I know I've answered this a couple times on here, but I'm still firm in how we feel about this. I disagree with giving money for "nothing" and I really disagree with that comment "my mom didn't make me save my money..." Oh, goodness! My 4 year old son can and will explain to anyone who asks that we do things for the family because we're IN the family. However, even though that's an important truth doesn't mean it's totally black and white. He is expected to do chores because he's in the family, and the family is a team, which needs teamwork. BUT like anyone in "the real world" gets paid for a job well done, we pay our son if he does things correctly and with a good attitude, because that is part of his "job". He began his "job" at 3 years old, 3 weeks after his baby brother was born, and his job included things like get up and go potty by himself, get dressed, eat his meals without fighting with mommy, put 1 scoop of catfood out for the cat, spray the tomatoes for 5 minutes, take the bags out of the little trashcans in all the rooms and put them in the big trashcan in the kitchen, swiffer the floor, "wash" the furniture with a swiffer dustcloth, and I would hand him the clothes from the washer (piece by piece, lol) and he would put them in the dryer, or empty the dryer into the basket. Simple things like that, most of which were just things he wanted to do like running around with a swiffer or doing laundry because I do, etc.
We got him a 3 way bank, called The Giving Bank, at Mardels. It is one bank but 3 separate compartments that are shaped like buildings, and you decorate the buildings with the stickers that come with it (a church, a bank, a store). He knew that 10% goes to church or charity, 10% goes to savings for the "candy bank" (what he called the bank because they give a sucker at the window), and the rest is his to do what he wants. He can earn 25 cents a day for normal stuff ($1.75/week...18 cents would be tithes, 18 cents would be savings, and $1.39 for spending money) for normal stuff, and if he does something extra special like show great character, go above and beyond to help someone, be extra kind to his baby brother, or extra chores like helping pick up clippings when we trim the hedges, or helping spray all the windows when we're washing the outside, etc---he can get whatever "bonus" we feel like giving. This is explainable because my husband gets bonuses regularly too, and we're teaching him work ethics and basic finances. What we've found to work best is this: paying everyday is kind of a pain, having change on hand all the time. Waiting a week to do anything is way too long and not feasible for very small children. We got a little $1 Mickey Mouse calendar from Target and we write in all his little events and activities (soccer, kung fu, awanas, church, preschool, a playdate, etc) and it hangs by his bed. At the end of the evening, after story, we talk about the day and how it went. If he earned his allowance, he gets to put a sticker on that day, in the calendar. If he did not, we draw a "X" on that day and plan to do better the next day. We talk about what to look forward to the next day, say prayers, and go to bed. I like to end the day looking forward to good things. Saturday night is payday (since the calendar is Sun-Sat, and we give our tithes on Sunday). He counts the stars he earned for the week (if he earned a bonus, I put a 2nd star on those days and thank him). When he counts his stars, I pay him (already broken down in the correct amounts) and he puts his money in the church, the bank, and the store parts of his bank. That makes him proud. We're all about cross learning, and this simple practice is not just self esteem and confidence, or finance/savings and work ethics, and cause/effect, but it's also practice counting, looking at the days of the week and learning the concept of the calendar, etc.
He really doesn't do without anything but we don't run around buying stuff for the heck of it either. If we're at the store and he says he wants something, I'll simply say "I'll keep that in mind" (and sometimes he'll get it sometime as a just because gift a little later). If he says he wants it now, I'll say "Well, if it's important to you, you can buy it with your money" and he usually says "Nah, I'm just looking at it". It elminates the "I want I want I want" stuff I see with other kids at the stores. When there was a father/son kid fish day in our community, I took him to look at fishing rods (just looking because anyway) and he was like "WOW" at the Spiderman fishing pole. It was cute, so I said "Well big man, this is what you work for---would you like to work and save money for this Spiderman fishing pole?" We waited a couple weeks and I counted out the quarters and put it in a ziploc bag for him. He carried the bag and fishing pole, chest sticking way out, he looked like a little cartoon character of Huck Finn, so proud of himself! I bought him a tacklebox, hook, floater, and bait. He gave the cashier his bag of quarters and I motioned for her to use my credit card...we slipped the money into a shopping bag and I just used it for future allowance days. I packed him a special picnic lunch of tuna sandwiches cut into fish shapes, goldfish, and gummi worms and he had an awesome day out with his dad, and the pole he bought all by himself (his first purchase with his own money: 3 years old). He saw a Toy Story sleepover set (bag, compass, flashlight, and sleeping bag) and thought that was awesome. I made sure he got a little extra work in there to get "bonuses" and he got to buy that too, in time for going to stay at my friend's house while we went on a short trip...he had a 3 day sleepover with her son and thought he was so big! His favorite toy of all is a horse he bought. I told him he had $7 and he could buy a souvenier from the Stockyards, but we needed to find his one favorite toy, not just any old thing. We walked around the store and he picked out 3 things he liked, and then picked his one favorite: the horse. He's so proud of that, a year later!
He also learned the downside of commerce, and buyer's remorse. One day we were in the car and he saw Chicken Express, and asked for chicken. I thought hey, I'm tired and don't feel like cooking, so yeah. We ordered and pulled to the window to pay and wait for the food. By the window, he saw Sonic and said he wanted a grilled cheese sandwich instead. I said "Hey, you ASKED for chicken, and we've paid for it. This is what we're having". He insisted on the sandwich. I was about to argue with him, but saw an opportunity for education, so I paused and said "Well, THE FAMILY is having chicken. If you want to be with THE FAMILY, you do not have to pay for anything because THE FAMILY will take care of anything you really need. But if you want to do something DIFFERENT than the rest of THE FAMILY then you'll have to pay with your own money". He said ok, so I drove to Sonic and said "Ok, this is $2 and that is 8 whole days of work. Do you want to work 8 days for a sandwich or have chicken for free?" He insisted on the sandwich, so I bought it and we went home. I put his food on the plate, fixed his drink, and said "Wait, don't eat it yet" and slowly counted 8 quarters out of his bank, onto the table, and he had to give it to me. I put them in my pocket and said "Ok, let's eat". He could barely choke it down (and I could barely hide my smile as I ate, knowing he was catching the lesson). He doesn't do that anymore. Another thing he'll do is ask "how many days work is that?" so he knows and understands how to discern the price of an item by the amount of time at work that takes. Which is very important, and I know MANY adults that can't get that one. He still buys things occasionally. He gets special days, events, treats from me. But for something on a whim, he gets to pay for it himself....and he treats it better that way too.
His birthday / christmas money from grandpa: I will either purchase something that I know he would like and put grandpa's name on it, or I will give him the money because we're saving for something extra special, and we'll go get that and know the money came from grandpa, depending on what I feel is right at the time. (Sometimes the "event" of making a purchase is special, sometimes it's not).
I think she didn't ask about the money given to her because it didn't mean anything to her....because she didn't do anything for it. Don't let other people change the way you parent your child with their odd looks and judgmental comments. My mom thought I was too strict and that my boy wouldn't understand. But then she listened to him when she finally saw him in person, and he told her all about it, was able to explain things, and was SO proud of what he purchased, and she has told me she was wrong and he's doing grand....that we should be proud. We are.
Now at 4, his chores: get ready for the day (but I help with toothbrushing-he can do it first, I do it afterwards), feed the cat, the little trash, swiffer, dust, laundry sorting (colors in the colored bag, whites in the white bag), practice his kung fu, soccer, and preschool stuff with me, clean his room, put the napkins on the table, remove his own (plastic) plate/cup from the table when finished with meals, help me with the playroom. He loves to do other things also, like "mow" the yard with his bubble mower and help me cook. I let him "help" me with anything he wants, even if it's not as good and I need to secretly go back over it when he naps, or if it takes longer than if I did it myself. He actually does quite a lot, including entertaining his baby brother and making him laugh while I do dishes.
