I lost my mother at 11 and wish I would have written down all those things
I didn't think I could forget about her. I'm up there in age now, and
those questions are still questions. II'd like to help others with a list of things
to ask their parents, and at least write about them while the memory is fresh.
What are things that you wish you would have asked and documented?
I intend to pass this on to a family that just lost a young mother of two,
preschool and 2nd grade. I'm going to ask friends of sweet mother to
write their memories and wanted suggestions from you caring parents.
I appreciate any and all efforts.
I wish I could remember more about who my mom was before her long battle with Alzheimer's disease.
I wish that I had all her wonderful recipes.
Oral history.
Just record the person telling about their life/family/heritage/lineage.
Some people won't write it down. It takes time. I've been telling my Mom that, but its more of a chore to her. Versus, when she is just gabbing and chatting away about her life and my Dad's (who passed away already).
I value, oral histories. I am an Anthropology major and trained in it. We did lots of that and per research & studies on communities.
Oral histories, are invaluable.
AND if someone will actually transcribe it... the "written" version of it will still be in their OWN words. Then you will have an audio oral history and a written history of that person. In their own words.
Transcribing means, writing down the interview, just as the way the person talks. Verbatim.
But it takes a TON of time. I did that for research projects and for my Thesis. It takes... HOURS. And you have to do it, verbatim. Hundreds of pages, and hours, I transcribed.
Some people when writing, freeze up. Or they don't write the same way as they talk.
Many researchers, conduct oral histories. It is a form of documentation.
And when/if published, it is again, invaluable. It is history.
I have "oral" recordings of my kids... when they were younger at certain ages, I'd record them, when they were just babbling and chatting away. It is very precious and something for them to keep... from when they were younger.
For me, personally, I like to know the family history/lineage of my family. Therefore, my kids, will know where they came from, and how our families came to be. Kids in my kids' generation, have NO idea... what preceding generations went through, in my State/culture etc. And it is important for them to know that, and how it all ties in together.
Then also, of course, how we as their parents, "think" about the world/about parenting/their philosophies about life etc. and what is important to them, as people.
Not it just being what a "Mommy" thought. But a full history from generations ago and now. And about their own personal lives... how Mommy and Daddy met, etc.
I wish I'd written down the stories my mother told me about her growing up years and what life was like when I was a baby/toddler. I can only remember a few now.
My mom and I did record a few hours of conversation but I lost the tape during a move.
My mom kind of went nuts when I was three. I wish I had known the woman my cousins described. She sounded amazing but I never knew that woman.
Not to be depressing in light of your question but I am memory driven and I have none of my mom even though she died two years ago.
I agree that you will get more breadth of memories if you talk to the friends and record the conversation, then transcribe it for the family. I think that would be really priceless for the kids to have growing up.
I interviewed my grandma this way when I was younger about all her childhood memories. It was a school project so our teacher assigned us a list of talking points/questions to jog memories and my grandma talked for hours about holiday traditions, birthday parties, her siblings, games And activities she played growing up. You might consider talking to one of her siblings or a childhood friend. You could prepare ahead of time a lot of questions to ask the friends, specific to their relationship with her, particularly about how they met, what they remember about her as a young woman, getting married, starting a family, things they used to do together. I think you will get so much more by just talking to them and recording it than by asking them to write things up.
Bless your heart, I think this is a very special thing to do for them.
My dad was a truck driver and over the summers I would go with him on the road. He would always tell stories about growing up or just random stuff. Most I have written down over the years, some I've heard from my mom. Like my dads favorite story was how his family had a 2 seated outhouse! He grew up in rual Indiana lol! And my mom told me about a time he gave her 100$ on her birthday then asked to borrow money for coffee :)
201 Questions to Ask Your Kids: 201 Questions to Ask Your Parents by Pepper Schwartz
I bought this book in 2005 and it's now out of print. But you may be able to find a used copy. It's full of ideas and conversation starters. There are other books with good questions like this at the library.
In talking to my parents, I loved hearing stories of when they were growing up. There were many surprises and it helped me to understand what made them who they are/were.
When my grandma was getting older, my mom started writing letters to her and asking all sorts of questions. She collected them and started writing them down in a book in chronological order. I don't know what she did with that but I learned some wonderful things about my grandma. For Christmas one year, my mother wrote down her life's story and my dad's life story up to the part where they were married. I assume the rest is forthcoming as I know she was still working on it. I would help her if I wasn't so far away. It was really something to read.
my mom's alive but far far away. she was visiting us a month ago and it was the first time i asked her about her dad who died very young leaving 8 kids behind and his wife. we talked a lot about her siblings (3 remain alive, others have passed on). i don't write anything down but i never forget the important stuff. i should be writing about my life to leave for my kids.
What my mom smelled like - her fragrance of choice. I remember her holding me against her ample bosom that always smelled like vanilla. She did domestic work in a private home and always wore a uniform. She would cook and clean for others, but when she got home I remember always smelling the fragrance of vanilla. When I got older, she told me she would dab vanilla extract in all the "precious" places just like you might a perfume. That fragrance still triggers memories.
