How to Word an Insert to Wedding Invitations to Name Groom's Parents? (Omitted)

Hard to follow but if brides family is paying for wedding, as is traditional, it's also traditional the invitation only includes bride's parents. Haven't you always seen that?? If bride's family is paying, you have no right to be annoyed. If you're paying too, different matter. Not clear.

Eta: you did say "left off the invitation entirely" which gave me the impression that seemed odd to you. Sorry. I think a save the date or just an email to anyone you think may be confused is fine. If these people are close enough to invite, any way of clearing up confusion is fine.

I have seen both Bride and Groom parents, just Bride's, or neither on an invite and it is at the decision of the couple getting married. Truly, if the person being invited doesn't know the bride or groom's name without an insert...I must question why they are invited.

Good luck.

I think an insert would be very awkward. It's hard to imagine that your family doesn't know what his last name is.

I would call your friends and family who will be receiving invitations and tell them "we're so excited about George and Maria's wedding - you'll be receiving your invitation soon.. We hope you'll be able to come, plans are going along just great" or something like that. This might be difficult if you're planning on inviting hundreds of people, admittedly.

I hope that the parents of the bride, Mr. and Mrs. Appropriate, are footing the entire bill for this event. I'm assuming that's why they didn't include your names, so it wouldn't seem as though you were paying for the wedding.

Wow, this was poorly thought out by the family of the bride, and/or by the bride and groom themselves! "It would not have been appropriate"??? Were you even asked for a list of guests so they could include your numbers in the ordering of enough invitations? Or was your side ("your sides") an afterthought?

So, if I understand this correctly, you are the mother of the groom, John Smith, but you married Mr. Jones and your son has been known as John Jones for his whole life? And no one on your side of the family knows that he is John Smith legally? For all these years? How close are they, then, that you would invite them to the wedding? And not only that, now you are trying to invite all of the Smiths too, since you get along great with your son's father? So a whole bunch of Smiths will come who don't know that your son is known as John Jones?

I may not have this figured out right, so excuse me if my suggestions are off.

I think an insert is a terrible idea - it tells all of the Joneses and the Smiths that they are an afterthought, that there was never any intention of making it clear to them who is getting married. I would write up (and pay for) however many invitations you need for your side/sides of the family, and perhaps use the same design/font/blah blah as the original. They won't know that another invitation went to the bride's family and the friends of the bride & groom. You can either have the reply envelope addressed to you (if everyone will know who you are) or to your ex (if everyone will know who he is) or go for 2 sets of reply envelopes, with the understanding that you have to collect all of these and get the info to the bride's family. It's cumbersome, but I can't imagine finding another way to tell people who the groom is.

You should also realize that a good percentage of the wedding guests will be hearing your son called by a different name than what they have assumed it to be for all these years, so there will be confusion on that day as well as with any gift registry info. (I personally hate that gift registry info goes in the invitations, but I realize many people do it - so if your friends and your ex's friends go to Macy's or Crate & Barrel to buy a gift, they will be completely confused by submitted the "wrong" name.)

I think it would be wise for the bride and groom to start looking at some etiquette books and wedding guides for blended families to start to figure out a whole host of things, from invitations (definitely a bit late!) to "first dance" to "who sits where and who gets escorted into the ceremony" and who makes the toasts and who pays and.....you get the idea.

I realize you are trying not to ruffle feathers with the bride's family, but I think the horse is already out of the barn on that one.

If I'm missing something in your post, I apologize and hope you will clarify in the bottom of the question with "ETA" or in the "SWH" section.

I agree with your final SWH conclusion to not make an insert. If you think that people on your side of the family won't know who he is if he uses his legal last name instead of his step-dad's last name, then I suggest that in an informal way, you mention it to your relatives - hey, Joey is getting married to a lovely woman, Jane Doe, next June. You should get this invitation in a week or two. I hope you'll be able to make it. That should be enough for them to put two and two together to get four when the invitation arrives.

How many names on your list to the bride? Is this a large wedding with hundreds of guests? Seems simple to call or text them to tell them there will be a wedding. To prevent drama, I definitely would not mention anything about not being on the invitation.

I also wouldn't mention it to your son, his bride and her family. The way you worded the question "leaving" your names off sounds like criticism.

I don't understand why you're inviting people who don't know your son well enough to recognize him even if they don't recognize his last name. I suggest that if relatives and friends are unaware he's serious about a specific woman they are not a part of his life. So why invite them?

Were all parents left off the invite or just you? My husband and I dodged my multiple parent situation by addressing the invitation from the two of us. That was appropriate as we were planning and paying for the small wedding ourselves. If the bride's parents are paying for the whole wedding and you are not involved, it is technically acceptable to have just the bride's parents on the invite. I can't imagine an insert that would be appropriate. A little post card that says "by the way, you know Joe Smith as Joe Johnson"? No. Awful. I think the only solution is to reach out to your family ahead of time and let them know what to expect on the invite.

Updated

Were all parents left off the invite or just you? My husband and I dodged my multiple parent situation by addressing the invitation from the two of us. That was appropriate as we were planning and paying for the small wedding ourselves. If the bride's parents are paying for the whole wedding and you are not involved, it is technically acceptable to have just the bride's parents on the invite. I can't imagine an insert that would be appropriate. A little post card that says "by the way, you know Joe Smith as Joe Johnson"? No. Awful. I think the only solution is to reach out to your family ahead of time and let them know what to expect on the invite.

odd that the MOB didn't handle this beforehand. but i appreciate that you're NOT looking for drama, just a solution.

i think i'd go with no insert, and just a quiet heads-up email (or other contact) with 'your' side to let 'em know to expect it. you guys should have the guest list, right?
khairete
S.

On our invitations it had:
Mr. and Mrs. Smith request your presences at the wedding of their daughter Betty Marie to Mr. Hot Stuff, son of Mr. and Mrs. No so Hot Stuff.

That was 29 years ago. I have seen invites with every person on there. I don't understand why the MoB would exclude y'all like that.

I wouldn't send an insert but I like the idea of Save the Date. Sorry for all the drama.

I don't quite understand how the two sides of the family of the groom (the divorced/remarried/getalongreat and all their accompanying relatives) do not know your son's last name. How is that even possible? And if they are at all close to any of you, how will they not know that a wedding is in the offing and that your son's intended's name is "Maria" or whatever it is?

Honestly, it just sounds like a boatload of drama that is completely uncalled for. Wasn't your son part of the planning for this? Maybe you should talk to HIM about this. Seems like you are starting off on bad footing with your future in-laws to lay this all at their feet... and completely let your son off the hook, for what is ultimately HIS and his future Wife's responsibility.

Not sure how you could word an insert because I really don't see how it makes sense. Asking you to word an insert is a huge concession, and honestly one that I am surprised is being made. By including your name in the invitation, you have formally announced yourselves as HOSTS of the wedding. As such, your newly worded insert should be accompanied by a check for your share of the wedding cost.

Otherwise, if people don't know your son well enough to know his NAME, why are they invited to his wedding? I get the last name thing, but seriously? Send out (and cover the cost of) casual save the dates as pps have suggested which include his aka... but again, unless you're planning to pay half of the wedding, don't insinuate that YOU are inviting anyone to anything.

This isn't about "traditional" wording, or "formal" etiquette... this is extremely standard in ALL social situations, wedding or not... and is about being honest and showing respect for the actual hosts of the event. The "host" host is the person "hosting" the event. If that's not you, that's not you. Suggesting you are hosting when you aren't is not "proper" at all, and is unkind to the person who actually is.

Can you send out a "Save the Date" card? My husband and I did not do that, so I'm not really familiar with proper etiquette on that one. But maybe you could send out a "Save the Date" card to those you think might be confused. If they would think his name is "Smith," but really his name is "Jones," maybe you could put Joseph "Smith" Jones on the card ... or whatever you think would make it clearer.

I get really, really annoyed by things that some call "proper etiquette." According to many, I should have addressed my wedding invitations to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. Excuse me, but when Sarah married John, she didn't change her name to John, so I addressed them the way I would have wanted my name addressed - John & Sarah Smith or if I knew the woman better (gasp) Sarah & John Smith.

Screw proper etiquette. Most of the time it is ancient and stupid and extremely sexist!

But I do think "Save the Date" cards might be the easiest solution.

If you decide to put an insert, I would word it as such (using names instead of titles, of course):

We hope that you can be there to celebrate groom & bride (or bride & groom, your choice) on their special day
Warmly/Love/All our love/something along those lines
Mom and Stepdad
and
Dad and Stepmom

I assume the couple or the bride's parents are paying for the wedding, so I would avoid saying that you "invite them" as they may think it means you are the host. If you are paying for at least half the wedding, then it would be appropriate to say you "invite them to join" you or we "hope you can join us to celebrate..."

Read your SWH - I agree to not have an insert. I think it would create drama (or confusion, or at least leave people wondering why there needed to be one in the first place). If I got one, I'd think it was odd.

Honestly, I think this should have been handled by bride and groom and not put on to you to figure out. They should communicate better about what they want, not your son handing this over to you to figure out. That's just my thought.

Sounds like you've made your decision and I'm sure you can just let people know (who don't know your family well enough to know who he is by name alone) in other ways by the time they get their invites. I'm sure most would know - it's probably just a select few you'd have to reach out to.

Good luck and hope it goes smoothly :)

If you Google this, you'll find a lot of etiquette sites that can show you a variety of ways to deal with this.

Who is hosting the party?

When the couple would like to include their families (divorced or married) and host their own wedding:
Colleen Marie Chrzanowski and Ryan Michael Cronin
together with their parents
request the pleasure of your company at their wedding.

http://www.brides.com/blogs/aisle-say/2014/04/guide-to-we...

http://www.invitationconsultants.com/samplewording.aspx?p...

it would depend on the level of formailty of the wedding. if its a backyard t-shirt and jeans kind of wedding i doubt it would matter how it was worded. but if your talking a black tie affair with limo's and a 4 course meal then you should probably have them print new invites for the family
since your probably not talking a red carpet affair an insert will do just fine as long as its printed on quality paper and uses the same font style as the actual invite.another simple solution would be to insert an engagement pic of the couple so that the grooms family will recognise him. (and skip the written insert)

Reason 151 why I don't like weddings.

I haven't read all of the responses, but here's an idea to consider: Send out a family letter or "save the date" cards to your side of the family ahead of the invitations. Either have it list ALL parents, or if it's only going out to one portion of the family as a letter, word it casually, such as, "My son, Matthew, will be marrying his lovely fiancee, Sarah, on January 17th in Chicago. If you are able to arrange time for traveling there, we would love for you to be a part of the celebration!"

People need to be able to recognize who is their connection to an invitation. It will cost a little bit of money to do this, but you could minimize the cost by either printing them yourself or do it for free by email.

I think the MOB should have left her and her hubby off the invitation since you either include all parents or none. Don't play her wedding game because if you fall for this trap I'm sure she'll set out more 'your side of the family' traps as you go along.

Have a wonderful time at the wedding and remember these things make for great dinner party stories as the years go on.

I am confused but what I think you are saying is the invite says "Bob and Mary Smith and Dick and Mary Doe invite you to attend the wedding of Joe Smith and Jane Doe." but Joe's real birth parents are Mary Smith and Billy Jones. Billy and you are married and were not put on the invite at all. So, you should put an insert that says, "The parents of Joe Smith are Bob and Mary Smith and Billy and M. Jones who all invite you to join them in the celebration of love.'"

Updated

I am confused but what I think you are saying is the invite says "Bob and Mary Smith and Dick and Mary Doe invite you to attend the wedding of Joe Smith and Jane Doe." but Joe's real birth parents are Mary Smith and Billy Jones. Billy and you are married and were not put on the invite at all. So, you should put an insert that says, "The parents of Joe Smith are Bob and Mary Smith and Billy and M. Jones who all invite you to join them in the celebration of love.'"

How sad the mob is acting like this. I see all sorts of invitations that say Mr and Mrs. MOB would like to extend an invitation to you and your family to attend our daughter's wedding to Groom's name. The son of Mrs. Blah blah, wife of Mr. Blah Blah and Mr. Hey there and Mrs. Hey there.