What's "Propper" ????

Wow! Lots going on with you. When we got married, we paid for the wedding. My husband had been married before. So we said:

Sally Suzy Smith
Daughter of John and Suzy Smith

and

George Harold Jones
Son of Henry and Sharon Jones

request the honor...

Seems like this could work for you - you just include two sets of parents for each of you.

Many people include a second card in their invitation with reception/wedding specifics. I think you could do that as well.

Good luck!
C.

I had the same issue with the wording. In the end, I went with the kids. Mine read "Savanah, Taylor, Connor, and Dustin are happy to announce the wedding of their parents.... You are invited to join in this celebration on....". The first three were his and the last one mine. I don't know how many kids you have (I assume you have at least one since you're on this site!).
As for the dress and the food, I think a simple "A formal reception with a snack and candy buffet will follow" will work.

Congratulations on your marriage!

My opinion is that since you already have a child, you are way too "out of the nest" to be projecting the impression that your parents are marrying you off. You are already an independent person arranging your own wedding, so your invitation should reflect that. Leave your parents' names off entirely. Just say, "Betty Boop and Christopher Plummer invite you to witness their exchange of wedding vows, Saturday july 25th, blah blah blah at blah blah country club, blah blah. You see?

Who pays, again, I don't know your age, but I assume you are an adult. Neither parent is obligated. You are an independent, fully functioning adult and should pay for your own wants and needs. (Traditions don't apply, since you have not lived traditionally, waiting until AFTER marriage to start a family. Since you went ahead and did things your own way, it's unfair to appeal to tradition NOW.)

However, you can certainly ask all the parents involved, "Peter and I are fully prepared to pay for our own wedding, so please don't feel obligated. We know that many parents WANT to contribute to their kids' weddings, so we thought we'd ask if you would LIKE to make a contribution in any way. Again, don't feel obligated, but we would love to have you participate."

You could simply say at the bottom of your invitation: reception with light appetizers to follow. Formal attire, please.

As it happens, I myself did our names only and "would like to contribute, don't feel obligated" when it came to my wedding. We had a modest but tasteful (I hope!) wedding. All these details are great ways to demonstrate the independence and responsibility that are necessary for maintaining a healthy, stable marriage. 16 years and counting!

best wishes.

Liz,

I've been a wedding and event planner for the past 10 years. I'm with the others on this site that think the verbage of how/if to include your parents is completely up to you and your fiance.

As for the food, beverage, and attire verbage I would use something like the following:

"Light Hors d'oeuvres Social to Follow
Black Tie/Cocktail Attire Requested"

On the subject of food, however..... Did your planner/country club/caterer mention the timing of your wedding to you? I know it's difficult to do at the last moment, but I would change the time of your wedding and reception if at all possible. Typically when only serving light hors d'oeuvres I have always recommended that my clients not start a reception until at least 7:30pm (this would push the ceremony to 7ish). The reason is that even if you specifically let your guests know it is only light hors d'oeuvres, a start time as early as you have chosen will have your guests coming to the wedding hungry. The problem with this is two-fold:

1. Their appetites will not be satisfied as they will not have had a chance to eat. This leads to people leaving early, and over-drinking without enough food on their stomachs.

2. People WILL treat the hors d'oeuvres as "dinner" and there is a very real possibility that the caterer will run out of food. They prepare based on a formula which will not allow for many pieces per person.

The positive is that you have not yet sent out invites which makes changing times A TON easier though it still will take some coordination with your vendors. Another option would be to provide a meal. However, a meal will cost you more money and will change the ambiance of the event.

Best of luck and enjoy your special day. If you need any more insight, please feel free to contact me.

well it really does not matter what the etiqutte is it matters what you want. If you are paying for the wedding then just invite with you and yoru fiance's names. If either of the parents are paying then you could always put something at the bottom like "Formal appetizer and desert reception complements of the our loving parents" or something like that. this should address the dress code, food and dollars. hope this helps and makes it a little easier. Also since you are already out of the house I am sure your parents would not be offended at a non traditional invitation. Congratualations on your upcoming marraige! I also have to pass on the one great peice of advice my father told me "Marriage is not 50/50 it is 100/100, some days you will give everything and get nothing and other days you will get everything and give nothing. A succesful marriage does not happen by accident, only when you have a purpose." Best wishes.

I think you might have some hungry guests...when did you expect them to eat? 4:30? Normally an evening wedding has a sit down meal - they can't leave the wedding to go eat, so that is the norm. Not sure how you are going to tell them to eat.

As far as invite, I've seen it:

John Doe and Jane Dody
along with their parents
cordially invite you to their
wedding ceremony
August xx,xxxx

etc.

Enjoy your day - but more important - enjoy your marriage.

M. who has been happily married to my daughters dad for over 16 years.

It doesn't matter who's paying as much as who is announcing the wedding; i.e., traditionally only the bride's parents. The invitation can come from them as in "Mr. Smith and Mrs. Jones-Smith request the honor of your presence at wedding of their daughter Miss Elizabeth Jones to Mr. James Johnson."
Or announce it yourself "Bride's name and Groom's name together with their parents, request the honor ..." It might sound "blah" but it's not a whole paragraph of non-matching names that's confusing about who is inviting you.

formal attire required
hosted bar with appetizers to follow

Hi Liz:

I don't know how old you are, but probably you and your husband-to-be are adults well situated in your lives. Just forget about the parents and write: Liz W and *insert hubby's name here* request the honor of your presence at their wedding *blablabla*; at the bottom you can write somethign along the line "appetizers and dessert will be served & an open beer and wine bar is available" I don't think that it's out of line to write on the bottom "formal dress code", for everyone who didn't get the hint with the location. I have received invitations before where a dress code was mentioned.

Have fun at your wedding!

Cheers S.

I have seen people use the wording "together with our parents" if you want to include them on the invite without all the names listed.

Who cares what is proper??? Be your self and don't worry about ettiquette. It's out moded for the most part and is only a source of stress for people in situations that shouldn't be stressful at all but should be a joy.

If it were me I'd simply word the invitation something like:

'Your name' and 'your fiancees name' invite you to celebrate our joining in matrimony at 'the time' on 'the date' at 'the place'.

Or you might want to word it to celebrate your love or whatever. If you throw ettiquette out the window and follow your heart you'll come up with something unique and beautiful.

Have a wonderful wedding and don't forget what a wedding is all about. It's not about the location, the trappings such as flowers or food or whatever or any of that...it's about LOVE, JOY and CELEBRATION OF LOVE. If you can hold onto that thought putting the wedding together will be a snap.

Proper is acknowledging your parents who loved you and raised you to be such wonderful adults, if this is a first marriage for either of you. If it's not, and you're receiving contributions/assistance from them in paying for the festivities, then you should still show gratitude.

For our wedding, it was my second and his first. His parents are married, mine are divorced. Here's the wording we used:

E. L.
and
Travis L.
will be married on, etc.

With love and acknowledgement to our parents
Mom and Dad L.
Mom and Dad S.
Dad R.
we invite you to join us for refreshments and dancing on the evening of, etc.

Like others have said, you can print up some smaller cards that have dress suggestions on one side and a map/directions on the other. Of course, your RSVP card too. :)

Good luck!

I am not sure as to the writing, I believe we used "...together with their family..."
As for the reception part, just add a little business card size note (can print them yourself to save time and money) with the details. that way people know what to expect. Congratulations nad dont forget to breath...and eat!

Hi Liz,

Congratulations on getting married! :o)

You have a lot of good advice here already, so I only wanted to add my 2 cents and say that if it's important to you and your husband, then you should use one of the suggestions below to include your parents names, or say one of the "with family", or "with parents" verbiage suggestions below (or whichever you and your husband choose). It is also considered good etiquette by some to do so, although it is a bit old fashioned and times have changed a lot since this idea was put into place as etiquette, so it's not necessarily considered to be the absolute way to go anymore. So if you and your husband are feeling that you would prefer to just have yours and your husbands name, then just do that. Don't get too lost in all the details and what's supposed to be and what's not, and forget that this is YOUR and your husbands special day, especially if you're paying for it. (Which I'm not clear about.)

Also, I think it's already been suggested, but just to add about the food and attire, you can either include a smaller card with the invitation (as well as the directions and/or map), or you can just tag the end of the invite (in smaller letters) to say something like "Wine, beer and appetizers to follow. <Next line> Formal attire required."

I wish you the best of luck with everything! :o)

I just wanted to add one comment: a lot of posters are suggesting the wording, "Formal attire". To me, that says black tie, i.e. mandatory tux for men. If your club's actual requirement is only a jacket, then you may want to change the wording to reflect that (not sure what... "Jacket required" seems a little funny...), so that people aren't incurring the expense of renting a tux if that's not your meaning. Good luck!

It sounds as though the parents involved have helped pay for this? If so, I would agree with the previous response to just write your own names on the invitation rather than following traditional etiquette but include a note of special thanks to the sets of parents.

We didn't have a wedding with invitations and guests, but did following our private ceremony with reception-type parties, which did require invitations. Both sets of parents contributed to these celebrations, so they were mentioned in special thanks in the invitation. Also agree with the verbiage previously mentioned for the reception expectations/attire.

Congratulations!

We used "together with our families." The invite doesn't announce who is paying, it announces who is getting married. :)

You can include a line that heavy hors d'oeuvres, wine and beer will be served following the ceremony.

I used to work at a country club. I wouldn't say formal attire unless you mean black tie. You can say "Country Club attire required" or "Jackets required" and if you feel you need to add, "No denim allowed." I've seen invites that say "Jacket required, tie forbidden" so it gives the guest the idea that they have to dress up, but not be uncomfortable. Also, it kind of depends on your guests--are they accustomed to country club life and rules or would they not know that denim is not acceptable attire (not that I think it is for any wedding, but that's a different story!).

Good luck, and remember to have fun!