What Makes a Mother Leave?

I don't understand it at all. My best guess would be a) overwhelming guilt that makes it hard to look her children in their faces or b) the children hold her responsible and resent her but her own life has improved, and it is difficult to explain that to the children. But neither idea makes enough of an impact to me to imagine giving up on my babies. Who knows.

Either they are in a lot of pain and feel as if they had already failed their children on some level, regardless of whether or not they really have. Desperation, depression and anxiety can make people do crazy things sometimes.

Or the moms that you are talking about may be narcissists, self-centered or may not not emotionally evolved enough to truly love and bond with their children beyond a superficial level.

I cannot imagine ever doing that to my children. They did not ask to be brought into this world; my husband and I are responsible for that, so it is up to us to take care of them the best we can until they are able to take care of themselves. I'm really sorry to hear about your friends.

It is hard to say why they do it, everyone is responsibly for their own acts. Sure some days of motherhood/wifehood suck but you wo"man" up and get through it because you choose to have a child(ren). Some women have a mental breakdown and do not know how to handle it or do not have the support network in place (or they think they don't or don't want the help). Sure there are some days (very few) where I just want to throw my hands up saying "I am done, good luck!" and leave but then I get over myself and remember it is not all about me it is about "we" (family) that I & hubby choose to start :)

Everyone is different and will deal with the stresses of life differently, they may not make the best choices on how to deal with it so learn from their choices... Remind yourself what you are looking forward to as your child grows up and you age with your husband, remember the happy moments and enjoy as much as you can... oh and make sure to have "quiet time" for yourself to rejuvenate. Love is a great thing and if you have a lot to go around share it because your child(ren) will grow up in a loving caring household and sadly that does not happen as frequently as it use to.

This is a tough one.
My mother left me and my sister when we were 13 and 15, she was having an affair for 8 years with a strange man who lived around the corner, and eventually told my dad, who forgave her but said she could not see this other man again.
Well she couldn't keep to that, so one day she just left. my father had never been very hands on, and was now left with 2 teeanage girls and working full tiem, so it was hard on him. but unfortunatley he did not step up to the plate - so to speak.
my mother kept in contact with us, but did not have custody, we saw her once a week for a couple of hours.
my father divorced my mother and remarried within 6 months to a woman not much older than my sister (she was in her 20's) and my sister and myself were put to live in a caravan at the bottom of the garden while he and his new wife lived in the house with her son.
I cannot believe it as I am writing this how we could have been treated in this way.
basically my mother left because of unhappiness, my father was a very cold and unfeeling type, and still is, so she didn't get any affection from him, she was a wonderful mother up until that point, and I never suspected she was having an affair, she was always there for us.
she left this man after about 6 months, and turned her life around by becoming a born again christian, we moved back in with her after 2 years of neglect and ignorance from my father and stepmother, I totally forgave her, she totally made up for what she did, she died 4 years ago, and I miss her chronically, she was only 58.
there you have it - one reason - unhappiness and emotional neglect will make you do things like that.

This hits home for me. :( My mom left us when I was 4 years old. I had a 6 month sister, 2 year brother, and a 5 year brother. She just up and left one day. We didn't see her for almost 4 years, during which time she had a baby with another man. When the baby was 18 months old, she left him (but kept this baby).. He picked the baby up for his weekend one day and took her to the river, where he shot her and himself. Losing her youngest woke my mother up to the fact that she had 4 other children. A couple years afterward, she got visitation for every other weekend, and 6 weeks in the summer. (even though she only wanted us for about 1/2 the time she got us) It sucks, because even after we saw her again, none of us were ever able to overcome the sense of abandonment she left us with, and none of us are very close to her. I guess that's her loss, my DD is only 4 months old, and I freak out when I have to leave her with my fiance for a few hours!!

Yet no one really questions this if it were the man. They just say, he's a loser or a bad dad but no one truly is offended or shocked unless it was the mom. Because we are the nurturers, the heart of the family, the glue that keeps everyone together. So when this does happen it is stunning. When I was growing up my neighbors mom, "the perfect mom" left her 3 kids, 4,6, & 8. Years later and reconnecting with the 6 year old said his mom did everything for them, cooked, cleaned, helped w/homework, supported everything and husband never lifted a finger and told her everthing she was doing was "woman's work" and when she would dain to ask for a break he'd tell her for what your living a luxurious life, never having to work, blah, blah blah. She was so beaten down and felt worthless, that she had a mental break and left. Apparently over the years she got help and kept contact with the kids, hubs turned into an alcoholic. There is only so much a person can take and even though most moms can take a lot some just don't have it in them and they run. it's sad and nothing I can see myself doing but I do pity those who couldn't take it anymore. I always say it's better to walk away then act out on your frustrations.

I just was discussing this very issue with my husband last night. I have no answers but the same question you do. I just can't fathom it. My aunt left my 2 cousins when they were 6 & 4. We didn't know where she was for about 5 yrs. My best friend, pretty much my sister, did the same thing with her own daughter.

I don't have answers, just continual prayer for these children who are motherless..

I've actually been shocked at how my feelings, while not completely changing, have become a bit more ambiguous on this topic. First off -ultimately- I cannot IMAGINE just leaving my kids, and I think those who do have serious emotional and psychological issues going on. However, I have been so frustrated, put upon, stressed out and unappreciated at points over the past few years, that I've said to myself, "This is why women leave." My husband is actually good, and we've worked on a lot of things, etc. but for those women who don't EVER get any support, time away, help and whatnot -I can see a "break" occurring. Like I said, ultimately I cannot imagine abandoning my children -EVER -but I think motherhood has actually given me some insight and even empathy into those who do.

I think it's not natural to leave your own blood, shoot, it's not natural to abandon ANY child who needs us...I can't even imagine abandoning a dog or any needy creature! So I think mainly mental illness, unability to love (for people who have been abused or have amotional problems), ignorance and plain selfishness (which is also unnatural for mothers I think) must be the main reasons. Whatever the reasons may be, I think a mother who is a mother would do anything to stay close to her children, even through the most difficult times.
I cannot think it is humane to leave children behind willingly, so it must come from a bad, bad place in a woman's heart. I feel sorry for them because they are obviusly suffering in some ways but I feel sorry especially for the children they abandon as they will be scarred forever by such painful event in their early lives. I know it may sound harsh but I think people with mental/emotional unstability should not have children. Unfortunately not all people are responsible, self-critical and wise enough to actually be able to decide wether or not it is a good thing for them to become parents. I also think some people think they can handle it and in the end they cannot. Children are always the victims and it is the the saddest, most horrible thing. Thank God for foster parents, step parents or all those people who try lovingly to fill the void for those parent-less little angels.