My neighbor and I were sitting out front today while our kids were having a lemonade stand. A couple of other neighborhood boys walked up. We thought they were going to be nice and buy some lemonade. Instead they walked by and were quietly making fun of our kids for having a lemonade stand. My neighbor and I started talking about how the neighborhood is very seperate. One group of boys are caring, sweet, giving, but not athlethic macho kids. The other boys are athletic, too cool to play with our kids, and kind of mouthy.
Im just curious, what kind of kid would you prefer to raise? Would you rather have a child who is respectful, wears his heart on his sleeve, but occasionally gets picked on. Or would you rather have the boy who is tough, athletic and popular?
I guess this is more of a JFF question......I am very happy to have the son I have :-)
Sorry to Bug--i shouldnt have worded it that way i guess. I know athletic kids arent bullies. I dont think I said that anywhere either. There is just definitely an attitude difference between the kids who are athletic, in our neighborhood, vs the non athletic ones.
Sorry if it seems like I am steroetyping boys. I was just talking about THE BOYS IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD. All the moms around here agree that there are definitely two different groups of boys around here. Not once did I say the athletic boys are bullies either. I was just telling about the two different styles we live around.
The one I have.
The tough, athletic, uber popular/massive extrovert, caring, sweet, respectful, heart on his sleeve, class clown, who gets picked on quite a bit.
I would prefer to raise a kid who respects other people and differences in them. I also want to raise a kid who is not afraid to stand up for himself, if he's getting picked on. I think it's unfair to label athletic kids as the ones who make fun of others. I grew up in sports (as did my whole family), and there are a few bad ones, but for the most part athletic kids are hard working and respectful. True athletes are not often bullies. And respectful and sweet kids are not always bullied.
My goal is to raise a respectful, confident child. What his talents are athletically don't matter.
I think your question is stereotyping boys. My son doesn't fit into either of your categories. My son is respectful, caring, wears his heart on his sleeve, and is athletic. He is not the most popular boy in school, but he is friendly with almost everyone while having a smaller circle of close friends.
I'd prefer to raise a child to be happy with who they are, to stand for what they believe in even when it is not the popular choice, and to be kind to others.
i don't care one way or the other about the athletic/tough/popular(i think they are good traits, just not super important to me) - but i would MUCH rather have a child that is occassionally bullied than a child that IS a bully. it is important to me to raise children that are confident, respectful, caring, responsible, etc.
Without a doubt the caring and sweet child. Popular and athletic only get you through high school...caring and sweet will get you through life.
The 'macho' little boys drive me crazy...they are so polar opposite from my little boys. And what really pisses me off is that because our society puts such an emphasis on athletics my sweet and caring little boys want to be like these junior jackasses. I am having a tough time convincing my sons that these are the last people you want to emulate. And that these kids who are good at sports at this age have already peaked in life and that most of them go downhill from there to lower level type jobs with stagnant lives and salaries turning out just like their fathers who are living through THEIR sons lives on the field rather than living their own lives. This kind of apple never falls too far from the tree-thus the behavior of these 'popular'boys. Just look at their male role models for all you need to know.
Mine at four is already the kind, sweet, polite kid. He also tends to hang with the "pretty girls" as he calls them.
Either he's going to be a big player or gay. I'd rather him be gay as opposed to being a player.
He tends to shy away from the more aggresive boys in his class (THANK GOD!) because some actually SCARE me!
There are so many different combinations of traits, I wouldn't pick either one of the two you proposed. Sometimes kids who have been "picked on" get farther in life than those who are "popular," because they have to build character and strength, whereas "popular" in school doesn't always translate to the adult world.
Would I rather have a nice kid than a bully? Of course.
Just yesterday my 16 year old neighbor boy who plays every sport he has time for sat down and played in the yard with my son. He does this frequently. I hope my son grows up the same way. This boy is very protective of his brothers, the neighbor kids, the neighbor animals, but is also active in sports and other school activities. I know that not all are like this, but I feel lucky that he is there as a younger role model for my son. My husband does a great job too, but I think kids need to see it in all age ranges.
I have the "caring, sweet, giving, but not athletic macho" boy. He tried being athletic - did soccer for a few years, but ultimately he just didn't like the macho attitude of the players.
He is 15 now and has a strong set of friends and the getting picked on has ended now that he is in High School and found his niche.
I tease him and tell him if his grades would improve he could officially be a nerd.
Well I have a son, and he is only 4 almost 5 years old.
So he may not be in this category of boys, acting this way or not, per age phase.
But anyway, my son is both... sweet/caring/giving/thoughtful/empathetic... AND Athletic/quick witted/hip/cool for a kid his age... meaning, he has his own style and he is an individual with his own, tastes and ideas and thoughts.
I prefer, to raise a child, who just knows himself well, and is self-assured and is not afraid to have friends of all spectrums.
My son is very feeling and expressive... BUT, he can defend himself verbally and physically very well.
He stands up for kids that are picked on. Or stands up to bossy kids, too.
And he is well liked, by both meek and brutish kids. And he "protects" his older 8 year old sister, and even Me. Like a bulldog.
So, I guess my son fits many aspects.
Thank goodness.
As for right now.
Hopefully he grows up and retains his many nice traits, he already has.
He is great as is.
He is my little Dude.
Both of my girls (7 & 13) have the same problem I do, we can't afford our hearts (as my husband puts it). I'd take wiping away a few tears any day vs either of my daughters being the cause of the tears.
From my experience it is quite possible to have both tough, athletic, popular boys who are still caring, sweet, and giving....but it takes a ton of work from the parents and a good male role model in the boy's life. I know this because my older brother is like this--he was a bit of a jock, popular, tough (he's a cop at the Mpls/St. Paul airport), but a heart of gold if you take the time to get to know him and he just melts for my kiddos (and he was a choir boy before his voice changed.) I have lots of cousins who I would describe in a similar fashion.
Not all athletic kids are bullies, but that being said, I totally get what you meant. I'm a substitute teacher at my kids' school and see exactly what you're saying, a lot. I'd rather have the sweet kid. The school years may be tougher, but there's a big wide world out there, and the nice kids get farther in it :)
Nice kid...no question about that! I think manners, personality, and love/kindness is much more important than athletic skills. I do think a child can have both - kind personality and athletic, but it does seem that often they are exactly how you described.
Tough, respectful, smart, sensitive, athletic, popular, compassionate.
I would rather have the children that I do. Wonderful, loving, affectionate boys who wear their hearts on their sleves. They don't get mowed over though---they will hold their own in any situation and they will also tell you how they feel. I have the best of both worlds. I would never want to raise a bully or someone who doesnt' treat others nicely. I am so thankful for the wonderful kids that I have.
M
This post made me smile because I have a son like yours :) In the past, I THOUGHT I wanted a confident jock with attitude, but now that I have been "dealt" my sweetheart, I wouldn't trade him for the world. I have a neighbor boy who is always playing baseball, soccer, basketball and basically anything that bounces. He is such a snide, rude boy that has no respect for his elders and YES his parents are a carbon copy....not cute! Need I say that they don't ever play together and my son is perfectly happy. My son actually does not mind him and his attitude, but isn't interested in a friendship... Which I don't mind ONE BIT!
I have noticed that too in our area. The athletic kids do tend to pick on the less athletic ones, and I find it really sad. I would hope that the parents of ALL the kids would be teaching respect, but sadly that is not always the case.
My son is tough and hard working. He doesn't participate in athletics, yet he is athletic. He is also caring, loving and very popular with the kids in the neighborhood. I have insisted that all my children be kind to others and if they aren't they answer to me. I don't care about popularity. I teach my children the ten commandments very early. By the time they are six they all know them and in the order of importance. I think a good moral compass is more important than popularity and athletics.
