What Do I Do If an Older Female (9 Yrs.) Tells My 6 Yr Old to Drop His Pants?

I am sorry this happened to your son. It seems you have an opportunity to do some good though. It sounds like you are seeking the right thing to do and the right way to do it.

It is likely these children have also been preyed on by others and your tactful approach could very well help them and their families address and turn around painful, shame-inducing life patterns that have begun.

Definitely check with local law enforcement about what to do because you never know if the problem itself might be in the acting-out child's home.

Also, I believe you will get further by being in emotional control and logically explaining your concerns while remaining focused on the issue or behavior that needs to be addressed. Especially if you want to be taken seriously and not be seen as a raving threat. I have found this to be true both with talking to local authorities or to parents.

Sexual bullying is an unfortunate problem. To become someone who is eloquent and capable to stand up for what is right, the right way is an awkward transition to go through at first, but the more people there are who can stand up for healthy, uplifting, respectful behavior, the more people there will be who will recover from degrading, insensitive, and humiliating lifestyles.

You can also speak with local elementary school counselors in an anonymous way that will lead you to getting more information on the right kind of steps to take. If you find they are also perplexed or unwilling to help, you can go to the district level.

Really, I don't see what people would have to be judgemental or negative about, but I guess moms can always find something, can't they! I was going to say you handled the situation wonderfully with your son- I know a lot of parents would jump to conclusions and scold.

I would talk to the parents of ALL the older children who hang out in that group. If they are already acting out in such ways odds are good their parents aren't very aware of what they do, I don't know if it would do much good, but I would still do it. Someone has to step up, too often parents see other kids do things like this and just let it go because it's not their problem, but we all have to remember, it takes a village. But otherwise, I would have done everything exactly like you did.

Hi,

If I were in your situation, I would definitely speak to their parents. It's totally inappropriate behavior for kids to act like that. And these kids are very aware of what they're doing to your son. This is past the 'curiousity' and 'innocent' phase. Speak to the parents and you might even consider telling management to be on the lookout as well.

Well I don't feel alone now. My son is 4 and loves to play in our neighborhood and sometimes when he is playing with his peers their older siblings and friends come around. I have been dealing with them getting him into wrestling matches and trying to take away his bike or scooter. One instance occured when he went into a 6 year old girls house and when I brought him home he started telling me that she touched his pee-pee. I have started to play parent to all the kids in the neighborhood since their parents don't seem to take any interest in what their children are doing and where they are. I set aside time to take him out to play, I know mine is only 4 but your 6 year old is still just as impressionable. The big thing is to talk to him and let him know that the big kids aren't his friends and he needs to stay away from them. You also need to explain to him that the pee-pee or privates are things that we don't just show people and it's not okay for anyone to ask to see them. You have to consider your sons level of reasoning and teach him that it's okay to say no when someone asks him to do something he isn't comfortable doing. He knew he wasn't comfortable but he did it because they made him think he had to in order to fit in. It's so important to teach children that they don't need to fit in if it compromises them but that's really hard to teach. You will still have to play neighborhood police because he's young but try to instill proper boundaries whenever possible. As for those older kids, if you know where they live it might be a good idea to talk to their parents in hopes that informing them will kick their parenting into action and if things like this continue you can always call child services and they will visit the family. Keep a log if you plan to do so. I am sure some people will tell you this is normal but that doesn't make it right and allowing older children to take advantage of the younger children because "that's what kids do" isn't acceptable. Always remember that you can't change the world but you can give your children the tools they need to make it out there and sometimes you have to play neighborhood cop/parent. It doesn't matter where you live, even some of the richest people let their kids do whatever they want.

I am sorry that this has happened to your family. I myself would approach the older child/children’s Mother(s) and let her know what went on. Ask if you can talk to the girl(s) about it to see exactly what/why happened and explain to them that it was hurtful thing to do to and that it was not appreciated and ask them how they would feel it were them that it happened to. Would they feel ashamed or embarrassed? Make eye contact, be deliberate with your words and facial expressions.....and I believe you will see the shame they feel. Do not let the situation just pass, if you don’t address their actions now what might happen later if they think that they can get away with such behavior. Think of the next little one that you might be saving from embarrassment. Best wishes to you and your little one, again I am sorry that you have to deal with such a situation. Follow your light and feel your strength it will pull you through and show you what you should do.

Peace~Love~Light
V.

I have nothing negative to say!! I went thru something like this when my daughter was 5, she is about to be 9! I think that you have to bring the parents of the other children in on it! Those girls and boys need to be spoken to about limits and should be punished! This is not behavior that you child should EVER have to deal with, and I am so sorry that you have to deal with it and teach your son things that he might not have been ready to learn about the real world just yet. You have done a wonderful thing by talking to your son about the incident and now your job is to just keep reminding him about appropraite behavior and when to get an adult if he ever feels uncomfortable, and I tell my kids that anything that their swimsuits covers is THEIRS and PRIVATE and if someone wants anything to do with that area or any area of their bodies that makes thier tummy feel funny then they need to get an adult ASAP!! Before you do something like move I would first talk with the other parents and have someone outside with your son maybe after a bit you will find a good child that can help your son play outside away from the trouble makers! God bless, good luck and keep up the great work!

This situation seems to be happening a lot these days. I have a friend, that talked to the other childrens parents first and told them if it happened again that she would call the police. The children have learned this or seen it somewhere and it needs to come to an end. We are the advocates for our children.

Hi E., you may want to talk to the parents of the older chaildren, because your son may not be the only child they told this too, these very children may grow up to be child molesters, and they may not. if that happened to one of my kids at 6, I would be shakey angry. Being outside is a good Idea, and are there kids in your complex that your son can play with that are around his own age? I would iform your son that he should never pull his pants down for no one., nd if they ask him again to come tell you or your husband. J. Mom for 24 years.