What Does a Mom Say to a Child Who Loses a School Election?

At 13 I would assume he has dealt with loss, the loss of a game, not getting a part, not making the team? This really isn't any different. I mean he must know that running for office means just that, running.
If he wins, awesome, hugs and high fives all around.
If he doesn't, just tell him how proud you are of him for running a good race and then,
hugs and high fives all around.
Basically react the same either way because really, what matters most is that he put himself out there and tried, right?

My kid same age ran for school election position. He heard about it at school during the announcements. So he was just in his class but in front of all his peers.

My kid is really hard on himself and gets a bit anxious sometimes. But he knew going into this he might not be elected. The teacher announced it was very close so he didn't feel too bad.

But he did excuse himself to go to the bathroom after a while (to not be obvious) and texted me to say he was upset. Which, for my kid, was pretty good - because he can get anxious. I just said I was proud of him and he did really well for running. And he went back to class.

My kid has lost tournaments (by one goal) and hasn't made teams, and hasn't been first quite a lot so that part, he was used to and pretty good at. He doesn't expect to always win. What was harder for him was it being so public - in front of his peers. But .. that's part of running. And in our case, they did it in the morning at school, so he had to go the whole day at school. He survived :)

I would let him know that no matter the results, you are so proud of him for taking a big risk and going for it. He set a goal and had the guts to pursue it. Also, you can ask him ahead of time "What do you think it will be like if you win or what if you lose, how do you think you will feel?" Fingers are crossed he wins!

You compliment him on his willingness to get involved and on the integrity of his campaign, that he took the high road, etc. You remind him that it's not a personality contest, and a loss doesn't mean people don't like him, but that someone else was viewed as having more skills or more experience. You remind him that the democratic process is what this country was founded on, and that he needs to support it and congratulate the winners.

Tell him that running for office takes courage, and if he decides to run again for something in the future, that's great. Long term, you want to remind him that it's about understanding the office for which he's running as well as getting his message out.

For fun, you can Google all the great world leaders who lost their first few campaigns and who found other ways to contribute and be of service, either in later elected office or otherwise.

Our son plays clarinet in band.
From an early age they encourage kids to audition for All District Band.
Not everyone makes it.
But everyone is congratulated for trying - and the point is to keep trying.
No one wins everything.
Everyone faces losses from time to time.

I agree with Mamazita. Not sure I've seen it done that way before, and not sure I haven't, either. Probably wouldn't have stood out to me as being out of the ordinary, so wouldn't have given it much thought.

But, yeah, he knows it was an election. He knows he might or might not be the one who won. I'd be a little surprised if the kids didn't have some sneaking idea on who won, if they do any talk amongst themselves. But, maybe not.

Anyway, just suggest he remember to be gracious if he wins and be gracious if he doesn't. The winner should be congratulated. And those who didn't win should be ok with not winning--at least outwardly. It's ok to feel a little let down and sad. But it isn't a feeling that he should spend a lot of time dwelling on (and he likely won't.. should things go that way). But he should reserve those thoughts/feelings for time not in the spotlight. Let the winner (whoever it may be) enjoy the moment. He congratulates them and steps aside. Or if they are friends, gets excited FOR THEM.

If he wins, he should be gracious to the other kids running and be sure to tell them thank you when they congratulate him.

I am sorry that he lost. But remember sometimes losing makes you stronger for the next round. He now knows what it is like to run in a race/campaign and to learn how to handle defeat maturely and graciously. He may have a few tears but they are part of the how we handle defeat or rejection.

Let him know you are proud of him for running even if he did not win. It took courage for him to get up in front of his peers and be vulnerable in his effort of winning or losing. It is one of life's lessons. Better him to learn young than to wait until he is in a business or work environment. We mommas don't want any pain for our children but we have to let them experience it so that they are prepared for life. Give him a hug for me.

the other S.

PS I tried to answer your question yesterday but could not find any words. I checked in today and saw the results. All will be well.

I get it. Yes, he may have lost baseball games, but it was TEAM lost.

I would choose a seat/table near the back of the room. I would not tell him why but in case he does not win, you can spare all eyes on him. Hold his hand under the table when results are to be called. Squeeze it in support, either if he wins or not.

Go out for a nice dessert treat that night, if he wins or loses. Let him know ahead of the event that you will do that no matter the outcome.

After this, whether he wins or not, go the administration and let them know that this was an terrible was to handle the results. ESPECIALLY if he wins, let them know that this is not a good idea.

He's 13 so I'm pretty sure he understands this by now. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and if so you never give up no matter what. He can try again next year. I guess just give him a pep talk. Good luck.

It does seem unusual for the results to be announced during the banquet, but since that is the way it is done at your school, you are wise to plan ahead for the different outcomes.

If he wins, you teach him to accept the honor with gratitude and humility and help him to realize that the margin of winning may have just been tipped by a single vote. You help him understand and remain aware of the new responsibility with which his fellow students have entrusted him. You support him in his new leadership role and encourage him to give his duties and responsibilities the proper time and attention they deserve.

If he does not win, you put your arms around him, hug him tightly, and tell him how proud you are of him for being in the honor society, for the great young man he is, for just being him. You acknowledge his disappointment and whatever feelings he has in the moment and support him as he deals with the loss. After he has had a little time to process the feelings, you help him understand that this is just one of MANY opportunities he will have to be a leader throughout his academic, personal, and professional life. You remind him that good leaders continue to persevere, despite setbacks, and move through the losses while looking ahead to new opportunities to serve.

Hope the outcome is a positive one for your son!

http://www.nj.com/education/2016/05/princeton_professors_...

When my daughter tries out for a team, I always remind her that we can only do our best. For those who do not make it, I usually see them bolt for the door first. I would say, if they have to step outside and get fresh air, let them.