What Other Moms Would Do?

My daughter was born 3 days before Thanksgiving & we went home the day before. As time got closer, I made it very clear that I was not cooking dinner. We didn't have the full meal like I would have fixed, but DH did a great job. The whole family (both sides) were completely understanding. Just lay down the law. If people don't understand, too bad. And, if people do come over, don't feel obligated. You just had a baby, you're not up for entertaining. Don't feel like you have to.

I would let them come, but not stay at my house. I would also volunteer them to cook for easter. :-)

Nope, not at all. I think you're entitled to some peace and quiet after the birth!

Tell your husband that he needs to tell his family that a) you all would appreciate if they postpone their visit or b) if they decide to come anyway, they have to stay in a hotel and entertain themselves as you all will be too busy.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

If you can't tell them yourself then blame it on the doctor's. Just tell them that you can't have them at your house or the hospital because your blood pressure is elevated and essentially the doctor told you not to have visitors because you will feel the need to help out etc. and you need your rest OR just tell them youself and say, thank you for wanting to come visit so early and so soon, but I'm am not going to be up for visitors until I feel well enough to visit and take part. I am going to need at least two weeks to recouperate from the surgery. It is major surgery and for them to expect to stay with you or to go to the hospital is ridiculous.

Wow, I think it is rather rude and insensitive of them actually. I would never even think to do that to someone and I can't believe they are even asking. Tell your hubby no way. Some time later on or Easter next year will be more realistic. You are definitely not overreacting.

Tell your husband that if they all want to be here that week its fine to let you know what hotel they will be staying at so he can take your other 2 kids and go visit them. Under no circumstances should they be expecting you to entertain them.

Oh for goodness sake! Did all these people camp out at each others houses when they were giving birth and recovering from it? I don't THINK so. Tell them "See ya next year!" followed by a manic laugh. You can always blame it on the hormones. For that matter, if you share all this with your doctor and pediatrician, you can probably back it up with doctors orders. If you want to have a few people visit, have them come in twos (1 pair per day, if that often), and they'd better come with take out food or a casserole to gain admission past your front door.

Not sure what your hospitals policy is right now (because of the flus) But ours does not allow ANYONE under 16 on the maternity/ OB floor. Not even in the door. Also NO MORE than 2 visitors at a time (over 16 ).

So there could be a NO FAMILY rule that the hospital can be blamed for... And no, they will not compromise...

ALSO... I agree with letting it be known that family WILL be staying at a hotel. You will be healing, and need the rest. (They would have to pay for themselves of course)

On the other side... Having extra hands to help (mom or MIL )would make your life easier... They can take main care to distract the big siblings while you concentraite on munchkin. BUT NO OTHER KIDS!!!

If you are feeling over whelmed now, you need to speak up. You will be healing and have a new baby. In this time of flus and colds I wouldn't let a large group near my baby. Call EACH individual family and explain to them that you want the first few weeks to be calm and that with baby being so young their visit would have to be just an hour or so so the olders do't get wound up... BUT in a few weeks you were thinking (when its warmer, schools out, Germs arn't so rampant etc) of hosting a family get together so all the cousins can meet the new baby... When its sturdier...

No I don't think you're overreacting. You will already have your hands full with you new bundle of joy plus you other two. You don't need that extra stress instead you could use someone there to help with things around the house.

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i'd just say "no. it isn't a good time

Good Grief, no!
I don't know why it is but men just don't seem to "get it" when it comes to child birth and new babies. The first whiff of this plan and your husband should have started trying to nip it in the bud! But for some reason, men don't "get it".

Tell him that HE may very well THINK that you are being unreasonable, but whether he believes that or not, it IS causing you STRESS. And you don't need the STRESS (just WORRYING about them coming) on top of the Csection and new baby, recovery, and acclimating your 2 older kids to the newborn. If they want to come, you'd be glad to see them.... a few WEEKS after the birth, when you can actually enjoy their company. If they insist on coming, then your husband needs to make it clear to them that they will have to stay in a hotel and that visits will be minimal.
You shouldn't be having to feel guilty because you want to bond with your nuclear family and recover from major surgery in PEACE.
And all those nieces and nephews... yeah.. THAT's what you want to expose your newborn to.... lots and lots of GERMS! (and I am not a germophobe!).

No, you're not overreacting. I can't imagine the torture of having all that going on while you're trying to recover from a c-section. If it were me, I would absolutely not go for it. Easter will come again next year...they can spend THAT Easter with your family. I would be pretty upset if my husband's family even SUGGESTED such a ridiculous time to visit with that many people. I hope this works out for you because the last thing you want to do while recovering from an operation is to deal with so many people hovering around you. Good luck!

I would react exactly the same time as you.

There's no reason you can't celebrate in a few weeks after the birth once you have had a chance to recover more and have had the opportunity to get adjusted to life with 3 kids at home.

We had this issue both times with our children's births - all of our family is at least 5 hours away, and I really didn't want people there even though they wanted to be present. I needed my space, the opportunity to bond with my baby, and didn't want to clean-up after people/entertain them.

I'd say a good compromise is to have your in-laws and parents visit. Then, a few weeks later, invite everyone else out.

As much as people may think you're being rude and selfish for not sharing the occasion, it's inconsiderate for them not to realize the stresses of childbirth and having 2 other children at home.

Good luck. I hope it all works out.

no, i was that way with all three of my births. and since this is your husband's family, he needs to set the boundary and say "it's not a good time, why don't we plan something for the weekend of may blah blah blah". i only had my mom and husband in the hospital, and my mom stayed with us for about a week total, she flew in the day before the induction and stayed a week - i didn't even have friends visit me in the hospital, they all knew ahead of time that i preferred that time to myself getting to know my new family member and getting breastfeeding off to a good start, etc. my MIL wanted to come in town(she even said she'd get a hotel), but she's the real passive aggressive type, gets on my nerves(and my husband's) something terrible, and i told him that it was my body, this is one of the few things i'll put my foot down on, she's not coming, i don't need the stress, YOU handle it. so he did, and she came a few weeks later when WE invited HER. people can be SO RUDE and overbearing at times, i'm sorry you are dealing with it. please just try to make your husband understand that you don't need the stress, and YOU guys are rude ones, they are. good luck!

No you're not overreacting. It's way too much after delivering a baby I can't believe they would even suggest it. Plus do you really want all of those people around the newborn? I'm not a germaphobe by any means but when my kids first got home the last thing I wanted was a house full of people around the baby.

Good luck,
K.

No you're not overreacting. Your hubby needs to listen to you. He should speak up for you to his family. They should maybe come afterwards when they'll want to see the baby. Maybe this easter they do their own thing in their own town. Next easter you will be refreshed and ready to have so many guests.

If having everyone there is going to cause you more stress than relaxation (my mom was a great helper and kept her mouth shut about how I was doing things, my MIL- not so much) then definantly NO,NO,NO! Those hurt feeling will heal and you need to relax, and because every baby is different, you need to have time to figure out how you guys are all going to mesh. And I have to say....who is going to be feeding these 10 + extra people in your house?!?! Who can afford that? And where will they all stay?

I say NO WAY and stick to your guns. It will be worth it in the long run!