This may sound cruel but I don't mean it to be. I have a niece who is 2 months older than my son. I love her very much but she is VERY spoiled. She constantly takes whatever my son is playing with and then pushes him down. if he even attempts to get the toy back she throws a temper tantrum and her mother gives her whatever she wants. Her Mother just says "she doesn't know better, Just let her have the toy" and does nothing to discipline this behavior. My son has started to do this in his play group and it upsets me very much because even at 16 months old I teach him to share and not to hit other children. i do not like bringing him around her anymore because I'm scared he will develop behavior problems because SHE is so bad...and I get criticized for trying to discipline my 16 month old...if anyone could offer some wisdom...i would greatly appreciate it.
BIG BIG THANKS for everyones advise. I have 99 percent of the playdates at my house now where there are house rules. I cannot believe i haven't thought of that. other wise I am limiting the time i spend with my sister-in-law. I offer to babysit whenever she needs me so My niece knows I'm in charge, and she is not so bad when her mother is not around. this way my son still get to spend time with his cousin.
What is worse misplaced criticism or a spoiled child...your own?!!!
Children learn to speak by what they hear around them, the same goes for behavior. You have the right to keep him away from any outside influence you deem improper.
Tell her mom that you will be happy to let them interact when she does "know better".
Sorry to say, but all toddlers go through stages where they don't share and throw tantrums, regardless of outside influences. You may try to isolate your son from his cousin, but eventually he will be exposed to this behavior somewhere else. The best you can do is continue to teach your son that you will not accept this behavior from him and hope for the best! Good Luck!
you're doing the right things. you're treating your son like a human. and, you're raising him to be polite and respectful.
I'm the same exact way.
depending on where you're at, i'd take the take completely out of the picture. if you are home, be on top of their playtime and make sure everyone gets a turn. if your niece acts up, you take the toy out of the picture and apologize go everyone that the toy has be leave. i see you dilemma when you're not at your home but at your sister's place b/c that's her territory and her rules.
maybe make more playdates at your house then hers.
when you are at their house, stash some extra toys just for your son that are his. and, when your niece wants to be a bully you can stick up for your son and tell him that what she's doing is not nice, but you can offer him something else to do.
Your niece's parents don't truly believe "she doesnt' know any better" they just don't know what to do. they don't know how to parent when it comes to that sort of stuff and it will bite them in the butt soon.
whenever someone does something rude to my son i explain to him what happened and that i don't want him to ever do that and i hug him and let him know there's nothing wrong with him just some people aren't nice when it comes to sharing.
At the same token, HOWEVER, kids this age DO NOT play together yet. they don't interact like that, at least not for long periods. The world still revolves around them.
Continue to plug away at the values you're instilling, it WILL pay off.
Hi C.,
I feel for you! I had the same problem. It's so hard when it comes to family... I agree with the mom who suggested making the play dates at your home. Then you can explain to your niece and son that there are "house rules" That at your house there is no hitting, no pushing and we share. That way you are not criticizing your sister's parenting, you are just keeping to the "house rules" which apply to everyone.
It is young for children to be expected to share.. but learning not to hit or push requires immediate intervention. Get to her eye level and say "No! We don't do that here". It may cause some tension between you and your sister, but in time it will be OK.
I think your child needs to go to school. I own my own daycare/Preschool. I teach children how to share and responsibilities. I have 3 small children and I had to teach them sharing and cleaning up. When they are in school and see other kids sharing and responsibilities, they learn to do the same. My daycare is in Pompton Lakes and the tuition is very affordable if you want to send your child with me for a couple of days part-time. My number is ###-###-####.
Best of luck to you whatever you plan to do.
M. S.
Teacher/Director/Owner
Little Achievers
235 Wanaque Ave.
Pompton Lakes, NJ 07442
Phone: ###-###-####
Fax: ###-###-####
No no no no. I absolutely agree with you. We started to discpline our daughter at a fairly young age, probably around 15-16 months. And more importantly we praise her for every good thing she does. Even little things. My daughter will be two on 4/28/07 and she is pretty well spoken and very well behaved for her age. And of course there's gonna be times when they misbehave, after all they are only toddlers but keep up what your doing and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Hello Allison,
I wouldn't worry. I think that you are doing exactly what you should be doing. If you don't start teaching them right from the start you could end up with big problems. I think your sister should take your advise. I also have a niece and nephew that are spoiled rotten. Whenever there is a birthday party, my sister buys them gifts as well so they don't feel left out. It's not enough for them to just come and enjoy the party and play with the other children. They EXPECT gifts for themselves as well. If not, all they do is cry. Don't worry about disipling your son. It's all about how you go about it that matters.
I have a cousin with two children who are now 5 and 6. These kids are major behavior problems due to no discipline. The last time we were with them (Thanksgiving) my daughter was 15 months old. She came upstairs after playing with them and had scratches all over her chest and stomach from them.
My advice...maintain your rules and expectations for YOUR child. When his cousin misbehaves explain to him that we like to share our toys and that we can find something else to play. I also agree with the other post, PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE for good behavior...that goes a long way with a toddler!
