M.K.
Mom,
you sound burnt out,
I have a few suggestions,
you need to start asking for help,from friends and family so you have time for you.without HIM and the baby.
second you need to STOP wishing your life was diffrent
ITS NOT, this is your life and your daughters life,In my opinion you have a darn good life.
YOU cannot change this man, but you can change yourself
and you are the only person standing in the way of your own happiness.
Stop wishing he was someone else,
He is a young man, who is immature and irresponsible
BUT he is a good man, trying to do right by you and your baby, and faithful, and pays the bills.
THAT is more than most men do.
the grass is not always greener, "BETTER" No just diffrent.
He is young , inexperienced and his salary reflects this its normal, it takes atleast 5 years in the work place to start earning at a decent level and you need to be very motivated and patient.
in the next few years both of you will grow and change, as will your daughter, the first 2 years of marriage are the most difficult, then it gets mildly easier for the next 3 following ( basically in 5 years you will be in a better place)
DATING for 3 years is NOT marriage
Neither is just living together.
Don't bad mouth this man to your family, if you need to vent vent to the computer or a friend you rarely talk to and who won't see him.
Everytime you tell your mom about him in a negative light it makes them POISON YOU about him.
Start appreciating HIM, or someone else will.
( he loves you and at some point he will realize what a catch you are, and a great mom)
Men do not think like women.
You don't want him to leave because you love him, and your a family. pROBLEM IS YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT WORK.
I will tell you, exactly what you need to do.
LET all his flaws and personality defects go, see the good in him, and focus on that,
don't try to change him, accept him
don't over analyze everything, Let it go,
don't listen to what everyone else is saying, and stop telling them your business.
If you are busy telling everyone else what is wrong , you start to feel like everything is going wrong,
IF you focus on the good, EVEYTHING will go well.
In a marriage we say horrible things to eachother, really terrible things, but you come back to eachother, commited to stay together,
He doesn't need to grovel at your feet, he has every right to hang out with friends, so do you, just because you have a child doesn't mean your life stops. your dreams end.
NO its merely a diffrent chapter
If he wants to go out let him, or get a sitter and go with him, and if your tired then thats on you, don't feel resentful that you aren't going out too ,
You want complete control and then resent him for it afterwards.
You can't have it both ways honey, you are very young,
as is he, and you will become a family, this is part of it,
you either fight for your family or fight against it,
Which one are you fighting for?
You can make it work, just start trying harder,
Everytime you begin to argue stop yourself, and say I LOVE YOU
HUG him and kiss him everyday, before and after work
Have a dinner waiting for your man, and give him sex atleast once per week,make sure both you and him get enough sleep.
If you make sure he gets all these things your marriage will improve.
When he says you are a fat lazy good for nothing pig, you say,
Your right, I am disgusting, but I love you.and want only the best for you,
Kill him with kindness and it will change everything,
Not everything has to be a battle , fight to the death, there doens't have to be a winner to every argument.
Let it go.
work on your FAMILY relationship, not just what will make YOU happy.. its just not about you anymore. you don't have that luxury. your daughter needs a father , and he seems like a good one, maybe not the best but he's yours. and he seems to be trying,
so try a little harder to make it work, CHANGE yourself
and your marriage will change.
good luck
M