What Is It About Sister Rivalry?

I don't have this kind of relationship with either of my sisters or with my brother. But I see this with my mom and her sister. My mom no longer speaks to my aunt and hasn't for many years. She definitely felt a rivalry and also jealous and she thinks so negatively about her sister. It's so sad! I think at some point you should try going to therapy to work through your "sister issues" with a therapist. Another thing to try if that does not help is to tell your sister you really want to improve your relationship with her and you two brainstorm ideas on how to do this. I wonder if "family therapy" would help where you go to therapy together?

I can kind of relate. My own relationship with my brother is difficult. We lost both of our parents young and as the older sister I fell into a "mom" role. He has never cared about my life or my kids or anything that has gone on. I even had surgery and was in the hospital and he never called or checked on me. But I on the other hand have the expectation to check in on him and he is kind of high-maintenance. With that being said, we went about a year not talking and I missed him because he is the only family (other than my husband and kids) left. He is fun to joke with as we have the same sense of humor. Anyway, I reached out to him and we are forging a new relationship so to speak. He hasn't changed but I have. I have come to the realization that if I want a relationship with him it is going to always be that way. If I tried to talk to him, there is a disconnect and he immediately gets defensive and aggressive but he is my brother. I think you are going to have to decide what you want. Perhaps if you open up and tell her how you feel; it will permeate through but if not; and you want a relationship you have to come to terms that she is the way she is. And this is something that I have had to work through- Let the past be the past. You know how she is so don't have expectations that she is going to be the sister you have envisioned. But at the end of the day, she is your sister and there has to be acceptance on both sides for each other. Hope that helps!

Hmmm....let's see. If I can't tell someone all the things I hate about them, how can we be close?

If you're like this all the time, self-absorbed, jealous, sanctimonious, no wonder she doesn't care much for you. And YES, this is how you come across in this post.

Just leave your sister alone. You don't like her anyway, and you don't want to be around her. If she asks why, go ahead and tell her why. Then she'll never call you again, and problem solved.

My sister and I simply do not bring out the best in each other.
We are not compatible - never have been - never will be.

My sisters idea of a relationship is someone to fight with - she enjoys it - and somehow no one is suppose to take it personally.
I don't like to fight and I refuse to be her sparring partner.

While some siblings are life long friends - others are life long enemies.
If you are not good for each other then having nothing to do with each other might be for the best.
Maybe you are meant to exchange Christmas cards once a year and that's it.

I think somehow you want to mother your sister in response to your mother being lost.
Your sister is not your child and it's not your place to mother her.
This might be part of your grieving process - it's worth it to explore this issue with a counselor.

You and your sister both can only control your individual feelings and actions.

My sister and I are under 3 years apart in age and never got along as kids. It wasn't; until were were both grown and out of our mother's house that we became close. Our first children were born within 3 months of each other. I was married, she was not - - - it made zero difference because both of us had left petty childishness behind and were adults.

You and your sister haven not yet grown up. You are both adult-age children. This will not only harm you, but your own kids, and hinder your ability to be a good parent. Your sister's side of things isn't present here.. You say she is self absorbed but it sounds like a shared trait, because your post is entirely about what she isn't doing for you and about you.

You two built a wall, and it is past time for you to climb up and get over it. Either you go forward and forge a relationship with her as she is, or you let it go and stop being bothered by a lack of relationship. There is no other sensible option.

I think because your asking for help/advice here you do care to mend this relationship. And I hope you do! I don't have a sister and would of loved one (I think). Maybe her being a mom will make her less absorbed and give you a common thread now. I think when your pregnant you start to "soften" and reflect....so hopefully as your sister moves along in her pregnancy she will start to really see the fracture here between you 2 and perhaps want to talk and get down to the core of things I think you need to. Burying stuff is never a good idea & will only make the cracks bigger. I hope she comes around! Good luck!

I also have a self absorbed sister, yours sounds a lot like mine. I just stopped talking to her, I don't have time for people like that in my life. Granted, my sister never had kids (thank the goddesses), so that particular issue never came up. But a person can't expect love and support when they refuse to extend those things. My mother had also recently turned down this road of "Please take care of me but don't expect me to understand that I've offended you or been mean to you bc you won't get an apology. Ever." So, I've decided to take a break from her, too. If someone can't see how hurtful this behavior is, they're not worth my time.