What to Do When Someone Doesnt Want You to Have a Baby

That chic is crazy! plain and simple. who does she think she is? i wouldn't even be bothered with her under any circumstances. if you wan to have another baby then that is what you need to do. and somebody neds to put her in the looney bin!

Do not let her influence you at all. You want another baby,......GO FOR IT!!! She would be a memory in my book!

Oh my goodness! You go ahead and start working on that baby asap!! I have never heard anything so ridiculous ever! Im not even going to say the other things I think about her! YIKES!

Good grief - it's probably a blessing this woman can't get pregnant right now! She's selfish and self centered, and that's likely the traits she's going to teach a child.
Live your own life and be happy. While family rifts are unfortunate, allowing toxic relationships to exist in your life are even more unfortunate.

I would fforget about the sil and live your own life. If you and your husband decided this is when you want a child, than work on having that child. Forget what she wants. She is jealous of you, and trying to control your life.

Hmmm, your SIL needs therapy, lots of it, starting yesterday! You're cooperating with her weird demands is actually enabling. The very LAST consideration you and your husband have when deciding to have another child is whether it's ok with his sister?! Surely after writing it all down and reading it back to yourself, you realize just how weird the story is?!

Ok, now that I picked my jaw off the keyboard I can type......

My first thought reading this was, how old is this girl? Regardless, she has mental issues. Do not let anyone, family or not, control your life and your family. Continue growing your family if that is what you and your husband want to do. You do not have to explain to anyone why you want another child now.

She's probably caused her miscarriages by having so many abortions. Sounds like it's best she doesn't have a child to poison. Stay away from this woman!

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wow. she's a nut. Don't put your life on hold for someone else. Definitely just don't talk to her about any of your plans or babies. In reality she's stealing YOUR thunder by insisting you wait for her to get pregnant and trying to ruin this wonderful thing you and your husband are planning.

The decision to a have a baby is not hers to make. If you get pregnant good for you. She is very jealous. Live your life the way you want to live, if you are an upstanding citizen then your neighbors and friends and coworlers, etc won't believe what's written on her fb page. The rest of us are just strangers.
Go about your life. I pity her child if she ever does have one.

Your SIL is a child and should not have a child of her own. Do your best to ignore her and keep her at a distance. If you and hubby feel now is the right time for you to have another child, then go for it.

first off she's not an adult she's acting like a spoiled child. S. it's none of her business. look you can read some of my previous posts on here and see i am not an advocate for multiple children. that's my personal belief. HOWEVER. i would NEVER, and have never, EVER, told someone they shouldn't have another child. or wait, for ANY reason. that's ridiculous. do NOT let her ruin your lives over this stupid petty bull. it is NONE of her business and the fact that she would even verbalize it just states that her opinion is so self absorbed as to basically have no validity whatsoever. forget her. live YOUR life.

I think that you are giving her way too much power here. You should not be concerned about anyone who cannot see right though what ever she wrote about you. The reality of life is, people who matter don't change their opoinions of us based on words that come out of someone elses mouth; what matters is what comes out of your mouth and what you do. If you get into this crazy mud with your SIL, then people say "look at what those two are doing, isns't that crazy?" but if you leave her to do it all alone, you rise above it.

Instead of being angry with her, feel sorry for her, avoid her if you like, don't put yourself in a position to have this happen again, but don't make her words important by demanding that she do anything. What she wrote about you only highlights her, and has nothing to do with who you are, unless you make it so.

Get out of the mud. Don't tell anyone why she is wrong, or that she has had so many abortions that she might not get pregnant, that is the same kind of nasty that she posted, and it makes you look no better if it is true; we say more about ourselves than we do about other people when we discuss them- it is just as true for you as it is for her.

What she did hurt you, and that it is knee jerk human nature to do it back, but that is an impusle, and you will be much happier in life with your results if you learn when an impulse that would feel good right now is going to leave you with a reputation that sticks. The reality is, she cannot sweep herself under any rug, and when you let go of resentment and anger you do it because of what it does for you, not her.

Let it go. Have a baby if you want a baby and it is the right time for you. Never respond to this craziness again if she has a repeat performance, and just say, "bless your heart, I hope things work out for you and that you find some peace" and leave it at that. Smile a lot and move on. Then, when you teach your children the "sticks and stones" message, you really know what it means, and how important it is to you, becasuse adults learn that it is not about the person who hurt us at all, but about how we behave that give people the impression of us that we want them to have.

M.

WOW!! That woman needs help...mental help!! What if she neevr gets pregnant?? I would not wait to get pregnant solely for her. When it is the right time for you and your husband to start trying then go for it. If she thinks you are stealing her glory...OH WELL!! Let her think what she wants, she is very selfish, self-centered and should never think that its ok to ask someone to put their life on hold for her. She is obviously very immature as well, if i were you i would try sitting her down and talking ONE LAST TIME, if however this doesnt work than i would severe all ties with her. good luck

She sounds like she has ALOT of issues. And not adult enough to be having a baby!! Facebook is really toxic for some people. Its no place to post family and PRIVATE issues.

If you and you're husband want to try for a baby, go for it. This is not a competition, it is a CHILD. And she has no right to ask you to wait, and not steal her "glory". Are you kidding me? Again IMMATURE. Does she want a baby because she wants a child or the attention? Going your post, I'd say the attention. I'd keep her at an arms length and go about your life. She sounds nuts!

Your sister in law has some major issues. Having a child is a decision between you and your husband not her. The best gift you can give your sister in law is to seek counseling. I am not sure what she was like before having multiple miscarriages or this behavior is new. Non the less she needs to get help. If you have to distance yourself from her then do so. No one needs a toxic relationship like this around their children. Good luck!!

Wow, just, wow! She just may be the most selfish woman I have heard of. Children should never be pawns in family power struggles, nor should they be taken for granted. Funny how she had no problem killing several of her previous children, but now is willing to wreak havoc on your family by demanding that no one else has any children until she does.

What makes her think that she DESERVES a child? Perhaps she has used up all of her chances already. Maybe God wants her to actually appreciate LIFE before He will give her another child.

Lots of people try to say that abortion does not have any long-term effects on the mother's mental health, but clearly your SIL is feeling guilt and is trying to compensate now. Too little, too late. She sounds like a resentful and bitter person and you have no control over that. You and your husband should continue to grow your family, and as a family, you can be models of what it is to be a loving family.

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You know, it's your life - you can do whatever you want. If she is going to act like a 3rd grader, so be it.
If this is the best time for you and yours to have a baby, then go for it.
If she posts something online - it's her feelings. She's allowed to have feelings. It might not be the way you see it, but it is the way she perceives it.
Just go live your life.
What she chooses to do is her business.
LBC

Everyone has given you excellent advice. I'm not sure why you would even consider changing your own life plans for someone else though? If this is the best time for you to grow your family, then by all means do it!

Seeing that she has had multiple abortions, she may very well have a lot of difficulty getting pregnant. Are you willing to wait years until she finally does?

Go make a baby! Enjoy your life and keep her and her toxic drama out of it!

OK -I'll admit -I didn't completely read past the first part of your post because nothing else matters (I did skim some). The only person's opinion who should count in the want/not want to have a baby is your husband's! His sister sounds like a nut, and she needs to grow up and realize that everything in this world doesn't happen according to her planned timeline. If you're ready to try -go for it and she'll either get over it or she won't, but I wouldn't be too concerned with her. She's the weirdo -not you! Plus, I hope this DOESN'T happen with you, but it could take you a year or more to conceive this time around -who ever knows? Don't wait because of her. And, quite honestly, she's not even married to this person. I know you don't have to be married, but if she's that gung-ho to start a family, she may want to consider taking the first step FIRST.

L.,
I didn't even read your whole post. Once I read your sister-in-law doesn't want you to "steal her glory" I shut down. Your siL needs to grow up and deal with her own feelings! There is no reason for you to stop your life while she is growing..........she may end up in Neverland for a very long time.

Ask your husband to take the fall here. Talk to his sister and don't even try to reason with her. Just tell her HE wants another baby and that he will be starting NOW. He hopes the best for her life too. No arguing, just tell her. Give her a big hug and whatever her pleads, he can just smile and have a mantra ready.......like, "I hope it all works out for you Sis."

Have your baby. I hate to say this but because she has had abortions, the chance she will have a health pregnancy may be really small. Are you prepared to never have a child because she can't? Your SIL sounds very sad and I feel very sorry for her but that doesn't mean you should plan your life around hers. Let your husband take the lead and leave her alone. It doesn't matter what she says or thinks. Anyone that knows her also knows her situation and her behavior.

My sister has had miscarriages and I have had stillbirths. Nether of us would have wanted the other to not have children because of the others situation. We both rejoiced in the other's joy. That's what family does.

Yeah it's her right to do whatever she feels is best for her body and her situation. And it's your right to do the same. I can sort of understand the glory-stealing feeling (my cousin announced her own pregnancy a week before mine) but to ask someone not to conceive because of it is immature and inappropriate.

Do your life at your pace, and she is free to do the same.

It's possible that "glory" isn't the word she wants. She may be disappointed about her miscarriages, worried that she can't carry a pregnancy to term, and hates hearing about others' baby joy because it forces her to face her own situation. HOWEVER. As sad as that would be, it still doesn't give her the right to try to shut down someone else's life.

I Would seperate myself as FAR as possible from that SIL and I would live my life with my husband...have that precious baby and enjoy your life!!! I can't imagine someone actually ASKING someone to wait to have a baby until THEY have a baby when they have been using abortion as a birth control method and is not even married!!!
To me this is a non-issue..ignore her...write her off of your list of "people who matter" and go ahead with your life!!!

Never base your decisions off of a crazy person.

And while input from others can be taken into consideration, NEITHER of you are married to her. Having another child is a MARITAL decision.

Seriously... what will be the next request AFTER she has her baby? Wait until she's "caught up" with you? This is your family. I'm far more concerned your H is going along with her.

Your SIL is very troubled.
You have every right to plan your own family as you & your husband see fit.
Personally, if it was my SIL, I wouldn't be FB friends or (more importantly) REAL friends with her.
Remember, most people that don't have kids yet, just don't get it at all.
She is wrong for trying to make this a competition or a race.
Don't sink to her level.

Sounds like a toxic relationship. You have to do what is best for you and your husband. I had several miscarriages and my cousins were all getting pregnant but I did not ask them to stop trying because I was not having success. It was hard to see, but as an adult, my obligation to be happy for them. I worry if your SIL will be able to conceive after many abortions. It is sad that when she had her chance to have a child she aborted it and now she is having problems.

I didn't read your other responses so I apologize if somethings repeated. Here is the harsh bottom line.

1) She's an adult. She can write what she wants and be immature if she wants.

2) You're an adult. You can have a baby if you want and you can chose to respond to her immaturity if you want.

3) With her history, if you wait for her to get pregnant before you have another child you might NEVER have another child.

Tell her you are sorry that your family's expansion is causing her to be so hurt but that you are not willing to put your happiness on hold for the chance that she may or may not have a child (after all, she's apparently had plenty of chances according to your post) of her own and that no matter what, whether you are both pregnant together or not, when her pregnancy happens she will shine.

You go get pregnant. This is your nuclear family and you need to take care of yourselves. If you wait, there is no promise that it will be easy to have a second child.

My sister and I got pregnant within days of each other. Her pregnancy was her first and she knew it would be her only (husband way older; has two previousl grown children, etc....) Meanwhile four months into the pregnancy, I find out that I was pregnant with my third. Even though we were celebrating this great surprise, the hardest call I made was to my sister. I was afraid that she would think I was stealing her thunder. Her reaction was wonderful and supporting. I do think it helped that we announced way later (obviously) and therefore she was able to receive the attention early on. Later in the pregnancies, our decisions were very different. I decided to share the name of our growing daughter and she and her husband kept their decision private until birth. My daughter came two weeks early; hers one week late so there was a three week spread for birthdates.

Your sister in law is unfortunately not looking at the bigger picture. Our one year daughters are going to be great friends. They have each other to play with already at a year old when we go to family outings. This experience has created a stronger bond between my sister and I because we know have motherhood in common.

Enjoy making your family; she is bulllying you and she is the one who is not right in this situation. Good luck!

Huh? Sounds like SIL needs to grow up.

There is always a difference between someones first and someones' second or more. There will always be someones "thunder" being stolen through out someones pregnancy. In my honest opinion she needs to grow up and realize that you and your husband can do what ever the hell (sorry) you guys want.
She had plenty of opportunities to have children and could have had plenty of thunder then. She I think is just a child and shouldn't be having children if she is acting like this. Go get into bed with your husband and make a beautiful baby tonight.

This matter will not be resolved. The woman is obviously mentally ill and you cannot change that. In short every day lay terms, she is wacko. And all of the people you know in your life will know if something comes up online again that that is simply what she is. I am so sorry. The truth -perhaps already said here I didn't read all the posts. You can pick your friends, not your family. Sounds like she will have a difficult life ahead of her if she doesn't get some help.

Oh lord, you don't need to ask permission. If you want to get pregnant then do it. tell the sister to grow up and get out of your business, say it nicer though. :) Your sister will have her own glory even if you find out and announce the news on the same day at the same time. she is only thinking about herself. Just get preg if that is what you want to do.

Oh and stop arguing online, if you have a problem talk to her. I hate when people do that. If she keeps up online ignore her, stop reading what she say's.

Plus you have to wonder why the husband doesn't want her preg with his child.

It sounds like she is having her own problem, she had an abortion becasue her hubby didn't want it. Then she is at your ultrasound that same day. I would keep my kids away from her she sounds unstable.

No one has the right to tell you or your partner that you shouldn't or it "wouldn't be right" to have a child. Creating a child together is a completely personal decision made between 2 people. When I got pregnant, my parents were supportive, however my sister was so upset and said I "wasn't ready" and my grandparents were so against my husband and I having a child (were were married for about a month when I got pregnant) that they actually sent me online printouts on abortions and kept asking me when I was going to get one. Needless to say, I cut them out of our lives. They still bring up the issue with other members of the family, but I ignore it. Someone who is not supportive doesn't respect you, whether they're family or not. I hope you and your husband make a decision that fits what YOU both want.

Jeez I don't let anyone dictate how to live my life and that includes having babies. You go ahead and make a baby and be happy. Forget her. She does not count and neither does her input on your family planing.

wow!!!! I am so so sorry, but you cannot base anything on her and what she wants. I know someone that tried this too and everytime one of her friends or sister would get pregnant she would flip out.
You maybe need to seek counseling to give you strength to deal with her issues so that you can continue to live your life knowing she will be part of it and try to make your life hell if you get pregnant. As far as I see it- you need to live your life but find ways to be strong enough to handle her outbursts.
I also think everyone needs to stop feeding into her issues- this is where a professional can help so you can learn the tools to deal with a crazy person as you maintain happiness in your life:)

Oh, my...

Have your baby and pray that she grows up before having a baby of her own. Any family that buys in to her toxicity is family that you really don't need to have around anyway. I'm sure the rest of the grown-ups in the family see the situation for what it is: a very immature girl having a temper tantrum.

Good luck.

it isn't reasonale to ask someone to postpone pregnancy for the reasons she gave. Don't even know why you'd consider accomodating such a ridiculous idea.

Amazing how some people are. Family member or not, you do what is best for your family and you. Don't worry about what she wants or is saying. You and god know the truth. I would also say, It may be time you think of if you want any type of relationship with her or not. I would think about stopping the communication. She is looking for you to respond. Just dont feed her behavior.
You and your family always come first. You can certinaly empithize with her in having many miscarriages but in no way shape or form does that warrent you from stopping trying to concieve your own.
Best wishes

Oh my, I really don't know when this young lady got the idea that the universe revolved around her. Seriously, I would be cordial with her if we ran into each other at some family thing, I would not go out of my way to be in contact with her, I would plan my children with my husband and her life would have no bearing on this. I am just completely dumbfounded that anyone could think they could weigh in on someone else's family planning, what do they think they get a spot in the bedroom too? That is intimate and sacred, no-one has a right to cast a vote in you and your husband's family planning. Anyone who did this to me would be cut off from anything other than a surface relationship. I have seen this before with friends who thought they could say something about a friend getting pregnant before their wedding when they were in the wedding party, like they didn't want their wedding disrupted by a baby or something. I find that completely tasteless. I don't plan my children around anyone else, my husband and I make those choices. Good luck, it sounds like your sil is a really hurt and suffering person and I really hope she is able to get her life together!!

Personally, I would continue on with the plans that are right for your family, and ignore the sils selfish and childish behavior. Try to keep in touch with the rest of the family, and do not bad talk the sil to others in the family, just ignore the situation. If asked about it simply say that those are her issues that she will have to deal with, and that all you guys can do is focus on your own family and what is best for them.

Sounds like she is very immature and you are stooping by letting it get to you. I say cut her off, this is your life. You are a grown-up and have a family of your own. Do what you want, when you want to. She needs to grow up. One day she probably will, and, if she doesn't, who cares? Doesn't sound like someone I would want around my kids much anyway, so I would say "good riddance" and be done with her drama. Who needs that? I know I don't, my family is enough for me to stay busy day in and day out! Good luck!

I am so sorry this is happening to you! This is horrible that such a wonderful miracle is being tarnished by someone so selfish. If I were you, I would do what worked for my family and not worry about her. It sounds like nothing will ever make her happy. I know you want a relationship with her, but she is making it impossible. Someone like that can never have a normal relationship with anyone. I surely hope you can find some peace and make a decision for your family. Let us know what happens! I hope you have a beautiful baby!!

You and your husband don't need her consent for anything your own family decides to do. She needs to learn to deal with it. I hate to judge, but she sounds a little immature. Why would she want to try to concieve with her boyfriend if she's not even married to him? Just curious. She can do what she wants with her life and you can do what you want with yours.