Adult Sibling Rivalry Raising Kids

She doens't sound jealous to me, you sound jealous!! Let it go. It's mean and won't do any good. Right now, you are the one thriving on drama...

She didn't tell you because she knew it would upset you. And it obviously has. In this instance, you sound like the jealous one. Whether this baby was planned or a surprise, isn't really your business or concern. The baby is coming. Might as well put jealousies aside and get ready to be an aunt again. This is a happy occasion, not something that should start pettiness.

I'm wondering what sibling rivalry has to do with her getting pregnant.
Do you really feel she did it because you are the one with young kids and she was jealous?
No offense...it's a serious question.
You're thinner, you have more money, you have a better house apparently.
I don't know. Why AREN'T you happy you'll be raising kids at the same time?
Maybe that's why she didn't tell you.
My doctors told me I could never have kids.
I got my daughter and was positive I was done and physically incapable.
I'd had yet another surgery and was scheduled for a hysterectomy when guess what?
Just shy of 10 years after my daughter, I had a beautiful son.
SURPRISE!
I can't imagine my sister not being happy for me or thinking I only got pregnant for attention.
I was critically ill and in the hospital for most of my pregnancy. I can't imagine my sister thinking I thrived on drama.
Your sister having another child isn't going to affect your life.
Surely you can be happy for her and forgive her for whatever reason she had for not telling you herself.
That's just my opinion.
Life is too short not to celebrate these kinds of blessings.

P.S.
~ I know several couples who were in complete shock when they had kids in high school and found out they were having a surprise baby. It happens.
Completely unexpected, out-of-the-blue whoopsies do happen.
And they wouldn't change a thing.

Best wishes.

Ya know I got pregnant very young and for the longest time my two oldest were the only two grandkids on both sides. Here is the funny thing when you have kids young, you can still have them later. Crazy I know, apparently 31 is not old at all.

I had two more that are kinda sandwiched between my exes sister's first two. Ya wana know why??? Ya know you do. Cause dammit, seeing those little critters, holding them, babysitting them. Well I wanted more!!!

Get over yourself, it isn't always about siblings!

I know everyone is telling you to get over it...but I can understand what you're saying. You aren't crazy for your feelings. Of course, it would be nice for you to understand them (your feelings) better so that you can work through it better and let it go.

Yes, I do think it is adult sibling rivalry on both sides. Sibling rivalry isn't there because siblings are silly and just want to fight...there are real reasons and feelings behind it all. I think if you can figure out exactly why you are feeling how you do, it'll help you to let it go and move on.

Have you ever read "Siblings Without Rivalry"? It's supposed to help those of us parents, who have more than one child, understand sibling rivalry and react appropriately to things to help avoid it as much as possible. I read the book a month or two ago, and I was surprised at how much it helped me understand MY CHILDHOOD. I grew up with seven sisters. I found it incredibly helpful to have a much better understanding of things. The book was truly amazing to me!

anyway, so that's my suggestion...read the book. You'll understand yourself, your reactions, and your sibling/parents better. It doesn't mean that things won't still be hurtful, but at least it'll make more sense! And it will help you to know how to react a little bit better.

Oh, and I can see why you were a bit hurt that she didn't tell you she was prego. I've had a few sisters do that too. Not for the same reasons, they just kept it hush hush for a while, only telling my parents and maybe another sister or two. It can hurt to feel left out! (I didn't really care too much, though, but I definitely see why you do.)

I'd just be kind and loving and supportive. If your family wants to play favorites, don't play along. Separate yourself emotionally, in the sense that you know who you are, you know your kids are special and deserve to be loved just as much as hers, and stick to that...in case her baby starts getting favored over yours. It's all so silly, isn't it?!!

Sorry you're feeling frustrated & I hope it gets better for you soon.

I think she and her husband decided to have a baby. I really do not think this has anything to do with you, I mean being a mother is an life long commitment, do you really think she would do it just to "steal the spotlight"? Is it possible you are simply worried that you will now not have center stage all alone?

.

Well, you feel how you feel but you have a choice about if you hold onto the hurt and jealousy or let it go. I do understand--I have a younger sister who has the occasional drama queen moment. But at least your kids will have a cousin close in age. I always wanted that growing up but my first cousins were much older and not around or much younger (close to my kids in age).

Do you need to really say anything other than you hope for a healthy pregnancy for her? If she does as you say thrive on drama don't give it energy or fuel from your direction. Just like a bully the more you react the more fuel to escalate their fire until drama is unbearable. If anything comes up just say having a bigger family is all the more to love. You don't have to express either happiness or diasappointment.

Having your folks living close and being doting grandparents is a blessing. Having your sister and her family living close is a blessing. Being blessed with two beautiful children is a blessing. Your baby having a cousin close in age will be wonderful for them growing up.
At the end of the day, what your folks do is their business. What your sister and bro-in-law do is their business. What you and your family does is your own business.
Don't get all caught up in some kind of jealousy or rivalry type stuff. Sibling rivalry is real and it happens no matter how old your are. If you feel this strongly about this, have enough faith in yous sister and your relationship with her, to talk about it. You all will probably end up laughing about all this.

Sounds like it to me. I am an only child but, my sons are 22 and 26 and the competition between them is strong as ever. I also have a 16 year old daughter just looks at them like they are nuts.

Don't fuel it. I went through something very similar with my husbands sister, who had (what I call) a revenge baby, because she was jealous that her brother and I had two kids, and her son was no longer the only grandchild. She claimed that it was an "oops" as well, but she had told me she wanted to have another baby, while her husband told me he did not.
The best thing you can do is just let her have her moment, because things will never change. Just try to be happy for her and her third baby. It will be hard to deal with the feelings that she is doing this on purpose, just to get attention. If you really want to, you could talk to your parents about it, but I might advise against that. It would just stir up drama.