Special Christmas Gift Ideas

My FIL is dying of pancreatic cancer. I'm working on a giant photo book,and we are going to put together a video of the kids for him.

I'm sorry.

FYI, do not wait to give him or tell him anything..

Those estimates can really vary and towards the end he may not have any energy to stay awake for any amount of time.

Christmas can be celebrated at any time in a situation like this.

If you do not have actual photos, you could always down load photos of a city from that era, to talk about going downtown with him. Or photos of a camp ground or park. A photo of a carnival, a rodeo.. His old school, you get the idea.

You could also have your children draw pictures and include them. Collect it all in a journal a scrapbook or a box filled with envelopes, like a letter with the special story, emotion, memory.
If he is able to communicate and willing, also consider video taping him as you all ask him about his life.

Did he know his grandparents? What were they like?

What memories of his parents, siblings, cousins.

Favorite teacher, his college years.

How he met and fell in love with your mom.

How he felt with each childs birth?

His jobs, his first job, his education, what has amazed him the most in all of these years. An invention? Our society?

What are his hopes for the family?

I am so sorry your father is so ill. I know this is extremely hard. But as long as you tell him you love him, you will never forget him and all of you will take care of each other, this will give HIM the peace he needs to move on.

I feel your sadness..... My mother is at home under hospice care right now. We believe this is her last few days... She has not been awake for 2 days now :-).

There are a lot of great ideas! Adapt them to fit your fathers needs.

My mother used audio books the past few weeks. Nothing to hold, read and she could fall sleep. Maybe some audio messages from everyone. Or you guys reading the picture collage or memories to him?

My mother has been bed ridden past few months. She did not do Pj's so nurses could change her. She loved homemade blankets! She is always cold and needed them.

Celebrate as many things as you can and take tons of pictures.

If you think you can...... I asked my mom if she had any wishes for her celebration of life, i.e. mass/wake/ funeral. We discussed her mass cards, flowers, banners, type of casket, speeches, dinners, pall bearers, things she wanted/didn't want in casket, burial, etc. I wanted her to have what SHE wanted and not what we thought. I recorded to let everyone share in making her wishes come true.

I had her record messages to send to people she might not see because of illness or distance.

I also had her write down her favorite things, the story behind them and who they should be passed on to.

As sad as this is, I try to look at it as a gift to say good-bye and finalize things that a sudden death does not allow.

When details are not clear it gets messy, hurtful, and fights start. Everyone is so emotional. My family is already broken enough that I didn't want her wishes to get lost in the mix.

Take care of yourself, and lean on others for support.
ugh....this is going to be a tough holiday season :-(

How about YOU recording your best memories of when you were a child.... the things you did together, and any funny stories you remember of when you were a child.

Record it on a CD or something, so he can listen to it over and over.....

Do you sing? Are there any favorite songs you could sing for your dad? Record those, also.

Listening takes little energy, and he can just sit back and listen to you telling those stories or singing to him over and over, even when he is weak.

I agree with AZneomom... don't wait, though..... they can take a very sudden turn and go quickly.

Call him now and tell him how very special he is to you.

You might also have your daughter illustrate your memories, even if you don't have pictures for them. I also like the idea of giving him things to make him feel better - favorite foods, a warm blanket, slippers, something he would never get himself but should have.

I also like the idea of "doing Christmas" if you are not able to make the trip on Christmas. Get out the carols, and the tinsel and the tree (even if it is a small one).

I'm really sorry about your dad. Pancreatic cancer is rotten.

I've mentioned this in other posts. When my friend's husband turned 70 they made a book that was "70 reasons why we love you." It was his prized possession and his anchor when he was suffering from Alzheimer's. When he died it was the centerpiece at the guest book table. Now it is her prized possession.

If he is physically able, plan a special outing with him. A nice dinner, a visit to an art museum, a movie, ice cream, etc.

You can get memory books that have titles like "Dad tell me about..." Sitting down with him and hearing his memories will be a very special time for the two of you. If you can video him sharing that will be great too.
I agree though. Don't wait until Christmas to tell him how much you love him.

My BIL died of AIDS several years ago, and we were fairly certain his last Christmas was going to be his last Christmas.

He had lost a lot of weight and was always cold ... always. We bought him a new down comforter, a down blanket (for watching tv), flannel pants. We were looking for things that would make his last days/weeks/months as comfortable as possible. He loved them.

A memory book is a wonderful thought. Is there anything you can think of that would really enhance his quality of life or bring him more joy during this time?

I am so sorry you all are going through this.

Please do video tape him.

Do Christmas while you are there.

I just did a memory book for an 88 yr old at church. No pictures but quite a few people wrote very sweet messages or letters to her and I put them in the book. She tells me when she is down, she pulls it out and reads it. That is such a meaningful thing to me. Better than a blanket!

If you could get people to send you letters, pictures, even emails, that would be great. You could ask for pictures if they have them. You might get pics you dont even know about. Leave room for pictures inbetween the letters. And leave room for cards people will send. I know, it's not one of the printed books, but you do what you can, while you can.

First, I am so very sorry that your father is ill. It's a blessing that you are going to get to have some time with him soon.

I love the idea of a written memory book which he could gift back to your kids as a family treasure....

Have you considered doing a StoryCorp sort of thing during your Thanksgiving visit, of recording some of his stories, then having them transcribed and made into a book? That might also be a wonderful way to spend a little time together. You could give him your book of stories at Thanksgiving and the following book of his stories for Christmas. It can be a short little volume-- I am sure he'd treasure the time with you and love having something to keep in the family.

Call him and tell him you love him now. Today. Immediately. My dad was diagnosed in early February, 2013, and given a decent prognosis, something like 3 years. He passed away March 7, 2013. Don't leave something unsaid that you will regret. I made the mistake of listening to a small handful of people that told me not to "treat him like he is dying" or "say goodbye prematurely."

I love the memory book idea, go for it! It will be something you can share and it will show him that you will remember him and that your daughter will remember him.

So sorry you are going through this.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Best wishes for your dad.

I love your idea of the memory book.
You don't have to make it fancy or do soemthing online.
Just take a blank, lined journal book & write down all of your memories
of your dad from when you were little to now.
I would write in blue or red ink, write legibly & skip lines so it's easy for
him to read.

I think the best gift you can give him is your time. Spending time with him.
Talk to him. Tell him you love him & how you appreciate all the memories
you have with him from when you were little to now.
It doesn't have to be sad......just loving!

Also, I was thinking maybe you could bring him a nice warm throw to use.
Bring pictures, too, of the kids, you when you were little etc.

I think the memory book idea is great. You could find a simple journal book with blank pages. You could even type out your stories and cut them out with "silly" scissors and glue them to the pages if you thought that would look nicer. (Honestly, that would be the way I would have to go because my handwriting is not so good.)

Hugs to you and yours.

M.

My dad was also recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and has been getting chemo; currently in the 2nd round. He's been given 1 year without treatment/possibly two years with treatment. However, we have no way of knowing what lies ahead.
Make something like a care package, a "love" package---I love your idea of the memory book also. He can read it when you are not there any time he wants/feels like it. I think a nice soft blanket and some lounging pants (in smaller sizes as he loses weight) would also be good, and maybe a daily prayer. Most of all, let him know you love him, cherish him.
Hugs to you and your family.

Oh Lord. I spent my last Christmas with my dad December 2011. In September, The doctor pulled me into the other room to tell me the news of his few months left.

Question. Does he know the timeframe? That will make a difference. Anyway, take loads of pictures and videos. Try to go both Thanksgiving and to Christmas to be with him. If you can, take advantage of the FMLA.

Bless you. I'm so sorry to hear this. R.

I'm so sorry for what your family is going through. The ideas mentioned here are wonderful. Here is one more to consider.

You could scan pictures of you and your daughter and/or pictures of places you and your father have special memories of together and then create a collage. Print out the collage and use it as wrapping paper for a box with a lid. Wrap the box and the lid and separately so that the lid can be removed. Glaze the box after it's wrapped to protect the paper. Line the inside of the box with pretty fabric or paper. Then cut up strips of cardstock and write down memories on the cardstock. Your dad can pull out memories to read anytime he needs a pick-me-up. My brother and I did this for my mom a few years ago, and she loves it.

I'm really so sorry.

Ditto Nervy Girl below.

If he is up to it, having an "oral history" of his life or any stories he can share about his life, will be profoundly cherished.
For him in sharing his stories/life, and for his offspring etc.

Before my Dad passed away, I had had an oral history of him. Which I transcribed myself. He loved, talking with me and telling me about his life, some of which I did not know. And now, because I have it transcribed, my own kids, have that as a memory of their Grandpa.
It is so valuable, that way.
A family history.

I also did various oral histories and studies of people from various cultures, because that was a part of my college major. Anthropology.
And the whole experience, is very, beyond words.
People love talking about their life, it being preserved via transcribing it, and then it being a written history, of them/their life.

If your Dad is up to it.
It might be a very special experience.
Along with, nice photos of him, even of now.

Hugs.

I'm all for it. It's a FINE idea. If you don't have time to make it fancy, just make it as you can. In this case, creativity is trumped by need. See if you can find a nice book with blank pages, write out your memories (I would do that separately so I could write them well), and paste them on the pages, along with the photos.

You want to get it to your dad before Christmas, if possible, so he can enjoy it as long as he is able.

I know I have seen on etsy where a lady will send you materials to write on quilt squares. You write on them with your your special messages and she'll make them into a quilt. I always thought this was such a neat and sentimental idea. Your dad can look at the quilt and think of you, and it serves a functional purpose during this time.

What you describe sounds perfect.

I love your idea.

Just a thought... maybe a photo book. You can current pictures and either hand write or have printed messages in the book.