Chores & Allowances

I just wanted to chime in and say I agree with giving an allowance to a child and not necessarily tie it to chores. This is a good opportunity to teach them about proper money management as we all know most people in this country are clueless about money-they spend money they don't have. You should also open a savings account and have her deposit a certain amount each payday., etc.

As a kid I was never paid for chores. It was just expected. I’ve raised my kids the same way.

Just like I have duties around the house, so do my kids.

Neither of my kids complain believe it or not. They do what is expected and feel a sense of accomplishment when done. My 5 y/o vacuumed out my car the other day and was bragging about it to Dad. My daughter cleans without being asked.

My son’s teacher was telling me in the beginning of school that my son was the ONLY child who volunteered to help clean up. They give the kids a choice. Go to recess or stay and help clean the classroom. My son was usually the only one to stay behind and help. A few months into the school year they said my son would even start to go up to other kids and ask them to stay in and help. One day the teacher was telling me this story - my son told a boy “We should help the teachers clean up” when it was time to go outside. This little boy asked the teacher “How much do I get paid?”

The teacher guessed that this child was paid to do chores at home so thus expected to get paid to volunteer to help at school. My son does it because he likes to help and feels that he has accomplished something.

Just wanted to share =-)

When my kids want something they will get it as a reward for bringing home a good report card or I’ll reward them for good behavior all month. We also have a sticker chart. If my kids get 7 stickers in a row they can pick a special treat. They get stickers for doing stuff without being asked for example = brushing their teeth, doing their homework, being polite and courteous, etc.

We give allowance but it's not tied to chores. It's tied to being a member of the family and sharing in our wealth. When she does her chores she's helping. Helping us means daddy can go out and make money for our family. Then we all share the money. I get my "share" at the same time she does.

If she doesn't do her chores we don't say "you won't get your allowance!" we tell her that she's not helping the family, and therefore we can't do OUR jobs (because we have to do her's) and make money. There's no wealth to share. We try to help her to see that she is a big helper to us. We hope that it fosters a good sense of family and teamwork. She can't make money now, but she can help Daddy so he can!

Because she's older she gets it. I'm not positive how that would work with a younger child, but it works for us.

I've been giving my daughter $1/week in allowance since she was about six. It is not tied to chores. Paying a child to do chores can backfire and when asked to do something new, they'll want to bargain on the "pay" for doing it.

Nope. Allowance is to learn about saving and spending money, and chores are because we both live here and need to keep our home reasonably clean and neat.

If anyone's interested in learning about the danger of paying or rewarding children regularly for usual things, read "Drive" by Daniel Pink.

I completely agree that a child should EARN money. An allowance is not earning it is an untitlement. They get paid if they do their chores or not.

I have never paid an allowance. My children have chores that they need to do. I tell them we are a family, we live together, we have fun together, we make messes together, we clean together, we take care of our home; mom and dad have chores to do, so do you.

When they were younger (age 5) daily chores included setting and clearing the table, picking up your toys, keeping your room tidy and helping out where needed.

If there's an item they want, they can wait and request it as a gift. If it's smaller in value, we might pay for it if they've exhibited good behavior, shown respect and are getting good grades in school, or they can pay for it with their own money.

As far as having their own money, they would get money for birthdays and holidays from family. If they go on a field trip and I give them spending money, my oldest will spend 90% of it and we get the change back, my youngest spends 20%, pockets/saves 60% and gives us back 20%. Ocassionally we have special projects that need to be done, if they want to do these, they can earn money. This is theirs to spend as they wish. We would try to provide guidance.

I think it's HOW you introduce the idea of allowance and chores that makes the difference. My son (4yrs old) knows and can/does explain to relatives and my friends how it works, so I know that he understands. We are a family, and family is a team and we do teamwork to make everything work happily and smoothly. Things will get done regardless of how he feels or what he wants, BUT if he wants to do a good job and do things without having to be nagged or me fighting with him, then we will treat it as a job and "pay" him. We make the family talk a happy thing, not a naggy strict thing (we sing the Wonder Pets themesong: what's gonna work, teaaaaaam work!) and just go about it. It's fun.
I've told this before, but basically he had just turned 3 when we started; he wanted to wear a tie and go to work to "buy money" because daddy wears a tie and works for money. We were trying to find something to make him feel big and special because I'd just had a baby. He was brokenhearted after my husband's paternity leave ended and he was leaving to go back to work. He was crying that he wanted to go to work too. I took him aside and had a heart to heart with him and said that I thought it was important to learn all kinds of things that a "job" could teach him, and that now that I was so busy and tired with the new baby, I needed a lot of help, so would he consider staying home with me and helping me, and that will be his job, and I'll pay? He was very very excited about this!
At 4, he gets up and dresses, comes down for breakfast and eats without fighting me (we used to have mealtime issues), he puts his dishes in the sink and cleans up after himself, brushes his teeth with my help, makes his bed (it's not perfect but he straightens it up and that is just fine). He helps me with laundry (he sorts the laundry by colors, pants go separately, I hand him clothes from the washer that he puts in the dryer and checks the lint thing, closes the dryer, I turn it on. He empties the dryer into a basket, pushes it to the couch, where he helps me there too (divides things and folds the washcloths and hand towels, I do the clothes and bigger towels). We talk and watch Dinosaur Train while doing it together. He takes a swiffer and runs it around the tile floors, dusts with a swiffer cloth, vacuums the carpets, and gathers the little bags from all "little" trashcans (office, bedrooms, bathrooms) and throws them into the big trashcan in the kitchen. He knows to pick up after himself after playing downstairs before we go out, or to straighten his room between dinner and bathtime (takes 5 minutes): we have a cubicle system we got from IKEA with nice canvas bins, and he puts the toys away in the proper bins so it's easy to clean and easy to find the toys he wants later. He feeds the cat and waters the vegetables, and sometimes helps me cook (or plays with his little brother while I cook, depending on the meal and what's going on). He is very good and a big helper at playing with his little brother! And he practices his scripture for awanas and his forms for kung fu, we go for walks to the park to follow him on his bike where he plays with friends or some soccer with the family. We practice handwriting and go along with what he's learning in preschool. A lot of this, we do together. I will be windexing or cleaning the bathrooms while he is vacuuming and swiffering. Those are his normal chores, along with making good choices. (My 15 month old son loves to run around picking up things to throw in a big laundry basket that he can push around, and we make car noises and "drive" it to different rooms to put things in their proper places and keep the clutter down. He loves to throw laundry in the hampers. We are working on recognizing whites vs other colors by throwing whites in the white bag and colors in the blue bag. He also "loads" the dishwasher with his toy pots/pans.)
What we've learned over 1 1/2 years of doing this so far is that it is better to do things on a day by day basis because a week is very big for a preschooler. I used flylady.net to help me make my OWN weekly routine (not exactly theirs, but one that works for us and our schedule....we do a little bit every day to make sure everything gets done every week, but not all in one long miserable cleaning day because I hated that as a kid). I figure if the kids are gonna be expected to have a list of chores and expectations every week, I could do the same for myself. If he does his chores for the day, he gets to put a star sticker on the day on his calendar by his bed. If we didn't have a good day (bad choices or not doing his "work"), we make an X on the day. We've learned that a blank space doesn't mean anything to him but an X is something he doesn't like at all. Part of our bedtime routine is that he gets a story read to him. Then we talk about our day (good things, bad things, whatever is on his mind, we discuss what he did that day including "wow, you made really good choices and did a good job with __ " and give him a star to put on the day, or "I am sad that we had a problem today with ___" , discuss possible changes to keep it from happening the next day, and put an X on the day but sure we can have a better day tomorrow when we ___. Then we pray and lights out. This teaches him accountability, days of the week and the events we have on what days, we practice counting the stars at the end of the week in English/Spanish, and he gets 25 cents a day for each day there is a star for the week.
We got him a bank that is 3 banks in one, called The Giving Bank, decorated by stickers to show what you're putting your money in (tithes and offerings in the church building, savings in the bank building, and spending money in the store. On Saturday evening, he counts the stars and I count the money that works with. 10% he puts in the church, 10% in savings, and the rest goes into his spending money. He understands this well enough to explain it to others. Now we're teaching him how to handle money, charity, savings, all that on a very elementary level all because he earns an allowance.
We do stuff together a lot. But if he is saving for something (he's purchased a Spiderman fishing pole, a Toy Story sleepover set (bag, sleeping bag, flash light, etc), a couple toys, some cowboy stuff, etc with his own money), then I will definately pay a "bonus" for "bonus" work or time on special projects. We do things because we're doing it. But if he is real good about trying to help us with vacumming and washing the car, or cleaning the outside windows with us, or picking up the bits when we're trimming the hedges, etc then I'll give him a bonus. Whether that is 10 cents or 10 dollars depends on what I feel (his attitude, the task, how much help he may need to get what he's saving for, etc are all factors). If he does something on one of his other activities (sports, clubs, etc) that is usually not counted in allowance. He did great at kung fu, made a tournament team, and earned his next belt, and I bought him a shirt from the school and took him out for a treat, that kind of thing.
Not sure how old your child is, but we had other ways to make money as a kid, which is what I'll do with mine as well. Everything from mowing lawns, babysitting, operating a snack bar at events, working at my uncles auction barn, trouble shooting or basic web pages for people (dad owns a computer company that does networking, etc), typing reports for kids at school for pay, a tutoring service, all kinds of stuff. That was in addition to our $10 weekly allowance for chores and we also did fundraising for our youthgroup or mission trips in all kinds of creative ways. I brought a whole youthgroup out as extras for a big movie that was being filmed locally and they paid $10/head (all went to an upcoming event we were going to), or instead of doing just regular little car washes, we'd specifically target the 18 wheelers and wash those for much more money, the grandmas all got together a couple times to sell tamales and baked goods, etc. But that wasn't "steady income" those were big kid versions of "bonuses" (except the lawn mowing my brother did and the babysitting I did).
One way that this is PROVING to be a help: he's quick to give and assist others in charitable ways because he's had the means to practice it and he sees it. He also is wise with his money ESPECIALLY for his age. One time, he asked me for chicken so we ordered and pulled around to pay. Then he saw Sonic and changed his mind to grilled cheese sandwich. I said No, we've already ordered what YOU said you wanted! He insisted he wanted the sandwich and I said we'd already ordered. He still insisted on the sandwich. I knew I could do whatever I wanted, as the adult in the situation. But I saw an opportunity to teach, and took it! I said "OK, here's the deal: the FAMILY is eating chicken, which was your idea. If you want to do what the FAMILY wants, you will be taken care of and not have to pay. If you go out on your own, and do something that is different than the FAMILY then that is your choice, but you will have to pay with your own money". He said that was fine. I paid for our chicken (figuring his portion could be lunch the next day) and took him to Sonic. I read the price and said "Ok, this is $2. That is 8 days of work for one sandwich. Are you sure you want to buy 1 sandwich that is 8 days of work, or would you like the chicken for free?" He wanted the sandwich and I said Ok. We went home, I put his food on a plate and poured his drink, but told him not to touch it yet. I got his bank and had him count out 8 quarters to pay me back and said "Ok, thanks. You may eat". I didn't gloat or say anything to him, acted normal, but it was cute to see that he could hardly choke the sandwich down after "paying" for it. Now we go places and he'll want to play with something or ask for it. I will say "I will keep that in mind" (because it's not a promise either way, but I do often buy little things for no reason and surprise him with them another day). But if he pushes that he wants it, I say "Ok, if it is important to you, you can pay for it with your own money" and he will say "nah, I'm just looking at it right now" about 99% of the time. When we do go places to buy something fun (souvenier shop or whatever) I will say "Ok, you have this much money" and then he'll pick several things he likes, then chooses which thing he likes the most for the money he has. These are invaluable lessons. And they keep the tantrums in stores from happening like I see with other kids. Yes, I am ABSOLUTELY for allowances.
His chores will adjust as he ages (and as his little brother comes along and takes over the more simple ones). Shortly, he will get to add wiping out his bathroom sink and counter to his daily chores because we've just noticed the need. Also, he has been watching me put the napkins and forks/knives out and what goes where for setting a table. We'll probably give him that job a little later, when it feels right. We're not overloading him, but he's just knowing it's good to do things, and to do them well. But my advice would be to show children how to do things well, but don't harp on them or expect perfection. Be realistic with their ages and skill levels, and try to understand that things won't necessarily be perfect. But as long as they're trying and not attempting to "get one over on you", that's what matters. (Thinking of the cubscout mantra: Do Your Best). Good luck finding what works for you guys!

We don't currently do an allowance (I'm not that organized and never have enough cash) but we've researched it and talked about it and planned it a lot over the years and everything I've read recommends keeping chores and allowances totally separate.

IMO allowance should cover extra things that you would normally pay for anyway for your child. So if you would normally buy a treat at the grocery checkout, or spend a dollar or two on stickers, matchbox cars, trading cards, silly bands, etc. then instead of just paying for those things, you regularly give your child that money and allow her to spend it or save up a bit for something that she wants that's more valuable. For older kids, when they constantly need cash for socializing, it makes sense to figure out what you are normally spending (and can afford) and increase the allowance to that amount so that they are in charge of budgeting their social life and don't expect to be able to go to the movies, mall, etc. every week. It's common to set up an allowance in which you mandate a portion for savings and a portion for charity. I've read that it's OK to tie allowance to behavior.

Basic chores are what your child does simply because she lives there, she is family, she should contribute what she can via helping out, and there are life skills that kids need to learn. Basic chores should not be compensated with allowance. Chores over and above the basics, IMO, can be paid. For example, if my older kids want to earn money for something special - or need to pay me back for something that they damaged - they can work it off by doing landscaping, washing the kitchen floor, cleaning the car, etc.

Hope that helps!

Nobody pays me to do the "chores" I do on a daily basis. I do them because it's my "job." I am "expected" to do chores that I do because that is what I signed up for when I quit my job outside the house to be a full time SAHM. I do not believe in allowances whatsoever. Children have to be responsible...do they get paid in school to the special tasks expected of them in school? My kiddos have never brought home money for being the line leader at school, or cleaning the lunch table, or pushing in the chairs in their classroom. Your child is at a tender age where she should be learning to be responsible around the house and it should be made clear that she is to be responsible for particular things because that is what families do: they help each other. I don't think money should ever be involved. What will she learn from it once she moves out of the house and lives on her own? Who will pay her to do her chores? This is obviously a personal choice and if you choose to "reward" her with money, that is your choice...but I believe there are other ways to reward a child for doing a good deed then to bring money into it. After a while, she may insist for a "raise" and how do you handle that? I reward my kiddos by making them ice cream sundaes, or taking them to Dairy Queen, or making one night a family movie night. No money is involved.

Some chores were just expected like making your bed, putting dinner dishes in the sink, clearing dinner table by putting ketchup, ranch dressing way etc.
We did not start paid chores until she was about 9 and it was $5 a week for basic things: clean 1 bathroom, dust, fold clothes.
As she got older we adjusted chores.
She is now expected to make her bed, do her own laundry...all unpaid.
When she wanted to earn extra money....that was easy...we just drummed up easy extra activities like washing a car, helping to weed the garden etc.
Instead of not paying allowance, we always just reminded her "Okay it's time to clean the bathroom this Saturday, don't forget to take the clothes out of the dryer and fold them now etc.
Now it's easier to have her help more around the house.
I think an allowance really helps with the idea of spending her own hard earned money on things she wants. I've noticed she will really think to herself do I really want this shirt at Old Navy. I've also showed her the beauty of the "sale rack". Ha ha