I Am pregnant...and So Is My Niece...

My mom was married at 19, had me at 20, and had my 1st brother at 21.
While she is young she isn't THAT young.
Why are you venting? What are you upset about?

My in-laws started their family when she was 19 and he was 23. Not what I chose to do at that age but it worked just fine for them. To each their own.

Oh brother. Can't afford birth control, but can afford to have unprotected sex. So sorry. No advice except to ask her to consider adopting out the baby. If she starts working now with an adoption agency, they'll pay for her prenatal care and the birth.

Oh, I mean to add congratulations to you on your pregnancy. I know that this thing with her is probably taking away some of your own joy...

Sorry, you appear to be confused about what to feel. When I was pregnant with #2, three of my nieces were also pregnant (ages; 32, 22, 20). My husband and I held off on telling our news until after their baby showers because we didn't want to rain on their parade. 1st time parents relish the excitement that comes along with the arrival (for #2 we at least know what we are in for). Hope your families can celebrate each baby in the special way they will both be. Congratulations to you both :)
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I in no way suggested or meant 'you' should wait and not 'rain' on her parade. I merely shared our experience and how we handled a similar situation.

Vent about what? You sound ridiculously self centered. Your niece is at a time in her life where she will need the support and love of her family to be a good mom and make better decisions for herself and her baby in the future.

I got pregnant when I was 22 and single. I'm very happy that my immediate and extended family were nothing but warm, loving and supportive towards me and my son. If any of them were as snotty and judgmental as you, I never sensed it. Please get over yourself.

ETA: ok--so its her irresponsibility and lack if planning and financial awareness that youre venting about? Look, she's not the first young unmarried (I assume) woman to keep a pregnancy under less than ideal circumstances, and I doubt she'll be the last.
Treat her the way you'd like to be treated and keep any negative opinions to yourself. This is your niece. She's family and she & this child are going to be in your life a long time. Try to be supportive.

What are you venting about?
That she's a single mom?
Is she stealing the limelight?
Are you going to be supporting her baby or providing child are?
Lots of people are pregnant at the same time.
I'm sorry I don't get this post...

Part of you probably wants a little credit for doing things the "right" way. You would never admit this to yourself, even, because it just feels really self-centered in a way that makes your stomach turn. It's hard to be as happy as you think that you should be for the potential life, when you know that it is the result of piss-poor planning and living. You wish that other people would acknowledge that and validate your efforts by subtly pointing you out as an example of how it should be done, because you've made a point of being responsible all this time.

Suck it up. They've noticed, but it only bears mentioning if the goal is to make this niece feel bad. She's noticed, too, and she'll notice even more as it gets more and more real for her. You've already won. How you respond to her will determine if the winner is just you or your whole family. Don't take a backseat, but don't force the sunshine to make a choice.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Congratulations on being a responsible woman, taking charge of your resproduction! Good luck to you! Good luck to your family! Good luck to your niece!

I don't quite understand. You're angry? Because she is immature and is having s baby near the same time as you? She didn't do this to you. She is not taking anything away from you. Isn't therr enough love in your family for both of you and your babies?

Or are you angry because she's so clueless and your anger isn't related to your pregnancy? I suggest she needs your love and support. Yes, she shouldn't have gotten pregnant. If you're not close, you can ignore her annd rejoice in your pregnancy. If you have to be involved with her and family, find a way to love her. This is not a competition.

I understand your need to vent and I don't think you're being snotty at all. At 20 yrs old she should know that if she can't afford condoms or Bc pills, she can't afford a child and therefore she should control herself and not be having sex. Hopefully she'll grow up and become more responsible. Good luck to both of you and Congrats on your pregnancy!

Congrats!

Something similar happened in our family.

I think that the part that got some of us was not that there were unplanned pregnancies, but what was put on the registries, all new, expensive stuff. Some in the family thought that she should be trying to be frugal and look at Goodwill, yard sales, consignment shops, etc. instead of just expecting people to go buy her new stuff.

Now some stuff like a car seat and crib should be new, but they don't need to be the top of the line, and you don't need a $200 crib set. They don't need a $200 travel system.

Since you have been there, done that, and you will sort of be going through this together, maybe you could help guide her in how to make smart money choices going forward. You don't say how old your first is, but maybe she could help babysit your first to get some experience for when her baby is here.

Again, I know this is frustrating, and sort of a burst to your baby bubble, but it doesn't have to be. It can turn in to a positive situation if you approach it right.

Don't you believe that your niece deserves a little bit of compassion? Or are you taking the stance that since she "couldn't afford birth control" and had sex anyway she deserves what happened to her and has to deal with the consequences? Guess what. Babies aren't consequences.

I don't even understand what you're really venting about. You're pregnant, she's pregnant. Okay. The circumstances of how she conceived are absolutely none of your business. You only know because you either overheard her tell your mother-in-law or your mother-in-law broke a confidence and told you something she shouldn't have.

So this isn't a vent. You're seething judgment and you want some back-up that what you're feeling is justified. This young lady needs support more than anything. Your husband's side of the family is about to get bigger. His sister needs support, not judgment, or you risk straining the relationship for no good reason. Who cares how she got pregnant? The baby doesn't deserve your judgment. If you can't support your husband's sister, then support that baby and put away the sour grapes. The babies the two of you are carrying don't care how they were conceived.

Congrats to you both.

Your niece going to need emotional support along with the physical and financial. Do you have an ear to share with her?

And what is it you need to vent about? Upset that she's pregnant and may steal your thunder? Don't get the point of this post.

I had my first daughter at 20, I wasn't married (but engaged and now we are celebrating 9 years in October). I finished my undergrad degree at 22, built and bought a house at 25, and completed my graduate degree at 29. I also have two more beautfiul babies, born when I was 22 and 24.

My sister had her first baby at 20 as well, she is married to her daughter's father (who I don't like, but still) and they are trying for number two, she will be 25 in November.

My older sister is 32 and after suffering a miscarriage, is expecting her first in January.

I would MUCH rather have had the struggles I did by being a mom at 20 than my older sister did in her 20's. She battled RX drugs, abusive boyfriends, and moving around - now she is settled and I have so much respect for her it is unreal. But I am 99% sure my road to 30 was easier than hers.

I also just saw a friend of mine (her oldest daughter is 10, and I believe her step-daughter is 18) post that she is now a grandma...so a teen mom and a 20 year old are very different.

I'm not sure what your problem with her being pregnant is? Yes, it's young, but it's not wrong. Isn't raising a kid at any age difficult? I can't say that I think it would be any easier for me had I started having my kids now (at 30) versus 10 years ago.

I sense a bit of the green eyed monster....what are you upset about? She's an adult

Being a young mama isn't necessarily a disaster. The young woman's personality has a lot to do with whether she has what it takes to raise a child while barely out of childhood herself. I had my oldest when I was 21 and today, she's an honors roll college sophomore, just received an award at her job, and is generally just an awesome person.
I have a tenacious personality so I was determined to do whatever my child needed, but the number one thing that made a difference in my ability to be a good young mom was that I had a lot of support from family and friends. Not just financial help or babysitting, but cheerleading/positivity about our lives. If anyone ever thought I was headed toward a disaster, they never let on. Because everyone (at least outwardly) believed in me, I believed in myself. Because I was confident, my baby wasn't anxious.
She and I joke now about how inexperienced I was and the lengths I went to to disguise how difficult it was at times. But she often tells me what a great childhood she had. Makes it all worthwhile.
Try to be (outwardly) positive for your niece. Your babies will likely grow up together and be very close. This is an opportunity for you to be a good influence about things like a healthy diet, early learning, etc.

Not sure i understand your vent or question...if there is one. You seem to want to point out the differences in both your routes to getting pregnant or something similar. She will learn to adapt like all other mothers (or not). Maybe she couldn't afford birth control....obviously this is an unplanned pregnancy - she's not the first. And yes she was Irresponsible. Give her some support through this situation.you two can support each other while pregnant.

At least she is 20 and not 15! Presumably she is a high school graduate (at least).

20 is young and we don't all make the best decisions when we're young.

I had my son when I was 19 but I was a graduate and was married to my high school sweetheart (my ex). Neither was the best decision but I stepped up and have been a good mom (his dad has been a good friend to our son now that he's older but wasn't very good when he was little although he loves him dearly and always has).

I suggest that you tell her "congratulations" and if you have the opportunity you talk to her about her plans.

Congratulations to both of you on your pregnancies! If she's already raised her younger sister, maybe she will be a great mom! Yes, she is younger than you so I hope you can be of some support to her. Assuming she is selfless enough to go thru with the pregnancy, it would be nice for her to have someone to talk to, commiserate about pregnancy, nausea, aches and pains, it's likely none of her friends have gone through it. For the baby's sake, encourage her to surround herself with people who are supportive, not judgemental. Remind her she has a lot more experience than most 20 yr olds.