" by Stan Jones - book 2 is called "Before I Was Born" and is for kids ages 5-8 years and is great. There are 4 in the series and all are age appropriate and you can get them on Amazon.com!

My daughter is 8, and I'm pregnant, soooo, yes. I understand. Instead of going into "Tab A inserts into Slot B" we just pulled out an anatomy book that shows a baby growing in the womb. And it starts out with a cell from mom, and a cell from dad. And you need to be married to get those two together!

It's not totally untrue, and it's basic enough that they can feel like they know what's going on. It has bought me some time... so far. But that was the extent of her curiosity too. If son is more curious about how, ask him what he already knows... you may get a lesson yourself!

Andrea,
Great qustion! wish I had asked it when my boy started asking. When he did I said more or less the same thing that these other wise woman have said about mommy's and daddys! I fond out jsut a few days ago that my son (who is 7) has learned about sex from some of the kids at school. I wanted to talk to him about it, but he was too shy to talk to me so dad got the job.

Now I am not saying that it's time to have "THE TALK" with him. He sounds like a smart little boy and if you explain it like you said for a scientific point of vew he'll take it well. I would not be scard to use the word sex but if he asks a qustion that you think he is to little to know about what I ahve done in the past is say that its a good qustion, but there are some things that you think that he is to yong to know about, but when he gets a little bit bigger you promise to answer.

Just rember that you know you little one the best and you know what he is and is not read to hear. Even though dad dose not want to have the talk with him I would still have him in the room, but if that jsut wont happen tell him what you are going to say and then after what your little man said, just so everyone is on the same page. I would also talk to hubby about being open, cuase there maybe a time when he has a qustion he would feel better about talking with him and not you.
Hope this helps and you keep getting great advice! Keep your chin up. Most lickly after you answer his qustion he'll move on to the next!
Best of luck!

We told our daughter when she asked (I think she was 4)....that there was a baby in mommy's tummy. That we took some parts (called DNA) from daddy and some parts from mommy and mixed them all together....and so the baby will look some like mom and some like dad.

Then we pointed it towards her - like you have mommy's lips...and your grandma's pretty blue eyes. and you have daddy's nose...etc

As for sex/drugs. Each time a commercial comes on TV that talks about talking to your kids about not having unprotected/teenage sex, or not doing drugs, or not drinking alcohol, or not smoking. I turn towards my daughter...or yell up the stairs, "Hey, [name] don't smoke - it's yucky and bad for you."

she rolls her eyes now and says, "I know, mom. I wouldn't do that anyway."

We've been doing that since she could talk. It's way better than figuring out what age to bring it up.

I guess my point is that you talk about it when it comes up....without apologizing or being embarrassed about it. Then your child learns what you want him to learn....and feels comfortable coming to you for help when he needs it.

Hi Andrea! There is book called the Flip-Flap Body Book that is really great for explaining this to young children. It contains "What Happens to Your Food" "How Do Your Senses Work" and "How are Babies Made." I received it coincidentally about 2 weeks after my little one asked me where poop comes from, and it was a huge help in explaining it to him! Go to www.books-kids-kive.com and search "Flip-Flap Body Book." You can view a couple of sample pages to see if you think it's right for you. Good luck!

Hi Andrea! I think this can be such a tricky situation. I think the best thing is just to be as honest as you are comfortable being. Personally, I want my son to know that he can come to me for anything and I think it will start by me being open and honest with him when he has questions....he's only 3 right now so I have a while:)

I had a friend whose 8 yr old asked her this question recently. She was very honest with him, but also told him that their conversation wasn't meant to be shared with everyone and that other kids parents would share that information with them when they were ready. She also told him that some parents don't feel that a conversation like that is appropriate until the kids are older and that it's up to the parents to decide when it's ok to discuss such issues. He was very receptive and respectful of the things she told him and so far hasn't turned it into anything inappropriate.

Best of luck to you! I know we will all be in this boat someday!

Hi Andrea!

Usually small children aren't really asking about all the details. I suggest going to the library and getting an age appropriate book to read to him. You can look at the options they have and check out what you like. Let him ask questions (if he has any). This way you won't be divulging too much info. He'll have enough info to ask more specific questions instead of the broad "where do babies come from". For my children, "sex ed" was a progression. The main thing you want to accomplish is that you are willing to discuss these things with him so that in the future when he wants/needs more detail, he knows the subject isn't "taboo" with you.

All the best,
L.

Hi Andrea - Perhaps check with your local library for age-appropriate book suggestions. You might also consider finding kids books on animal husbandry rather than human sexuality. It might help take the edge off of the context until he's ready.

I feel your pain. My daughter is 6 as well and just this weekened asked what sex was, and what it did. She has heard the word and has no place in her mind to understand what it is.
So, I told her sex is used between a man and woman to make a baby when they are married and love each other.
Now she has a place in her mind to put sex and can move on.
I have a degree in child studies, and I work with children in a psychological setting now. I had learned in my courses of study to always answer their question to an age appropriate level. For now just a brief discription will probably do.
However, prepare yourself for the questions to come, if they do. Use basic-and real vocabulary. Dont use slang or other words to describe parts. Also, let your child know there is a reason they dont hear those words in school, or other public settings. They are called privates for a reason.
Remember, your reaction to them questioning you is vital. Just act as though they were asking how to make popcorn. You dont have to go into specifics, just explain basic function to ease thier troubled minds.
It is better for them to be able to talk to you about anything.
So, whatever you do don't push him away. He will not stop asking anyone and everyone until he finds his answers. How much better can it get if it comes directly from you? Oh, and it might be a good idea to have your husband sit in on this one so he can help out with your younger ones in the future.
Keep up the good work.

Well I don't have kids that old yet but I can actually remember when my Mom gave me the sex talk and I was in or around the first grade. I remember just asking her where babies came from and she just sat me down and explained. She didn't do some big long explanation she just said the basics. And I remember being kinda grossed out. But it was so nice to feel like I didn't do anything wrong about being curious and it was great to get a straight forward answer. So from my experience I would just tell him the facts. and explain that it is a privet thing and nothing to joke about so he knows not to broadcast his new information to all his friends.

Your husband is right, he is way too young and you are right, you need to be open about ALL subjects with your children.

Sounds like your son is a lot like my oldest boy. Everything (especially scientific things) needs an explanation and you can not give a quickie version and satisfy them. What I did was explain that moms are built with eggs in their belly that can grow babies. When it is time for the babies to come out then mom goes to the doctor and has him/her take it out for mommy. As I am sure you guessed, this was not enough information for my son, he asked how the baby got in there in the first place. We believe in a Christian God so I explained that God decides when it is time for the baby to be there. He of course prodded further and I simply said that he needed to be a bit older for more detailed descriptions. He did ask a lot about how the doc gets the baby out and if it hurt and was there blood and to that I answered "yes". When he pushed too far, I would explain again that he needed to be a bit older to understand more detail.

In short, you are right, you need to be open with your kids so they can take on your values and have the right information to make decisions for themselves. The problem is, at 6 1/2 they may seem to be able to handle all this information but they really cannot. They have a hard time making the connections of love and sex that they should. Also at this age, they tend to share EVERYTHING with their friends. I don't know if you have ever heard your 6 year old translate what you have said to their friends before but rest assured it comes out differently then how you said it. Not to mention the fact that now a bunch of 6 year olds are running around having sex talk with each other and no ability to truly get it.

Just keep it light, real and surface. At about 8 1/2 my son read all about sex in a science book we had and then informed me he knew everything. Which of course he didn't. My window was open to talk about it, direct him and clarify and for the record, at 9, he is still not totally equipped to handle it all but we have a start.

Good luck and tell your husband the he is right about the age appropriateness of this subject but needs to get over his fear of raising curiosity. Kids have a funny way of running out and finding information they aren't getting at home, so by not talking about it, he could chase your boy into exactly what he didn't want - experimenting.

Maybe you could look for some books that are geared towards children. I haven't had to do this with my son yet (he's still pretty young) but that's what my parents did with me. Then it will be easier for him to understand but maybe not go into to much detail or put it more delicately. Good luck!

A great book is "Where did I come from?" by Peter Mayle. My youngest asked at the age of 5 (my older two it was around 7)and we have been having open, clear, direct communication on the subject ever since. I agree with many of the other mothers that you start answereing questions when they start asking. This sets up good communication habits for later when they are teenagers and it is vital. (There is also another booke that follows this one called "What's happening to me?" that is about puberty.)

I have talked openly with all three of my children who are now 17, 15,and 13 from the time they were little. I have seen that information is not what leads to sex. Lack of information, curiosity, and a need for love, attention, and connection all contribute to early sexual behavior. We not only talk about the actual act of sexual intercourse, and all the other things that teens are doing these days, but we also talk about the reasons why people do those things and support them in feeling secure enough within themselves to make informed choices.

There are many different aspects of sexuality and we have a tendancy to lump it all into sexual intercourse and all the taboos, judgements, and fears that we have been programmed to believe. For younger children, it is just about anatomy and the science. This is a concrete and factual stage and there is no place for embarrasment and shame. As a child gets older there is the addition of feelings. These feelings range from a sense of belonging to the actual physical sensations of sensuality. Again, no place for shame and guilt.

As a parent, I educated myself on sexuality and healed my own shame and guilt which has allowed me to have healthy conversations with my children and therefore they are making clear choices for themselves not only about sex but dating and friendships as well. Best wishes on this challenging journey! T.

Go to the book store - There are some great books that are age appropriate and honest without being explicit. In my experience NOT talking about it makes kids experiment more.
I got one for my daughter when she was 5 that talked about the basics, but was drawings of people, not photos (I think it had a purplish blue cover). And as for your husband's theory, my daughter was a virginn until after college... During high school she was the only one of her friends whose parents talked to her openly about sex, disease & contraception... she was the only one who knew you could not re-use a condom(!) and more frightening still - she was the only one who was NOT sexually active. Knowledge is power.
~Y. R