What Do You Do When Your Kid Just Says "No?"

Hi! saying "no" is quite a milestone in your daughter's life believe it or not you should be cheering! Really! It's not a sign of insubornation like people believe but rather at this age a sign of intelligence that she recognizes she has a choices. She understands she has the power of saying yes or not to something. What you need to do is to give her options within YOUR wise framework of space allowing her an abiltiy to be in your graces and congratulating her for making a wise choice. After all do you want a little one who can think and make wise decisions as she grows or an lobotomized walking talking robot??? I have seen such poor children haven't you ???? Who seem so very afraid to think for themselves. Offer her choices of would you like to put your dishes away with me or not. Would you like to take them to the sink or have Mommy do it? When you do , or if you put them in the sink you and I can go upstairs and have read a story or another reward she enjoys doing with you. If she says "no" accept it and just let the matter go. But don't to anything extra that you might have done together if she had done what you asked. Right now it is all about having your attention . When she does something you want her to do or something that makes your proud give her lots of attention. If she doesn't , just let it go quietly and forget all about it. Don't make a big deal out of it. The old when , then theory works very well. For instance when misbehaving at the dinner table crying screaming temper tantrums just wisk your little one up gently grab a pacifier lay her down in the crib with the pacifier and quietly say " when you feel like acting old enough to sit at the table with the other grown up, then you may come down at the table with us. Do not be mean about it just let her know that if she regresses to baby hood it's okay but back to the crib she goes so the grownups can eat in peace. They get the idea quickly that bad behavior just gets them a pacifier and the crib.And no attention. I think you have the right idea about the slapping and hitting and how to handle it. If after hold her hands still and telling her this is not appropriate behavior for a big girl. Hands are for helping not hitting and she still hits or slaps I reccomend the same; take her upstairs to the crib and if she cries about it hand her the pacifier bottle whatever and saying now calm yourself and when you can behave better then you may come back down and lay her down in the crib and leave the room. Little children love to bask in the limelight of their parents love. They love acting like grown ups. After all no one wants to be a baby forever! Later on comes the insubornation but that usually is pre teen stuff or teen years .That's when actions and consequences of your actions must be impressed upon them strongly. And the same rules apply.......want the car?? Follow the curfew rules! But for now just enjoy your little's ones growing intelligence. A developmetally disabled toddler hardly ever figures out he or she has a choice . And it's all about making good choices in life. Rejoice Mom!

When my daughter says no defiantly I look at her with a very confused expression and ask her to explain herself; "what do you mean "no"? Granted, she's 3 so her communication skills are much better than at 19 months and I usually get a response. But I have explained to her many times that NO is not an acceptable response. So when she says no now I ask her to explain. In your situation for example I would say "what do you mean "no"?"...pause..wait for response...if I don't get one I continue..."do you want to eat more?" If she just says no again I'll contiue asking "you mean you don't want to help mommy clean up?" If she suggests that that is the case I tell her that it's everyone's job to help clean up and tell her she can either sit in time out or help me clean up.

Again, this is my current strategy. I'm thinking that at 19 months I'd simply tell her that no is not an acceptable response, that it's not nice to say no to mommy and that I'd really appreciate her help. Maybe suggest you do it together.

The physical behavior definitely warrants a time-out after a simple explanation as to why the behavior was inappropriate. It's not too soon in my opinion.

Good luck!

My daughter is a little older than yours but I always tell her if you say no then so does mommy. Next time she wants something I say no to her. This has pretty much borken her of the behavior, well 90% of the time, lol.

Just keep in mind, her saying no is natural normal behavior for her age. She is testing her boundaries and asserting her independence. Be firm when she says no to you to know it is not ok, but try to give her independence in other areas to even it all out.

I have a 21/2 yrs old and said no to everything at that age as well, yet very smart kid and what I did is respond appropriately to whatever I will ask him to do and will tell him to say "yes" since no was his best word and one day he answered me yes I praised him and he never stoped.
SO GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!! LOL

i tell my daughter that you dont say no to mommy. 19 months is a rough age since she could be more or less developed mentally but you probaly can gauge your daughter on her comprehension. if you think she understands the concept that she is not listening to mommy, then yes, AFTER you explain about helping out, and then if it continues, after a warning, i say yes time out is fine. if you dont think she understands that she is outright disobeying you, then maybe work on more explanations and walking her thru it.

the hitting on the other hand def deserves a time out. physical violence should def be taken seriously. yes, she may just be going thru a stage, but it really doesnt matter. she needs to learn as soon as possible that behavior will not be tolerated, by mommy or others. i know you might see it as not a big deal when she does it to you, but it really doesnt matter. all that matters is she is taught hitting anyone is wrong and there will always be consequences.

as a parent, i would be much happier to hear from my child the sitter put so and so in time out for hitting me. no one wants their child hurt. and ALOT of kids are actually asked to leave daycars and sitters if physical violence occurs

My daughter just turned 20 months and she also just started saying no! She does it in patterns of 3 ("no no no!!!"), so I do a pattern of 3 yes's back to her ("yes yes yes")- but only once. I also started defining what is a no-choice situation vs. a choice-situation. For example, what clothes she can wear is a choice situation, so if she says "no" while I am getting her dressed, I ask "you don't want to wear this shirt?" And of course she says "no", so I pull out 2 more and ask her to pick one of them, and tell her she has an option. If she still just says no, I just finish getting her dressed and ignore her protests. On the other hand, if she refuses to take my hand when we are walking outside, I will pick her up and tell her that saying no to holding my hand is not an option and now she has to be held. This is making it sound easy but it's not, and I'm sure you know that, but these are the guiding principles I try to use.
So the hitting and other things...My daughter flails her arms when she wants something someone else (especially her younger brother) has, and sometimes that can result in someone getting swatted. So I hold her hands and say "hitting hurts" and then she has to do something nice to the person she may have swatted ---like say "sorry" or hug them or somehow positively acknowledge them.
The other big thing I noticed was that I was asking her a lot of questions instead of telling her a narrative...so she had a lot of options/choices that I didn't really want her to have and she didn't really need (or was developmentally ready for). And I have a tendency to end my sentences in "okay?", which makes no sense to a small child (because I'm not trying to get her approval, just see if she understands something, but that's not a 20-month old context). So now I tell her what is going on but I don't give her options unless she really has a say in the decision...while still making sure to give her some options throughout the day (like, "pick out your bib for dinner", or "which of these cups do you want to drink from?"). We still have lots of no's, but it's getting better.
One other thing...time-outs are completely ineffective for my daughter since she can't equate the time-out to the action that caused it. So I think it's less about age and more about an individual child's ability to be able to understand the consequence.
I hope this helps!