I am married and it has been almost 7 mo since my husband and I have had sex. We have a 3 mo old daughter and I can't understand why he wont touch me. I could understand it when I was pregnant, but now? I'm not really sure what to do. When I talk to him about it, he just says that he is stressed out and not in the mood. I can't help but think it is me. I have lost all of my baby weight, and feel great about the way I look. But, I am starting to feel very insecure about myself. What do I do?
I would like to thank everyone for there input on this topic. It is nice to know that there are women going through the same thing. I believe that he just needs a little time. His work has been crazy and now with two kids our finances have increased. But I think that now that I have started back at work, that should ease the load a little. I wish you all a happy and healthy New Year. Thank you again for your support.
My first question to you is 1)What are YOU doing to initiate? Are the kids tucked in early for you to approach him before it's late or he's tired?
I'd love to talk w/ you more if you want to email me. I've been and am still in the exact same situation as you, and the recent info I'm trying to put into play comes from Dr. Laura.
Best regards,
A.
____@____.com
There is no need to repeat the suggestions of the other moms and I agree with their perspective. Since you have two children, do you remember if your husband reacted this way after your first child? Do you two openly communicate about how you feel in general? My husband and I found that when we talk to one another about our fears, concerns, etc. t helps us connect then intimacy is not an issue. I hope that I'm not sounding preachy that is not my goal. Please let us know how it goes for you.
"My boyfriend stopped wanting to have sex with me when I was pregnant and I totally understood, but still, it hurt my feelings. There are those men out there that find pregnant women to be absolutely beautiful and I didnt feel my boyfriend was one of them. Sometimes I even felt he was embarrassed. Of course he never said anything negative but it was just how I felt. Perhaps my hormones were making me ultra sensitive. Anyway, we finally started having sex again about 8 weeks after delivery however our sex life is not near as busy " Wow could have typed it myself ... but I still have my baby weight ... and now that we can we do, but I was very concerned about the post preggo sex myself, was he gong to have issues, it's not like he could get kicked again (happened at 7mo last of the few and far between pregger sex) I agree with make a seduction effort, can the baby spend the night elsewear? After the seduction goes then make a counciling/talk decision.
Believe me it's him and It's not you. My twice removed sister in law and her new husband a few years ago had the same problem. She was 5'10 and was wearing a size 4 then after the baby she went up to a size 12 which in everyones eye's she looked great. Her husband did not want to touch her, he finally said it was very weird to him know that a baby came out of her. He finally overcame whatever he was going through.
Give it time and be patient. Just try to be as loving and comforting as possible. Maybe try candlelight dinner and add some romance.
Good Luck
Know that you are not alone...my husband was the same with me but oddly it was after we were married and before we even had children. It is a very hard thing to deal with and come to terms with, especially understanding that it has NOTHING to do with you or the way you look, even though it seems that way. Our marriage was very much on the rocks because of this and it hurt in every way imaginable. He went to see a male specialist but it didn't help much (we were more there due to infertility) but the Dr. did tell me that he felt that it had nothing to do with physical and more with psychological than anything. We both saw a counseler together and seperate and that helped some. I did voice how I felt a lot but felt very alone when nothing changed or he just "heard" me and said nothing...if you ever need to talk, please message me and I can send you my email or phone number. Big ((HUGS)) to you. E.
Not sure what he's going through but it definitely has nothing to do with the way you look. Maybe he has gotten used to not having sex & maybe he has to get used to you being a mom again. Maybe he really is just stressed out. Who knows?
If he says that is the reason then take his word for it. Ask him how you can help him relax & remain affectionate.
After my son was born I was the one who was not interested in sex for several months because I was not getting any sleep & was totally stressed out. It was very temporary.
I know it will be a while before the two of you can go on vacation without the kids but if you can that should help. Good luck & God bless you.
