N.O.
Hi N.,
Ugh! I totally feel for you and your daughter. I grew up with a "dad" who had all the same qualities as your daughter's father and boy oh boy please let me re-emphasize a couple of points that have already been made.
1) Get your little girl some professional help no matter what you do. If it's a cost issue you can absolutely find someone who will work with you on a scale or for free. It is soooooooooo important that you both learn how to handle this situation from your end. You have no control over him or his behavior. You have no control over the fact that your daughter will practically idolize him because he's intangible and elusive. He's a bad dad but she's a little girl and just wants attention from him regardless of his lack of caring or maturity.
As others have mentioned, this unfulfilled need for his attention and the confusion he has created in her head will transend her entire world. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain from getting help for both of you now. You can make her entire life healthier by making these steps while she is still young.
2) Do not speak ill of him in front of your daughter no matter what he does. You will only create more stress for her if you speak poorly of him. We all know he stinks as a partner and father but these are adult issues. I can tell you I was well in to my college years before I realized what a truly awful person my father was. It must have killed my mom inside to see me worship him the way I did - she never let on. He went for years w/o paying support and I never knew it (as a child). He would make promisses and dissapear and she somehow made it tolerable. He did unspeakable damage to my mother and I never knew it (as a child). He was the be all and end all of horrible fathers and husbands and I never knew it (as a child).
I remember being in college and thanking my mom for never letting me know so many of the things I figured out on my own. She just smiled and said "I loved him once too - I remember what it was like." It was a moment I'll never forget. Not only did she make me realize what a strong woman she was...she brought us closer because I realized what she had done for me - she had done what we all want to do as moms - she protected me from something awful in this world no matter how much it must have hurt her. She let me love someone who didn't deserve my love and not make me feel bad about it. She just let me be a little girl and didn't confuse my life with adult bs I couldn't understand.
I know I'm rambling, but this really hit home for me and I wanted you to know that you can do something about this for both of you. Many years from now your daughter will figure it out on her own, when she is a grown up and understands that you did what it took to keep her growing strong in this big crazy world where things aren't always fair but the strong survive and thrive. Best of luck to you!
P.S.
I'm a very happily married 41 year old woman with an amazing husband and father to my children because I got the help I needed and because I had an amazingly strong woman to help guide my way.