What Am I Doing Wrong to My 14 Month Old?

Your son is perfectly normal and doing what babies do.
You - on the other hand - I'm worried about.
Crying a lot on your own, worrying your child doesn't find you fun anymore, feeling extremely sad.
My son was 18 months old when I was having a check up at my doctors and I was telling her I was so tired all the time.
She was joking with me and told me "Well you need to get more organized" - and I bit her head off.
I ran down a typical day for me from 4:30am to 10pm in 15 minute increments, told her I'd organized the hell out of my life and HOW THE HECK COULD I ORGANIZE IT MORE.

The long and the short of it was I was depressed, and trying to be super Mom and not seeing what I was doing and I felt I could never stand down, not for one minute, ever.
6 months on a low dose of Zoloft helped me so much.
After 2 weeks it felt like the hair on the back of my neck wasn't standing on end all the time.
I learn to let some things go, and relax and have some fun (who cares if there are dishes in the sink? They'll be there when we get back. We're all leaving it and taking a day at the county fair and have some fun, etc).

Please see your doctor and talk about your sadness and crying jags.
Getting your depression treated will have you enjoying life and your family again.

It sounds like you've got some anxiety and maybe some depression going on. Which a lot of moms do - especially with little ones.

Your child's behavior is totally normal. I went through this with my oldest around same age. I was leaving him with a sitter during the day and it wasn't so much he was more attached to her, as we were just a bit out of sync. Then you throw in your own mothering-insecurities and guilt, and I was just overreacting causing more stress for myself. Which he probably picked up on.

It's like any relationship - if you start questioning it or feeling like you should be doing more, or trying too hard - it gets a bit out of whack.

Just know it's normal, all moms feel concerned from time to time, and not let your insecurities or anxiety get the best of you. If you need to, you could talk to your doctor if you feel your anxiety is more than you can handle. If you feel down, it could be from being tired, juggling too much, worrying ... just mention that too.

Relax and enjoy your time with him. I used to worry I'd be scarring them for life if I didn't bond every minute with them. By the time I had a few, I'd relaxed so much and just enjoyed it instead of questioning it. But very normal for a first time mom. Sure we've all been there :) Good luck and keep us posted

A baby this age often has a "favored" parent. This is normal and does not mean he loves you less. Your son is expanding his world, trying out different relationships.

Your baby senses you're anxious and unhappy even tho you think crying in a different room "protects" him from knowing how you feel. I suggest your anxiety and hurt is likely to lengthen the time before he gets more involved with you. He doesn't know why you're unhappy. Being with an uptight isn't as much "fun" as being with a relaxed happier person.

This is true for kids and adults too. Just today, I was looking back on my early dating days. Back then, I couldn't understand why close relationships didn't last or why friends seemed to prefer my friends over me. Much too late, I realized I was needy and clinging.

I suggest if you could be more comfortable with baby's preference for Daddy right now, he will be more comfortable with you.

Know that your baby loves you. He needs you as well as his father. You are doing fine. You did not do anything to cause this change! This is a normal stage in learning about relationships.

How you're feeling is also normal and common for parents. Life is new for both you and baby.

Try to relax and enjoy the fact that your son is developing as all babies do. It's especially important that you maintain a sense of calm, of happiness, and of relaxation. For example, if you're interacting with the baby, and your husband walks into the room and the baby lights up and giggles and reaches for Daddy, try to monitor your posture, attitude, tone of voice, etc. You may be expressing a great deal of tension inadvertently.

All babies go through several stages of preferring a parent. Just wait until he's talking, maybe around 3-ish, and figures out that mommy and daddy are married and he gets furious at daddy and insists that HE is going to marry mommy. And then there will be times when you can both be doing the same thing but the baby clings to one or another of you. And there will be times when he insists that he and daddy are doing "work" and mommy should go away, as he does his best to copy whatever daddy is doing. It's just how they figure out attachment, relationships, and their place in the family.

As adults, we know how to say things like "I need a break so I'm going to take a shower and then we'll have a nice dinner, ok honey?" or "when we were growing up I thought my parents only loved my brother, but I realize now that they were giving him the extra guidance that he needed, and they loved us both the same." Babies can't verbalize that or even conceptualize it, but it's in their little brains somewhere, and they begin to express it by seeming to prefer one parent, then the other, then back to the first, and so on.

What's most important is that you clearly demonstrate that his parents love and support each other, you are both equally important to him, and that you are secure in knowing that he needs you both, but sometimes just not at the same time with the same intensity.

Very normal phase - children often cry with the parent who is with them the most, and seem to favor the more absent parent. It's hard to deal with, but just ride it out. It will pass. Your child loves you but he is a toddler and he cannot be responsible for your feelings. He's growing and changing and wondering about the world around him. When this overwhelms him, he cries - and he chooses the person whom he knows will understand and comfort him. Do that. Let him know you love him no matter his mood or insecurities. My guess is, he was very attached to you earlier and pretty much ignoring his father. So now it's Daddy's turn. Support it, be confident, and soon he will be past this.

Hi Mom,

Have you researched object permanence? This is completely normal for a child this age. He cries because he can't see you and because he can't see you he's convinced you've completely disappeared from the planet. see the link pasted below.

And I can't post this without echoing the messages in the very thoughtful and considered postings below. Take yourself off your hooks and make an appointment with your OB or your GP and try an SSRI for a little while. The more wound up you are during this phase of his development the more anxiety he'll experience and we know you don't want that.

Like everything with parenthood, this chapter will pass too so try to make the best of it and try to learn as much as you can to do the best you can for your little one. God gives us the ones we're supposed to have....I truly believe that. thoughts to you and yours. :-) S.

http://psychology.about.com/od/oindex/g/object-permanence...

this is so age appropriately normal - it has nothing to do with you personally
Make sure that you have time alone with baby and Daddy does too, and take comfort in the fact that a month from now it could be the exact opposite.

you may want to make sure that he is getting enough sleep, that is an age when lots of people cut out the morning nap and frankly most kids just can't handle things on that little sleep at that young of an age -- he should be getting 12 hours at night and 3 to 4 hours during the day at that age. The amount of sleep doesn't drop till they are around 18 months old and then it's only an hour less time until they are about 3 yrs old. Sleep has such a HUGE impact on the way a child acts.