Wedding Shower - Her 2Nd, His 1St

No matter what you do, it will look like they are looking for gifts. A party after the event is in order here. A shower would be tacky.

Destination wedding = expensive.
Bachelorette party = more money spent
Bridal Shower = gift of some kind

AND she wants a "couples shower"? Sorry, she sounds a little over the top. A wedding is NOT about the presents, it's about two people joining together for a lifetime. There is no tactful way to do a gift grab like this.

You only need one of each, so not a great idea. Yes it is OK for her to register since this is a NEW marriage. It would be tacky if she was getting married AGAIN within a short period of time and expecting gifts from everyone who attended her last wedding.

If this is the case, I would suggest a couples gathering for drinks and appitizers. You could all go in together and give them a gift certificate to a nice restaurant or to Target. (Nothing too elaborate). Since this is his first marriage, his side of friends and family can do the big spending.

Blessings....

T., I think that is a gret idea!!! I have been an event planner and helped with 200 weddings, along with baby events. I have learned that often when one has been maried before or the couple have lived together they really do not need gifts and indeed end up returning things.
So this is a wonderful idea esp. since she has had all the other things.
Believe me it is a relatively new thing for mens showers but another idea since this is his first is a tool shower! We had one in our family recently and everyone brought something the guy would need to for his garage and not have to borrow from the family. So he got screwdrivers, shovel,rakes, lawn trimmer etc. HE WAS THRILLED and it meant even more to the couple than towels and sheets that they could go get themselves and didn't need more than 2 sets of anyway. OR HAVE A RECEPTION WHEN THEY GET BACK AND DO THE SAME THING--- SO HAVE FUN and I hope its a great party!!!

SHe had a bridal shower alredy for this wedding? No, it's not okay to have another shower and invite the same people, simply to register for more gifts. If she did not get all of the sheets and towels that she needs, then she needs to go out and purchase them. There is no tactful way of inviting people to a 2nd shower for the same bride and expecting people to bring gifts. Sorry.

I am sorry, but this is just MY opinion. When I was 28, I was married to my love (first marriage) and it was his second. We already had established careers and homes and decided that it would be completely tacky, rude and selfish to ask our friends and family for gifts.

We went to Jamaica with a few family members. We did NOT have a Couples Shower, a Bachelorette Party, a Bachelor Party, a Bridal Shower or ask for any gifts at all! We did however send announcements after the fact and some of my parents’ friends sent money as a congratulation.

I am with another poster, I would suggest something VERY casual for this last party and maybe if the friends have “Something new, something old, something borrowed or blue” that they could pass on that that might be fun… more of a silly gift idea (that they have around the house) but NOT something else that they should go out and purchase.

All of these parties seem way over the top!!!!

God Luck, you are a good friend!
E.

There's nothing wrong with registering, but don't add the registration in the invitation. Wait for people to ask you if they are registered or not. He gets kinda shafted on the deal since he doesn't get to go register at a bunch of places, but he chose that in choosing a divorcee.
Technically, the "Something old, something new..." should be sentimental things from those close to her - the bridal party, her family, close friends, not shower-goers.

You can also have a "Wedding Sprinkle" theme instead. That will convey the message that no huge gifts are expected.

When my friend got married, it was her second and his first. The first time she was married, he was in the army and it was against her parents wishes so as a result there was no showers or parties. Just a courthouse and they shipped off to Hawaii. The second time she was married, it was a destination wedding to Cabo San Lucas and only family went and 2 friends. When she got back they had a reception for all the people that couldn't afford to go to Cabo and it came out really well. I don't think they registered and ended up with 4, i repeat, 4, toasters.

My husband and I got married in March and the wedding was held here. (First time for both of us even though we have been living together for 7+ years.) So we had the wedding and reception in Grapevine. We both had a bachelor and bachelorette party and I had a shower. We got gifts at the wedding and shower. Some people that attended the wedding and the shower brought presents for both. Which was very thoughtful and very much appreciated. Since ALL of his family is from Hawaii, my MIL was kind enough to throw us a second reception when we went to Hawaii in May for the different family members and friends who could not afford the expensive plane ticket to DFW. (There you don't register.)

I think the best way to handle that is to go to dinner with the couples or go get drinks. That way there is no pressure to bring gifts. If someone asks where they are registered then they can be told.

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Hum, if I were your friend, I would have a picnic and invite everyone to celebrate the new marriage (as many people probably won't be able to go to Vegas for the ceremony). This way it is casual and more like a "come celebrate with us" instead of "I want gifts so I'm throwing ANOTHER shower". If people want to get a gift, so be it, but this way there isn't any pressure. And, I wouldn't ask my friend to throw the party, I would do it myself!

To me, and this is just my opinion, as it is her 2nd wedding I think a shower is a little too much to ask for! All of her family and friends already spent a lot of money on her first wedding (shower gift, wedding gift, wedding attire).

I do not understand. You say THEY already had a Wedding? So they are married? Before that they had a shower with gifts for this wedding?

If they already had their Wedding and it was not an elopement, than no more showers.

If you are talking about HER previous marriage, that is different. Then THIS couple can have a shower.

Nobody needs to mention she has been married before, it makes no difference.. I am sure people already know this.. Just throw a couples shower and have them register.. It makes it easier for guests if you do mention where she is registered, you could say, "the bride and groom are registered at Target".. Remember, this is not just about the bride, this is also about the groom and all of his family and friends..

I think that is way to many showers especially for a wedding that most people will not be attending. I like the idea of "something old, new..." except then I think they would feel obligated to bring more than one gift at that point. It is a very cute idea, but not for this particular occasion.

If she really wants a couples shower then I would put on the invitation to please not bring a gift, you don't want people to think that they are greedy. You may have a few people that bring one anyway but at least they feel like they are not expected to, that the couple truly just wants to celebrate their engagement and future wedding.

The bridal shower is for the Bride primarily, but since you are having a couples shower, it is ok for the hubby to-be's family to splurge on him a little.

Let the family decide if they want to get gifts or not...you will see that more people from the grooms side will be willing to come to and buy gifts for the shower... I just got done planning my friends shower (her 2nd marriage, his first) and the people kinda just did their own thing. She should understand why her side isn't jumping at the bit, and his family should still have the opportunity to "shower" him with well wishes and housegifts.

So IMO - throw the shower with normal rules...let them register, and maybe just talk to her and make sure she has a good supply of smaller items for her family and friends that are buying a second gift!
My husband and I registered for camping equipment and lawn stuff since we already had our house when we got married...so they could do something like that. Just keep it simple...but there is no harm in throwing an informal shower....another option is to have the shower after they return, and have a movie showing of their wedding, so that people who do not get to go to the wedding can stlll be a part of it and enjoy the unity.

I love the idea to bring 'something borrowed something blue ....."

Another idea would be for everyone to bring their favorite recipe for the new couple. You can have a scrapbook for people to post their recipes in. A friend of mine did this. It was fun to go through my recipes and find my favorite one, then they emailed me when they finally cooked it.

And I've been in the same place as your friend. I was married once before. My husband now had never been married. So I was on number 2 and this was his number 1. We also did a destination wedding and only had a reception (one in Cali where his family's from where we got married) and one in Texas, where we live where my family is. We did NOT register at a store. We did not write "no gifts" or anything (my mom is Mrs. Etiquite and she said not to put anything about gifts on the reception invite). Instead, when people called to RSVP, if they asked about registration or a gift, my mom told them that we're working on remodeling our home, so a Lowes or Home Depot gift would be great. We got quite a bit of gift cards from both stores, plus a Target one here and there. Some of these people HAD given me a wedding gift years before, but still saw this as a new marriage, a new start and gave us a gift card too.

And I agree with Jacky too .... a "shower" seems like you have to bring a gift. A "reception" is what y'all should have. Casual! We all wore jeans to our receptions.

If she's already had a shower prior to THIS wedding, then they don't need another "couple's" shower. A couple's PARTY seems perfectly fine and lots of fun. They can register at Target, and if anyone asks about the registry when they RSVP for the party, they can tell them then. That way, everybody wins. :)

Are they set on having the shower? They could have a party/reception afterwards to celebrate getting married instead of prior to getting married. There's something about showers I don't care for, they seem to me like they are just to get gifts. But a reception or party after getting married is to celebrate what happened. Either way, I don't think it would be wrong to mention the Target registery. She has a new life and what husband out there wants to have a ton of stuff in his house that his new wife and her ex had together? :)
BTW- I had a Vegas wedding and loved it! We didn't have a reception when we got back and I regret it now.