What to Expect

whatever you do, please do not allow the children to have the option of saying "yes" or "no" as to whether or not they want a new sibling. You & your husband make the choice & then tell the kids. This is your life choice & you are in charge....not the kids!

Your natural born son already knows how to share you. As does your stepson. If you make this an issue, they will too. I vote for not making a big deal out of it. A natural progression such a procreating a child with the man you love.....isn't that how it works....& haven't you done it before? Creating a child can be an expression of love, let it be one!

That said, there are 9 years between my sons. My sister has 3 children (2 different husbands)...with 4 years between each of them. Not all families have just 2 years between siblings! Quite worrying & let joy rule!

I think how Kailyn accepts the new baby is somewhat in your hands!!! Share the excitement of the pregnancy with him....let him help you pick out little things for the baby. Show him the sonogram pictures....let him come along to a doctors appt to hear the heartbeat. Really get HIM excited about it!!! Don't ever....and I mean EVER let him hear you say that you are afraid he will be jealous or feel less important...don't plant the thoughts in his mind!!! I don't know how long you and your husband have been together, or whether your step son actually lives with you or not..but your son has had the experience of not being "the only one" for sometime now...with a new step dad and step son. If he has had time to adjust to those changes...I say go for it...make him a big brother!!!
R. Ann

Well, first I would talk to the other kids and get their true feelings on how they would feel if you guys created a new baby. I know every family is different, but they say it really screws the kids up when step parents go and create a new family member. It makes kids feel less important that you had to make a new baby to complete your family, and they end up feeling lost. Again, every family is different and maybe your family is stronger, but just really think of the kids here. Also, what if your two kids end up resenting the new baby and he's not treated well by his siblings, are willing to chance that or just be a happy family the way you are? You know what they say...if it ain't broke, don't fix it! Good luck!

First of all, in my family, even though I'm the stepmom, both of my kids just consider me another parent. My step son was 11 when we started discussing having a baby. He was not too keen on it and actually forbade me. We had the discussion of what is his place in the family - he got to have input, but did not get to dictate whether or not our family was added to. I got pregnant and he was very upset. He didn't voice it to me initially because he wanted to spare my feelings. I told him that as his parent I didn't get to choose when I listened to what he had to say. I told him that it was ok that he wasn't ok with it, but that didn't change the fact that a baby was coming, so how can we work through it. Part of his issue was that mom lives in FL and he never got enough time with Dad because of the distance. (Mom moved from KS to FL at the divorce.) Additionally, Mom had introduced a lot of changes in his life that, for the most part, he was not happy with, so change was a bad thing to him. Peanut was born in October and that January he decided to come live with us here instead of in FL with Mom. When he went to grandparents and mom's to visit, he said he missed Peanut most of all. I don't think he can imagine life w/o Peanut now.
Guess what I'm saying is, been there, although mine was more about the older than the younger and this was my first baby. Mostly, it's about bringing it up before you're pregnant so you can work through the issues before you're hormonal. Also, we talked a lot about how we're a family, all of us. Another person doesn't mean there is less to go around. Like when your husband and his son joined your family - the baby is just a new member of the family.
And middle child isn't so bad. The distance between everyone is sufficient that they are all in their own stages at any given time. They won't even be in high school at the same time.

Btw - 13 years between hubby and me. I married him and got two kids in the deal: my daughter is almost 16, my son is 13. Now Peanut joins in at nearly 10 mo.

Obviously pros and cons to this situation. Blended Families are a huge challenge but don't have to be if "everyone" is on board. In our family "our" son was the glue for the other 5.

It will crush him. If you had made a request earlier, before you remarried, I would have strongly encouraged you not to remarry. Divorce, never marrying, remarriage, and starting a new family all are devastating to children. Please, since you have already done two out of three to him, do not have another child.