What to Do When a Friends Child Passes Away?

Wish them peace, and let them know you are there if they just need to talk, or if they want you to do nothing. Give them time and space. When I lost my daughter 3 years ago, i just needed to know that people were there if and when i wanted to talk. When they say they're ok, they're not. DO NOT say that everything happens for a reason.

This is SO hard. When my now 13 yr old girl was 4 yrs old, one of her best friends died unexpectedly in the summer. It was a shock to all and especially hard on all the moms who had relationships with this family.

We stood by the family and let them know we were there. It was hard on everyone because all of our girls were such good friends and we continue to see each other often. Even now, everytime we see the parents of the daughter who passed unexpectedly, we know they see how their daughter would have progressed at that point and it hurts everyone. In time, it is easier to see each other but it still hurts to this day.

Unfortunately, we had another experience with a friend losing a daughter. Our daughter is now at the age where my friend's daughter was killed in an auto accident. I have a tough time every time I see her now because my daughter is at the same age as when her daughter died.

I believe there is a a signal from mom to mom that lets the grieving mom know you really care. I know the grieving mom also knows the awkwardness for both of you at this time when you truly care for her and her family and have a family of your own as well.

I feel better having these families in my prayers and letting them know that I am here if they need me in some way.

S

My dear friend Mary lost her little boy a few years ago after a long nine month battle with heart problems. I remember her and her husband being calm for having just lost a child but I guess it was because it wasn't a surprise to them, they had been prepared for the worst since he was born. I suspect this couple will be somewhat like that. Based on experiences with my friend, I would suggest you telling them how deeply sorry you are for the loss of their precious child and also write it in a card. They will keep it forever. Also, I know my friend Mary liked it so much when people asked about her little boy, she loved talking about him and sharing his pictures. So don't be afraid to ask them to tell you about their little boy, they will appreciate you acknowledging that although a short life, his was an important one.
As far as fundraisers, there was also one for these friends, it was done at our church. Someone got a pretty well known Christian singer and sold tickets to the concert. I think there was a benefit dinner as well. But we all went to church together so not sure if that's a right fit for you guys since you know them through work.

Best wishes to you and them as they recover from their loss.

You are a good friend. I think being there at this very difficult time for her is the biggest gift you can give at this moment.

J., I have a dear friend that lost a child that was 4 months old and I delievered a baby stillborn last year. As you know, your love for a child is SOOO different than any other kind of love. Throw out all the things you would fill in dead space with like your child is in a better place and god needed him in heaven... I am a religious person and when people told me they were praying for me, that meant more than anything. I believe God wants us to be happy and healthy and all those "sayings" turned me off. Nothing you can do or say can ever take away any of the pain they feel. Just let them know you are there and let them know you are there for them to talk or vent. A family friend gave my husband and I tickets to a martina mcbride concert shortly after we lost our baby. a night out, not thinking about our loss was priceless! Food is a great gift. running errands is good too. A journal and a book of verses is helpful if they are religious. Call them from the grocery store and ask what you can bring. Giving to a charity for us made our child's live and death have a purpose. We were so touched by the fact that our child compelled people to help others.

I would make sure they have food everynight. The last thing they will be thinking about is cooking, going to the store, and taking care of general needs. You might want to arrange for a house cleaner to come and clean their house. They might have a hard time being around other young children right now. Other than that just being a friend. Let her talk, cry, scream, without any objections. I lost my mom at a young age and it seemed like the thing I wanted most was a friend who just let me vent all my frustrations and anger for why this happened. The hard part about death is unless you have been through it with an immediate family member no one can even comprehend the pain that goes with it. I can't even imagine losing a child and the pain they are going through. If you aren't that good of friends with her I would also recommend a card, email or phone call at least once a week to check on her. Right now she will be overwhelmed with all the support but in a few weeks it will all die down however she will still be miserable, depressed, and will be alone. Keep checking on her and showing support. Hope that helps!

When my father passed away from Cancer we requested that people donate money to a certain organization for his cancer instead of buying flowers. So you could go in w/ others and present the card or however to the family that you sent money in his honor to the charity/org. r/t his diagnosis.
Sorry to hear about this families loss. I have two boys and couldn't imagine them very sick, nor losing them. My heart and prayers will go to them.

HI J.~
Wow what a good friend you are to reach out for wise counsel before jumping. We lost our little girl, Stella, in Sept during our 2nd trimester due to a cord accident. Please mention their sons name every chance you get. Just showing that you remember this precious child and that you have not and will not forget the impact he and his family have had in your life. Also, your friend might isolate herself for a few months. I encourage you to allow her the time to grieve this does not mean ignore or avoid her but simple letters, a nice suprise on her door step, it doesn't have to cost a thing even just a gesture of your love for her. The father is also going to be struggling but he will be healed just by having a women by his side that is full from the love she recieves from friends like you!
God bless you and your baby =)!
A.

J., I am wondering if the family that lost their child has any other children?
If so, Please contact the WARM place (What About Remembering Me). It doen't cost anything. It works through donations. And, provides a way for the surviving members of the family to go thru the grief process.
I admire your compassion and your willingness to help.
Regards,
A..

Do mark the date of the child's passing on a perpetual calendar and send them a note for as long as you know them each year on that date. For a friend of mine, her child being remembered year after year has been a comfort and blessing.

We had a friend who lost her baby at 34 weeks gestation. They had family that took care of their immediate needs, but I just dropped her a card that let her know how much I loved her and that I was there if she needed anything at anytime. It's always a difficult situation to approach.
Also, the women's organization in my church had a fundraiser for a family recently. They asked everyone to donate any items they didn't need or planned to get rid of and had a yard sale. They also had women volunteer to bring baked goods to sell at the yard sale. Obviously all of the proceeds went to the family. It went quite well.

Hi J.,

I lost my 8 year old son about two years ago so I can relate to your friend's overwhelming pain. Please feel free to share my contact info if they need someone to talk to. Here's a website that tells the whole story: www.jfcfoundation.org.

If they have other children, I highly recommend the WARM place in Fort Worth (www.thewarmplace.org). It really helped our whole family to deal with our grief.

When James died, it was Christmas time so the PTA moms came and decorated our house for us, collected toys for our remaining son so he would have a Christmas and brought food. All of these gestures just said "I love you" to us and were much appreciated.

I think raising funds for a charity that means so much to them is a great idea. I'm sure there are some websites out there that can help; just google "fundraising".

Above all, just be there for them, now and in the future. Remember to send a card on the child's birthday and on the anniversary of his death. Many times we flock to grieving friends at the time of the tragedy and then go on with our lives, while for them the wounds are still very fresh for a long time to come. It can be a very lonely feeling. Let them know from time to time that you are thinking of them and their son and praying for them.

One other thing that some co-workers did was to have a tree planted in James' honor in a park near our house. I visit that tree all the time when I want to have some quiet time alone with God and with James. Every time I go there I remember their thoughtfulness.

God bless you for wanting to help this family in their time of need!

M.
www.GoodHealthMadeSimple.com/M.

check with your (or theirs) local fire department to see if they are able to help. Or if you belong to a church, maybe they could rent some bounce houses, and ask for donations to cover medical expenses.