Announcing Pregnancy .... Expecting an Unhappy Sister in Law

The whole 'baby' of the family being the cutest and most special sits uncomfortably with me. Why not forget about all that and just act like all the children are in the nest at once?

What a childish game to play with family. Who cares who the baby of the family is? My grandparents have 27 grandchildren. Their 27th was no more or less precious than their first, who was 45 years older than him.

Announce it, lavish attention on her newborn, and get over it.

I'd wait 12 weeks before announcing ANY pregnancy, under ANY circumstances.
Congrats & good luck!
(Announcing it isn't going to change the chronological order of what WILL BE reality. Let her have her moment.)

1. You are NOT responsible for her reaction. She's an adult and if she feels slighted somehow for not having the youngest baby, she needs to work on herself.

2. Tell her at 12 weeks. And everyone else. I think it's SO neat that your child will have a cousin so close in age! Pitch it to her in that way, and say NOTHING about the "baby" joke. I think it's stupid to behave as if there's something better about the youngest child anyhow. They're children, not competition.

Although I do think she needs to grow up (perhaps coming and just talking to you one day signaled that), I do think that it would be nice for you to give her a moment to shine. She is due any day - wait out your 12 weeks and let he have her moment. After all, it's your third.

Go tell a few close friends who won't tell your secret.

Hold off - it's really the nice thing to do. Especially since there is a past.

As my mom used to say...if you get mad, you will get glad again.
Honestly, it would not even occur to me that someone might be jealous that someone else had the baby in the family. If she feels that strongly about it she can have another. Really, who cares:).
Also, as someone who has experienced pregnancy loss, I would wait 12 wks before sharing the news but that is just me.

I say let her have her moment. We all deserve our moment. Yours will come soon enough.

Hmm, kind of weird responses here, I mean why would a grown woman need to have her pregnancy and/or baby be the center of attention?
Very weird and immature IMO.
Announce the pregnancy when you are ready and comfortable, in a normal, matter of fact way.
You're having a baby after all, not delivering the son of God, it's just a regular part of life, birth and death. Treat it as such.

Yes, let her have her moment. Wait the 12 weeks before you tell everyone. Simply because it would be a very kind thing to do for her.

I would wait and let her enjoy her moment while it lasts.

My thoughts... if you tell her right now, then you are already kicking her soon to be born baby out of the nest which will bruise her ego and probably won't be a positive experience, possibly putting you 2 back at odds against each other again (maybe worse).

My point of view (for what it is worth) would be if you tell her now... you are just being mean because it looks like you are trying to one up her and not allow her to have her moment.

Wait until you are far enough along and then make your announcement.

Congratulations!!

Husband's family-- let him lead. Stop treating touchy SIL with kid gloves. Seriously-- if she needs to participate in the one-upsmanship of having the latest and greatest baby, she seriously needs to get over HER problem. Personally, I would wait the 12 weeks before announcing, but not everyone is up for that.

In short, this is NOT your problem. Let your husband do the announcing and enjoy it. Don't take this away from his because his sister might get into a tizzy.

I, personally, waited to tell anyone about my pregnancies because I'd had problems and miscarriages. NOT to say that will happen to you, but I wouldn't mention anything just yet.

I also don't understand the "baby" position especially when a family is so blessed with babies. It should never be a competition over blessings.
I would wait, not for your sister-in-law's sake, but for your own, just to make sure everything is okay with your own baby.

Just my opinion.

Best wishes.

Wait 12 weeks.

And, I would tell her FIRST. That way, she won't feel blindsided by hearing it from someone else, and might even feel honored that she was the first in the family to know.

Even if it's only by five minutes.

I would give it at least a few weeks. I'm gunshy about annoucing pregnancies because I had an early miscarriage. If one party wants to wait (especially the wife) then that should trump the other party who wants to shout. He can get his shouting to the world on in a few weeks. I think the whole "baby of the family" thing is a tad silly but I also see no harm in letting her have her moment.

I think you are being very considerate. She may or may not appreciate it but I think you have the right idea and being nice won't hurt anything.

My gut is with you. Try to hold off for a little while. Let Sis have her day in the sun. She may become jealous anyway but she also may appreciate your effort, which can only be good for the family.

Oh man, I can see both points of view. As far as kicking out of the nest, I have never heard of that, but I can see a big family kidding over that kind of thing. You want her to have time in that spot light. That would be fine and you have a few weeks to be a bit more sure of your preg status.

On the other hand, who cares? You are walking on eggshells around this girl and you never know when she is going to flip. I can't live like that.

oh dear. family drama. blick.
i'm with you. let her enjoy her moment. but don't angst too much about it all when you do decide to share. your joy is also something the family should join in, not feel jealous about. and if they do, make it their problem.
but it's nice of you to let her have her moment in the sun, and there's really no need to yoink it away from her if indeed that's how she looks at it.
khairete
S.

I think the whole nest thing is weird just my opinion. I would wait till afterher baby is here and make some alone time just u her and her new baby to tell her about your expected new arrival. And express you wanted her to be the first ti know and how exited u are that your children will be so close in age. Make jokes about stuff like needing her maternity clothing, that she will loss the baby weight while you are still putting it on etc. But don't say anything about thewhole nest thing.

I would wait, she is due any day now so what would it hurt to give her the lime light for a couple of months. Here is where you have to be VERY CAREFUL, if you decide to wait, you have to wait to tell everyone. Since you are already on eggshells, his family learning from someone other than you guys that you are expecting again could only cause further drama.

Congrats!

You need to at least wait until she has the baby, and preferably a few weeks after. Drama or not, I think this is the kind thing to do. Allow her to have center stage when she has this baby for a little while.

My SIL had the first grandbaby on my husband's side. They had 5 years of having the only grandbaby in the family.

Finally, my husband and I were pregnant, yay! We were 3 months along and enjoying the moment for sure. Then comes along SIL who just found out she was barely 7 weeks pregnant, not even showing, and she kicked me off my throne to announce her second pregnancy. From then on I had to share the limelight.

**sigh** ;)

The upside is that the kids, both girls, are close in age and close in heart.

My vote would be to announce it after the first trimester. I think that's very reasonable.

Congrats!

Normally you wait 12 weeks but I now I didn't. It is his sister so I say if he wants to tell his family let him. If she gets upset it's her problem.

A baby is a blessing and a joy. If she is due any moment (which is what I gather), wait to make your announcement. Obviously this "nest" family joke is a big deal. And if the relationship is tender, you don't want her to think you are trying to steal her thunder. Yes, that may be a bit immature, but it is what it is.

My SIL learned she was pregnant the day I was giving birth to my son. She decided to announce her pregnancy to everyone on the day I brought him home. Although I was thrilled for her and I got over it, my feelings were a little hurt at the time that she chose to tell everyone the way she did.

I don't know that you need to wait months and month, but let her enjoy a little time in the family spot light. It's so nice that you are considering your sister's feelings and it's sweet that hubby wants to brag.

This is from the book Boundaries. I don't think I could say it any better:

"Don’t be afraid to set boundaries with some people because of their anger and with others because of the guilt you might feel for “hurting them.” When you want to make a decision for yourself, don’t listen to other people’s anger or pouting and let their reactions affect your decision. Taking responsibility for someone else’s anger, pouting, and disappointments by giving into that person’s demands or controlling behavior destroys love in a marriage (or any other relationship.)"

By the way--I told everyone I was pregnant right away both times (about 5 weeks) and everything turned out fine.

Since she's so close to having her baby, I'd wait awhile. I've always thought it best to wait until the 8 wk appointment and ultrasound at least. I'm glad I waited to tell with my 4th pregnancy, because it ended in a miscarriage and nobody but us, my parents and my best friend ever knew about it.

I think my SIL was bent out of shape when we announced our third. She had thought her daughter was going to be the baby of the family forever. Nope!

Just wait!

Updated

Just wait!

Let her have her moment. Since you don't want to tell yet, and for VERY GOOD reasons all around, then your husband needs to honor that.

And you can tell him I said so.